6.30.2004
[mood]: pretty tired
[music]: YE-AH--usher, are you gonna be my girl--jet, wouldn't it be nice--beach boys, and girls just wanna have fun--madonna (all stuff from CAMP!)
well that was fun!
i am so tired though.
my coaches rocked. like totally and completely kicked ass. if coach ed (YE-AH!) had been oh, say, 8 years younger...WHOO BOY! and of course dave...*drool* but enough with that.
i had air conditioning yesss score! and a single which was in a little corner on the third floor and it rocked, but the last night i moved in with jessica so we could stay up late (whoops that'd be a mistake when you have to wake up at 6.00am...) anyway, yvonne, alex, jessica, ashley, alli & i were like a little group and then the gk group friends were alli (still) and sam, stephi, kendall, nicole, calli, alex, VASQUEZ, etc. yeah it was a blast.
i hung out in yvonne/ashley's room most of the time. the food rocked my socks. the training rocked my socks. the games were ok, but because my team (team 11 yeah buddy) was so good, i didn't do all that much.
duke campus is absolutely gorgeous. but we already knew that.
uhhm so yeah it was kickass! most of the time, it was perfect weather, too.
i really don't feel like writing a lot. been away from the computer for so long (five days! gasp) that it's sorta...not natural for me to sit here and write crap no one reads. so au revoir!
[music]: YE-AH--usher, are you gonna be my girl--jet, wouldn't it be nice--beach boys, and girls just wanna have fun--madonna (all stuff from CAMP!)
well that was fun!
i am so tired though.
my coaches rocked. like totally and completely kicked ass. if coach ed (YE-AH!) had been oh, say, 8 years younger...WHOO BOY! and of course dave...*drool* but enough with that.
i had air conditioning yesss score! and a single which was in a little corner on the third floor and it rocked, but the last night i moved in with jessica so we could stay up late (whoops that'd be a mistake when you have to wake up at 6.00am...) anyway, yvonne, alex, jessica, ashley, alli & i were like a little group and then the gk group friends were alli (still) and sam, stephi, kendall, nicole, calli, alex, VASQUEZ, etc. yeah it was a blast.
i hung out in yvonne/ashley's room most of the time. the food rocked my socks. the training rocked my socks. the games were ok, but because my team (team 11 yeah buddy) was so good, i didn't do all that much.
duke campus is absolutely gorgeous. but we already knew that.
uhhm so yeah it was kickass! most of the time, it was perfect weather, too.
i really don't feel like writing a lot. been away from the computer for so long (five days! gasp) that it's sorta...not natural for me to sit here and write crap no one reads. so au revoir!
Posted by char at 2:52 PM
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0 comments
6.26.2004
a[mood]: nervous, excited
[music]: i am yours
[countdown]: 20 days until kate gets back!
whoo! today i leave for duke soccer camp for girls…specifically for goalies. whoo! (again) haha my ride’s coming at 11.00am. i’ll be there through wednesday, which i guess isn’t all that long, but it’s like soccer twenty-four/seven, it’s gonna be crazy but i hope i get a lot from it to take for high school soccer. i hope i get a good room mate! it’s my first overnight camp ever, aren’t you so proud of me? haha people are allowed to come to take the campers out of the camp during a break (basically, the only time that’s possible is dinner time) so my parents are coming on monday to take me out to dinner in durham…fun stuff! well *sigh* i guess i need to go and make last minute double checks and all that fun stuff. i’d tell you to write and all that jazz, but considering i’ll only be gone for 5 days and everyone else is out of town, too, it doesn’t really matter that much. we gotta get together when i get back, though!
i’ll miss you guys!
but in the meantime, you get one of my infamous surveys to enjoy!
C u r r e n t l y ::
Mood: exhausted
Music: i am yours
Hair: pulled down and back
Clothes: khaki skirt, one of my old summer shirts from last year that i realized still looks good on me! whoo! no shoes or jewelry (right, NOTHING) because it’s summertime. heh well i wore my kitten heels earlier to get new gloves…but that’s another story
Annoyance: everyone gone, rather bored
Smell: for some reason i keep smelling magnolia today—i think it’s from those two magnolia petals in the bottom of my bag…long story
Thing you ought to be doing: showering
Favorite song(s): uhhm of the moment off of the top of my head? uuuh the shins—so says i. but that’s just a random pick of hundreds
CD in Stereo: spin doctors—pocket full of kryptonite
DVD In Player: finding nemo! wow.
Worry: first overnight camp starting tomorrow >_< soccer…ahh
Crush: maxamillion! a.k.a. maxwell! a.k.a. max!
L o v e::
boyfriend/girlfriend: not really
crush: wait…didn’t they just as that? uhhm yeah.
who?: *sigh* slow people
shortest relationship: ok *sob* this is the first survey that i’ve done since “it” so yeah. this may be tough but i’ll get through it. two months. and the ironic thing is it was the best relationship i’ve ever had. ironic in more ways than one *cough sally cough*
been in love w/ more than 1 person?: aahhhh…no. not the way you mean.
sweetest thing a guy/girl has done for you?: aww they do so much sweet stuff for me i can’t keep track of it…haha jp. well…i guess…gee i dunno. i won’t go all off on that.
meanest thing a guy/girl has done for you?: uhhm nothing really. well i guess taking back sweet things they’ve sad
ever broke someone's heart?: twice =(
someone break your heart?: yes. once. (whoo first time i’ve ever been able to say that *sigh*)
L a s t P e r s o n::
You Talked To: in person jensen, on IM walker
You Hugged: my mom/dad this morning telling them bye
You Kissed: depends on what kind of kiss. let’s not get into this, ok? i learned my lesson from last year not to talk about particulars when it comes to kissing and stuff, cause y’all are mean gossips!
Instant messaged: walker/will
You Yelled At: i back talked at jensen, does that count?
You Had A Crush On: wow people really learn by repetition i guess...max!
Who Broke Your Heart: christopher
F a v o r i t e ::
Food: macaroni & cheese
Drink: coke or lemonade or sparkling apple cider
Color: black & white, of course...and then blue & pink
Album: currently, as i said before, chutes too narrow—the shins
Shoes: wow. really, you want me to list all that?! ok then…black high heeled sandals, black kitten heels, light blue slides, turquoise slides, white flip flops, pink slides, red slides, black stilettos, red stilettos, blue stilettos, tan stilettos, slippers, indoor soccer shoes, yup i think that’s it =D
Candy: life savers or squiggles or twix or reeces
Animal: harp seals (or two very intelligent dogs that i happen to personally know!)
TV Show: vh1 has some funny shit, lemme tell ya. however, for late night purposes, degrassi, my so-called life, sex and the city, friends, etc. are all good
Dance: what kind? well actual type of dance: THE ONES MAX & I MADE UP! whoo yeah we had so much fun in the back of the van making up all these steps to all these different songs…whoo goodness. however, the blue man group’s basic rock concert movements are great, too, and can’t forget the infamous kate-garrett-char ska dance! whoo! as for like dance/party, definitely the 8th grade dance.
Veggie: green pepper or carrots
Fruit: strawberries! and then apples
Are You::
Understanding: i’ve heard that i am…heh
Open-minded: yeah i try to be a lot…it was one of my goals for this year. in fact, i think i accomplished it! whoo! so yes!
Arrogant: probably.
Insecure: almost never
Hungry: i was but now that i’m doing something i’m not anymore
Friendly: again, from what i’ve heard ;D
Smart: straight a’s mean anything to you? if not…well we all have our jessica simpson moments!
Moody: *sigh* what would be left of char if there were no moodiness?!
Childish: not often, only around really really close friends
Independent: heck yes i love being home alone (well NO JENSEN so this weekend doesn’t count) for like five days like last week…i was very responsible and did all my chores and stuff…whoo go me!
Hard working: extremely
Organized: very.
Healthy: i try
Emotionally Stable: HAH! good one. in my dreams!
Shy: not at all
Difficult: errm…not really
Bored Easily: i guess not cause even though it’s like half way through the summer today was the first day i was relatively bored
Messy: only occasionally…and only if necessary, for instance right now i’m packing for camp so there’s stacks of stuff on the floor
Thirsty: mmm maybe
Responsible: you better believe it (i just realized that this is one of my character traits haha)
Obsessed: oooh la la oui oui je suis tres…OBSESSED!
Angry: only ever at jensen
Sad: of course…
Trusting: yes definitely
Talkative: OH yes even to people like i just met or something
Differerent: in lots of ways, though sometimes you wouldn’t think so
Unique: we all are…duurrr…but yes.
Ignored: uhhm no.
Reliable: i’m always here for you guys!
Content: *sigh* i was but…uhh…sorta yearning right now.
Optimistic: i guess so, i couldn’t even stay depressed for a full four weeks. (it was three weeks and one day…hah!)
Thinker: way too much of one
Self-disciplined: mmhmm
Sleepy: not really now that it’s summer…plus my schedule is off whack anyway
Lonely: at the moment yes very
Who Do You Want To:
Kill: nobody
Get Really Drunk With: nobodu
Tickle: uhhm no comment! haha or oh wait, can i say who i want to tickle me? with his hair on the back of my neck? oh, wait, right…*shhh*
Talk to: max, chris, walker, sally, scott, mrs. brooks, kate, mom…(all missing!)
V i t a l * S t a t s //
name and what does your name mean: charlotte...i used to know it's something like wise and caring but i forget. named for my maternal grand dad
nickames: char charlie sharly creamy charlizzle char la la chartreuse jacqueline...yup
location: my desk. hah.
sign: taurus
hair color: dirty blond
eye color: blue-green-grey (mostly blue though, depends on my mood whether grey or green is more prominent) with a circle of yellow around the pupil
status: rather broken and dysfunctional, but i make quick come backs: hopeful! and single.
education: THE COOLIODIDDLIEST MIDDLE SCHOOL IN THE WORLD! ok so well i love it...(?aww that’s what I used to have. *sigh* well now i’m a rising ninth grader at enloe high school! whooo…i guess?
height: 5'9" and i refuse to grow another inch
shoe size: 10...me and my monster feet =p but people tell me they look small
nationality: american but traced back to scotch-irish, dutch, swedish, english
skin color: golden and rosy in the summertime (what my mom says haha)
school: between ligon, the coolest place on earth, my old home, and…enloe.
F a v o r i t e s::
[music] pretty much anything...classic rock ska alternative rock and the genre-less lol
[artist] oh maaan! whatever i hate answering this question cause it takes me like 15 minutes
[movies] ferris beuller's day off, noises off, potc, finding nemo, all the lotr, all the matrix...
[color] black & white and…oh wait, didn’t we already answer this?!
[smell] miracle by lancome, pink by gap, heavenly by vs, pink sugar by sephora, or baking
[taste] something cold on a hot day or something warm on a cold day
H a v e Y o u E v e r ::
lied: yeah somewhat. i think the last time i lied was to walker when i said twice that chris wasn’t the same one with the ccc deal…but that didn’t last long, i eventually told the truth. and uhhm, that was like three months ago?! haha
ran away: haha i ran away when i was 5. my sisters helped me back. i put a banana, a deck of cards, a tshirt, and a book into a plastic suitcase and sat in the back yard all day until my parents came and found me
done drugs: NO *hiss* god enough on that subject.
drank alcohol: yes (come on be smart...communion wine, champagne, some sips of wine...you know)
broke a bone: yes…well does splitting your shin count?
failed a class: nope
been in a fist fight: HAHA i was talking to max and i was like “you know, i’ve never actually punched someone…i’ve always wondered what it would be like though…sorta want to” and he made fun of me for being a violent person. hah!
dyed your hair: no…*sigh*
gotten in a car accident: yes, but i (obviously) wasn’t the driver
been out of the country: no =( *DOUBLE SOB*
met a famous person: yes
driven illegally: well like...it was on a huge farm in virginia...not on roads O=)
thrown a temper tantrum: haha when i was little i was known as "hurricane charlie" but i'm much more in control now =p
been suspended: nope…well does lunchtime iss count?
been expelled: nope
given the finger: haha yes but not really like i do it behind my coach's back with caity & mo...maybe only behind people’s backs…but the most classic thing ever was when my dad did it to a random person…hahahahaha
rebelled against authority: oh, i supposed skipping—i mean wandering—during every class at least once this year counts? signing all my own passes? DAMN i’m gonna miss that like all get out. i think in total at ligon i probably skipped like twenty-five percent of my classes hahaha
been in jail: nah
kissed on the first date: depends on how you look at it...like what you count as a date. and if you count on the cheek or not. and of course, it depends on the person anyway if i were ever gonna do it in the future. really, all in all, it depends on what you count as a date and the cheek thing. but i already said that.
[music]: i am yours
[countdown]: 20 days until kate gets back!
whoo! today i leave for duke soccer camp for girls…specifically for goalies. whoo! (again) haha my ride’s coming at 11.00am. i’ll be there through wednesday, which i guess isn’t all that long, but it’s like soccer twenty-four/seven, it’s gonna be crazy but i hope i get a lot from it to take for high school soccer. i hope i get a good room mate! it’s my first overnight camp ever, aren’t you so proud of me? haha people are allowed to come to take the campers out of the camp during a break (basically, the only time that’s possible is dinner time) so my parents are coming on monday to take me out to dinner in durham…fun stuff! well *sigh* i guess i need to go and make last minute double checks and all that fun stuff. i’d tell you to write and all that jazz, but considering i’ll only be gone for 5 days and everyone else is out of town, too, it doesn’t really matter that much. we gotta get together when i get back, though!
i’ll miss you guys!
but in the meantime, you get one of my infamous surveys to enjoy!
