[mood]: AMAZING, so alive
[music]: NIGHTSWIMMING & 100 YEARS, both on theriver100.7 in a row. schaweet. and the old apartment, cause that just came on launch. and when i look to the sky?!! no i hate the new version nevermind. AND ROMEO & JULIET by dire straits which is jensen and my new FAVORITE SONG EVER. ahh it's so good and it just came on launch.
[countdown]: two weeks!! (a new one, you ask?? it's for the beach.)

i'm so happy, so happy, so happy.
well, i'm on the TFC white team.
with coach wolfe as my coach.
he was funny, he thought i wouldn't want to do it. and it all happened so fast.
and the weather's been absolutely gorgeous, i cannot describe. the feeling of the sun and the breeze and the ice cold water, ahhh i love the pool. just reading and thinking. i could lie there in the sun thinking forever.
went straight to lunch after being at the pool for a couple hours for sidney's birthday party. she hates cake, so jensen and i went last night and got eight pints of hand packed ben & jerry's ice cream, holy crap we were like "jeez it feels like we've been dumped eight times..." hahaha that was such a fun night, we went out to dinner at porter's before that. but yeah anyway on with lunch, it was muchos fun, definitely. i love the feeling of summer, knowing you can take all the time in the world to do anything you want and it just doesn't matter.
got home and relaxed for a bit before will and his awesome babysitter picked me up for sheehan's party. or wait should i say FATTY picked me up??? well will's mr. gluttony. so it all evens out. haha we got there early and so we did such intelligent things as hit birdies onto the roof. but hersch was heroic and stepped on top of mr. moore and climbed on the roof to get them so it was all good.
what all did we do? well this is like the fourth year or something it's been at north cary park, so we went down to those rocks and talked. and got to know each other, considering the majority of the people go to cary and i'd only heard about instead of meeting. so yeah. then we ate every strawberry in sight. then we played BOCHIIIIII haha no clue how to spell that one. and badminton...damn i suck at spelling or maybe it's just cause it's late. and we had crazy sex. okay well not really but that will, man, he's the life of the party. oh yeah and then we had a shoe stealing fight. which sounds retarded to the umpteenth power but i've never had more fun getting tackled. WAIT I LIED that was no fun whatsoever. but in the end my "play it cool" powers got me my shoes back. yeah, they got both at one point. sigh.
SO then we ate bobs. shishkabobs, that is. and opened presents we weren't supposed to bring, then it was time for a WALK. that was some crazy stuff. like yelling at that poor skater dude. maybe he went home and cut himself, he was so emo. who knows. actually, now my guilty conscience is starting to set in. damn. OH WELL! we hid behind walls. and had foot orgys. and yeah that's about it.
then came back up for more cake. and then WE HAD THE BEST TIME EVERRR sliding down slides. we found some pretty darn creative ways, lemme tell ya. we're such little kids, i know. but really, it was fantastical amounts of fun. mmm : )
SO NOW i have PICTURES. merci shea! (sorry y'all my webshots isn't working. soo...i'll have to figure something out.) i'll get more later from other people.
here are hersh's.
so overall, life's wonderful. which it always was and always has been.
and even though, there's something big and scary out there,
i think it'll be okay.
how can i say anything else when i have this summer staring me in the face?!!?!
OH! OH! OH YEAH!
anyone want to drive to myrtle beach august...14th or something to see hootie & the blowfish??
aaand since mu mu got his ass grounded for life, who wants to go see ted leo with me june 2?? well actually i might have soccer. but yeah we'll figure it out.

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

...i can't do anything but be in love with you.

[mood]: sick as crap but happier by far.
[music]: the dandy warhols, hot hot heat, built to spill
[countdown]: one day. actually, make that TWO AND A HALF HOURS.

so basically, i just wanted to make this update to say:

19 DAYS!!

yeah. that's about it.
this is going to be the best beach trip, ever. period.
i'm so glad i never have to set foot in kifner's room again.
and, french wasn't that bad.
and thank you sally for giving me a ride home!
and i'm about to die i'm so sick.
but my life is amazing.
so i just don't care!
i have $100 to spend on cd's. what should i get. that's a tough question.
i only have one more night to worry about staying up too late talking to him/only one more morning to wake up early.
and oh yeah i think it's funny when people think they can write stories but they can't, they suck, and it's going to be like excerpts from those shit books you find at the grocery store. yeah, those trashy romance novels with embellished covers, those.
i'm happy, i get my camera back! definitely in time for the beach. the warranty was still in effect and so we shipped it to be serviced, all costs on them. so i won't have to bum pictures off of everyone anymore. on that note, i should have more coming later tonight from shea and yera.
alright, well i'm gonna go get all drugged up. so i don't black out during my english exam tomorrow.

