and for sure we have danced in the risk of each other

i love summer.

2005-06-26T21:45:00.000-04:00

[mood]: relaxed, content
[music]: eva cassidy, jack johnson, coldplay, wallflowers, robert randolph and the family band, ben folds

i sort of didn't want to cover up the last entry because to me it captivated a moment that was here. but it's passed now.
i'm thinking this might be my last entry in this blog, i update so infrequently these days that my xanga should be able to handle everything i have to say. even if my entries are longer than the emancipation proclamation, oh well they'll survive.

i've been having a wonderful time, despite the ever-present bite of aching for him and the beach.

so what's happened.
my parents went to ashville so lisa and michael were around a lot of the time.
thursday night i went to their house in creedmoor and had a cookout with them and ben and chelley. that was fun, ben's hilarious and dinner was delicious and it was a good time all around.
friday was really busy, woke up and went to the pool and then went straight from there to lunch with ben michael chelley and lisa and then went straight from there to shea's house!
we made chocolate milkshakes and he played songs on his guitar while i sang, sweet. we watched the first part of reefer madness which was just depressing. well it was funny. but some funny stuff is depressing at the same time, you know? so yeah good floor-sitting laughs were had by all. the best was the strawberry that got stuck in his glass, that was priceless and i will never forget it. "it bopped me on the nose!!" hahahaha i love you sheehan.
then they gave me a ride home and i got ready to hit the town, har har.
cept really, we did.
went to evoo first for drinks and appetizers, we got free food because michael's brother bill was the chef. so yeah it was me lisa ben michael chelly matt zach melissa jensen and kate. then we went on to 518 for real dinner, sat at the bar for a while (i got a shirley temple, heck yes) and then sat down. except i didn't really want to eat so we ordered a bunch of food then just boxed it up. matt got drunk and was hilarious, i'm sorry to admit. well the story about proposing was classic, as was "dark, warm, moist..." oh goodness. and then there was that chocolate cake fiaso from the table next door to us...michael bet me $5 to go and get it and jensen was like i'll do it for $10 and she got up and took it. we gave it back though. whoo boy.
then yesterday was pretty low key.
hung out with lisa the whole day, took sophie on a walk, made cookies, went to the store, made dinner, watched ocean's twelve with her and michael.
then today was a good day, at 1.30 (or well i was late, whoops) met up with shannon at north hills! it was so good to see her, we had a blast. we ate lunch at moe's and split nachos and were messy eaters and told stories (hahaha) and then realized we were screwed cause we had no clue what time it was. went in a lot of stores and then saw her friend paul working at starbucks. oh, the joy of lifeguarding connections. and he told us what time it was, sweet. but we lost track again while we spent forever and a half in target, trying on a bunch of stuff but in the end only getting superman underwear, unless you count the candy we smuggled in, hahahahah good times good times. we ended up being ten minutes late to batman but it was all good, the previews were still going on as promised to us by paul. well, oh my goodness, it was so good. i liked the spiderman movies okay, but this was so much better. it was pretty dark the whole time which i actually liked a lot better than the happy go lucky crap. it was edge-of-your-seat excitement and they didn't go too crazy with the computer imaging, it was just the right amount and pretty well done in my humble opinion. and yes, it screamed SEQUEL at the end, haha.
came home and found out that sophie has conjunctivitus, awww.
my parents are home, at least!

these are the songs that i currently have on repeat, basically:
green eyes--coldplay
i'll back you up--dmb
fields of gold--eva cassidy
late--ben folds
no other way--jack johnson
another one in the dark--the wallflowers
smile--robert randolph and the family band

i discovered there is one song that will make me cry no matter what: fields of gold, the version by eva cassidy off of live at blues alley.
i miss you,
where are you?
no matter, walks on the beach can't be replaced by late night online talks.

the beginning of the best week ever : )

2005-06-11T23:49:00.000-04:00

WALKER'S HERE AND WE'RE GOING TO THE BEACH FOR A WEEK TOMORROW AND I HAVE TWO TICKETS TO COLDPLAY AND THEIR NEW CD AND RILO KILEY'S OPENING AND SHEA SALLY SCOTT WILL WALKER AND I HAD THE BEST TIME EVER TONIGHT AND THAT IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY BECAUSE I JUST MIGHT COMBUST WITH HAPPINESS!
everyone have a wonderful week : )

art table reunion!

2005-06-03T01:35:00.000-04:00

[mood]: on top of the world.
[music]: jack johnson, and buddy holly! the song by weezer not the artist, whoops. and iron & wine.
[countdown]: EIGHT. DAYS.

mmm, so.
today was the official art table crew reunion.
well, sort of. either way, it was AWESOME.
SO, here was the rundown for today.
woke up. my mom decided i needed to get out of bed at 10.00. i love her anyway, surprisingly.
talked online pretty much all day like the nerd i am. well that was excusable considering 1). it was raining and muggy all day, and 2). well, fine, there's really no other excuse. shhh.

then at at 4.30 my mom took me to crabtree.
where i looked at jewelry for a millinium and a half, waiting for whoever was going to show up.
man, not having a cell sucked for about fifteen minutes. but i wasn't panicking. i was actually pretty good about remaining calm. and not looking like i was going to get raped/robbed/or start shoplifting.

SO i was walking out of the shoe department, well actually i was thinking of blowing all my money on coach shoes, not really, when MISS EMILY HORTON attacks me, yup pretty much. i hadn't seen her in two weeks! the tragedy. her mom is so sweet! so we played phone tag with yera, sort of, to meet up with her.
went to get her vera bradley, then went into express where i tried on the whole store because i had my mom's card.
went back to look at vera bradleys for cameron, talked her out of her ten trillionth purse. hahaha.
well basically we went into every store known to man...about three times each. i saved up my money for that ann taylor loft dress and i'm happy about it.
overall, got three tops, two pairs of earrings and a skirt and a shirt and another shirt and a dress and dinner.
but on to the jokes of the night.
we really were convinced we could walk up the down escalator, but then we decided not to.
i think cameron definitely got enough BLING on her sunglasses, no?
i'm boycotting this store! well, i changed my mind cause that shirt's cute.
the great earring conundrum: buy two, get two free?!!?!
and can't forget the purse problem. and calling yera's mom to decide.
EMILY'S ARMPITS...were totally not exposed. aww poor baby hahaha i love you.
____ would think you look cute in it!
"take it easy, baby"
weird couples at the food court.
that's really feminine looking...and i was about to say that i didn't know they had a women's section!
yera's the ultimate picky shopper, definitely. even worse than me.

then yera had to leave and it was very sad. we walked her all the way to the opposite end of the mall.
our parents were extremely cool with all arrangements made, which was oh so convenient.
emily's mom picked us up and drove us to north hills to see the sisterhood of the traveling pants, which, i must say, made me laugh way too much, and not because it was funny. it SUCKED. just flat out. the books were much better, i lent them to cam when she dropped me off at the house. but i digressed.
ANYWAY. we saw kelly and mary brent and mccauley and just about every ~~sophomore~~ I MEANT JUNIOR from enloe well not really just four. and A VAMPIRE i am not kidding. she sat on our row and made fang-y faces at us. and then at the end, she said EIGHTH GRADERS ROCK! assuming we were that young. so afterwards in the empty north hills plaza, i yelled, WE'RE SOPHOMORES. okay so it was really loud. but i started laughing again just now even thinking about it. sigh, i love you guys. but the point of that rant was that i knew eleven out of the fifteen people in the theater. pretty nifty. and so i teared up with emily yet at the same time laughed. i felt bad, OH WELL.
then we frantically called cam's dad.
and stood around having the best time until we realized there were freaky guys EVERYWHERE.
running from thugs! uhhm char can you go ask if they have a gun?
and we remembered elliot and the staring girl, in fact i had muchos fun imitating them both.
and we screamed and hid on benches from cops. not that we were doing anything bad?!!
and chased down cameron's dad's car.
and took pictures in the car and had headaches from the monsterous flash.
you have now entered THE TWILIGHT ZONE doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...

aww i love you all so much, i had so much fun just hanging out with you guys and laughing, it was such a good feeling. i miss art class! but i'm so glad that we all got together again, y'all can make my mood better no matter what. nights like this are the best, definitely. i love you and summer!

so, yawn.
i'm tired.
CAMERON IT WILL BE ALRIGHT but you already knew that because i optimist-ed it out with you for a while haha.
i can't wait til sunday-monday when the biology nerdologists are once again reunited!
then...ahhh...a week from the day after tomorrow starts the best week of my life, i'm predicting.

EDIT?!!?!