C u r r e n t l y ::
Mood: exhausted
Music: i am yours
Hair: pulled down and back
Clothes: khaki skirt, one of my old summer shirts from last year that i realized still looks good on me! whoo! no shoes or jewelry (right, NOTHING) because it’s summertime. heh well i wore my kitten heels earlier to get new gloves…but that’s another story
Annoyance: everyone gone, rather bored
Smell: for some reason i keep smelling magnolia today—i think it’s from those two magnolia petals in the bottom of my bag…long story
Thing you ought to be doing: showering
Favorite song(s): uhhm of the moment off of the top of my head? uuuh the shins—so says i. but that’s just a random pick of hundreds
CD in Stereo: spin doctors—pocket full of kryptonite
DVD In Player: finding nemo! wow.
Worry: first overnight camp starting tomorrow >_< soccer…ahh
Crush: maxamillion! a.k.a. maxwell! a.k.a. max!
L o v e::
boyfriend/girlfriend: not really
crush: wait…didn’t they just as that? uhhm yeah.
who?: *sigh* slow people
shortest relationship: ok *sob* this is the first survey that i’ve done since “it” so yeah. this may be tough but i’ll get through it. two months. and the ironic thing is it was the best relationship i’ve ever had. ironic in more ways than one *cough sally cough*
been in love w/ more than 1 person?: aahhhh…no. not the way you mean.
sweetest thing a guy/girl has done for you?: aww they do so much sweet stuff for me i can’t keep track of it…haha jp. well…i guess…gee i dunno. i won’t go all off on that.
meanest thing a guy/girl has done for you?: uhhm nothing really. well i guess taking back sweet things they’ve sad
ever broke someone's heart?: twice =(
someone break your heart?: yes. once. (whoo first time i’ve ever been able to say that *sigh*)
L a s t P e r s o n::
You Talked To: in person jensen, on IM walker
You Hugged: my mom/dad this morning telling them bye
You Kissed: depends on what kind of kiss. let’s not get into this, ok? i learned my lesson from last year not to talk about particulars when it comes to kissing and stuff, cause y’all are mean gossips!
Instant messaged: walker/will
You Yelled At: i back talked at jensen, does that count?
You Had A Crush On: wow people really learn by repetition i guess...max!
Who Broke Your Heart: christopher
F a v o r i t e ::
Food: macaroni & cheese
Drink: coke or lemonade or sparkling apple cider
Color: black & white, of course...and then blue & pink
Album: currently, as i said before, chutes too narrow—the shins
Shoes: wow. really, you want me to list all that?! ok then…black high heeled sandals, black kitten heels, light blue slides, turquoise slides, white flip flops, pink slides, red slides, black stilettos, red stilettos, blue stilettos, tan stilettos, slippers, indoor soccer shoes, yup i think that’s it =D
Candy: life savers or squiggles or twix or reeces
Animal: harp seals (or two very intelligent dogs that i happen to personally know!)
TV Show: vh1 has some funny shit, lemme tell ya. however, for late night purposes, degrassi, my so-called life, sex and the city, friends, etc. are all good
Dance: what kind? well actual type of dance: THE ONES MAX & I MADE UP! whoo yeah we had so much fun in the back of the van making up all these steps to all these different songs…whoo goodness. however, the blue man group’s basic rock concert movements are great, too, and can’t forget the infamous kate-garrett-char ska dance! whoo! as for like dance/party, definitely the 8th grade dance.
Veggie: green pepper or carrots
Fruit: strawberries! and then apples
Are You::
Understanding: i’ve heard that i am…heh
Open-minded: yeah i try to be a lot…it was one of my goals for this year. in fact, i think i accomplished it! whoo! so yes!
Arrogant: probably.
Insecure: almost never
Hungry: i was but now that i’m doing something i’m not anymore
Friendly: again, from what i’ve heard ;D
Smart: straight a’s mean anything to you? if not…well we all have our jessica simpson moments!
Moody: *sigh* what would be left of char if there were no moodiness?!
Childish: not often, only around really really close friends
Independent: heck yes i love being home alone (well NO JENSEN so this weekend doesn’t count) for like five days like last week…i was very responsible and did all my chores and stuff…whoo go me!
Hard working: extremely
Organized: very.
Healthy: i try
Emotionally Stable: HAH! good one. in my dreams!
Shy: not at all
Difficult: errm…not really
Bored Easily: i guess not cause even though it’s like half way through the summer today was the first day i was relatively bored
Messy: only occasionally…and only if necessary, for instance right now i’m packing for camp so there’s stacks of stuff on the floor
Thirsty: mmm maybe
Responsible: you better believe it (i just realized that this is one of my character traits haha)
Obsessed: oooh la la oui oui je suis tres…OBSESSED!
Angry: only ever at jensen
Sad: of course…
Trusting: yes definitely
Talkative: OH yes even to people like i just met or something
Differerent: in lots of ways, though sometimes you wouldn’t think so
Unique: we all are…duurrr…but yes.
Ignored: uhhm no.
Reliable: i’m always here for you guys!
Content: *sigh* i was but…uhh…sorta yearning right now.
Optimistic: i guess so, i couldn’t even stay depressed for a full four weeks. (it was three weeks and one day…hah!)
Thinker: way too much of one
Self-disciplined: mmhmm
Sleepy: not really now that it’s summer…plus my schedule is off whack anyway
Lonely: at the moment yes very
Who Do You Want To:
Kill: nobody
Get Really Drunk With: nobodu
Tickle: uhhm no comment! haha or oh wait, can i say who i want to tickle me? with his hair on the back of my neck? oh, wait, right…*shhh*
Talk to: max, chris, walker, sally, scott, mrs. brooks, kate, mom…(all missing!)
V i t a l * S t a t s //
name and what does your name mean: charlotte...i used to know it's something like wise and caring but i forget. named for my maternal grand dad
nickames: char charlie sharly creamy charlizzle char la la chartreuse jacqueline...yup
location: my desk. hah.
sign: taurus
hair color: dirty blond
eye color: blue-green-grey (mostly blue though, depends on my mood whether grey or green is more prominent) with a circle of yellow around the pupil
status: rather broken and dysfunctional, but i make quick come backs: hopeful! and single.
education: THE COOLIODIDDLIEST MIDDLE SCHOOL IN THE WORLD! ok so well i love it...(?aww that’s what I used to have. *sigh* well now i’m a rising ninth grader at enloe high school! whooo…i guess?
height: 5'9" and i refuse to grow another inch
shoe size: 10...me and my monster feet =p but people tell me they look small
nationality: american but traced back to scotch-irish, dutch, swedish, english
skin color: golden and rosy in the summertime (what my mom says haha)
school: between ligon, the coolest place on earth, my old home, and…enloe.
F a v o r i t e s::
[music] pretty much anything...classic rock ska alternative rock and the genre-less lol
[artist] oh maaan! whatever i hate answering this question cause it takes me like 15 minutes
[movies] ferris beuller's day off, noises off, potc, finding nemo, all the lotr, all the matrix...
[color] black & white and…oh wait, didn’t we already answer this?!
[smell] miracle by lancome, pink by gap, heavenly by vs, pink sugar by sephora, or baking
[taste] something cold on a hot day or something warm on a cold day
H a v e Y o u E v e r ::
lied: yeah somewhat. i think the last time i lied was to walker when i said twice that chris wasn’t the same one with the ccc deal…but that didn’t last long, i eventually told the truth. and uhhm, that was like three months ago?! haha
ran away: haha i ran away when i was 5. my sisters helped me back. i put a banana, a deck of cards, a tshirt, and a book into a plastic suitcase and sat in the back yard all day until my parents came and found me
done drugs: NO *hiss* god enough on that subject.
drank alcohol: yes (come on be smart...communion wine, champagne, some sips of wine...you know)
broke a bone: yes…well does splitting your shin count?
failed a class: nope
been in a fist fight: HAHA i was talking to max and i was like “you know, i’ve never actually punched someone…i’ve always wondered what it would be like though…sorta want to” and he made fun of me for being a violent person. hah!
dyed your hair: no…*sigh*
gotten in a car accident: yes, but i (obviously) wasn’t the driver
been out of the country: no =( *DOUBLE SOB*
met a famous person: yes
driven illegally: well like...it was on a huge farm in virginia...not on roads O=)
thrown a temper tantrum: haha when i was little i was known as "hurricane charlie" but i'm much more in control now =p
been suspended: nope…well does lunchtime iss count?
been expelled: nope
given the finger: haha yes but not really like i do it behind my coach's back with caity & mo...maybe only behind people’s backs…but the most classic thing ever was when my dad did it to a random person…hahahahaha
rebelled against authority: oh, i supposed skipping—i mean wandering—during every class at least once this year counts? signing all my own passes? DAMN i’m gonna miss that like all get out. i think in total at ligon i probably skipped like twenty-five percent of my classes hahaha
been in jail: nah
kissed on the first date: depends on how you look at it...like what you count as a date. and if you count on the cheek or not. and of course, it depends on the person anyway if i were ever gonna do it in the future. really, all in all, it depends on what you count as a date and the cheek thing. but i already said that.
Posted by char at 10:46 AM
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0 comments
6.23.2004
[mood]: antsy...happy...wistful
[music]: pieces of me--ashlee simpson
ok so nothin really is happening but i feel like i need to type cause...well yeah just cause.
yesterday, though, we decided to go see the terminal...me, shea, will, & john s. i was supposed to go pick up shea at his house and then come back to my house so that will could pick us up, and then will would take us back home and shea would wait here till his parents could pick him up.
think again =).
first off, kate & i got lost...or rather, mixed up...a couple of times on the way there and so we got there with like 5 minutes to spare. then we went the wrong direction on the highway coming back. then, once we'd finally got back on track--the car ran out of gas and stalled on the highway. by this point we'd missed the beginning of the movie...*sigh* it would have sucked if we hadn't gotten help because kate's cell phone is non-existant after the go karting incident, remember??? so yeah a state trooper happened to go by within 5 or so minutes of when it broke down and we waited for like 10 minutes and someone came with gas and then we went to the next gas station to fill all the way up and then we trashed the movie idea and kate dropped me off at shea's house! whoo long and involved, i know. quite an adventure.
at shea's we got on his big ass trampoline for a while after debating political matters (augh) and then walked to dairy queen. we acted like we were brother & sister, and then he screwed up and said "my dad" and then...yeah. it was funny stuff.
got back home at night and had dinner, went on a walk with my parents, and uhhm nothing else really???
today i would have gone to the pool with kate, eric, & andrew but max couldn't come cause he has xc (cross country) practice so...yeah i didn't really feel like it. I FINALLY GOT MY CHECKS CASHED! WHOO! kate is packing like a madman cause she's leaving for new mexico tomorrow...awww i'm gonna miss her! at least jensen finally got a job so she'll be out of my way...heh. i, on the other hand, am starting to get ready for soccer camp...i leave saturday. it's pretty easy to pack: throw all t-shirts, soccer shorts, socks, soccer socks, & sports bras into a bag with other soccer equipment like shin guards, soccer shoes, etc. plus toothpaste toothbrush shampoo conditioner etc. and pajamas and off i go. plus a couple of skirts and normal shirts, cause you never know. WHOO i am excited. not really. but it's nice to be gone on a week when everyone else is gone so i'll have one less week to miss them. convenient, eh?
i got shelly's letter mailed today! yayness and pie! and i'm about to call sally's cell to update her...and uhhm dunno what else.
OOH OOH OOH!!! i got pictures from monday from dena! except...the ones of max teaching me to fly a kite...and playing frisbee...and together on the beach...and at dinner...and stuff...they got accidently deleted. which is a big pissing-me-off factor but i'll live. there's a couple left of us, though, even if they suck.
[music]: pieces of me--ashlee simpson
ok so nothin really is happening but i feel like i need to type cause...well yeah just cause.
yesterday, though, we decided to go see the terminal...me, shea, will, & john s. i was supposed to go pick up shea at his house and then come back to my house so that will could pick us up, and then will would take us back home and shea would wait here till his parents could pick him up.
think again =).
first off, kate & i got lost...or rather, mixed up...a couple of times on the way there and so we got there with like 5 minutes to spare. then we went the wrong direction on the highway coming back. then, once we'd finally got back on track--the car ran out of gas and stalled on the highway. by this point we'd missed the beginning of the movie...*sigh* it would have sucked if we hadn't gotten help because kate's cell phone is non-existant after the go karting incident, remember??? so yeah a state trooper happened to go by within 5 or so minutes of when it broke down and we waited for like 10 minutes and someone came with gas and then we went to the next gas station to fill all the way up and then we trashed the movie idea and kate dropped me off at shea's house! whoo long and involved, i know. quite an adventure.
at shea's we got on his big ass trampoline for a while after debating political matters (augh) and then walked to dairy queen. we acted like we were brother & sister, and then he screwed up and said "my dad" and then...yeah. it was funny stuff.
got back home at night and had dinner, went on a walk with my parents, and uhhm nothing else really???
today i would have gone to the pool with kate, eric, & andrew but max couldn't come cause he has xc (cross country) practice so...yeah i didn't really feel like it. I FINALLY GOT MY CHECKS CASHED! WHOO! kate is packing like a madman cause she's leaving for new mexico tomorrow...awww i'm gonna miss her! at least jensen finally got a job so she'll be out of my way...heh. i, on the other hand, am starting to get ready for soccer camp...i leave saturday. it's pretty easy to pack: throw all t-shirts, soccer shorts, socks, soccer socks, & sports bras into a bag with other soccer equipment like shin guards, soccer shoes, etc. plus toothpaste toothbrush shampoo conditioner etc. and pajamas and off i go. plus a couple of skirts and normal shirts, cause you never know. WHOO i am excited. not really. but it's nice to be gone on a week when everyone else is gone so i'll have one less week to miss them. convenient, eh?
i got shelly's letter mailed today! yayness and pie! and i'm about to call sally's cell to update her...and uhhm dunno what else.