[mood]: wow.
[music]: ben folds, ben harper, b-52's, i'll back you up--dmb, one tree hill--u2, carry the zero--built to spill
[countdown]: four days. all half days for exams.

i can't believe it, that today was the last day of classes.
it was a really great day.
it started out wonderful, too.
and no, i don't mean when kate and i both slept through our alarms and woke up at 7.00.
i mean, it started, at midnight, wonderfully.

i'm going to try to get pictures from everyone, namely shannon & yera.

first: sat on the bleachers and freaked out about kifner and studied with anne, willy, kuntal, tracy, and hubert. what's ridiculous? the fact that we have to take exams in there...on the bleachers...tomorrow. alright i'm over it now. but i'll miss having a class with willy, and that was my one class with anne, too.

second: BAAAAH. my biology nerdologists for LIFE. this is class is one of the only reasons i'm truly heartbroken about the year ending. okay well so i'm not...but next year i'll hate not having it and i'll be heartbroken THEN. shannon, lea, betty, david, and jeff, we had such a great time. we took tons of pictures, as always, and then at the end sat around and reminsced about all the things we've done in that class. like the huge group labs we did at the beginning of the year and we all go to know each other. and me gossiping about a billion and one guys, and then...oh man it's just tough in a place like enloe. cause it's highly unlikely that i'll have a class with them next year, much less BOTH lea and shannon again (the core nerdologists, heck yes.) so that's just a bad feeling...we'll never be able to sit around and just talk again. it was so much fun, i loved this class so much, plus the teacher was AWESOME.

third: baahs; jgbsg. i only ever have to deal with kifner again on monday, for field testing. you can miss up to 13 on the exam and still have an A, i had a 100 on monday and i missed 9 yesterday and so far i'm only wondering about 1 on the part we took today...so hopefully i have an A. that would make this year perfect, honestly. but anyway, today's was easy.

fourth: AWWW i'm going to miss this class, too, despite my strong dispite for the molesting piece of matter that cause itself our english teacher. mulhern, michael, shannon, kuntal, richards and i all had fun watching jane eyre today, you know it! okay so all we did was make fun of it. and pass notes. and take pictures, and more pictures. i love those guys so much...they're some of the best new friends i've made this year.

fifth: we had MORE CAKE in french today...then did just about nothing. okay so fine i'll miss this class a ton, too. sally, rebecca, helen, daniel, kermit, james, other sally, sarah jane, mike, ahh it was a big french family. we had so much fun gossiping and telling all of our woes and funny stories in front of the entire class, it was like a sounding board for everybody. and i did so much to get that class, with that teacher and sally. aww.

sixth: so today really was THE LAST time i'll ever go to that lunch. i would cry, really, but my summer's staring me in the face and it's just too good to do that. i did so much to switch and get this lunch, too. i was so happy it let me get to know jake and michael better. and of course, michelle, danny, scott, ashley, kohler, andrew, and i might as well say alex because he practically sat at my table. but i won't ever get to be smuggled off by kate again. and i won't wander into wood's room again and see shannon, thpenther does NOThavecock, cameron, david, rebecca, and yeah whoever else. and then sally's booth, with julian and...wow yeah that was always interesting.

seventh: AWW the other reason that high school will never be the same after this year. art class meant so much to me, y'all became some of my best friends. i had so much fun in there with you guys, through some of THE WORST days of my life and of course some of the best. you always made me leave with a smile and happy, even if i came in about to cry. cam, yera, morgan, emily, anna, and camille, y'all were so patient to listen to me all those times and of course we ROCKED at the points games and at the end of the year there we finally just got so frustrated and snapped and paid puff-bucket, eloise, and paris back. ahhh yes. i'll miss all the crazy stories so much and i'm so glad i got to know y'all through that class, and again it's sad because it's unlikely we'll all have stuff together again next year. i love you all so much!