PICTURES!!
from various occasions so far...all summer, though.

sheehan's fifteenth

2005-05-27T22:39:00.000-04:00

[mood]: AMAZING, so alive
[music]: NIGHTSWIMMING & 100 YEARS, both on theriver100.7 in a row. schaweet. and the old apartment, cause that just came on launch. and when i look to the sky?!! no i hate the new version nevermind. AND ROMEO & JULIET by dire straits which is jensen and my new FAVORITE SONG EVER. ahh it's so good and it just came on launch.
[countdown]: two weeks!! (a new one, you ask?? it's for the beach.)

i'm so happy, so happy, so happy.
well, i'm on the TFC white team.
with coach wolfe as my coach.
he was funny, he thought i wouldn't want to do it. and it all happened so fast.
and the weather's been absolutely gorgeous, i cannot describe. the feeling of the sun and the breeze and the ice cold water, ahhh i love the pool. just reading and thinking. i could lie there in the sun thinking forever.
went straight to lunch after being at the pool for a couple hours for sidney's birthday party. she hates cake, so jensen and i went last night and got eight pints of hand packed ben & jerry's ice cream, holy crap we were like "jeez it feels like we've been dumped eight times..." hahaha that was such a fun night, we went out to dinner at porter's before that. but yeah anyway on with lunch, it was muchos fun, definitely. i love the feeling of summer, knowing you can take all the time in the world to do anything you want and it just doesn't matter.
got home and relaxed for a bit before will and his awesome babysitter picked me up for sheehan's party. or wait should i say FATTY picked me up??? well will's mr. gluttony. so it all evens out. haha we got there early and so we did such intelligent things as hit birdies onto the roof. but hersch was heroic and stepped on top of mr. moore and climbed on the roof to get them so it was all good.
what all did we do? well this is like the fourth year or something it's been at north cary park, so we went down to those rocks and talked. and got to know each other, considering the majority of the people go to cary and i'd only heard about instead of meeting. so yeah. then we ate every strawberry in sight. then we played BOCHIIIIII haha no clue how to spell that one. and badminton...damn i suck at spelling or maybe it's just cause it's late. and we had crazy sex. okay well not really but that will, man, he's the life of the party. oh yeah and then we had a shoe stealing fight. which sounds retarded to the umpteenth power but i've never had more fun getting tackled. WAIT I LIED that was no fun whatsoever. but in the end my "play it cool" powers got me my shoes back. yeah, they got both at one point. sigh.
SO then we ate bobs. shishkabobs, that is. and opened presents we weren't supposed to bring, then it was time for a WALK. that was some crazy stuff. like yelling at that poor skater dude. maybe he went home and cut himself, he was so emo. who knows. actually, now my guilty conscience is starting to set in. damn. OH WELL! we hid behind walls. and had foot orgys. and yeah that's about it.
then came back up for more cake. and then WE HAD THE BEST TIME EVERRR sliding down slides. we found some pretty darn creative ways, lemme tell ya. we're such little kids, i know. but really, it was fantastical amounts of fun. mmm : )
SO NOW i have PICTURES. merci shea! (sorry y'all my webshots isn't working. soo...i'll have to figure something out.) i'll get more later from other people.
here are hersh's.
so overall, life's wonderful. which it always was and always has been.
and even though, there's something big and scary out there,
i think it'll be okay.
how can i say anything else when i have this summer staring me in the face?!!?!
OH! OH! OH YEAH!
anyone want to drive to myrtle beach august...14th or something to see hootie & the blowfish??
aaand since mu mu got his ass grounded for life, who wants to go see ted leo with me june 2?? well actually i might have soccer. but yeah we'll figure it out.

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

...i can't do anything but be in love with you.

nothing of importance, really...

2005-05-23T19:34:00.000-04:00

[mood]: sick as crap but happier by far.
[music]: the dandy warhols, hot hot heat, built to spill
[countdown]: one day. actually, make that TWO AND A HALF HOURS.

so basically, i just wanted to make this update to say:

19 DAYS!!

yeah. that's about it.
this is going to be the best beach trip, ever. period.
i'm so glad i never have to set foot in kifner's room again.
and, french wasn't that bad.
and thank you sally for giving me a ride home!
and i'm about to die i'm so sick.
but my life is amazing.
so i just don't care!
i have $100 to spend on cd's. what should i get. that's a tough question.
i only have one more night to worry about staying up too late talking to him/only one more morning to wake up early.
and oh yeah i think it's funny when people think they can write stories but they can't, they suck, and it's going to be like excerpts from those shit books you find at the grocery store. yeah, those trashy romance novels with embellished covers, those.
i'm happy, i get my camera back! definitely in time for the beach. the warranty was still in effect and so we shipped it to be serviced, all costs on them. so i won't have to bum pictures off of everyone anymore. on that note, i should have more coming later tonight from shea and yera.
alright, well i'm gonna go get all drugged up. so i don't black out during my english exam tomorrow.

end of freshman year!

2005-05-18T21:43:00.000-04:00

[mood]: wow.
[music]: ben folds, ben harper, b-52's, i'll back you up--dmb, one tree hill--u2, carry the zero--built to spill
[countdown]: four days. all half days for exams.

i can't believe it, that today was the last day of classes.
it was a really great day.
it started out wonderful, too.
and no, i don't mean when kate and i both slept through our alarms and woke up at 7.00.
i mean, it started, at midnight, wonderfully.

i'm going to try to get pictures from everyone, namely shannon & yera.

first: sat on the bleachers and freaked out about kifner and studied with anne, willy, kuntal, tracy, and hubert. what's ridiculous? the fact that we have to take exams in there...on the bleachers...tomorrow. alright i'm over it now. but i'll miss having a class with willy, and that was my one class with anne, too.

second: BAAAAH. my biology nerdologists for LIFE. this is class is one of the only reasons i'm truly heartbroken about the year ending. okay well so i'm not...but next year i'll hate not having it and i'll be heartbroken THEN. shannon, lea, betty, david, and jeff, we had such a great time. we took tons of pictures, as always, and then at the end sat around and reminsced about all the things we've done in that class. like the huge group labs we did at the beginning of the year and we all go to know each other. and me gossiping about a billion and one guys, and then...oh man it's just tough in a place like enloe. cause it's highly unlikely that i'll have a class with them next year, much less BOTH lea and shannon again (the core nerdologists, heck yes.) so that's just a bad feeling...we'll never be able to sit around and just talk again. it was so much fun, i loved this class so much, plus the teacher was AWESOME.

third: baahs; jgbsg. i only ever have to deal with kifner again on monday, for field testing. you can miss up to 13 on the exam and still have an A, i had a 100 on monday and i missed 9 yesterday and so far i'm only wondering about 1 on the part we took today...so hopefully i have an A. that would make this year perfect, honestly. but anyway, today's was easy.

fourth: AWWW i'm going to miss this class, too, despite my strong dispite for the molesting piece of matter that cause itself our english teacher. mulhern, michael, shannon, kuntal, richards and i all had fun watching jane eyre today, you know it! okay so all we did was make fun of it. and pass notes. and take pictures, and more pictures. i love those guys so much...they're some of the best new friends i've made this year.

fifth: we had MORE CAKE in french today...then did just about nothing. okay so fine i'll miss this class a ton, too. sally, rebecca, helen, daniel, kermit, james, other sally, sarah jane, mike, ahh it was a big french family. we had so much fun gossiping and telling all of our woes and funny stories in front of the entire class, it was like a sounding board for everybody. and i did so much to get that class, with that teacher and sally. aww.

sixth: so today really was THE LAST time i'll ever go to that lunch. i would cry, really, but my summer's staring me in the face and it's just too good to do that. i did so much to switch and get this lunch, too. i was so happy it let me get to know jake and michael better. and of course, michelle, danny, scott, ashley, kohler, andrew, and i might as well say alex because he practically sat at my table. but i won't ever get to be smuggled off by kate again. and i won't wander into wood's room again and see shannon, thpenther does NOThavecock, cameron, david, rebecca, and yeah whoever else. and then sally's booth, with julian and...wow yeah that was always interesting.

seventh: AWW the other reason that high school will never be the same after this year. art class meant so much to me, y'all became some of my best friends. i had so much fun in there with you guys, through some of THE WORST days of my life and of course some of the best. you always made me leave with a smile and happy, even if i came in about to cry. cam, yera, morgan, emily, anna, and camille, y'all were so patient to listen to me all those times and of course we ROCKED at the points games and at the end of the year there we finally just got so frustrated and snapped and paid puff-bucket, eloise, and paris back. ahhh yes. i'll miss all the crazy stories so much and i'm so glad i got to know y'all through that class, and again it's sad because it's unlikely we'll all have stuff together again next year. i love you all so much!

eighth: okay so mr. noland = my hero and i'm so sad i won't get him again until junior year. but the second semester of math was a blast, with BABY kuntal and his rolly chairs, playing cards with the huge asian contigent, and beating them might i add. except for today but whatever shut up. you always made me so utterly aware of my whiteness, why thank you. i'll miss the games of slaps and trying to make trash can baskets and copying problems wrong. okay so maybe not so much the last one.

then, i saw all the seniors.
like, all of kate's friends and the "fan club" that came to all of our soccer games and these people i've always known and grown up with. and they all said bye to me and it's ridiculously heartbreaking because 90%+ of them i'll never see again in my life. (if they're exempt from exams.) i don't know how i'd deal with leaving--going from ligon to enloe wasn't that big of a change. their life is going to change drastically, they'll spend the majority of their life doing something completely different from what they've been doing so far. and the scary thing is, that's a constant reminder that in three years that'll be US. there's no stopping it. we'll all split up and go to different colleges. oh goodness. teary eyed.