OOH OOH OOH!!! i got pictures from monday from dena! except...the ones of max teaching me to fly a kite...and playing frisbee...and together on the beach...and at dinner...and stuff...they got accidently deleted. which is a big pissing-me-off factor but i'll live. there's a couple left of us, though, even if they suck.
Posted by char at 5:34 PM
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0 comments
6.22.2004
[mood]: suddenly insanely happy
[music]: everything we listened to in the car today. everything. spin doctors, b.52's, ok go, the shins, some ska, some 80's rock, some techno, some DISNEY (whoo). yeah when i said everything, i meant everything.
oh. my. goodness.
i dunno if i can even recount today...just got back...well within the last hour.
did i happen to mention yesterday that i was gonna go to wrightsville beach with kate, andrew, & dena today?
did i also mention that andrew has a 15 year old brother max who's going to be a sophmore at enloe next year?
DO I HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
i guess i shouldn't disclose stuff up here. it's sorta...not very...well i would hate to read it if i were someone else. not that it's bad in any way...i dunno.
i had the most fun tonight i've had in FOREVER...well since may 28. and that's like forever. well maybe june 9 & 10 combined were this fun. heh heh but
OH MY GOODNESS the weather was gorgeous and it was perfect and I CANNOT WAIT FOR HIGH SCHOOL NOW! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'll update later once i'm not so freakin hyper. but i'm not. i'm exhausted. in the best way possible.
//EDIT
whoo. *big breath*
so let's see. yesterday kate woke me up at 7.00am and i was so confused cause i'd sorta forgotten that we were going to the beach...heh. so yeah i got up and got ready and threw everything into my swimbag and was ready by the time they were supposed to pick us up (at 7.45am) but nooo. max has insisted on taking a shower (before going to the beach?!) and so they got there closer to 8.00am. but that's ok. it was great andrew had managed to get his mom's van so we could fit all of our crap in it and yeah it was packed with board (boogie, skin, surf) and a cooler and towels and our changes of clothes and music and crap yeah it was great. then we went to pick up dena at her house and set out on our great adventure! whee! yeah we left town around 8.30am and yeah we listened to the shins for a long time then led zepplin then kate put in some of her old mixes. i was nodding off the ENTIRE time because i'd been up til 2.30 or 3.00 the night before because i couldn't get to sleep. but yeah i got a bad crick in my neck because i had nothing to lean against (at this point max didn't count yet, ok?!).
we got to the beach at like 10.15am...yay! while kate & dena got ready the stuff out at the car, andrew & max had to change so i showed them into the resort to change...lol the locker room's for hotel guests only but we've stayed there so many times it didn't matter...mom & i did the same thing for labor day. so yeah then we all put on sunscreen (i didn't get burned THE ENTIRE TIME but i got nice and tan...yayness and pie!) and headed out! we were in the water by 10.30am...nice. it was PERFECT. the sky was cloudless blue and the sun was bright but it wasn't too hot, maybe in the 80's, and the water wasn't too cold at all, but just cool enough, and it was windy so there were big waves but not dangerous, and the water was a beautiful blue...ahh it was gorgeous. we just swam around for a while til we realized we needed to go ahead and call dad (we decided not to because we had made such good time. andrew was goin 80 mph the entire time, but he's a great driver and there were no other cars at all so it didn't matter. not as bad as the time that andrew & max were comin back from the beach and andrew had it set on cruise control at 90. that's scary.) so yeah we called and then got the boogie boards and went back out. we had like 7, but there were only 5 of us...? yeah well anyway. there were some really great waves, some ok ones, but you had to wait a lot sometimes. but it was fun. kate is so cool. dena is so cool. andrew is so cool. max is so cool but at this point i didn't really know yet. they were so cool to invite me! even though...they're all 17! well max is 15. and i'm 14. but my parents were like "do you feel like a high schooler now" because they're all goin to enloe next year...WAIT SO AM I! that's so strange. so anyway. once we were properly tired and carried far down the beach from the current, we walked all the way back to our stuff and laid on our towels in the sand and played fluxx, the WEIRDEST card game ever. but because we were all so confused, it made it pretty funny. max won, then kate, then andrew.
by this point it was 12.45 so we decided to temporarily pack up and go to lunch. we drove around main street in wrighsville for a bit, looking at the places, then we decided to go for pizza. (btw, this was the beginning of the GOOD part...like really good.) we had sooo much fun...there were all these girls in only their bikinis coming in and flirting with the guy who was tossing the pizza dough and i mean there were like 12 in all or something. and kate still had her bikini on underneath her skirt & halter so at the end of lunch, she went to the bathroom and took that off and just wore her bikini out and made faces at the pizza guy. i swear it was HILARIOUS...plus the pizza guy was hideous. well not hideous, but definitely not worth flirting with. we only had 11 minutes left on our parking meter when we got back, so we headed back to public access.
mmm. fun stuff. we got the 2 big kites from the car and max taught me how to fly one (i've never flown a kite before in my life...what a deprived child) and andrew taught kate. we took a lot of pictures and ran around and yeah. then everyone got back in the water and we were sorta just goofing off and stuff, and then andrew & kate swam way out (scared me but that's just how i am) so dena, max & i headed back in. then we decided we wanted to go and get the boards again, so max & i headed back to the car. got those and paid some more for parking then went back to the beach. dena, max & i went to ride waves but after a while the wind died down and there weren't as many so dena went in and talked with kate & andrew. max & i stayed out for a while longer, sorta trashed the boarding idea and just talked. gosh...keep in mind we're at the BEACH...it's GORGEOUS...goodness. so then we headed back in and i was pretty tired but i still walked back to the car with max to get a skin board. then he went out in the tide for a bit while i read some...i had to get a tan at SOME point. then i joined him and he taught me how to skin board! whoo! well not really. i could only stay on for like 5 seconds but that's actually pretty good. at least i wasn't throwing it wrong/missing it/jumping on it wrong/falling off. heh heh. then we went BACK out into the ocean with k, a, & d. (tired of typing names.) we got a board cause we didn't feel like swimming and we shared it and just like hung off of it "sleeping". hah. then we were like screw them and went back in. we were about to lie down and rest for real but then we decided to play frisbee (even though we had to go back to the car to get it). that was definitely the most fun (at the beach). we played in the tide and we were like...ahh being so silly. and then the tide crashed up behind him and knocked him off his feet and we were blaming the frisbee for bad throws and then...we lost it. in the tide. (it was white--blinded in with the foam). so we had to go back and get the other one. and we played in the actual ocean, lol we were doing crazy dives and catching it and stuff but then for simple throws we would fumble...and it got lost again. and then we found it. and then we went back to playing in the tide and...it got lost. and we found it again. after like 5 minutes it just appeared. honestly, it was so tempermental. but yeah then we played some more in the tide & ocean...before it finally got lost for good. so yeah we lost 2 frisbees. oh well. (sorry dena!) then we went in for a few more minutes before it was time to go. so we left the beach at 7.10-ish and the girls went to the locker room to change. (i managed to tame my beach-wind-blown hair! yay!) and then at 7.22 (yay we made good time! we had to get dena home by 11.00) we were on the road again. we went into downtown wilmington along the water front and the docks and it was just GORGEOUS. i swear i have never seen something so beautiful as that day. we had dinner at the reel grill (heh clever) and outside there were all these german-american soldiers who were talking really loud and singing and ahh it was great. dinner was hilarious, too. max cracks me up good lord. he's the funniest person i've ever met, aside from shea & sally but that goes without saying. then we went to get ice cream...mmm yummy. i wanted to put my dinner (left over) and purse in the car, but it was way back in the parking lot and downtown wilmington is not exactly safe. so max was all funny he was like "i'll go with you and be your body guard", which set off a long set of inside jokes about bouncers and game faces and kicking ass. *happy sigh* and then we joined everyone else down by the sound. we walked along and looked at the ships and sat by the fountain and yeah it was...so perfect...ahhh. and then we walked a round about way back to the car. all down through these shops and clubs and stuff and there were real bouncers and yeah then we got back to the car.
the ride home. WOW. wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow. perfect end to a perfect day. we listened to all this crazy music and made up dances to it and sang along and were sooo crazy...until we got tired-ish. then we sorta just lay in the back and cracked up all the way home. god...he is SO FUNNY. i swear he's hilarious. every time i would close my eyes he would come up and put his arm around me and try to tickle me until i got back up. either that or he would whisper in my ear til he got me to crack up. no fair, i never got sleep...*sigh* what a tragedy.
so yeah screw the time, we finally got home at like 12.30am or maybe even a bit later.
SPONTANEOUS BEACH TRIPS ROCK MY SOCKS!!!
it was so cool...it was just what i needed. to let me know that this summer really is gonna be ok, that i'm really gonna be ok and i'll still manage to have a fun time and be happy without doubt and that high school is gonna be ok. i mean i just was sitting here waiting for that moment when everything started to get clear again and i could be happy and excited about something other than what has already passed...and this is definitely it. and after kate gets back from new mexico we're gonna go on lots more beach trips, definitely. that was just the most classic thing ever. the beautiful weather, the blasting music, the perfect company...goodness. forgive me while i am a girl-completely-and-utterly-caught-up-in-summer...but you know i needed this.
did i mention...sohpmore...enloe...next year...HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHA!
ANYWAY.
goin to see the terminal with shea tonight. check the away message for details, or just ask me.
[music]: everything we listened to in the car today. everything. spin doctors, b.52's, ok go, the shins, some ska, some 80's rock, some techno, some DISNEY (whoo). yeah when i said everything, i meant everything.
oh. my. goodness.
i dunno if i can even recount today...just got back...well within the last hour.
did i happen to mention yesterday that i was gonna go to wrightsville beach with kate, andrew, & dena today?
did i also mention that andrew has a 15 year old brother max who's going to be a sophmore at enloe next year?
DO I HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
i guess i shouldn't disclose stuff up here. it's sorta...not very...well i would hate to read it if i were someone else. not that it's bad in any way...i dunno.
i had the most fun tonight i've had in FOREVER...well since may 28. and that's like forever. well maybe june 9 & 10 combined were this fun. heh heh but
OH MY GOODNESS the weather was gorgeous and it was perfect and I CANNOT WAIT FOR HIGH SCHOOL NOW! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'll update later once i'm not so freakin hyper. but i'm not. i'm exhausted. in the best way possible.
//EDIT
whoo. *big breath*
so let's see. yesterday kate woke me up at 7.00am and i was so confused cause i'd sorta forgotten that we were going to the beach...heh. so yeah i got up and got ready and threw everything into my swimbag and was ready by the time they were supposed to pick us up (at 7.45am) but nooo. max has insisted on taking a shower (before going to the beach?!) and so they got there closer to 8.00am. but that's ok. it was great andrew had managed to get his mom's van so we could fit all of our crap in it and yeah it was packed with board (boogie, skin, surf) and a cooler and towels and our changes of clothes and music and crap yeah it was great. then we went to pick up dena at her house and set out on our great adventure! whee! yeah we left town around 8.30am and yeah we listened to the shins for a long time then led zepplin then kate put in some of her old mixes. i was nodding off the ENTIRE time because i'd been up til 2.30 or 3.00 the night before because i couldn't get to sleep. but yeah i got a bad crick in my neck because i had nothing to lean against (at this point max didn't count yet, ok?!).
we got to the beach at like 10.15am...yay! while kate & dena got ready the stuff out at the car, andrew & max had to change so i showed them into the resort to change...lol the locker room's for hotel guests only but we've stayed there so many times it didn't matter...mom & i did the same thing for labor day. so yeah then we all put on sunscreen (i didn't get burned THE ENTIRE TIME but i got nice and tan...yayness and pie!) and headed out! we were in the water by 10.30am...nice. it was PERFECT. the sky was cloudless blue and the sun was bright but it wasn't too hot, maybe in the 80's, and the water wasn't too cold at all, but just cool enough, and it was windy so there were big waves but not dangerous, and the water was a beautiful blue...ahh it was gorgeous. we just swam around for a while til we realized we needed to go ahead and call dad (we decided not to because we had made such good time. andrew was goin 80 mph the entire time, but he's a great driver and there were no other cars at all so it didn't matter. not as bad as the time that andrew & max were comin back from the beach and andrew had it set on cruise control at 90. that's scary.) so yeah we called and then got the boogie boards and went back out. we had like 7, but there were only 5 of us...? yeah well anyway. there were some really great waves, some ok ones, but you had to wait a lot sometimes. but it was fun. kate is so cool. dena is so cool. andrew is so cool. max is so cool but at this point i didn't really know yet. they were so cool to invite me! even though...they're all 17! well max is 15. and i'm 14. but my parents were like "do you feel like a high schooler now" because they're all goin to enloe next year...WAIT SO AM I! that's so strange. so anyway. once we were properly tired and carried far down the beach from the current, we walked all the way back to our stuff and laid on our towels in the sand and played fluxx, the WEIRDEST card game ever. but because we were all so confused, it made it pretty funny. max won, then kate, then andrew.
by this point it was 12.45 so we decided to temporarily pack up and go to lunch. we drove around main street in wrighsville for a bit, looking at the places, then we decided to go for pizza. (btw, this was the beginning of the GOOD part...like really good.) we had sooo much fun...there were all these girls in only their bikinis coming in and flirting with the guy who was tossing the pizza dough and i mean there were like 12 in all or something. and kate still had her bikini on underneath her skirt & halter so at the end of lunch, she went to the bathroom and took that off and just wore her bikini out and made faces at the pizza guy. i swear it was HILARIOUS...plus the pizza guy was hideous. well not hideous, but definitely not worth flirting with. we only had 11 minutes left on our parking meter when we got back, so we headed back to public access.