eighth: okay so mr. noland = my hero and i'm so sad i won't get him again until junior year. but the second semester of math was a blast, with BABY kuntal and his rolly chairs, playing cards with the huge asian contigent, and beating them might i add. except for today but whatever shut up. you always made me so utterly aware of my whiteness, why thank you. i'll miss the games of slaps and trying to make trash can baskets and copying problems wrong. okay so maybe not so much the last one.

then, i saw all the seniors.
like, all of kate's friends and the "fan club" that came to all of our soccer games and these people i've always known and grown up with. and they all said bye to me and it's ridiculously heartbreaking because 90%+ of them i'll never see again in my life. (if they're exempt from exams.) i don't know how i'd deal with leaving--going from ligon to enloe wasn't that big of a change. their life is going to change drastically, they'll spend the majority of their life doing something completely different from what they've been doing so far. and the scary thing is, that's a constant reminder that in three years that'll be US. there's no stopping it. we'll all split up and go to different colleges. oh goodness. teary eyed.

AHHH everyone i'm so sad.
but, not.
beacuse this summer is going to be the best thing ever, alex's party seeing mrs. brooks shea's party art table get together ted leo (with...? i need to figure that out) and at some point i have to watch k to the untal beat down mu mu at basketball with emcee and danny, then walker's coming here and hanging with shea for a day then to the beach with us for a week then back here and more hanging with shea then a couple weeks til he moves back then...living in cary for the rest of the summer : )

last night was the spring sports banquet and yeah it was sad.
i'm going to miss playing on a team with kate so much.
but i won MIP for varsity soccer so that was pretty nifty.
went out to dinner afterwards at mellow mushroom and yeah we talked about kate leaving for college and GOOD GRIEF this is weird.
i'm not supposed to be this old.
i'm not supposed to be through with a year of highschool, it's already summer again, this is my favorite time of year by far, time always weirds me out this way.
it's the time of year where i stay up late and wake up early because there's no moment when i don't want to be alive. i want to drink as much of it in as often as i can because it's just that amazing, who wants to be asleep when you could be talking or thinking or writing or loving or knowing or just being, in a wonderful place like this.

much love to everybody.
i'll update again tomorrow, probably.
HOPEFULLY people upload their pictures soon.
i'm getting a new digital camera in time for the beach (enter moment of utter hypervenilation and excitement) but not in time for the last day of school, duh.
now only exams are left and that's weird.
only one time left in each of my classes.
oh man.
it's weird...i remember last year ending, it was horrendous.
the two weeks after the end of ligon were the saddest weeks of my life. not kidding.
and now i'm so sad that this is ending because it was an amazing freshman year. i mean honestly, people should wish hope and pray for a year as amazing as the one i had.
thanks to all the people who made it so close to perfect.
i'm proud of all of us for making it through the way we did.
GAAHHH now summer get here : )

[mood]: overwhelmed. yearning still. happier.
[music]: there's one love in a lifetime, there's two hearts of a kind, there's three reasons you'll be mine, there's five or six ways through seven days without you...yeah so avion. and the cure is my savior, pictures of you came on followed exactly by just like heaven, and i realized what a dork i've been. and also of course the august and everything after album--counting crows, the new pornographers, postal service, twin falls--ben folds five, crash--dmb, collide--howie day, sleeps with butterflies--tori amos, the scientist--coldplay because it's amazing, yeah.
[countdown]: eight days left?!!?!

so yeah i deleted the post i had before.
this week has been rough, well monday-wednesday was, but today got better.
i'm an idiot.
i can't afford to be bothered by people at the end of the year...
especially people who only care about me and want to just tell me they love me. i can't just blow them off for that.
everyone come to the enloe vs. green hope game, saturday @ enloe, 4.30. $5 to get in, except they may not charge since it's state tournament games now...?? who knows.
i'm excited for saturday night studying. and shea's party. and alex's party.
and, yeah.
life's good.
today was finally better.
really.
i'm so sorry for all the stupid things i've been thinking, even though half of them, or more like 99% of them, you'll never know. but i want you to know i love you with all my heart and that could never change. that's directed to so many people in one way and then...one person in another. you guys are amazing.
things made me happy today, like the fact that i definitely said what needed to be said in art class, right cam. and i tried to mooch off of people in the slushy line and all i got out of it was a quarter and a single rose, not a slushy. oh well. and i love my biology class.