AHHH everyone i'm so sad.
but, not.
beacuse this summer is going to be the best thing ever, alex's party seeing mrs. brooks shea's party art table get together ted leo (with...? i need to figure that out) and at some point i have to watch k to the untal beat down mu mu at basketball with emcee and danny, then walker's coming here and hanging with shea for a day then to the beach with us for a week then back here and more hanging with shea then a couple weeks til he moves back then...living in cary for the rest of the summer : )

last night was the spring sports banquet and yeah it was sad.
i'm going to miss playing on a team with kate so much.
but i won MIP for varsity soccer so that was pretty nifty.
went out to dinner afterwards at mellow mushroom and yeah we talked about kate leaving for college and GOOD GRIEF this is weird.
i'm not supposed to be this old.
i'm not supposed to be through with a year of highschool, it's already summer again, this is my favorite time of year by far, time always weirds me out this way.
it's the time of year where i stay up late and wake up early because there's no moment when i don't want to be alive. i want to drink as much of it in as often as i can because it's just that amazing, who wants to be asleep when you could be talking or thinking or writing or loving or knowing or just being, in a wonderful place like this.

much love to everybody.
i'll update again tomorrow, probably.
HOPEFULLY people upload their pictures soon.
i'm getting a new digital camera in time for the beach (enter moment of utter hypervenilation and excitement) but not in time for the last day of school, duh.
now only exams are left and that's weird.
only one time left in each of my classes.
oh man.
it's weird...i remember last year ending, it was horrendous.
the two weeks after the end of ligon were the saddest weeks of my life. not kidding.
and now i'm so sad that this is ending because it was an amazing freshman year. i mean honestly, people should wish hope and pray for a year as amazing as the one i had.
thanks to all the people who made it so close to perfect.
i'm proud of all of us for making it through the way we did.
GAAHHH now summer get here : )

apology?

2005-05-12T22:06:00.000-04:00

[mood]: overwhelmed. yearning still. happier.
[music]: there's one love in a lifetime, there's two hearts of a kind, there's three reasons you'll be mine, there's five or six ways through seven days without you...yeah so avion. and the cure is my savior, pictures of you came on followed exactly by just like heaven, and i realized what a dork i've been. and also of course the august and everything after album--counting crows, the new pornographers, postal service, twin falls--ben folds five, crash--dmb, collide--howie day, sleeps with butterflies--tori amos, the scientist--coldplay because it's amazing, yeah.
[countdown]: eight days left?!!?!

so yeah i deleted the post i had before.
this week has been rough, well monday-wednesday was, but today got better.
i'm an idiot.
i can't afford to be bothered by people at the end of the year...
especially people who only care about me and want to just tell me they love me. i can't just blow them off for that.
everyone come to the enloe vs. green hope game, saturday @ enloe, 4.30. $5 to get in, except they may not charge since it's state tournament games now...?? who knows.
i'm excited for saturday night studying. and shea's party. and alex's party.
and, yeah.
life's good.
today was finally better.
really.
i'm so sorry for all the stupid things i've been thinking, even though half of them, or more like 99% of them, you'll never know. but i want you to know i love you with all my heart and that could never change. that's directed to so many people in one way and then...one person in another. you guys are amazing.
things made me happy today, like the fact that i definitely said what needed to be said in art class, right cam. and i tried to mooch off of people in the slushy line and all i got out of it was a quarter and a single rose, not a slushy. oh well. and i love my biology class.

wow, i just wanted to let everyone know i talked to today:
i love you.
no joke, each and every person.
and even one i didn't talk to today.
even though i really need to, i think i righted my world by myself.
with the help of...everyone i talked to. whether you guys did it knowingly (alex, shea) or not (adam, mulhern)
and the real countdown: fourteen days.

out of the doubt that fills my mind, i somehow find you and i collide.

overwhelmed, girlish, and happy.

2005-05-07T23:28:00.000-04:00

[mood]: wow, some girls are born lucky. haha cameron.
[music]: interpol
[countdown]: twelve days left of school, including exams.

well, JEEZ.
this week has been utterly overwhelming. i'm glad at the end of it, though, that everything's in place.
first off, notice the fact that we have less than three fulls weeks left of school, and that to me is just absolutely crazy. i guess i've seen it coming, but i have definite mixed feelings about it: this year was the best year a freshman could have ever asked for and i'm really going to miss things like my great biology and art classes and my schedule overall, and playing on the soccer team with kate, but at the same this summer is going to entirely awesome and i think that's going to take the cake compared to school.

we got yearbooks and, let me tell you, so much drama has never been caused by one yearbook signing before.
luckily, pherribo and i worked everything out last night. it's nice to know that someone's not hurting as much as they could be, but that you're not sacrificing your own personal happiness in order to satisfy everyone else--because you know what? that never works. rational selfishness, ayn rand calls it. (speaking of, by the way, i adored that seminar in c&c on thursday.)

in any case, the interesting stuff.
last night went to the lacrosse game sort of last minute cause cam and i just love carpooling : )
we won! well i'm pretty sure we did. we were up 10-3 with like four minutes to go and i doubt they could have scored two goals a minute in order to pull ahead. saw corinne anne brittany crystal lora yeahhh and then i told cameron the "life story" since sixth grade. because for some reason she just didn't know walker had gone to ligon way back when. hahahaha that was interesting. went to centennial to pick up her sister from the dance, and that caused us to reminisce about every dance ever. then back here.

tonight, went to crabtree with cameron and got stuff. yeah pretty much. hahahahaha we had so much fun. i don't know i'm suddenly very tired and don't feel like elaborating.

but now i'ma do some shoutouts. that sounded very fifth grader-like. but get over it, because you know you want to see if you're on this list.

sally-- just because, well, you're pretty cool. hahaha and i signed a gallon and a half's worth of words in your yearbook today, so, i guess you're on my mind.

walker-- you just keep on making me happy, whether you're trying to or not.

cam-- "give it to me daddy!" and uhh, i just threw up a little bit in my mouth. hahahaha jeez crazy times.

shea-- i'm waiting for that e-mail from OH-SO-LAME virginia. heck yes.

michael & scott-- thanks for setting me straight about what all guys mean all the time. totally.

and for the second time this just hit me how RETARDED it is, and i must be really tired. au revoir.

oh but by the way, who wants to go see ted leo & the pharmacists with me on june 2?? kate already has futureheads tickets so i can't go with her. and i definitely like mr. leo better than those heads of the future. but both are wonderful, don't get me wrong. SO IN OTHER WORDS, let me know if you want to go to king's for an awesome night of music for $8.

[EDIT]

happy mother's day!!
it's crazy that i'm practically done with this project, but then again, it is due day after tomorrow.
today was a ridiculously gorgeous day, went out to lunch with mom, duh, and then spent as much time as possible outside.
then went back to crabtree with kate and got more stuff, except this time with her money/mom's money. i = a moocher. tsk tsk.
heard bittersweet on the way back in the car and the windows were down and we sang at the top of our lungs and i can feel it summer's almost here!!
as soon as my parents get back from golfing we're having a cookout, fun stuff.

1). who wants to come to the beach with me? sallyyyy you may be able to come besides just that week in june, turns out we're going 3 other times?!!?!
2). who wants to be my study buddy for kifner's exam? well i think just about all of you. hahaha.
3). mark your calanders: our next soccer game is next saturday night, may 14. come!!

on a soccer high : )

2005-04-27T21:53:00.000-04:00

[mood]: ON TOP OF THE WORLD!
[music]: hot hot heat--elevator (album) and CLAPPING SONGS like hey ya and the strokes and a long time ago we used to be friends. CAN'T FORGET THE PUMP UP MUSIC!!

OH MY GOODNESS.

how the heckity hey did i end up with such an amazing life?!!
crazy life, sweet life, beautiful life.
i'm listening to the first one! it's a song (crazy life by toad and the wet sprocket) and it came on launchcastplus and i turned it up really loud and baaahhh i'm SO HAPPY.

well, first thing's first.
WE WON TONIGHT!!!
thank you so so so so much for all the fans that came out. even the ones *cough danny and alex* that are in big trouble for taking our eagle pride flag over to the athens sideline. whoops...good luck with that tomorrow morning. anyway, without y'all the good vibes would have been decidedly less and thanks so much for your support--be there for the state tournament, too! (both are home games cause we're the NUMBER ONE SEED now! yeaayyuhhs!!!)
i was nervous as all get out, which didn't help much. the score went 1-0 us, 1-1 all, 2-1 us, and then in the last five minutes we made it 3-1 us. AHHH, it was awesome, and it was SENIOR NIGHT TOO. and kate scored the first goal! how lucky am i to be on the same team as my awesome sister, aww i love her so much and i'm going to miss her next year. but i'll carry on the mabe tradition--heck yes. then casey made it back from her dance thing! and scored like, in the first thirty seconds she stepped on the field with twelve minutes to go. then kelly scored the last goal! and everyone played SO WELL i'm so proud of everyone and coach got dumped with water balloons/two water coolers after the game. and then we ate cake and partied!
then sally rode to third place with kate john and i and we got italian sodas, mmm.
then we brought her back here and now i can't even imagine attempting homework. i have some french that i'll probably do. and probably some stuff on the project, but man, it's getting late.

and it was gorgeous weather today overall and everything was good.
the project group is going well, i even have an A in kifner!
then for lunch kate kidnapped me and then sadi came along and we went to cookout and got lemonade/milkshakes. mmm. sat back at the regular table for the second half of lunch. started a new drawing in art. after school we all went in a caravan to jessie's house: kate took me audrey ww and kellie. then we watched zoolander and had pasta salad, mmm. then we gave all the seniors their gag presents, heh heh. LIL' CHUB no just kidding kate.

so yeah only two days left in the week and i frankly don't give a crap about ANYTHING work wise, in less than a month we'll be out.