mmm. fun stuff. we got the 2 big kites from the car and max taught me how to fly one (i've never flown a kite before in my life...what a deprived child) and andrew taught kate. we took a lot of pictures and ran around and yeah. then everyone got back in the water and we were sorta just goofing off and stuff, and then andrew & kate swam way out (scared me but that's just how i am) so dena, max & i headed back in. then we decided we wanted to go and get the boards again, so max & i headed back to the car. got those and paid some more for parking then went back to the beach. dena, max & i went to ride waves but after a while the wind died down and there weren't as many so dena went in and talked with kate & andrew. max & i stayed out for a while longer, sorta trashed the boarding idea and just talked. gosh...keep in mind we're at the BEACH...it's GORGEOUS...goodness. so then we headed back in and i was pretty tired but i still walked back to the car with max to get a skin board. then he went out in the tide for a bit while i read some...i had to get a tan at SOME point. then i joined him and he taught me how to skin board! whoo! well not really. i could only stay on for like 5 seconds but that's actually pretty good. at least i wasn't throwing it wrong/missing it/jumping on it wrong/falling off. heh heh. then we went BACK out into the ocean with k, a, & d. (tired of typing names.) we got a board cause we didn't feel like swimming and we shared it and just like hung off of it "sleeping". hah. then we were like screw them and went back in. we were about to lie down and rest for real but then we decided to play frisbee (even though we had to go back to the car to get it). that was definitely the most fun (at the beach). we played in the tide and we were like...ahh being so silly. and then the tide crashed up behind him and knocked him off his feet and we were blaming the frisbee for bad throws and then...we lost it. in the tide. (it was white--blinded in with the foam). so we had to go back and get the other one. and we played in the actual ocean, lol we were doing crazy dives and catching it and stuff but then for simple throws we would fumble...and it got lost again. and then we found it. and then we went back to playing in the tide and...it got lost. and we found it again. after like 5 minutes it just appeared. honestly, it was so tempermental. but yeah then we played some more in the tide & ocean...before it finally got lost for good. so yeah we lost 2 frisbees. oh well. (sorry dena!) then we went in for a few more minutes before it was time to go. so we left the beach at 7.10-ish and the girls went to the locker room to change. (i managed to tame my beach-wind-blown hair! yay!) and then at 7.22 (yay we made good time! we had to get dena home by 11.00) we were on the road again. we went into downtown wilmington along the water front and the docks and it was just GORGEOUS. i swear i have never seen something so beautiful as that day. we had dinner at the reel grill (heh clever) and outside there were all these german-american soldiers who were talking really loud and singing and ahh it was great. dinner was hilarious, too. max cracks me up good lord. he's the funniest person i've ever met, aside from shea & sally but that goes without saying. then we went to get ice cream...mmm yummy. i wanted to put my dinner (left over) and purse in the car, but it was way back in the parking lot and downtown wilmington is not exactly safe. so max was all funny he was like "i'll go with you and be your body guard", which set off a long set of inside jokes about bouncers and game faces and kicking ass. *happy sigh* and then we joined everyone else down by the sound. we walked along and looked at the ships and sat by the fountain and yeah it was...so perfect...ahhh. and then we walked a round about way back to the car. all down through these shops and clubs and stuff and there were real bouncers and yeah then we got back to the car.
the ride home. WOW. wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow. perfect end to a perfect day. we listened to all this crazy music and made up dances to it and sang along and were sooo crazy...until we got tired-ish. then we sorta just lay in the back and cracked up all the way home. god...he is SO FUNNY. i swear he's hilarious. every time i would close my eyes he would come up and put his arm around me and try to tickle me until i got back up. either that or he would whisper in my ear til he got me to crack up. no fair, i never got sleep...*sigh* what a tragedy.
so yeah screw the time, we finally got home at like 12.30am or maybe even a bit later.
SPONTANEOUS BEACH TRIPS ROCK MY SOCKS!!!
it was so cool...it was just what i needed. to let me know that this summer really is gonna be ok, that i'm really gonna be ok and i'll still manage to have a fun time and be happy without doubt and that high school is gonna be ok. i mean i just was sitting here waiting for that moment when everything started to get clear again and i could be happy and excited about something other than what has already passed...and this is definitely it. and after kate gets back from new mexico we're gonna go on lots more beach trips, definitely. that was just the most classic thing ever. the beautiful weather, the blasting music, the perfect company...goodness. forgive me while i am a girl-completely-and-utterly-caught-up-in-summer...but you know i needed this.
did i mention...sohpmore...enloe...next year...HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHA!
ANYWAY.
goin to see the terminal with shea tonight. check the away message for details, or just ask me.
Posted by char at 1:25 AM
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0 comments
6.20.2004
[mood]: considerably better since the last time you heard from me
[music]: amazing--josh kelly
ho hum.
the good mood is just sort of an up and down thing with my mood in general. speaking of which--thanks to andrea for talkin to me last night!!! it was exactly what i needed. but still--don't expect me to be all smiles forever, just a warning.
it was absolutely GORGEOUS today. isn't it strange that when there's beautiful weather, you think of people you love and want to be with them? i mean that's always my first thought when i see a full moon or a beuatiful sunset and a pretty evening with fireflies or a cloudless sky...but maybe that's just me =). i took the dogs on a walk today (goodness i love them so!) and went to the pool with kate.
today was our last day home alone and now my parents have returned from asheville. oh yeah, happy father's day! we got my dad a dvd of finding nemo because he LOVES that movie, and plus it's a good father tale. we'll probably watch it after dinner tonight which will put me in an even better movie because how can you watch that movie without being happy?! we got the normal shirts-ties-other stuff, too. heh.
so anyway, guess what i had to do last night. actually, (i knew this at the time, too) it makes a pretty funny story. cause my parents weren't pissed in the slightest bit. i went babysitting )heh heh $30 more and now more than $200) and we never unlocked the side door so when i got back...i was locked out! *gasp* and i knew there was no way to get in cause kate's key was lost at adventure landing so there was no point in waiting for her and then mom & dad weren't getting home for another day...so yeah. i had to break into my own house. luckily, one of the windows was unlocked cause earlier i'd been airing out the house from when my microwave spazzed out and started smoking like all hell...it was crazy. so yeah i got the screen out and then as i was lifting up, the bottom half of the window fell into the house!!! and the wood splintered...yeah it was just fucked up. but being the good girl i am, i called my parents and told them everything and they didn't care at all. heh heh. i have cool parental units =).
so this week tryin to figure out if we can go see stepford wives, maybe even the terminal, too. we'll have another piano lesson, yay, because i actually practiced! and i'll hang out some with shea! because he's baaaaaaaaaaaaack!
and OH OH OH! kate's going to the BEACH tomorrow with andrew & dena...andrew from earlier...he is sooo cool! and he has a little brother who's 15 who's going, too! oh, and did i mention...they invited me! WHEEEE!!! O=) whoo charlotte is a good girl don't worry.
so yeah my home alone time was cool and all but i'm happy to have my parents back. and now my mouth is watering for a good home cooked meal...by my mom that is. i mean i can cook lots of stuff, but none of it is as good as hers!
782.5883 call if you wanna go to movies. as far as i know, adam andrea anne chris shea will are the only people left in town...well sally too right now but she's leaving agin =(. but if you're still here, let me know!
[music]: amazing--josh kelly
ho hum.
the good mood is just sort of an up and down thing with my mood in general. speaking of which--thanks to andrea for talkin to me last night!!! it was exactly what i needed. but still--don't expect me to be all smiles forever, just a warning.
it was absolutely GORGEOUS today. isn't it strange that when there's beautiful weather, you think of people you love and want to be with them? i mean that's always my first thought when i see a full moon or a beuatiful sunset and a pretty evening with fireflies or a cloudless sky...but maybe that's just me =). i took the dogs on a walk today (goodness i love them so!) and went to the pool with kate.
today was our last day home alone and now my parents have returned from asheville. oh yeah, happy father's day! we got my dad a dvd of finding nemo because he LOVES that movie, and plus it's a good father tale. we'll probably watch it after dinner tonight which will put me in an even better movie because how can you watch that movie without being happy?! we got the normal shirts-ties-other stuff, too. heh.
so anyway, guess what i had to do last night. actually, (i knew this at the time, too) it makes a pretty funny story. cause my parents weren't pissed in the slightest bit. i went babysitting )heh heh $30 more and now more than $200) and we never unlocked the side door so when i got back...i was locked out! *gasp* and i knew there was no way to get in cause kate's key was lost at adventure landing so there was no point in waiting for her and then mom & dad weren't getting home for another day...so yeah. i had to break into my own house. luckily, one of the windows was unlocked cause earlier i'd been airing out the house from when my microwave spazzed out and started smoking like all hell...it was crazy. so yeah i got the screen out and then as i was lifting up, the bottom half of the window fell into the house!!! and the wood splintered...yeah it was just fucked up. but being the good girl i am, i called my parents and told them everything and they didn't care at all. heh heh. i have cool parental units =).
so this week tryin to figure out if we can go see stepford wives, maybe even the terminal, too. we'll have another piano lesson, yay, because i actually practiced! and i'll hang out some with shea! because he's baaaaaaaaaaaaack!
and OH OH OH! kate's going to the BEACH tomorrow with andrew & dena...andrew from earlier...he is sooo cool! and he has a little brother who's 15 who's going, too! oh, and did i mention...they invited me! WHEEEE!!! O=) whoo charlotte is a good girl don't worry.
so yeah my home alone time was cool and all but i'm happy to have my parents back. and now my mouth is watering for a good home cooked meal...by my mom that is. i mean i can cook lots of stuff, but none of it is as good as hers!
782.5883 call if you wanna go to movies. as far as i know, adam andrea anne chris shea will are the only people left in town...well sally too right now but she's leaving agin =(. but if you're still here, let me know!
Posted by char at 7:26 PM
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0 comments
6.18.2004
[mood]: someone help me
[music]: the days of the phoenix--afi
i'm reduced to crying again.
everything makes me cry. happy songs. sad songs. happy people. sad people. other people's pain. other people's joy. every tv show i tried to watch tonight made me cry because either: a). awful stuff happened and i related it immediately to my life or b). lots of happy stuff happened and it reminded me of when happy stuff used to happen to me!
is that just sick or what?
so yeah. tonight everyone was away packing for their lovely vacations. whoo. god i am so fucking sour about spain! god DAMNIT. *sigh* that really got me down. like it does, oh, say, every other second of my life. make that every second.
and yeah everyone's gone. just like...missing...i mean i realize i'm not making an effort to reach out and talk to people but still i just tlak to myself all day...no really. i just wander around trying to make sense of what's in my head by talking. i have freaking fights with myself. i tell the pain to go away. HOLY SHIT no i'm not gollum...hah *weak laugh*
i miss school. i mean really there's no other way around it.
so yeah i'm just waiting for kate to get home so i can cry to her. at least jensen's out of town. whenever she's around these days i have to bite my tongue cause i just wanna shout "BITCH!" at her at the top of my lungs and be done with it.
oh, don't worry, i laugh. i do things like babysit and earn $30 so now i have a grand total of $191. i watch movies with kate and crack up. i talk on the phone...true with my mom but she & my dad are out of town right now. again. god i sound so fucking bitter.
look i'm just gonna shut up. cause no one really understands. you're all going off on your sugar-coated vacations and leaving me behind. i sound miserable, and depressed, and i am TRYING do you get it i am TRYING to get up out of this hole i just keep sliding back down and i don't know what to do. if any of you feel like giving me advice, you can try, i just hope i don't bite your head off. cause i am NOT the one who gets like this. i'm supposed to be the one who's giving the advice, i'm the one who always sees things for the good sides and never lets stuff get me down for long...god...middle school didn't mean this much to me, did it?! (saying that includes everything with it). see everyone was all bitchy during the year and i was like...what are you talking about this rocks. and now...they're all like WHEE SUMMER and i'm just in this damn...black hole. i don't know how to get it out. is it humanly possible? i don't know, cause it's not humanly possible to go back in time. *sigh*
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!
[music]: the days of the phoenix--afi
i'm reduced to crying again.
everything makes me cry. happy songs. sad songs. happy people. sad people. other people's pain. other people's joy. every tv show i tried to watch tonight made me cry because either: a). awful stuff happened and i related it immediately to my life or b). lots of happy stuff happened and it reminded me of when happy stuff used to happen to me!
is that just sick or what?
so yeah. tonight everyone was away packing for their lovely vacations. whoo. god i am so fucking sour about spain! god DAMNIT. *sigh* that really got me down. like it does, oh, say, every other second of my life. make that every second.
and yeah everyone's gone. just like...missing...i mean i realize i'm not making an effort to reach out and talk to people but still i just tlak to myself all day...no really. i just wander around trying to make sense of what's in my head by talking. i have freaking fights with myself. i tell the pain to go away. HOLY SHIT no i'm not gollum...hah *weak laugh*
i miss school. i mean really there's no other way around it.
so yeah i'm just waiting for kate to get home so i can cry to her. at least jensen's out of town. whenever she's around these days i have to bite my tongue cause i just wanna shout "BITCH!" at her at the top of my lungs and be done with it.
oh, don't worry, i laugh. i do things like babysit and earn $30 so now i have a grand total of $191. i watch movies with kate and crack up. i talk on the phone...true with my mom but she & my dad are out of town right now. again. god i sound so fucking bitter.
look i'm just gonna shut up. cause no one really understands. you're all going off on your sugar-coated vacations and leaving me behind. i sound miserable, and depressed, and i am TRYING do you get it i am TRYING to get up out of this hole i just keep sliding back down and i don't know what to do. if any of you feel like giving me advice, you can try, i just hope i don't bite your head off. cause i am NOT the one who gets like this. i'm supposed to be the one who's giving the advice, i'm the one who always sees things for the good sides and never lets stuff get me down for long...god...middle school didn't mean this much to me, did it?! (saying that includes everything with it). see everyone was all bitchy during the year and i was like...what are you talking about this rocks. and now...they're all like WHEE SUMMER and i'm just in this damn...black hole. i don't know how to get it out. is it humanly possible? i don't know, cause it's not humanly possible to go back in time. *sigh*
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!