wow, i just wanted to let everyone know i talked to today:
i love you.
no joke, each and every person.
and even one i didn't talk to today.
even though i really need to, i think i righted my world by myself.
with the help of...everyone i talked to. whether you guys did it knowingly (alex, shea) or not (adam, mulhern)
and the real countdown: fourteen days.

out of the doubt that fills my mind, i somehow find you and i collide.

[mood]: wow, some girls are born lucky. haha cameron.
[music]: interpol
[countdown]: twelve days left of school, including exams.

well, JEEZ.
this week has been utterly overwhelming. i'm glad at the end of it, though, that everything's in place.
first off, notice the fact that we have less than three fulls weeks left of school, and that to me is just absolutely crazy. i guess i've seen it coming, but i have definite mixed feelings about it: this year was the best year a freshman could have ever asked for and i'm really going to miss things like my great biology and art classes and my schedule overall, and playing on the soccer team with kate, but at the same this summer is going to entirely awesome and i think that's going to take the cake compared to school.

we got yearbooks and, let me tell you, so much drama has never been caused by one yearbook signing before.
luckily, pherribo and i worked everything out last night. it's nice to know that someone's not hurting as much as they could be, but that you're not sacrificing your own personal happiness in order to satisfy everyone else--because you know what? that never works. rational selfishness, ayn rand calls it. (speaking of, by the way, i adored that seminar in c&c on thursday.)

in any case, the interesting stuff.
last night went to the lacrosse game sort of last minute cause cam and i just love carpooling : )
we won! well i'm pretty sure we did. we were up 10-3 with like four minutes to go and i doubt they could have scored two goals a minute in order to pull ahead. saw corinne anne brittany crystal lora yeahhh and then i told cameron the "life story" since sixth grade. because for some reason she just didn't know walker had gone to ligon way back when. hahahaha that was interesting. went to centennial to pick up her sister from the dance, and that caused us to reminisce about every dance ever. then back here.

tonight, went to crabtree with cameron and got stuff. yeah pretty much. hahahahaha we had so much fun. i don't know i'm suddenly very tired and don't feel like elaborating.

but now i'ma do some shoutouts. that sounded very fifth grader-like. but get over it, because you know you want to see if you're on this list.

sally-- just because, well, you're pretty cool. hahaha and i signed a gallon and a half's worth of words in your yearbook today, so, i guess you're on my mind.

walker-- you just keep on making me happy, whether you're trying to or not.

cam-- "give it to me daddy!" and uhh, i just threw up a little bit in my mouth. hahahaha jeez crazy times.

shea-- i'm waiting for that e-mail from OH-SO-LAME virginia. heck yes.

michael & scott-- thanks for setting me straight about what all guys mean all the time. totally.

and for the second time this just hit me how RETARDED it is, and i must be really tired. au revoir.

oh but by the way, who wants to go see ted leo & the pharmacists with me on june 2?? kate already has futureheads tickets so i can't go with her. and i definitely like mr. leo better than those heads of the future. but both are wonderful, don't get me wrong. SO IN OTHER WORDS, let me know if you want to go to king's for an awesome night of music for $8.

[EDIT]

happy mother's day!!
it's crazy that i'm practically done with this project, but then again, it is due day after tomorrow.
today was a ridiculously gorgeous day, went out to lunch with mom, duh, and then spent as much time as possible outside.
then went back to crabtree with kate and got more stuff, except this time with her money/mom's money. i = a moocher. tsk tsk.
heard bittersweet on the way back in the car and the windows were down and we sang at the top of our lungs and i can feel it summer's almost here!!
as soon as my parents get back from golfing we're having a cookout, fun stuff.

1). who wants to come to the beach with me? sallyyyy you may be able to come besides just that week in june, turns out we're going 3 other times?!!?!
2). who wants to be my study buddy for kifner's exam? well i think just about all of you. hahaha.
3). mark your calanders: our next soccer game is next saturday night, may 14. come!!