ROCK ON EAGLES SOCCER! GIRLS' VARSITY '04-'05!
state tournament up next : )

[EDIT]

here's the article that was in the newspaper: click.

happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me!

2005-04-23T22:49:00.000-04:00

[mood]: well my heartstrings are being tugged on a little bit, but excellent.
[music]: george winston--autumn (the entire album, ahh so good.)

so.
i'm fifteen.
happy birthday anne and april, too!
i feel old...-ish.
actually i feel ageless, i feel both so young and so old and they just cancel each other out. what does age have to do with anything, anyway? you can get wiser or more naive as you grow, and you can become more youthful the older you get. it's a weird conundrum, age is.

let's see.
yesterday i stormed north hills with my mom and that's about all you need to know.
got so much stuff for my birthday, baah.
i don't know why i just made a sheep noise, ANYWAY.

today, woke up at the grand hour of 7.45 to go spend the first half of my birthday at driver's ed.
WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE FUN, whoa my gosh i know but at times i found myself laughing so hard, we made the best of it we could.
we had this foriegn guy as a sub from the lady that was there last week and he was even cooler than she was. we didn't watch as many videos but we talked him into giving us two thirty minute breaks and an hour lunch. and he let us out thirty minutes early, yess.
during first break, threw boxes at each other and fought over the wheely chair.
lunch, they stole some amp equipment and we fused the stero subwoofer and speakers to griffin's ipod and then played football in the parking lot and then starting rolling tires around and pole vaulting WHO KNOWS those boys are crazy. so mostly it was anne griffin spencer kira and...i don't know those other three guys' names. and then i fell asleep, it was nice.

got back to the house then left to meet SHEEHAN at the north carolina museum of art, haven't been there since like sixth grade i don't think.
it closed earlier than we thought so we made transportation arrangements, then were set free.
walked all around outside, there are these huge fields and all these sculptures and different forms of art and it was a really pretty/windy day and i just always have so much fun with shea.
pictures are here.
hahaha BOO. (that video looks like something out of a horror movie. it's from the whistling poles at the museum, but i don't think you can hear anything but the wind, and the screaming of course.)
OH SCHNAP. (that hurt like mess, i don't think you can really tell exactly what happened. but in reality, it's hilarious and it didn't hurt so much that i forbid you from laughing. so laugh, laugh away.)

yeah so then we went back to shea's and took more pictures and trampolined like always, WHAT ELSE?!! and read that orange notebook of comics and stuff we had from last year, awww it made me miss going to school with him so much. i love you sheehan thomas moore!

got home and had my big birthday dinner, ahhh so good. presents presents all around, i'm excited i got lots of great music (waiting on walker for more, heh heh) and clothes aaand that's pretty much about it, besides money. but my party's not til next weekend anyway.

then went with kate to the enloe vs. some wake forest hockey game, YESS we won 10-1 it was awesome. saw anne and carey there, i hadn't seen carey since she left the team like two years ago? or maybe it was just two seasons ago, but three seasons ago would be two years cause of the high school schedule. but ANYWAY. hahaha had fun talking with them and then of course kate and andrew.
especially since kate burned me this awesome CD and everything and gosh i'm just going to miss her so much next year when she goes away to college. like all get out. we have so much fun together, dancing in the car with the windows down blasting hot hot heat. (the band, not the ac. duh.) and i'm so lucky she can take me to school and so lucky that we get along so well and she's like an instant best friend! yay! but it's going to be so lonely around the house once she's gone. and i'm going to miss this year's class of seniors, heck yes '05, because i love them to death and they're all so sweet to me. having a big sister rocks.
well now that we're done with that sentimental moment...

on to another!
i was thinking how perfect this weekend would have been to have walker. he could have come up and stayed with shea while i was at driver's ed and then met at the museum. like, the cloud room and everything? shea was probably about to hit me if i said his name once more. and then tonight the hockey game was so much fun and i know he loves it. and so right now we'd just be sitting on the floor talking when necessary and just listening to music when it wasn't, and just soaking up each other's company.
i don't know it's hard to believe it's only been one month since i saw him.
and it's only been two months for us this time around, but that doesn't really matter i mean that makes something like ten months total so whatever.
but still.

glad for no school tomorrow, have a couple homework things to knock out. i'm sleeping late, though.

overall i had a great birthday. thanks so much to everybody--for existing, i love you.
Kuntal: happy birthday
Morgan: HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLOTTE!!!
Shea: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Cam: happy birthday charlotte!!!
Michelle: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!
Adam 2: happy birthday!
bah yeah whatever you get the point i don't feel like going through stuff to get all those.

2005-04-19T18:25:00.000-04:00

[mood]: amazing, this time of the year is like a prozac with a couple ecstasy shots with a side of caffeine.
[music]: TED LEO!!!!!!

so i know this update is on the heels of another one (for me these days at least) but life's too good to not share.
here, take a piece. really, i have so many amazing things, i have plenty to go around.

so, hmm, yesterday ROCKED.
all the classes were shortened, got to play cards in "gym" and work with the GOOD group in english and the french test was easy and we came home before the game and it was a gorgeous day and then we had a home game vs. southeast. and i started and played the whole time and we WON (which is why i'm not at practice right now and instead at home!) and coach wolfe was so proud which meant a lot to us. thanks so much to everyone who came out to watch, and of course to the amazing team.

and then let's see, TODAY ROCKED EVEN MORE.

first: most of it was a free day, but we took a survey and i'm passive assertive. well one fourth passive and three fourths assertive. yeah, i knew that. then i just copied willy's masterful plan for saying NO TO DRUGS. besides the F-A-C-T that it's not all just a ploy and drug money does fund terror! haha i forget where but somewhere along the line today i was making fun of that with people.

second: review game, got to read and won a game and yeah i just love the people in that class. david nearly broke his neck though, climbing on top of the microscope shelf to plug in the jeapordy kit thing. and then he flew off. no really, he flew. hahahaha.

third: test, but it was only twenty questions. NO COMMENT on it though because every time i do, i do worse than i thought i did. then it was stock market time and mulhern and i were bumming newspapers off of people. only to find out that we're all miserably losing money. oh well! we sell day after tomorrow, anyway.

fourth: worked with the skit group, everyone in the class was like GRR at my group cause i wrote the script for us (references included) and typed it up last night so all day today we were practicing, ours kicks BUTT. no really, alex, ours is going to be better than yours.

fifth: duuuhm. oh yeah sally wasn't there and we were just reading about cars from the book. so basically, now i have two driver's ed classes: one in english and one in french. FUN!

sixth: went on a trek avec alex. he had to sign up for driver's ed so we went from the cafeteria around behind the east so we didn't get hall patroled, and then escamilla wasn't even there. found a ladybug and wished on it, heh heh. then uhhm i don't know lunch back at the regular table.

seventh: finished my painting! i think. cam wasn't there, feel better!!

eighth: HAHA we knew mr. noland wasn't going to be there but no sub showed up. so, i was swallowed up by this gigantoid asian contigent, no kidding. i was the one white person in this huge mass of people playing cards, like kuntal nabil crystal sarah april swathi sam david and oh, i WON. we played tongue and i won all the way down to the face off 1v.1 so then it was april and me and i beat her at spit. haha yesss.

so it was weird coming straight home. but i did.
ran some errands with my mom, then just got back from ben & jerry's for free ice cream with will and shea! hahaha i hadn't seen will in forever it was great to see him again, i love that kid. i'm excited for this weekend! and my birthday party, which is gonna be on the 3oth i think. i'm still trying to figure out the logistics of the guest list though. basically just let me know if you wanna come and chances are you can. so no worries.

THIS IS WHY I LOVE LAUNCHCASTPLUS:
corporate whore--what we need
nada surf--hi-speed soul
pink grease--the pink g-r-ease
teenage fanclub--can't feel my soul
talk talk--it's my life
ben folds--the last polka
hootie and the blowfish--only wanna be with you
fountains of wayne--supercollider
dave matthews band--ants marching (live)
the white stripes--the same boy you've always known
tom petty--depending on you
ben harper--when she believes
dubstar--can't tell me
rusted root--you can't always get what you want
the owls--air

the only bad things:
i don't know when i'm gonna see walker again.
my big corporate project group.
my camera's broken.