Posted by char at 11:54 PM
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0 comments
6.16.2004
[mood]: 95% happy
[music]: the shins. anything the shins.
whoo well this is supposedly the 100th post. (according to my little stats thing that's on my dashboard when i log in).
so, i am such a loser, last night i stayed up till like 3.00am because i'm used to going to bed that late therefore couldn't even lie still until then. i sorta...cried myself to sleep. and so then i tried to get out of bed but i was sooo tired so i slept till noon again. tsk tsk shame on me.
so yeah i cleaned some and read a lot and went and picked up the dogs from the groomers and really that was it until my "get-together" (it wasn't a PARTY because there wasn't something to celebrate really...we just...hung out lol).
yeah it was originally for people leaving, but because sally isn't going to rhode island anymore (at least, not tomorrow, if she does at all) and my anti-spain-ness (check the xanga) it was only scott leaving...(for new jersey on friday) so whoo! yeah we were outside...then came back in and hung around being stupid idiots...=) much fun. will discovered that i AM ticklish. god every time i sit in that spot on the sofa when people come over i figure that out...oook enough of that.
wow suddenly i don't feel like writing anymore at all. so i'll finish this up real quick.
we watched 50 first dates after dinner and they tortured my dogs (ahh feel the love) and yeah all that. i'm glad sally's not leaving yet so i'll still have a weekend that i can live at her house for again =p heh heh.
goodness. i am getting over this, i am i am i am! but...that doesn't mean i'm all better yet. i feel so bad about everything...there's this one part of me that wants to just bury myself beneath the covers and cry and read old diaries all the time and be held and beg and cry and plead and relive every moment in my head and say these what-if's and could-have's and have all these wishes...but then there's the sensible side of me and i KNOW that won't work! that it's stupid! that i need to pick myself up and move on...not completely erase it from my memory but live with my healthy daily dose of sadness and yet also at the same time happiness. that i will move on and be happy again it tells me not to cry because it's over but smile because it happened. and then there's this other part...this part that is so hopeful and faithful and i believe that anything can happen...and i just wanna close my eyes and wake up back in school and i wanna pick up the phone and be able to talk all night and go to spain and everything...and somehow everything will be like it was before. and they're all duking it out pretty bad up here in my head.
so in short, that's why i can't really write right now. i don't even know who's winning up there anymore. it's just causing me lots of stress but at the same time i'm pretty darn happy. remember, i had FUN at the part--i mean "get-together"! lol.
AUUUUGGGH WHY?!?!?
[music]: the shins. anything the shins.
whoo well this is supposedly the 100th post. (according to my little stats thing that's on my dashboard when i log in).
so, i am such a loser, last night i stayed up till like 3.00am because i'm used to going to bed that late therefore couldn't even lie still until then. i sorta...cried myself to sleep. and so then i tried to get out of bed but i was sooo tired so i slept till noon again. tsk tsk shame on me.
so yeah i cleaned some and read a lot and went and picked up the dogs from the groomers and really that was it until my "get-together" (it wasn't a PARTY because there wasn't something to celebrate really...we just...hung out lol).
yeah it was originally for people leaving, but because sally isn't going to rhode island anymore (at least, not tomorrow, if she does at all) and my anti-spain-ness (check the xanga) it was only scott leaving...(for new jersey on friday) so whoo! yeah we were outside...then came back in and hung around being stupid idiots...=) much fun. will discovered that i AM ticklish. god every time i sit in that spot on the sofa when people come over i figure that out...oook enough of that.
wow suddenly i don't feel like writing anymore at all. so i'll finish this up real quick.
we watched 50 first dates after dinner and they tortured my dogs (ahh feel the love) and yeah all that. i'm glad sally's not leaving yet so i'll still have a weekend that i can live at her house for again =p heh heh.
goodness. i am getting over this, i am i am i am! but...that doesn't mean i'm all better yet. i feel so bad about everything...there's this one part of me that wants to just bury myself beneath the covers and cry and read old diaries all the time and be held and beg and cry and plead and relive every moment in my head and say these what-if's and could-have's and have all these wishes...but then there's the sensible side of me and i KNOW that won't work! that it's stupid! that i need to pick myself up and move on...not completely erase it from my memory but live with my healthy daily dose of sadness and yet also at the same time happiness. that i will move on and be happy again it tells me not to cry because it's over but smile because it happened. and then there's this other part...this part that is so hopeful and faithful and i believe that anything can happen...and i just wanna close my eyes and wake up back in school and i wanna pick up the phone and be able to talk all night and go to spain and everything...and somehow everything will be like it was before. and they're all duking it out pretty bad up here in my head.
so in short, that's why i can't really write right now. i don't even know who's winning up there anymore. it's just causing me lots of stress but at the same time i'm pretty darn happy. remember, i had FUN at the part--i mean "get-together"! lol.
AUUUUGGGH WHY?!?!?
Posted by char at 10:50 PM
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0 comments
6.13.2004
[mood]: content & happy, but a little bit of hopefulness
[music]: superman--five for fighting at the moment, but more of the shins, the flaming lips, and hot hot heat today.
just got back from going to adventure landing with kate and her buddy andrew. slept really late today, made brownies with kate, listened to music for the longest time while talking with kate & andrew, and then scott called and i talked on the phone with him for a couple hours or something. we're planning to go see a movie this week before he & shelly leave for new jersey and spain, respectively. (augh. still can't use that word without cringing.) so yeah we're trying to figure that out. i'm supposed to wait to see stepford wives for when shea gets back in town, but i just might not be able to. I MUST FINISH HIS PRESENT! GOODNESS! so anyway, i had lots of fun tonight. andrew is so cool & funny =D. but at the go-kart racing kate's purse fell out and it got run over and her cell phone got destroyed and she lost her keys and we had to go around and collect all the money that got blown everywhere. i mean, we were all just like, "SHIT!!!!!!". and we don't cuss around each other at all. much. haha. so i felt really bad about that.
but now i gotta take a shower. and eat dinner (i eat so durn late!) and then i'm going to go to bed early.
[music]: superman--five for fighting at the moment, but more of the shins, the flaming lips, and hot hot heat today.
just got back from going to adventure landing with kate and her buddy andrew. slept really late today, made brownies with kate, listened to music for the longest time while talking with kate & andrew, and then scott called and i talked on the phone with him for a couple hours or something. we're planning to go see a movie this week before he & shelly leave for new jersey and spain, respectively. (augh. still can't use that word without cringing.) so yeah we're trying to figure that out. i'm supposed to wait to see stepford wives for when shea gets back in town, but i just might not be able to. I MUST FINISH HIS PRESENT! GOODNESS! so anyway, i had lots of fun tonight. andrew is so cool & funny =D. but at the go-kart racing kate's purse fell out and it got run over and her cell phone got destroyed and she lost her keys and we had to go around and collect all the money that got blown everywhere. i mean, we were all just like, "SHIT!!!!!!". and we don't cuss around each other at all. much. haha. so i felt really bad about that.
but now i gotta take a shower. and eat dinner (i eat so durn late!) and then i'm going to go to bed early.
Posted by char at 11:43 PM
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0 comments
[mood]: finally happy, on edge with dizzy happiness
[music]: penthouse album by luna, the 5'11" record by arrogance, cosmic thing album by the b.52's, and a little bit of country (so sue me)
hmm the last few days were definitely down & out.
and then i just got up today and knew it was gonna be a good day!
i miss my parents in nyc, though =(. i woke up late-ish and talked on IM with chris & walker, which was good cause i haven't really talked to anyone in a while. (aside from family).
and then i...dunno. i read, i took care of the dogs, but i didn't dwell on sad things like i can tend to do no matter how involuntarily it comes about.
so yeah i babysat from 6.30pm to 12.45am whoo hoo. in that process i made $40 (they're my cheapest payer...arrrgh! haha but that's really not bad =p) so now i have $161 total--in checks to cash. not cool, not cool at all. so yeah, also in that process i watched the mtv movie awards which was mostly...bs but it made me laugh. things that make me laugh are good. it was pretty lame, sitting on someone else's couch watching someone else's tv laughing out loud all by myself. well, i guess that's how life goes =). so yes, continuing with my "in the process" story, i called chris and within 5 minutes his phone went beserk (when doesn't it?!) and we were cut off. so then, i found a deer tick on me. which really, really, really freaked me out. i'd noticed it before but thought it was a new mole because of all of my "sun time". THINK AGAIN. i noticed it because it had this huge red swelling around the place where it was attached. i *shudder* at the thought. so, i called jensen, then my parents, then jensen, then my parents, then chris again. HEY that great song wherever you will go--the calling just came on g.105. late night radio rocks. anyway. so yes i talked with chris for the rest of the night. until, of course, his phone went beserk (yes, again) just as we were discussing the probability of my dropping dead from lime disease as i was on the phone with him. so his phone was a BIG FAT UGLY JERK and wouldn't let me reach him again. oh well.
came home at 1.00am, and SCOTT IS BACK!!! yaaaaaaaaaaayness and pie! oh goodness that was the icing on my cake. it was too late to get in touch with him, but stiiilll it makes me happy.
so then i watched some of as good as it gets with kate after having dinner (yes, i know) and then we were stupid idiots (as in the sister kind where you laugh at really stupid stuff) and then she crashed. then i decided i was too tired to wrestle with static and that damn guy that tells me time and time again that "the customer you are trying to reach in the altel network is unavailable...blahdiddyblahblah" to call chris back only to have his phone cut off and have my fall asleep at 4.30 waiting for his battery to cool off. plus, he was up all freakin night & day, he's probably exhausted.
good to know that some things never change =).
*YAAAAAAWN* gotta see a movie sometime this week. 782.5883 lemme know what when where.
[music]: penthouse album by luna, the 5'11" record by arrogance, cosmic thing album by the b.52's, and a little bit of country (so sue me)
hmm the last few days were definitely down & out.
and then i just got up today and knew it was gonna be a good day!
i miss my parents in nyc, though =(. i woke up late-ish and talked on IM with chris & walker, which was good cause i haven't really talked to anyone in a while. (aside from family).
and then i...dunno. i read, i took care of the dogs, but i didn't dwell on sad things like i can tend to do no matter how involuntarily it comes about.
so yeah i babysat from 6.30pm to 12.45am whoo hoo. in that process i made $40 (they're my cheapest payer...arrrgh! haha but that's really not bad =p) so now i have $161 total--in checks to cash. not cool, not cool at all. so yeah, also in that process i watched the mtv movie awards which was mostly...bs but it made me laugh. things that make me laugh are good. it was pretty lame, sitting on someone else's couch watching someone else's tv laughing out loud all by myself. well, i guess that's how life goes =). so yes, continuing with my "in the process" story, i called chris and within 5 minutes his phone went beserk (when doesn't it?!) and we were cut off. so then, i found a deer tick on me. which really, really, really freaked me out. i'd noticed it before but thought it was a new mole because of all of my "sun time". THINK AGAIN. i noticed it because it had this huge red swelling around the place where it was attached. i *shudder* at the thought. so, i called jensen, then my parents, then jensen, then my parents, then chris again. HEY that great song wherever you will go--the calling just came on g.105. late night radio rocks. anyway. so yes i talked with chris for the rest of the night. until, of course, his phone went beserk (yes, again) just as we were discussing the probability of my dropping dead from lime disease as i was on the phone with him. so his phone was a BIG FAT UGLY JERK and wouldn't let me reach him again. oh well.
came home at 1.00am, and SCOTT IS BACK!!! yaaaaaaaaaaayness and pie! oh goodness that was the icing on my cake. it was too late to get in touch with him, but stiiilll it makes me happy.
so then i watched some of as good as it gets with kate after having dinner (yes, i know) and then we were stupid idiots (as in the sister kind where you laugh at really stupid stuff) and then she crashed. then i decided i was too tired to wrestle with static and that damn guy that tells me time and time again that "the customer you are trying to reach in the altel network is unavailable...blahdiddyblahblah" to call chris back only to have his phone cut off and have my fall asleep at 4.30 waiting for his battery to cool off. plus, he was up all freakin night & day, he's probably exhausted.
good to know that some things never change =).
*YAAAAAAWN* gotta see a movie sometime this week. 782.5883 lemme know what when where.
Posted by char at 2:37 AM
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0 comments
6.10.2004
[mood]: pissed right now, but generally really happy
[music]: sweet child of mine--guns n' roses
sooo what's up.
earlier today was awesome but i'm really pissed off right now even though i know i shouldn't be.
see, well, i'll start with the bad stuff to get it out of the way. i went shopping with mom & kate and we found all this great stuff...like all these summer dresses and new tops and everything...and then my mom all the sudden decides she really needs to go home. i know it's because of her back and it is totally unfair of me to be mad about it, but i am anyway. not really at her, just in general. ok, so i'm fed up with kate sucking up to her. for once i wish i were an only child, then i could have my mom all to myself. because really, she's awesome, until she starts paying more attention to one child than the other. >_<
ok, on with everything else.
heh heh went to city market today! it was SO MUCH FUN!!! adam, sally, mrs. brooks & i met up at 11.00 in front of subway...whoo hoo! i have had so many sub lunches with these people it's not even funny. ok so not that many, but it seems like a lot =). yeah we were there from 11.00-1.00...just talkin bout everything. some parts made me really really really sad...like about how we should have gone to international...and everything about chris...but otherwise it was so good to see good ol' brooks again! she told us all these stories from competition and gave me my/her (our?) shirt back...lol. and we talked about high school and middle school and what it means to be a teacher and what it means to be in the AG program and funding and education...and yeah all that good stuff. tell me, am i a dork for having lunch with my old teacher?! naah, don't answer that question.
so then sally called her mom and she said that she'd pick us up in an hour and a half! whoo whoo! adam was goin someplace downtown to volunteer (god i admire that kid) soo he could stay, too. we walked down the cobblestone streets (i swear, city market is the shiznit) and went to artspace first...it's so cool in there! we found all the really cool impressionist paintings and went to the sunset artist's studio and wandered around a bit. (if you didn't know: it's a huge building with all these different studios for artists there and you can go in and watch them work and their work is for sale and there are regular exhibitions, etc.) then we went to the actual city market, which is like this fresh produce open air market...sally got 3 plums!!! hahaha and we wandered around some more...and some more...and some more...and then went into tony's to get some ice cream...mmm mmm! that place is also the shiznit! so we sat in there a while...(*cough* while sally made out with plums *cough cough*) and yeah then we were like i guess adam has to go (at 2.00). so we crossed the street (no jay-walking, mind you!) and walked through moore square park to get over to the exploris side. we had seperation issues with adam...we kept giving him hugs, and waving, and calling out bye, and we kept on talking and talking and talking...we were sorta sad cause it might have been the last time our "summer group" was together before we all went out seperate ways this summer.
so yeah then sally & i walked back and looked in this cool tibetan store and she bought some incense and we looked at jewelry and bags and belts, etc...and then sally's mom came and gave me a ride home!!!
when i got home i slept on the sofa with sophie for like an hour. i can't believe she sat in my lap for that long!!! plus...she's like...huge now. it was funnny.
and then i went shopping, but you already knew that.
on with other updates--my mom decided last night that i'm not going to spain. which i guess i knew was gonna happen, cause that was definitely too good to be true. but at this point, it's sort of the same as going to spain with say, shea, or scott, or walker...because i went out with them, too (ok so not scott but might as well) and we're fine friends now...ugh oh well. so yeah talked on the phone with chris on and off all evening...his cell phone is still stupid.
and uhhm my mom was at a party thing and ran into walker's dad and they talked for a loooong time before they figured it out. and they are gonna plan something...but really...i don't care...
ok screw the generally happy thing. upset because: 1). shopping thing. 2). may have been the last time i see sally & adam together for summer. 3). and even if it's not, that's depressing, because it'll most likely be because i can see them again because i won't be in spain. which is really sad-making. i mean there's still a teeny bit of hope...but no. 4). all the talk about fps and internationals...=(.
*sigh*.
//EDIT
hmm. everyone in my house is on edge these days and it's getting to me, i guess. i got really sad again tonight, about...you know. i'm having a wonderful summer and all, but i just got to thinking about people. i mean, i guess i got to thinking about those people that i love to death and could never ever ever tell them enough. i guess i'm talking about guy friends here...heh just for your information. *sigh* i mean--they are completely irreplacable each in their own way. and i hate the fact that things are shifting around and changing. i just want them to always be the closest things to my heart and always be able to reach out and have them there...i dunno i guess it's a passing thing cause shea is in florida, and then he's not goin to enloe, and scott is in new jersey and of course i'm not going to spain with chris anymore, and in general the deal with him, and walker...well, goodness i don't know what to say about him. haven't seen him in 2 years so there really isn't much to say.
i'll get over it. at least i have them to love, right?
[music]: sweet child of mine--guns n' roses
sooo what's up.
earlier today was awesome but i'm really pissed off right now even though i know i shouldn't be.
see, well, i'll start with the bad stuff to get it out of the way. i went shopping with mom & kate and we found all this great stuff...like all these summer dresses and new tops and everything...and then my mom all the sudden decides she really needs to go home. i know it's because of her back and it is totally unfair of me to be mad about it, but i am anyway. not really at her, just in general. ok, so i'm fed up with kate sucking up to her. for once i wish i were an only child, then i could have my mom all to myself. because really, she's awesome, until she starts paying more attention to one child than the other. >_<
ok, on with everything else.
heh heh went to city market today! it was SO MUCH FUN!!! adam, sally, mrs. brooks & i met up at 11.00 in front of subway...whoo hoo! i have had so many sub lunches with these people it's not even funny. ok so not that many, but it seems like a lot =). yeah we were there from 11.00-1.00...just talkin bout everything. some parts made me really really really sad...like about how we should have gone to international...and everything about chris...but otherwise it was so good to see good ol' brooks again! she told us all these stories from competition and gave me my/her (our?) shirt back...lol. and we talked about high school and middle school and what it means to be a teacher and what it means to be in the AG program and funding and education...and yeah all that good stuff. tell me, am i a dork for having lunch with my old teacher?! naah, don't answer that question.
so then sally called her mom and she said that she'd pick us up in an hour and a half! whoo whoo! adam was goin someplace downtown to volunteer (god i admire that kid) soo he could stay, too. we walked down the cobblestone streets (i swear, city market is the shiznit) and went to artspace first...it's so cool in there! we found all the really cool impressionist paintings and went to the sunset artist's studio and wandered around a bit. (if you didn't know: it's a huge building with all these different studios for artists there and you can go in and watch them work and their work is for sale and there are regular exhibitions, etc.) then we went to the actual city market, which is like this fresh produce open air market...sally got 3 plums!!! hahaha and we wandered around some more...and some more...and some more...and then went into tony's to get some ice cream...mmm mmm! that place is also the shiznit! so we sat in there a while...(*cough* while sally made out with plums *cough cough*) and yeah then we were like i guess adam has to go (at 2.00). so we crossed the street (no jay-walking, mind you!) and walked through moore square park to get over to the exploris side. we had seperation issues with adam...we kept giving him hugs, and waving, and calling out bye, and we kept on talking and talking and talking...we were sorta sad cause it might have been the last time our "summer group" was together before we all went out seperate ways this summer.
so yeah then sally & i walked back and looked in this cool tibetan store and she bought some incense and we looked at jewelry and bags and belts, etc...and then sally's mom came and gave me a ride home!!!
when i got home i slept on the sofa with sophie for like an hour. i can't believe she sat in my lap for that long!!! plus...she's like...huge now. it was funnny.
and then i went shopping, but you already knew that.
on with other updates--my mom decided last night that i'm not going to spain. which i guess i knew was gonna happen, cause that was definitely too good to be true. but at this point, it's sort of the same as going to spain with say, shea, or scott, or walker...because i went out with them, too (ok so not scott but might as well) and we're fine friends now...ugh oh well. so yeah talked on the phone with chris on and off all evening...his cell phone is still stupid.
and uhhm my mom was at a party thing and ran into walker's dad and they talked for a loooong time before they figured it out. and they are gonna plan something...but really...i don't care...
ok screw the generally happy thing. upset because: 1). shopping thing. 2). may have been the last time i see sally & adam together for summer. 3). and even if it's not, that's depressing, because it'll most likely be because i can see them again because i won't be in spain. which is really sad-making. i mean there's still a teeny bit of hope...but no. 4). all the talk about fps and internationals...=(.
*sigh*.
//EDIT
hmm. everyone in my house is on edge these days and it's getting to me, i guess. i got really sad again tonight, about...you know. i'm having a wonderful summer and all, but i just got to thinking about people. i mean, i guess i got to thinking about those people that i love to death and could never ever ever tell them enough. i guess i'm talking about guy friends here...heh just for your information. *sigh* i mean--they are completely irreplacable each in their own way. and i hate the fact that things are shifting around and changing. i just want them to always be the closest things to my heart and always be able to reach out and have them there...i dunno i guess it's a passing thing cause shea is in florida, and then he's not goin to enloe, and scott is in new jersey and of course i'm not going to spain with chris anymore, and in general the deal with him, and walker...well, goodness i don't know what to say about him. haven't seen him in 2 years so there really isn't much to say.
i'll get over it. at least i have them to love, right?
Posted by char at 6:14 PM
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0 comments
6.09.2004
[mood]: extraordinary...good
[music]: the best of what's around--dave matthews band
wow, today was absolutely heavenly.
so, let's see...i woke up at 7.00 (thought it was 7.00 at night and got weirded out)...went back to sleep...woke up at 8.00...went back to sleep...woke up at 9.45!!! AUGH! haha my alarm forgot to go off (hrrm) oh well i was only 30 minutes late =). kate & i hauled our asses out of bed and she drove me to adam's house...and after preparing some water (yeah, that was definitely a hard task...maybe a bit too hard???) we (sally, adam & i) set off on our [biking] journey! i'm still tryin to figure out how many miles we went today but it was something around 15 maybe? probably more. no, definitely more hahaha. so yeah we got out of his neighborhood and went down this huge hill on edwards mill road...yeah sally & adam collectively saved my life like 3 times or something...heh heh i'm a reckless biker! we got to crabtree mall and doubled back around and got on the greenway! yay! haha we went along the creek for a while on the way to shelly lake...it was a long but really fun ride. it's sooo beautiful and even though it was around 95 degrees we didn't get tired [yet] we were just really hot, and we were talkin and yellin and laughin and it was sooo much fun...great way to get exercise...heh heh. so after a long while we got to the lake...and we rode up and after a minute we were like...screw this...and got off our bikes and went into this beautiful big green field and played frisbee!!! yay it was a lot of fun and a nice break. sally did some body curls and adam attempted but it didn't really work out. then we thought about how to meet mrs. brooks and we tried calling chris, but that didn't really work, and then adam called john (willis) and told him when to meet us for lunch. so then we rode the rest of the way around shelly lake (a lot easier than i remembered it)...haha that's when we got RUGGED lol...=p we're so silly. then we started back the way we had come...it was gettin really hot and sally & my butts HURT!!! it's still sore. big bruise =). so yeah we made it all the way back to edwards mill without much trouble (haha saw a hybrid car...adam went crazy...we yelled at it--in a good way) and then we had to walk for like 5-10 minutes up the road because it was such a devil hill. but after that we rode along for 20 or so minutes and it was SOOO HOT...and we went pretty slow cause it was all incline...but WE MADE IT! YAY! we met at quizno's with john willis & brian and ate lunch (haha didn't finish) YEAH SALLY YOU NEVER TOLD US YOUR EMBARASSING STORY! YOU STILL GOT AWAY WITH IT! lol yeah and then it thundered. and we were like "crap". so we decided to wait it out...har har...and john & brian took our bikes...and we were like wtf...and then we went around the corner (and another corner) and there they were. *slaps self* so anyway. we went into harris teeter to get some water balloons...but uhh didn't work. then joanna (adam's sister) called sally's cell and we were like "crap" again and we ran out of the store (they throught we'd stolen something) and tried to find them. they had gone again but then we found them and we were like...screw this...and we were like shit we HAVE to go home...cause the storm was gettin really scary and building up. so with the protection of their (john & brian's) whoopie cushions and our bike tires, we ran for it. hahha it was soo much fun but also pretty darn scary. we were sittin at the intersection of blue ridge & edwards mill, and lemme tell ya, that is one BIG intersection. john & brian were being stupid and standing under trees and hanging onto metal poles...but it was pretty funny. then we made it back into their neighborhood and john & brian slipped down that hill...which i will tell you about later...haha great times great times. and uhhm yeah we hightailed back home...finally got there...never rained though...*scratches head*. cept for like 5 minutes while we were goin through his neighborhood. so anyway we got home and collapsed under the table with celeste (adam's dog) haha. then john & brian got there and we went outside and sat on the porch. we felt our IQ dropping as the guys asked questions like if you could eat the filling of a whoopie cushion. uhhm, no. hahaha. then i changed into one of adam's shirt so we could have a water fight (i was in a white t-shirt--no way was that happening). then kyle (ugh) came over and we went on a walk instead. i accidently walked celeste into a patch of new cement...HAHAHAHA i'm sorry but it was so funny cause then they wrote really weird stuff...[kyle] wrote like "butt head" and "scuba steve was here"...i know it was evil but it was so damn hilarious! and then the put him in a traffic cone...and he was walkin around crouched down so it looked like just the cone was moving...mind you now he is 16...but sally & i felt like we were babysitting haha. and then they put brian in the cone and were about to roll him down the hill but a car came. so then we made it back. and sally ran ahead so kyle, john, brian & i ran into the hideout in the woods and i thought adam was coming but he wasn't...and so i was stuck with them haha. we ran through and came out in this big field and cut through but adam & sally ran so i was like...crap. and then we talked about stealing the for sale signs from houses and putting them in front of really crappy homes. it was funny. they almost did but...i dunno they didn't for some reason. then i was walkin along and sally said to cut through the back way...so i just like turned and ran through some random person's yard. heh heh. they were up on the deck and they were trying to dunk me with buckets of water...but they missed me twice heh heh. and then we had a WATER FIGHT!!! buwahahaha we got soaked...and we got brian once and almost kyle but kyle had his bigass knife...so we decided that wasn't a good idea lol. and after thouroughly soaked, we decided to play capture the flag. but then john had to go home so we were like screw this...sat around some more...listened to the funniest ring tones ever...and then kyle & brian left. then we went inside and lay around some more...and then we decided we wanted a movie. so we changed and put our shoes back on and began to ride our bikes again...NO WAY our butts kileld us. and plus adam told us his mom was coming back sooner than we thought. so we went home and looked at his bar mitzvah album (aww we were all so cute!) and made this BIGASS ice cream sundae. holy CRAP...it was so pretty *cough* and we all were about to dig in...when adam's dad called...and was like what's up...and adam was like uhmm we're having a small snack...(*sally & char snort crack up in background*) and then adam was like "uhhm oops" cause they'd wanted ice cream when his mome got back from arizona (i think they ended up going out instead) and then adam slipped and fell and i was on the floor dying laughing and he got cut off and we thought he'd hung up...ahh it was so funny. so then we all sat on the couch with this bowl of banana split and we all dug in and we surprisingly didn't make a mess...ahh it was so classic. THEN we decided we were gonna call MRS. BROOKS!!! adam was such a wimp...he wouldn't...and plus we were making him laugh so we had to sit in the laundry room (and die laughing some more) while he went out on the front porch to call. and then we all got onto seperate phones and talked to her !!! awww it was so great to talk to her again! we talked for like 15 minutes...and finally decided to meet tomorrow (did i mention that? we were calling to figure out when to meet) at subway at 11.00 in city market...whee!!! so excited to see her again. but yeah i gotta call chris and see if he can go. so yeah then his family got home and we called our rides and went and sat on the front porch till they picked us up. yay.
and then scott gets home today...yessss...and uhhm nothing else. just in a really good mood. everyone rocks!!!
i write way too freakin much =).