2005-04-17T17:03:00.000-04:00

[mood]: balanced
[music]: dave matthews band, van morrison, coldplay

i can't believe that it's sunday and therefore another school week starts tomorrow.
but it can't be all that bad because it's only a four day week and my birthday's at the end of it!

my school week wasn't all that awesome.
i was really, really sick for most of it and then there was the whole project fiasco...
no hard feelings towards kuntal, though. no comment about the rest of y'all...well okay so i'm not even talking to danny. whatev.
i'll just put my head down and get through it. i was talking to my parents about it and they said that they doubted i could really screw my grade up considering: a). i'll make the same grade as always for these stupid projects because of the way everyone across the board "games the system" and b). because i can just study for finals and get A's on those because those contribute more than anything to my grade, which is the one colleges will see. for example, first semester i got an A first quarter and an A second quarter in kifner, but then on the exam i got a B and so for my entire semester grade i got a B: yeah it was a 92.3. boo. BUT ENOUGH on that.

soccer against garner was fun, we won 9-0. then practice on friday, that was like the only soccer i had this week because of sickness/rain.
friday night went out to dinner at irregardless and then to the team sleepover at adelle's. played cranium, hahahaha whoo boy. then we had a food fight with icing and whipped cream before watching the forgotten which was pretty cheesy. from now on if i don't like somebody or if someone does something bad, i'll just go, "CUE BEING SUCKED INTO THE SKY" and whoosh off they'll go. talked for a lot longer than we all should have before falling asleep (like sardines) considering we all had to wake up really early.
started driver's ed, ooh boy. it's actually not all that bad, considering some of the horror stories i've heard from other people. met a couple cool people, knew a couple others. BUT CAAAAMMERON i wish you were in the class. sniff.

i've been trying to figure out how to get a new layout on here and i'm really not computer/html incompetent at all, it's just that for some reason my winzip/passwords aren't working on anything blogskin related. it's aggrivating. sooo i might pass this job off to sally : ).

i'm hijacking biology pictures from friday from shannon. ignore the first half, she stole those from me back in february, heh heh. (and the one where lea and i are making THE STRANGEST faces and not looking at the camera, that was because this one group dropped their frog on the ground TWICE and we were, obviously, very horrified.)

i'm so excited for my birthday! i mean really everyone's going out of town cause of the long weekend so it'll just be me and shea chillaxin. and then friday the day before we have no school so i'm going to north hills/saks/crabtree with my mom because frankly i'd rather get presents that way.
i wish more than anything i could see walker, though. i think that'd be the best present.
if i have any sort of party thing it'll be the last weekend in april, around the 3oth. i might go see straylight run/spitalfield at cat's cradle at the end of the week before then, if i don't have a soccer game, we'll see.

you know, as basic and obvious as it seems, it's sometimes still hard to stomach that you have to take the bad with the good. i'd be fine right now i think if it weren't for the stupid project in c&c--knowing that i could be enjoying that and could be working with some of my best friends like everyone else is makes it even harder. and it's weird, and maybe it's just because i can't remember as clearly from seventh grade how much i missed him, but these last few months before walker moves back are getting to be some of the hardest i've known. (as far as wishing to see him goes.)
but i'm going to miss this year. (biology, art, math, a select few teachers, the soccer season, admittedly, this year has been unbelievably good in retrospect, it was just all happening so much at once that i never really get the chance to stop and say that i'm amazingly fortunate.) there aren't that many days left of school. only a little more than a month total before it's over. i'm just going to try and enjoy it as much as possible. (isn't that what everyone always says?)

2005-04-11T18:28:00.000-04:00

[mood]: sick but mentally alright.
[music]: spin doctors, barenaked ladies, jack johnson.

so, today i was the most sick i've been all year.
it was horrible. i threw up so many times. thanks so much to lea shannon and betty from biology for escorting me to the bathroom/the office so many times and not getting grossed out. actually just kidding i bet you were, but at least you acted like you weren't : )
but hey, first period rocked. we played kickball and i had like a triple run kick for my team, yesss. (the little things in life, the little things.)
so then i came home after second and slept until 2.30.
went outside and did biology homework and then sally came by with flowers and a card, for hugh/sickness, awww it was so sweet! she's the best friend ever, i love you sally belle! talked for a while but then her mom/jack had to go, so yeah that made my day.
went outside and took all these pictures before reading a couple parts of 1984, i need to talk to someone though to figure out how much exactly i need to read.

and this is why i love spring.

oh yeah and i have jack johnson tickets, biotches.

2005-04-05T20:22:00.000-04:00

[mood]: terrible.
[music]: all damien rice, darkness--disturbed on the side. with some fountains of wayne, off of welcome interstate managers.

so i never update anymore.
because generally the only thing i ever feel like updating about isn't that pleasant and that's no fun to read.
but i'll make an effort!
...no, no i won't.

so basically, every day i go to school.
sometimes it seems like it lasts forever, sometimes it doesn't.
either i like it, or i don't.
either i have fun, or i don't.
either it's hard, or it's not.

then i go to soccer, practice or a game.
sometimes it seems like it lasts forever, sometimes it doesn't.
either i like it, or i don't.
either i have fun, or i don't.
either it's hard, or it's not.

then i get home.
either i talk to walker, or i don't.
either i go to bed on time, or i don't.
either i do homework, or i...no wait, i have so much crap to do these days i have no choice and i do a ton of homework.

so basically that's every day.
except today i got really sick and so i came home at the beginning of lunch, which means i had to sit through a whole extra period of french but whatever.
i slept ever since, pretty much.
i'm mad though cause it was such a gorgeous day but i felt really bad and couldn't go outside. gahh sometimes i'll be sick on days when it turns out good like last time when i really just skipped school and talked to walker, or it can happen like today when...i come home and just feel like total utter shit and sleep for eight hours.
the only reason i went to school was because i had about a million things to do in first-fourth, which weren't too shabby. in biology we have three mice and some sort of gecko for our ecosystem and i could watch them all day, they're adorable.
and the only reason i'm going to school tomorrow is because we have a home game and i don't want to miss it and if i miss more than three periods i can't go but i can't miss second so maybe i should just not go to school until second then get picked up and miss third and then come back and go to english and then miss fifth!! haha I WISH. i'm pretty bitter sorry.

so yeah basically i have a ton of stuff in the cards for me and it all stays on track and is perfect and i keep getting news that should make me happier and happier and i'm so freaking lucky and i have more than i asked for but gosh darn it i feel so sad and i don't know why i let this get to me but it's basically always controlled me i'm retarded.

i think everyone learns the same lessons through different trials and tribulations and in the end it all comes out even.
so that's not meant to be justification, just a thought so i stop getting annoyed with people who say they miss other people when it's horrible for me.
i mean it's really not, i have a great life GOSH i'll just stop typing.
i don't know why i want to differentiate between being sad and being hurt, between being sad and being lonely, between being sad and being unlucky and between being sad and just about every other unfortunate thing. because i'm just SAD. i'm not hurt or lonley or unfortunate or anything.
and i know that i'm being melodramatic and whiny, SO. you don't need to tell me.

if you read all of that...you must be weirded out.

2005-03-16T16:04:00.000-05:00

[mood]: it used to be strange, but now i'm just on utter joy overdrive.
[music]: the dandy warhols, jack johnson, in other words--ben kweller, nothing better--the postal service, empty chairs--don mclean, piano man--billy joel, good boy--barenaked ladies, maybe tomorrow--stereophonics

so this week is really really easy.
we were supposed to have three games but we're only having two that i know of (today's was rained out, aww oh well it was supposed to be our first game.) but tomorrow's might be rained out, too.

first: well for all the gym days this week it's games. we played dodgeball on monday and it was the longest game ever and we kicked butt as the underdogs, heck yes. then yesterday we got into groups to research drugs. i'm with willy ian and rachel, good gosh ecstacy here we come??? and today it was every-man-for-himself-dodgeball and i definitely won.

second: all this week in biology we're watching lorenzo's oil which made me cry on the FIRST DAY which was supposedly the comparitively "happy" day...so yeah. today i didn't cry and tomorrow's supposedly the really sad day, but because of long complications i won't be there for the first half of class, i'll be registering for classes next year. and gosh darn it i still haven't decided whether i'm taking ap or honors!

third: the test was pretty fair. i studied like crazy. i don't know what we're doing the rest of the week and frankly i don't care, now that the test is out of the way. but uhh today he assigned us this stupid stock project that he UP FRONT AND OPENLY ADMITTED wasn't going to teach us how to efficiently trade stocks. whatever. i have a good group though, michael shannnnon and RRRRICO! hahaha.

fourth: another movie, a raisin in the sun and we don't have to read it! big score right there.

fifth: quizzes and new material like crazy, which is actually okay because so far this year everything she taught us we'd already learned (true in some twisted and weird way) from mme. chapman. so yeah, LAQUELLE AND CELUI TO YOU TOO.

sixth: would be lunch. those boys...man. crazy fun. and then today? that was weird.

seventh: started sketching my new painting, a pile of flowers, basically. and cameron brought her new digital in and we took lots of pictures that she's sending me tonight!

eighth: SYNTHETIC DIVISION is so easy. aaaand i'm about to fall asleep and because I'M NOT GOING TO SCHOOL ON FRIDAY i won't have to take the quiz until we get back from spring break.

so, tomorrow's my last day of school before spring break, : )
i'm registering for next year's classes in sally's kifner class second period because i have to take the french national exam during third and fourth periods.
i'm mostly done packing, i just have a couple things to get together before i leave baaah!
i'm really excited, this is going to be the best spring break ever.

i'm just so stressed about deciding between ap and honors, i'm pretty sure i've almost decided though.

one full to the brim day - soccer game - homework + free periods/movies in half of my classes + rain x (stress^2 + goodness - the 6 hours of sleep i should have gotten in the last 72 hours) = one happy napping charlotte.

2005-03-04T23:59:00.000-05:00

[mood]: ecstatic, satisfied, content, excited, happy, wonderful.
[music]: rebellion (lies)--arcade fire, crazy life--toad and the wet sprocket, best imitation of myself--ben folds, i melt with you--modern english, run--snow patrol, you know i couldn't last--morrissey, mudfootball--jack johnson. hokay that's definitely enough.

wow, whyyyyyyyyyyy is my life so incredible!!!?!

well today kicked some you-know-what.
as did yesterday.
and because i'm a freak, i'll give you both of them, ALL THE WAY THROUGH:

aujourd'hui:

first: we watched a movie on this girl slowly becoming a desperate crack addict. she kept asking people for money.

second: so it was really funny when like the first thing jeff said to me when i walked into the cafeteria for second was "do you have any money? i really need some money." yeeeah sat around and talked with lea/shannon same ol' crowd about how excited i am for two weeks! and how certain relationships, are, well...nothing but physical.

third: got into groups and we got lucky and had three people, me mu mu and justin. i wrote lots of bs, it's an art i tell you!

fourth: baaahh don't you dare get me started on those project grades. to my group: i gave you all a's, and we all deserved better grades than we got. i love you =(. oh well i got an a, but still. ANYWAY we went to hallenbeck and now i know what i'm doing for the next three years, uhh great? actually for real (or, as shea would say, FERREAL!) i am excited.

fifth: sub, again. cried at the beginning over how much i hate very fiber in my c&c teachers' bodies. and then talked.

sixth: ...ate? and talked with the normal crowd + alex.

seventh: no skippage today, boo. worked on my painting, which i think i'll call finished.

eighth: free period! did like two bonus and then watched nabil/kuntal etc. play chess against mr. noland. HAHA and ate starbursts.

after school, it was sooo nice to just be able to go straight home.
because we had no soccer practice,
and then i went to shea's for like seven hours. yessss.
trampolined for a lot of the time, he taught me how to "jump properly".
rented the notebook and sky captain and the world of tomorrow but ended up talking online to walker/ginny more than anything else. ate some yummy pizza and also made smoothies and pita bread creations. then watched part of sc&twot before cutting it off and spazzing cause there were changes in the backpacking plans.
overall had a pretty kickass time.
we have pretty kickin' significant others.

as for yesterday:

first: we had a free period. basically. mrs. clark wasn't there so she didn't notice i was like seven minutes late.

second: shannon, lea and i sat around and had really interesting conversations. but i love those girls =]

third: we got the first chapter with introduction of the communist manifesto to read. it's really not all that bad, but in a situation like that i'll just nod off, i can't help it, especially with the amount of sleep i get after a game and everything. but i read more than half of it and at the end he gave us a pop quiz cause he said that we weren't reading. we had to describe the rise of the bourgouis. i half bs'ed and half...quoted.

fourth: we got to play other peoples' games and no comments on whose game we played and what we thought of it. BUT IT WAS REALLY FUN and we tied in the end even though we didn't finish. our game rocked, though.

fifth: sub, and more project work! we figured out the logisitics and actually did the work/writing part. really fun and really easy. i need to try on that ball gown to see if it still fits, the other one's gotten too big for me.

sixth: those kids amuse me to no end. had fun trying to learn japanese from michael and jake. uhh, didn't work, though.

seventh: hahahahaha. painted for about five seconds then left with cam and morgan. went two different bathrooms three times and fell on the floor laughing twice. also went to go get water, in vain. and to my locker. lamented/bonded over having boyfriends who don't do to our school. MISTER PUFF BUCKET TRIED TO BUST US when we got back. we were coming down the hall and he was standing outside of his door with his arms crossed. we completely sweet talked our way out of any trouble, though. mmhmm yessir. he's so slow, we skip every day for the majority of the class and he said "now i've noticed that you guys have done this several times now." TRY EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST SIX MONTHS!!! oh well we'll be leaving again next week =).

eighth: sub, and kuntal and i missed the first bit cause we walked to west and back for various stuff we left there. ate starbursts and actually did my math work, unlike all the asians i sit with. hahahaha.

practice was really easy and really fun. audrey ww and i got to do goalie stuff the whole time. so basically for an hour it was us doing one v. one exercises and then the last forty minutes we played world cup.

and then tomorrow is lea's party!
and i want to go to umstead with adam and sally.
and sometime this weekend i'm going to the spa to see the babysitter we had when i was in fourth and fifth grade who just moved back from virginia, and who's getting married in june!! i'm excited.

i'm so glad i did whatever i did to deserve this perfectly imperfect beautifully souled gorgeously minded amazingly hearted person.

2005-02-23T23:13:00.000-05:00

[mood]: a copy of a copy of a copy. in oh so many ways. (some good, some bad.)
[music]: the futureheads, billy joel, bob seger, morrissey

how bout a new post?
yeeeah i think so, too.
(i = a really silly girl.)

the mood was what it was because, for bad reasons, every single day is the same and they're really long and tedious and it all just sort of bleeds together. that's in the fight club sense. the good reason? this is the third time for us. haha.

so, to sum up almost everything, i think that everyone is having a bad day week month. pretty much.
i mean, everybody i've talked to today has been having a really bad week.
and it's not even just enloe people.
it's bizarre, it's like an epidemic.

i hate all of my teachers, pretty much. it's sort of depressing, but oh well. the only classes i like all the time are suprisingly biology and algebra II, because the teachers and people in the class are always awesome. and the subjects most of the time are really easy. it's weird i used to hate math and science like all get out. and coach robinson (now mrs. clark...) isn't a bad teacher, but it's against all the rules of the earth to have healthful living be one of your favorite classes.

i'd say two good things happened today.
first off, duke won.
second off, alright i just sat there for about five minutes deciding how to say it and came up with nothing.

this weekend's looking up, in any case. i have work under control and i'm going to a movie and a play.

oh, and this made me laugh so so much during the "classroom" portion of practice:
sadi: i don't know what's vibrating!
coach wolfe: i hope it's your phone!
wow.

SO CHEER UP EVERYBODY.
said in DTRINH GANGSTA FO LYFE form.
no i was definitely kidding about those" ebonics".
haha speaking of: nous est ete...french ebonics!

2005-02-13T21:00:00.000-05:00

[mood]: nervous but real happy.
[music]: let her cry--hootie, i'll be--edwin mccain

hmmk so.
i want a boy.
saturday.
woke up early to babysit. whoo hoo made money.
went out to lunch with mom and kate, and then to get new soccer shoes.
or "boots", as mr. wolfe says. AHH MY GOSH I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT SOCCER.
because tryouts begin in about eighteen hours. i'm petrified.
went to see coach carter with shannnnnnnon. (yeah i'm definitely too lazy to count those.)
it was a really good movie, but then again i love all sports movies.
we had lots of fun, we sat in like the third row and i was a chicken and got scared whenever there was a gun on screen.
and we wanted to cheer and clap when the guys played basketball,
but then we decided we'd look extra retarded.
especially since we were the MINORITY being the only whie people there, haha.
it made me think of a special somebody, and then i thought of a special(er?) somebody else, and that made me think of valentine's day.
but that's LAST ON MY MIND because it's also the first day of tryouts on valentine's. bah.
then came home and talked to walker about spring break for a really long time, i'm so excited.
and then talked on the phone with shea and walker, i feel bad for shea. that three way long distance bill will be way up there.
i could list all the wonderful things about this boy,
sunday, or today.
shea called me, and that's what woke me up. at about noon.
went to lunch and DIDN'T GO SHOPPING for all my camping stuff, oh well.
had a soccer game that we scored like seventeen or more points in, i lost count. it was nice.
coach tony gave us all carnations, aww.
babysat again and made more money.
always a good thing.
like how wonderful he is, and all the wonderful things he does.
now i need to go downstairs and study for french and watch the grammy's and eat pizza. mmm.
or i could just name him.
because to me, this one name
says everything that could possibly be wonderful about a person:
walker.
WALKER JUST TOLD ME HE'S COMING NEXT WEEKEND.
YESSSSS TIMES INFINITY.
i love him so much.
wish me luck tomorrow, soccer tryouts. it should be a good day otherwise, but uhh...2.30-4.15.