[music]: the best of what's around--dave matthews band
wow, today was absolutely heavenly.
so, let's see...i woke up at 7.00 (thought it was 7.00 at night and got weirded out)...went back to sleep...woke up at 8.00...went back to sleep...woke up at 9.45!!! AUGH! haha my alarm forgot to go off (hrrm) oh well i was only 30 minutes late =). kate & i hauled our asses out of bed and she drove me to adam's house...and after preparing some water (yeah, that was definitely a hard task...maybe a bit too hard???) we (sally, adam & i) set off on our [biking] journey! i'm still tryin to figure out how many miles we went today but it was something around 15 maybe? probably more. no, definitely more hahaha. so yeah we got out of his neighborhood and went down this huge hill on edwards mill road...yeah sally & adam collectively saved my life like 3 times or something...heh heh i'm a reckless biker! we got to crabtree mall and doubled back around and got on the greenway! yay! haha we went along the creek for a while on the way to shelly lake...it was a long but really fun ride. it's sooo beautiful and even though it was around 95 degrees we didn't get tired [yet] we were just really hot, and we were talkin and yellin and laughin and it was sooo much fun...great way to get exercise...heh heh. so after a long while we got to the lake...and we rode up and after a minute we were like...screw this...and got off our bikes and went into this beautiful big green field and played frisbee!!! yay it was a lot of fun and a nice break. sally did some body curls and adam attempted but it didn't really work out. then we thought about how to meet mrs. brooks and we tried calling chris, but that didn't really work, and then adam called john (willis) and told him when to meet us for lunch. so then we rode the rest of the way around shelly lake (a lot easier than i remembered it)...haha that's when we got RUGGED lol...=p we're so silly. then we started back the way we had come...it was gettin really hot and sally & my butts HURT!!! it's still sore. big bruise =). so yeah we made it all the way back to edwards mill without much trouble (haha saw a hybrid car...adam went crazy...we yelled at it--in a good way) and then we had to walk for like 5-10 minutes up the road because it was such a devil hill. but after that we rode along for 20 or so minutes and it was SOOO HOT...and we went pretty slow cause it was all incline...but WE MADE IT! YAY! we met at quizno's with john willis & brian and ate lunch (haha didn't finish) YEAH SALLY YOU NEVER TOLD US YOUR EMBARASSING STORY! YOU STILL GOT AWAY WITH IT! lol yeah and then it thundered. and we were like "crap". so we decided to wait it out...har har...and john & brian took our bikes...and we were like wtf...and then we went around the corner (and another corner) and there they were. *slaps self* so anyway. we went into harris teeter to get some water balloons...but uhh didn't work. then joanna (adam's sister) called sally's cell and we were like "crap" again and we ran out of the store (they throught we'd stolen something) and tried to find them. they had gone again but then we found them and we were like...screw this...and we were like shit we HAVE to go home...cause the storm was gettin really scary and building up. so with the protection of their (john & brian's) whoopie cushions and our bike tires, we ran for it. hahha it was soo much fun but also pretty darn scary. we were sittin at the intersection of blue ridge & edwards mill, and lemme tell ya, that is one BIG intersection. john & brian were being stupid and standing under trees and hanging onto metal poles...but it was pretty funny. then we made it back into their neighborhood and john & brian slipped down that hill...which i will tell you about later...haha great times great times. and uhhm yeah we hightailed back home...finally got there...never rained though...*scratches head*. cept for like 5 minutes while we were goin through his neighborhood. so anyway we got home and collapsed under the table with celeste (adam's dog) haha. then john & brian got there and we went outside and sat on the porch. we felt our IQ dropping as the guys asked questions like if you could eat the filling of a whoopie cushion. uhhm, no. hahaha. then i changed into one of adam's shirt so we could have a water fight (i was in a white t-shirt--no way was that happening). then kyle (ugh) came over and we went on a walk instead. i accidently walked celeste into a patch of new cement...HAHAHAHA i'm sorry but it was so funny cause then they wrote really weird stuff...[kyle] wrote like "butt head" and "scuba steve was here"...i know it was evil but it was so damn hilarious! and then the put him in a traffic cone...and he was walkin around crouched down so it looked like just the cone was moving...mind you now he is 16...but sally & i felt like we were babysitting haha. and then they put brian in the cone and were about to roll him down the hill but a car came. so then we made it back. and sally ran ahead so kyle, john, brian & i ran into the hideout in the woods and i thought adam was coming but he wasn't...and so i was stuck with them haha. we ran through and came out in this big field and cut through but adam & sally ran so i was like...crap. and then we talked about stealing the for sale signs from houses and putting them in front of really crappy homes. it was funny. they almost did but...i dunno they didn't for some reason. then i was walkin along and sally said to cut through the back way...so i just like turned and ran through some random person's yard. heh heh. they were up on the deck and they were trying to dunk me with buckets of water...but they missed me twice heh heh. and then we had a WATER FIGHT!!! buwahahaha we got soaked...and we got brian once and almost kyle but kyle had his bigass knife...so we decided that wasn't a good idea lol. and after thouroughly soaked, we decided to play capture the flag. but then john had to go home so we were like screw this...sat around some more...listened to the funniest ring tones ever...and then kyle & brian left. then we went inside and lay around some more...and then we decided we wanted a movie. so we changed and put our shoes back on and began to ride our bikes again...NO WAY our butts kileld us. and plus adam told us his mom was coming back sooner than we thought. so we went home and looked at his bar mitzvah album (aww we were all so cute!) and made this BIGASS ice cream sundae. holy CRAP...it was so pretty *cough* and we all were about to dig in...when adam's dad called...and was like what's up...and adam was like uhmm we're having a small snack...(*sally & char snort crack up in background*) and then adam was like "uhhm oops" cause they'd wanted ice cream when his mome got back from arizona (i think they ended up going out instead) and then adam slipped and fell and i was on the floor dying laughing and he got cut off and we thought he'd hung up...ahh it was so funny. so then we all sat on the couch with this bowl of banana split and we all dug in and we surprisingly didn't make a mess...ahh it was so classic. THEN we decided we were gonna call MRS. BROOKS!!! adam was such a wimp...he wouldn't...and plus we were making him laugh so we had to sit in the laundry room (and die laughing some more) while he went out on the front porch to call. and then we all got onto seperate phones and talked to her !!! awww it was so great to talk to her again! we talked for like 15 minutes...and finally decided to meet tomorrow (did i mention that? we were calling to figure out when to meet) at subway at 11.00 in city market...whee!!! so excited to see her again. but yeah i gotta call chris and see if he can go. so yeah then his family got home and we called our rides and went and sat on the front porch till they picked us up. yay.
and then scott gets home today...yessss...and uhhm nothing else. just in a really good mood. everyone rocks!!!
i write way too freakin much =).
Posted by char at 6:03 PM
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0 comments
6.06.2004
[mood]: ever hopeful, a little bit introspective, and a touch of good old fashioned grumpy tiredness.
[music]: haven't been listening to anything but that old '90's song how bizarre is stuck in my head (lol sally)
well, i guess i'm just not the haitus-type. plus no one knows what it means (har har) so i give up. i'm not writing as much anymore, anyway.
let's see.
wednesday i babysat...whoopdeedo!
but on thursday i immediately blew all of that money at adventure landing with scott & will. WILL SARRATT IS MY HERO!!! goodness i can definitely put up with his boy-ish-ness for all the cheering up he does. let's see...we played arcade games (i found the one that's at the bowling alley! that shelly & i played for like 2 hours at zach's party! whoo! and of course, kicked ass =D) and then putt-putt...that was definitely the most fun. will had a gabazillion tantrums...let's just say he reached the 5-stroke limit more than just a couple times. but yeah other than that...we had a grand time filming him: throwing golf clubs, spanking me (that was not supposed to happen), riding the plastic elephant and then knocking it over, quacking at the ducks and nearly falling in the pond, being homie-g-will, and lots more. he informed me that next year if i'm lonely, i'll always have a sexy 8th grader who will always love me. gee, thanks. and then we went back and got slushies...if you ever get the chance get slushies from there, they are sooooo good! so then came time for go-cart racing...the first time was awesome possum...but the second time my car was running out of gas! no fun! and then will gave me a ride home. his parents cracked me up--they are so cute! they spent about 20 minutes talking about which one of them was going to go to the grocery store. sorry, had to add that in. so yeah i came home...and uhh, talked on the phone with lots of different people. yup. i think i was feeling a bit better.
friday was the shiznit! well, not all the way. because my mom got surgery...her back at been bothering her for so long and then all the sudden they found a ruptured disc and it was the worst one the doctors had ever seen so she got emergency surgery that day...yikes. but...at least it doesn't hurt anymore. so yeah, it turned out that i went to see harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban with sally, scott, & adam. FUN STUFF it was definitely better than the first 2, i actually liked it pretty well. talked to chris's mom about spain (before i left the house) and supposedly she worked stuff out with chris to the point that he's fine with me going...but then i talked to him on IM at sally's last night...or night before...and he didn't remember that convo. whatever i just...can't blame anyone for any of this so i'm sick of it. soo yeah. then i went to sally's...and wendy's...she stuck her head out the window and yelled "mine!" like finding nemo at people walking by...i swear i don't know her. then we went home and watched steel magnolias (watch it! go watch it now!!) sooo good...and also halloween but it was very NOT-scary. then we went upstairs and talked...talked...talkity talk talked...and went to bed.
so saturday we woke up and after being sufficiently lazy bums we walked to stonehenge market and back. got HUGE ice cream cones from d'lites...good lord...those things melt FAST in the sun! yeah and we were afraid of druggies (not really) and talked about everything...gosh i think of her as like a me-extension...heh heh. and then we watched duplex which i personally hated because all this bad stuff kept happening. stuff like that really distresses me...haha. and then i called my parents and was like i'm staying over again...and borrowed a bathing suit...and we went to the pool! YAY! it was awesome. and i stole skittles from jack (her brother) because i am the coolest friend his sister has =). heh heh got home...took showers...talked a bit on IM...called scott before he left for new jersey...ate dinner (yummmm) and then tried playing a game with jack but he got really younger-sibling-ish. so then we just talked til 2.00am and went to bed.
today was ok, i guess, but i slipped somewhere and fell back into my hole. darn. woke up late (11.30!) and did pretty much nothing. watched the end of the first harry potter with jack and waited around for my parents. they forgot to pick me up for lunch. they were too busy being people-who-think-they're-retired-but-they're-not. >grrr< *sigh* so yeah then got back home, went to 5.00 church, then babysat from 6.00-9.00, came home and watched the tony's, and now i'm writing this.
this week: babysitting again, the pool, riding bikes with adam, mrs. brooks gets back from kentucky so we'll probably go visit her, etc.
on to actual feelings. i miss shea & scott like crazy. i never realized how much i called them until...they were gone. florida & new jersey, respectively (i'll never be able to say that word without being sad...>grrr<). i can't stay up late reading/waiting tonight because my stupid parents signed me up for a stupid golf lesson at the stupid club at stupid 8.30 tomorrow morning. stupidness. so yeah, wish i could stay up and read, but i can't.
oh yes, further thoughts: i'm not really so sad about myself. i'm not crushed, i don't think poorly of myself, i don't regret anything, i don't blame anyone or anything, i'm not mad at anyone or anything, there's no if's or could have's or should have's...sure there are lots of would have's but that's another story. it's just that...it's gone. that time is gone. and i knew it was going but i couldn't do anything to stop it. i hate time. i hate the stupid puny human excuse for existance known as time. i'll never ever ever get it back...except maybe in heaven, if that's what it's like: access to the happiest moments of your life (i really hope that's the case...i think that's were everything is preserved...but only one person knows all bout that. one...who...uggh stupid me). but i know it won't be real in heaven. it'll be like in wonderful wonderful dreams...where it's perfect...and so real seeming...and you wake up smiling...and then it sinks in. (sort of like i've been having lately). at least...oh i don't know. i just want to live like that again. yes i know i'll be happy again, yes i know i'll probably be ten times as happy. but i'll never have those exact moments back, and that hurts. that will always hurt. it just took something like this to make me realize that. i wish my life were like iControl: stop, pause, rewind, & fast forward.
well i now have 7 hours and 28 minutes of sleep. goodnight.