2005-02-10T16:48:00.000-05:00

[mood]: FINALLY as good as it should be most definitely =)
[music]: give a little bit--goo goo dolls, and other fun 90's stuff. although that song's definitely from 2004. anyway, stuff like BLIND MELON--NO RAIN. so simple but so good. can't forget supercollider--fountains of wayne.

well i'm sorry that entry yesterday was so utterly depressing.
i'll leave it there just cause that stuff's still how i feel and so i don't have to type it all again here in a more positive light.
so.
today was...a big day.

first: our first straw test?! they're fine i don't really care but it's annoying because i didn't want to run as much as i could because i didn't want to be all sweaty and dishevled for the trial a period later. anyway, it was a real pretty day and i enjoyed it.

second: did some telephone lab but really it was like a free period to sit there and talk. oh yeah and do this impossible worksheet, how bout not.

third and fourth: TRIAL.
it was actually really, really good. i mean it could have gone better, but what happened was what i thought was possible for the best case scenario. so that's definitely good. i'll give you a semi play by play ish sort of thing.
i'm glad my opening statement was fully memorized and not as long as theirs. madison did a kick ass job at cross, and we all helped each other out. it wasn't as if i felt like he was doing it all or i was doing it all it was team effort! same with the witnesses, too. yayness and pie.
they contradicted themselves and we obliviated their evidence.
mr. king really wasn't as biased as i thought he would be! which was amazing.
anyway, it was all very impromptu and i cut some stuff but added stuff, too. wasn't half as formal and stiff as kifner's court was and for that i was really grateful.
the best laugh was kuntal's HORSE BUTT. yes, he was a centaur and therefore had like a four square yard thing strapped to his back. we made way too many puns about his "ass". oh goodness.
second best laugh? the fact that kevin kohler "dyed" his hair blonde. in other words he put a crapload of neon yellow gunk in his hair. it was great. why oh why oh why do i always forget my camera.
they tried to get us with cross but uhh my group members rocked on and did their research beautifully. poor mu mu and jeff...cept not.
we really tugged at the theme for the end, what with kevin (jason, defendent) crying and all.
so. yeah.
we ended early and milled around for a long time.
got interims, and i had a 95.6?! i don't know how, i thought those odyssey quizzes would bring me down more. guess not?
in any case,
i'm just glad it's over.

fifth: screw french! we talked for a long time about relationships. we had a counseling session with daniel and then we went off about how guys should really know how to dance and what kinds of things girls do for guys and vice versa. entertaining, as always.

sixth: got there late and definitely had to lug around a dictionary. OH WELL. sat at the other side of the table with alex and talked about our cases inside and out. AN UNDETERMINED MEMBER OF OUR JURY was talking to us and i'm pretty confident about the outcome. whatever i don't care it's over and aahhh yes. ashley was back today, too! and yeah it was just such a good vibe. and then sally came and got me becaaauuusse...she can probably still go to the beach! OH DOUBLE TRIBLE QUADRUPLE SCORE! we'll work it out.

seventh: cam and i left to go get her lacrosse stuff...or something. and we had a short bitch fest about GUYS. and the fact that they have MORE MOOD SWINGS THAN US. haha re-established that later on with michelle. came back and slapped more of that collage together. had infinite amounts of fun playing our game. heh.

eighth: had a real blonde forty four minutes cause all my brain juice had just been squeezed out for the trial. talked with kuntal nabil crystal sam (why do i feel so WHITE?!!) and twirled pencils, ate starburts, and other such interesting things. i like that class pretty well. left early to get the horse butt with k to the untal. (sorry thought that sounded funny.)

caaame home and decided to do NOTHING.
because this stupid project is over.
got into pj's and talked with walker about our spring break plans (ooh need to ask mom about them. and walker about next weekend?!!?!).
now i'm semi cleaning my room and listening to launchcastplus while waiting for shea to call me about our plans for tomorrow!

oooh yeah and, i <3 duke.
and i almost forgot! i have to list my heros, for whatever reason:
walker shea sally danny alex cam morgan kuntal jessica madison kevin kohler daniel andrew shannon lea adam michelle...yeah you guys all get medals for your awesomeness. you must have said something at some point that just made me SMIIILEE.

2005-02-09T19:15:00.000-05:00

[mood]: a copy of a copy of a copy.
[music]: unwell, sullivan street, instrumentals

well i promised myself i wouldn't update tonight cause it'll all be so sad.
but i really need to get this stuff off my chest.
not that i haven't already,
considering i called scott and cried to him for like...
two hours.
he's a great guy and deserves a medal.
just for listening.
anyway.
i'll give you the bad things first, so then i can finish this off on a happy note and not be dwelling on the shit when i leave. how bout that?
well.

bad.
-my mom got a biopsy for skin cancer a couple weeks ago. you know how when something bad like that happens, you never want to say anything about it? because if you talk about it too lightly or whatever it could blow up in your face and come true. well, i only told two people. maybe i shouldn't have told sally yesterday cause when i got home, she had the report. and it is skin cancer.
-sally will be gone all summer. i could stop there, but uhh i won't. cause i'm pissed beyond belief cause i planned to stay home ALL SUMMER to hang out, her and adam and me and walker. i guess not. the only thing that was keeping me going? yeah whatever. so she's doing that stupid ib thing the first two weeks of summer and then immediately leaving for some video tech thing for six weeks. i mean she told me the other night she wasn't even sure she wanted to continue doing production stuff, so what the hell. i mean, what's keeping her from taking inquiry skills next year cause she won't have three year round electives like this year. at least healthful living will be out and most likely tech production cause she has to get the special spot or whatever and didn't think she wanted to. BUT AS I ALREADY SAID it's retarded (actually don't think i used those exact words but whatever) and so she'll be gone all summer.
-ginny got grounded so shea canceled the valentine dance i was invited to, which makes me want to scream. (not that those other things up there didn't)
-the trial's tomorrow, and i'm gonna die. i don't even want to think about it.
-same with soccer tryouts and valentine's day. i did so bad at practice today.
-my mom yelled at me and i can't handle it when she does it. if they would just tell me what they want from me.
-i only have two more school days coming straight home from school. god damn it.
-i'm so busy i couldn't go to ash wednesday service tonight.
-i have to clean my room and it's not all that messy but that's WORSE because that means my mom will inspect every inch of it.
-i've had a headache all day and it will not go away.
-mme popescu is too critical and it pisses me off.
-mr. puckett is stupid. it's a WATERCOLORS class. not...architecture and collage class.
-shea's grandmother is in town which means he might as well be grounded.
-no walker yet.
-i could go on and on but i'll refrain.

good.
-*sigh* uhhm. oh yeah, i have to see walker over president's day weekend or i'll have a fit.
-the trial, well one side of at least, was funny to watch. it was like watching a bad snl skit.
-i had a happy lunch.
-and seventh period. we started a really fun game and it resulted in us dying laughing.

whatever. i'm off to memorize this stuff and shower and make dinner cause my parents aren't here. oh that's another bad thing...anyway yeah they're at church right now.
then i'll stay up late watching the duke vs. unc game cause i can't refrain myself.
maybe i should give up college basketball for lent, then i'd get to sleep a lot earlier.
or i know,
i could give up work.

UHHHM. i'll be updating this tomorrow and making a new entry cause this is entirely too depressing.
GOOD GAME UNC.
you gave us a good fight =)

2005-02-08T23:20:00.000-05:00

[mood]: stressed, but i guess in a motivated way. pretty good otherwise.
[music]: sixth avenue heartache--the wallflowers, all for you--sister hazel, ants marching--dmb

well.
i'll make this quick.
...ish?

first: someone wake me up when we do something worth thinking about in that class.

second: we had a DEBATE. in which of course our side (lea shannon jeff david etc.) beasted. managed to take the whole class to do that. whoo hoo. shannon wrote lyrics on my packet and i had to guess the title and artist. i thought all for you was hootie, but NO it's sister hazel. and oh yeah we decided we have to go see coach carter on saturday! all because of changes =).

third: project work day, we practiced cross examination.

fourth: i made a gabazillion copies of our scripts/opening/closing statements and then bought candy. and mr king bought me candy?!!?! it was bizarre. that man...blegh whatever. practiced some more but then no, told stories.

fifth: mme popescu is really getting on sally and my nerves. and we started OUR LEAST FAVORITE TENSE EVERRR: imperfect. we all started twitching. anyway, she started talking about how no one loves famous people. which i thought was rude cause i mean someone somewhere has got to love them. what bout they mamas?!!?! whatev.

sixth: alliteration names for michael's bizarre characters. quinn the quentessintial queer queen quiller? yeah that's mine. way to suck =) ...and yes i stole that expression.

seventh: i'm in watercolor, right? well just making sure. because once we finally started working on a real project with watercolors, he makes us rip out magazine pictures and make a huge ass collage. wtf? yeah i'm so pissed. and i just realized i have sketches due tomorrow that i definitely haven't done. whatever i'll just use some from last semester, he'll never know =]

eighth: basically, nothing.made a stupid mistake on the board but got to fix it in time.

brought kuntal kevin kohler jessica and holly home with me and madison met us there. they stayed til 5.00 and we got stuff done. SURPRISINGLY considering kevin and kuntal were watching the simpsons on kevin's iriver for about thirty minutes. SOMEONE PUT KUNTAL IN A BOX DURING THE TRIAL--or else i'll die laughing. oh well, it'll all be over in a little less than thirty six hours. oh and then at the end madison was playing piano and yes that makes him my hero of the day cause he busted out the bens (folds and kweller) and also coldplay and played at least seven of my all time favorite songs. yes, so that = my hero for the day.
oh and by the way, HAPPY MARDI GRAS.
i was so happy, jensen and zeb came for dinner tonight. =)
but sad, too. because ginny got grounded so the point for going to the cary high valentine's dance has decreased a lot. so i might just go to shea's and chillax.
(speaking of valentine's day, it's the last thing on my mind. can you say, first day of soccer tryouts?!!)
then spend the night at morgan's.
then go babysit.
then go see a movie.
then sleep, then go to church, then soccer, then sleep.
oh and did i mention, UNV VS. DUKE TOMORROW?!! ash wednesday, too. i don't know who will win, i'm not saying anything. sort of like my c&c trial...?? haha.
i feel like all of my ribs are broken, for some weird reason.
good luck medea trials!

did this yesterday:

stole this from ASHLIZZLE.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. char char-lot-aaayy char la la
2. creamy sharly charlizzle
3. charlie yeah i gave up with three per line =)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. blartighnof (don't ask. made up word with kate.)
2. GoodCharlotteCTM (i know i know i know shoot me now.)
3. HuMoReSSeNeCCiTy (i have a thing with made up words, don't i?)