[music]: haven't been listening to anything but that old '90's song how bizarre is stuck in my head (lol sally)
well, i guess i'm just not the haitus-type. plus no one knows what it means (har har) so i give up. i'm not writing as much anymore, anyway.
let's see.
wednesday i babysat...whoopdeedo!
but on thursday i immediately blew all of that money at adventure landing with scott & will. WILL SARRATT IS MY HERO!!! goodness i can definitely put up with his boy-ish-ness for all the cheering up he does. let's see...we played arcade games (i found the one that's at the bowling alley! that shelly & i played for like 2 hours at zach's party! whoo! and of course, kicked ass =D) and then putt-putt...that was definitely the most fun. will had a gabazillion tantrums...let's just say he reached the 5-stroke limit more than just a couple times. but yeah other than that...we had a grand time filming him: throwing golf clubs, spanking me (that was not supposed to happen), riding the plastic elephant and then knocking it over, quacking at the ducks and nearly falling in the pond, being homie-g-will, and lots more. he informed me that next year if i'm lonely, i'll always have a sexy 8th grader who will always love me. gee, thanks. and then we went back and got slushies...if you ever get the chance get slushies from there, they are sooooo good! so then came time for go-cart racing...the first time was awesome possum...but the second time my car was running out of gas! no fun! and then will gave me a ride home. his parents cracked me up--they are so cute! they spent about 20 minutes talking about which one of them was going to go to the grocery store. sorry, had to add that in. so yeah i came home...and uhh, talked on the phone with lots of different people. yup. i think i was feeling a bit better.
friday was the shiznit! well, not all the way. because my mom got surgery...her back at been bothering her for so long and then all the sudden they found a ruptured disc and it was the worst one the doctors had ever seen so she got emergency surgery that day...yikes. but...at least it doesn't hurt anymore. so yeah, it turned out that i went to see harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban with sally, scott, & adam. FUN STUFF it was definitely better than the first 2, i actually liked it pretty well. talked to chris's mom about spain (before i left the house) and supposedly she worked stuff out with chris to the point that he's fine with me going...but then i talked to him on IM at sally's last night...or night before...and he didn't remember that convo. whatever i just...can't blame anyone for any of this so i'm sick of it. soo yeah. then i went to sally's...and wendy's...she stuck her head out the window and yelled "mine!" like finding nemo at people walking by...i swear i don't know her. then we went home and watched steel magnolias (watch it! go watch it now!!) sooo good...and also halloween but it was very NOT-scary. then we went upstairs and talked...talked...talkity talk talked...and went to bed.
so saturday we woke up and after being sufficiently lazy bums we walked to stonehenge market and back. got HUGE ice cream cones from d'lites...good lord...those things melt FAST in the sun! yeah and we were afraid of druggies (not really) and talked about everything...gosh i think of her as like a me-extension...heh heh. and then we watched duplex which i personally hated because all this bad stuff kept happening. stuff like that really distresses me...haha. and then i called my parents and was like i'm staying over again...and borrowed a bathing suit...and we went to the pool! YAY! it was awesome. and i stole skittles from jack (her brother) because i am the coolest friend his sister has =). heh heh got home...took showers...talked a bit on IM...called scott before he left for new jersey...ate dinner (yummmm) and then tried playing a game with jack but he got really younger-sibling-ish. so then we just talked til 2.00am and went to bed.
today was ok, i guess, but i slipped somewhere and fell back into my hole. darn. woke up late (11.30!) and did pretty much nothing. watched the end of the first harry potter with jack and waited around for my parents. they forgot to pick me up for lunch. they were too busy being people-who-think-they're-retired-but-they're-not. >grrr< *sigh* so yeah then got back home, went to 5.00 church, then babysat from 6.00-9.00, came home and watched the tony's, and now i'm writing this.
this week: babysitting again, the pool, riding bikes with adam, mrs. brooks gets back from kentucky so we'll probably go visit her, etc.
on to actual feelings. i miss shea & scott like crazy. i never realized how much i called them until...they were gone. florida & new jersey, respectively (i'll never be able to say that word without being sad...>grrr<). i can't stay up late reading/waiting tonight because my stupid parents signed me up for a stupid golf lesson at the stupid club at stupid 8.30 tomorrow morning. stupidness. so yeah, wish i could stay up and read, but i can't.
oh yes, further thoughts: i'm not really so sad about myself. i'm not crushed, i don't think poorly of myself, i don't regret anything, i don't blame anyone or anything, i'm not mad at anyone or anything, there's no if's or could have's or should have's...sure there are lots of would have's but that's another story. it's just that...it's gone. that time is gone. and i knew it was going but i couldn't do anything to stop it. i hate time. i hate the stupid puny human excuse for existance known as time. i'll never ever ever get it back...except maybe in heaven, if that's what it's like: access to the happiest moments of your life (i really hope that's the case...i think that's were everything is preserved...but only one person knows all bout that. one...who...uggh stupid me). but i know it won't be real in heaven. it'll be like in wonderful wonderful dreams...where it's perfect...and so real seeming...and you wake up smiling...and then it sinks in. (sort of like i've been having lately). at least...oh i don't know. i just want to live like that again. yes i know i'll be happy again, yes i know i'll probably be ten times as happy. but i'll never have those exact moments back, and that hurts. that will always hurt. it just took something like this to make me realize that. i wish my life were like iControl: stop, pause, rewind, & fast forward.
well i now have 7 hours and 28 minutes of sleep. goodnight.
Posted by char at 11:19 PM
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0 comments
6.02.2004
well.
my summer has been off to most definitely the most completely shitty beginning ever. doesn't look like it's getting any better any time soon.
i don't really remember what i've been doing. staying up all night...read over every single diary i've written in...written like 30 pages in my current one...read 3 books in 3 days...i've worked some on shea's present, practiced a little piano, tried to do something productive. written lots of poetry and prose, which no one else's eyes will ever lay on. talked some on the phone. pretended to get better. never really convinced myself it's ok. cried. a lot. made a list of everything i miss (it's upwards of 50 things). wished i still had someone to call at midnight because i can never go to sleep. the days just bleed into each other, there's nothing that seperates or distinguishes them. i've been out to dinner a few times, once with my parents, once with shea and his family on his actual birthday. we went to lilly's which was a big mistake. i've talked to my mom, cried some more, but it doesn't really help. my room is a mess. i think i may have showered several times, i think i may have changed out of pajamas and back in several times, i think i've washed my face and i think i've taken care of the dogs. i think i may have smiled once or twice. i might have even talked a little bit to jensen. but i think all we did was fight. listened to lots of music. gone insane in my head thousands of times. thought, a lot. had a weird encounter with someone who thinks they know me, but they don't, and they tried to make me feel worse but instead they made me feel better. too bad it was late at night and so by the time i woke up again it came flooding back. this monster has consumed me, whatever it was. last time i wrote it was just poised on the edge, waiting to strike...and then it was given permission. and i'm its victim, its helpless prey for whenever my memory chooses to attack again. time has no meaning. i've been robbed. i've been stripped of my rights. i've been stripped of laughter and hope and faith and belief and confidence and wishes and theories. i'm down to my bare, ugly, monsterous bones. thhere's no one and nothing to blame...i can't pin a moment in time when i could have done something...i can't be mad at anyone or anything. i'm so confused. i continuously am convinced that i'm going to fall asleep and never wake up. either that or i'm dying a slow and torturous death.
today is international competition. we could be going. it would be something else, but i'll keep that to myself because it sounds so incredibly lame that it was so short of a time.
those 2 months streched on forever and ever, they were just a continuous flowing of perfect moments and connections and smiles and touches and things that swirled around me in a dream world. now time streches on forever and ever, just a continuous flowing of nightmares and realizations and tears and severed ties and brokenness that suffocates me in a hellish nightmare.
i think i have a broken heart.
...no, i have a broken heart.
i'm broken hearted.
...no, it's beyond broken.
it's dysfunctional, i think i need a new one.
i feel stupid for saying all of this, but what can i do? this is the least emotion i can bare to put down in writing. this is holding back so much.
i'm going on a very, very, very long haitus. there won't be much to write about. tomorrow i might go to adventure landing with sally scott will adam julian zach? i dunno. i want to see him, but i don't have that right. i don't have the right to call and invite him. because i just don't. i blame myself for this stupid thinking, but i don't want to make the same mistakes again. technically, even before, i didn't have the right to ask him to come along so why should i now...? ok shutting up now. i'm babysitting tonight. and possibly friday and next saturday. because i have no life. these parents don't want me at their houses! i'll turn their kids into depressed monsters. like me. my parents are letting me quit soccer. i can't believe it. i'm going to be a wonderful pianist this summer. i'm getting the bruce springsteen song book, and then i'll kickass. but it makes me cry every time i play, for some imagined dream i had a long time ago. then again, everything makes me cry. i'm so restless, i don't know what to do with myself. i might see walker when he gets back from backpacking. actually i probably will. but i don't care. no, i really don't care. because i knew spain was too good to be true, like every time i wanted to see walker. i'd give so much...anything...just...to...
you finish it.
i wish i hadn't made pointless silly wishes on things that had already come true. back when i wished on everything. it was easier to laugh back then. which is weird, because usually it makes things more awkward when it's like that. but now, it's worse. so awful. someone just come up to me and strangle me in the dark of night, i won't even feel it i'll be so numb from the tears.
really, trust me, it's not just because of what happened. you saw me, i was about to explode with all of this inside of me. i was too happy for too long. this is what happens to bipolar people. they can't stand it. so maybe even subconciously i ruined it so i would have permission for the monster to come inside and consume me again. i knew i would fall, i was so terrified, i knew i would i knew it was inevitable. why. why. why. before i was stuck against the wall, running no where fast. now i'm out in nothing. just floating in the middle of nothing. no paths to follow, nothing to do...i'm so lost and confused and sad.
if you read that far, either you really hate me and loved reading how much i'm hurting right now. or you have no life. or maybe, just maybe, you really love me.
my summer has been off to most definitely the most completely shitty beginning ever. doesn't look like it's getting any better any time soon.
i don't really remember what i've been doing. staying up all night...read over every single diary i've written in...written like 30 pages in my current one...read 3 books in 3 days...i've worked some on shea's present, practiced a little piano, tried to do something productive. written lots of poetry and prose, which no one else's eyes will ever lay on. talked some on the phone. pretended to get better. never really convinced myself it's ok. cried. a lot. made a list of everything i miss (it's upwards of 50 things). wished i still had someone to call at midnight because i can never go to sleep. the days just bleed into each other, there's nothing that seperates or distinguishes them. i've been out to dinner a few times, once with my parents, once with shea and his family on his actual birthday. we went to lilly's which was a big mistake. i've talked to my mom, cried some more, but it doesn't really help. my room is a mess. i think i may have showered several times, i think i may have changed out of pajamas and back in several times, i think i've washed my face and i think i've taken care of the dogs. i think i may have smiled once or twice. i might have even talked a little bit to jensen. but i think all we did was fight. listened to lots of music. gone insane in my head thousands of times. thought, a lot. had a weird encounter with someone who thinks they know me, but they don't, and they tried to make me feel worse but instead they made me feel better. too bad it was late at night and so by the time i woke up again it came flooding back. this monster has consumed me, whatever it was. last time i wrote it was just poised on the edge, waiting to strike...and then it was given permission. and i'm its victim, its helpless prey for whenever my memory chooses to attack again. time has no meaning. i've been robbed. i've been stripped of my rights. i've been stripped of laughter and hope and faith and belief and confidence and wishes and theories. i'm down to my bare, ugly, monsterous bones. thhere's no one and nothing to blame...i can't pin a moment in time when i could have done something...i can't be mad at anyone or anything. i'm so confused. i continuously am convinced that i'm going to fall asleep and never wake up. either that or i'm dying a slow and torturous death.
today is international competition. we could be going. it would be something else, but i'll keep that to myself because it sounds so incredibly lame that it was so short of a time.
those 2 months streched on forever and ever, they were just a continuous flowing of perfect moments and connections and smiles and touches and things that swirled around me in a dream world. now time streches on forever and ever, just a continuous flowing of nightmares and realizations and tears and severed ties and brokenness that suffocates me in a hellish nightmare.
i think i have a broken heart.
...no, i have a broken heart.
i'm broken hearted.
...no, it's beyond broken.
it's dysfunctional, i think i need a new one.
i feel stupid for saying all of this, but what can i do? this is the least emotion i can bare to put down in writing. this is holding back so much.
i'm going on a very, very, very long haitus. there won't be much to write about. tomorrow i might go to adventure landing with sally scott will adam julian zach? i dunno. i want to see him, but i don't have that right. i don't have the right to call and invite him. because i just don't. i blame myself for this stupid thinking, but i don't want to make the same mistakes again. technically, even before, i didn't have the right to ask him to come along so why should i now...? ok shutting up now. i'm babysitting tonight. and possibly friday and next saturday. because i have no life. these parents don't want me at their houses! i'll turn their kids into depressed monsters. like me. my parents are letting me quit soccer. i can't believe it. i'm going to be a wonderful pianist this summer. i'm getting the bruce springsteen song book, and then i'll kickass. but it makes me cry every time i play, for some imagined dream i had a long time ago. then again, everything makes me cry. i'm so restless, i don't know what to do with myself. i might see walker when he gets back from backpacking. actually i probably will. but i don't care. no, i really don't care. because i knew spain was too good to be true, like every time i wanted to see walker. i'd give so much...anything...just...to...
you finish it.
i wish i hadn't made pointless silly wishes on things that had already come true. back when i wished on everything. it was easier to laugh back then. which is weird, because usually it makes things more awkward when it's like that. but now, it's worse. so awful. someone just come up to me and strangle me in the dark of night, i won't even feel it i'll be so numb from the tears.
really, trust me, it's not just because of what happened. you saw me, i was about to explode with all of this inside of me. i was too happy for too long. this is what happens to bipolar people. they can't stand it. so maybe even subconciously i ruined it so i would have permission for the monster to come inside and consume me again. i knew i would fall, i was so terrified, i knew i would i knew it was inevitable. why. why. why. before i was stuck against the wall, running no where fast. now i'm out in nothing. just floating in the middle of nothing. no paths to follow, nothing to do...i'm so lost and confused and sad.
if you read that far, either you really hate me and loved reading how much i'm hurting right now. or you have no life. or maybe, just maybe, you really love me.
Posted by char at 2:22 PM
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