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my humor
2. my determination
3. yeah i'm with ashley i hate feeling like i'm bragging. how about...my hobbies (writing, soccer, painting, etc.)

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my indecisiveness
2. my worrying
3. does compulsive buying count?

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. scotch-irish
2. english/french
3. norwegian

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. guns
2. cancer
3. my house burning down

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS: (aside from the obvious)
(i decided not to be obvious and say things like friends.)
1. launchcastplus
2. my diary
3. sophie

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (at the moment):
(only three?!! how about three per line. i think that's what you meant.)
1. r.e.m. the shins matchbox twenty
2. counting crows coldplay spin doctors
3. arcade fire guster keane

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (at the moment):
(same deal as above. heh heh.)
1. leaving new york--r.e.m., nightswimming--r.e.m., bittersweet--big head todd and the monsters
2. rebellion, lies--arcade fire, track nine (crap forgot title)--the futureheads, anna begins--counting crows
3. real world--matchbox twenty, in my place--coldplay, beautiful--ted leo and the pharmacists

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. DRIVING. hahaha that's an easy one
2. hang gliding, haha yesss at the beach this year with sally!
3. hmm can't think of any more. okay so this isn't really "trying a new thing" but go to a concert at cat's cradle with shea, walker, etc.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
(well i had someone's name here for all three things then i decided that's not right. so instead i did the old three per line trick.)
1. chivalry, sarcasm, smart as if not smarter than me
2. great sense of humor, great taste in music, respect
3. caring, compassionate, trustworthy

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: (no particular order)
1. i have stalkers. fourteen year old boy ones.
2. i only have twenty two pairs of shoes.
3. this will be the best summer of my life.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. eyes
2. hair
3. hands

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. chew gum. it disgusts me!
2. stay mad at someone for long.
3. skateboard.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. go to sleep and wake up and it'll be eleven days from now.
2. chillax with my favorite people in the world all at once at umstead while throwing a frisbee, or go out to dinner with them that works, too. or watch a movie here. YOU GET THE POINT.
3. go backpacking or to the beach.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
(aww sally and i were just talking about this the other night.)
1. editor
2. fashion designer
3. lawyer (but man this project will end up changing my mind awful fast.)

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. sweden this summer for soccer so bad!
2. paris or new york with sally...or both. that works, too.
3. road trip in the renovated school bus...all across america =)

THREE KID'S NAMES:
(one guy one girl per line because i just have that much to say. what a loser. and the guy trend ISN'T FOR PAST CRUSHES honest i swear.)
1. margaret/clark
2. jessica/walker
3. isabella/alexander

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. marry *cough*
2. spend a year in paris, milan, or new york
3. have a book of poetry published

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. haha i was like ashley, kate and i used to always crawl around the creeks and stuff in our back yard with the neighborhood guys.
2. i'm pretty wrapped up in sports and i watch all sports, i probably watch that the most on tv. all basketball games, not just acc stuff and all baseball and stuff, too.
3. i hate chick flicks, pretty much. i mean, unless it's REALLY good chances are i rip it apart. i'd much much rather go see an action movie or something.

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. gossip. i suppose. shame on me.
2. i'm...fashion obsessed?
3. i'm very day dreamy.

THREE CRUSHES (past and present):
(again i could use the same person for all three but uh...i won't. he's on here once though. even though CRUSH isn't sufficient enough.)
1. mac
2. walker
3. alex

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. one of my favorite pairs of jeans
2. my blue wet seal shirt
3. white camisole

2005-02-04T20:53:00.000-05:00

[mood]: reerrmm, antsy.
[music]: you get what you give--new radicals

of all the days to forget my camera, sigh.
anyway, brief run down.

first: learned we're gonna do the straw test from now on, whatever. have a flat hundred average in that class.

second: did book work and discussed how much it would suck to have block scheduling. have a hundred four average in that class.

third: we had a sub. so i couldn't bean mister kifner over the head with a heavy metal cauldron, WHICH WAS MY MOM'S SUGGESTION. dialogue went something like this:
me: so can you bring it in between third and fourth?
mom: well not before third? isn't that when c&c starts?
me: yes but that's kiffy and he's not my judge, i'll be turning it in to king.
mom: but you should take it to kifner's anyway and bean him over the head with it. or ask him to put it on his head and then it could get stuck there.
YES IT DID HAPPEN. i'll explain the cauldron later...
anyway. we had a sub. KUNTAL = MY HERO OF THE DAY, because he taught me how to twirl a pencil. and really, that's about all i did in that class. except make fun of kevin kohler for having lost the bet about the unc vs. state game and showing up dressed as a girl: green tights, tennis shoes, read plaid mini skirt, purple striped tank top, and pink corderoy jacket. with his hair pulled back. yesss. also gave kuntal the material list for the horse butt. "nice ass" but besides that quote of the day, there's this one from kevin, out of context = eleven billion times funnier: "what the heck?!! are you trying to take pictures up my skirt?!?"

fourth: my mom was late to bring me the CAULDRON, and poster board. yeah, we needed it for evidence for our trial. how crazy is that? mr. king made fun of me. and then kuntal and i laughed the entire time except we really were trying not to. sort of.

fifth: we worked like mad people to get everything on our poster board. notre maison kicks (frappe?) derierre! soo yeah helen sally and i even stayed a little bit into sixth period lunch...well like ALL OF lunch...to finish it off with labeling and everything. fun stuff.

sixth: ran into a bitch trying to get to my locker. some of the older teachers are so bitter, it's a shame. got to the table with some major drama going on, between GUYS?!! it was bizarre. sort of like a nerd war, except not.

seventh: worked more on my favorite project thus far.

eighth: took a quiz. easy.

the only person all day to be cocky about unc was alex.
HEY i like the team and all and i'm nice about it.
silly boys.
anne: quinn. so...hush =)

after school, well here's the part that was sort of, ehhh.
last night jeff lindsay and i planned to go to jeff's house and watch movies, etc.
then i remembered i'd promised to go shopping with kate and mom right after school.
so when not as many people could come as hoped for, we postponed it and i was gonna go to shea's house after crabtree and meet ginny and have dinner over there.
i got home, and mom's coming down with the flu.
shea said i can't come over.
i can't get in touch with jeff.
WHAT THE HELL i was so upset.
but then i went shopping with kate and got a pair of pants two shirts a pair of shoes and sally's birthday present! yay.
but now i'm sort of stuck here i guess watching movies...whatev.
shea went to get his eyebrow pierced but they won't let him til he's sixteen. I'M GLAD HE CHOSE SUCH A FULFILLING WAY TO SPEND HIS NIGHT WITH HIS PARENTS.
gah.

i really need to stop updating.

i missed you today, more than ever. i can't wait until i can just drive to your house whenever i feel like closing my eyes to the bright lights.
soon, but never soon enough.

2005-02-03T17:38:00.000-05:00

[mood]: apprehensive
[music]: at the moment, still fighting it--ben folds. but uhh, not my mood today.

well, it was so rainy!
i'll live though.
i haven't even started my homework and it's like 6.30. shit.
hokay, SO.
my group sort of fell apart today.
madison = flu
kevin kohler = vow of silence
kuntal = ...a centaur without a horse butt. basically.
holly = uhhhmKAY.
jessica = well the only one left. besides me.
AS MUCH AS YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THAT AND ALL...it was stressful. we didn't meet during lunch OR after school. kuntal's dad was on emergency call and madison was sick and kevin k had a dentist appointment and holly couldn't get a ride home. forget THAT.

anyway.
again, only what matters:

second: watched this ultra seventies movie on the animal kingdom. all the girls said "awww" at the animals.

third: sat in king's room while my patience ran thin and i slowly had a heart attack. EMLAY is my hero, she sat me down and went through the questions with me. i love the majority of my c&c class!

fourth: was the big ol' jury selection. and lemme tell ya, i SUCKED. so so so so SO bad. i was so nervous because i was the only lawyer and had to ask all of the questions, it was terrible. i wasn't half as confident as i should have been, whatever. in the end we got one more strike than they did cause mister king is so biased. actually just talkin to jeff it's pretty unfair how mean he is to them. oh well they're gonna win at least half of it anyway hahaha. SO. the jury's taken care of.

fifth: we got crazy with scissors. we are definitely way too over enthusiastic about this project. it'll be fun though!

sixth: danny tried to tell me if he designed a house it'd be better than our french one. UHHM HOW BOUT NOT. michael told the futuristic life stories of everyone at the table EXCEPT ME i get to wait til tomorrow, fun.

seventh: WHOO mister puff bucket let us call caammmmerronn! aww she has the flu and i hope she feels better super quick. the cell cut off on us like ten times but we kept calling back. and stupid mister p made us give him the phone and he told cam she was failing his class. WHAT A JERK HE IS. but elliot cheered her up hahaha.

eighth: oooh my goodness. learned really easy new stuff and then it was work time which = kuntal coming over with david/stephen (SHUT UP. i swear i thought that was his name. grr.) yeah kuntal admitted he was gay. and other stuff like that. EXCEPT NOT. really kuntal it's okay. what a funny class.

made cookies with kate after school and talked french the whole time. cept for a few franglais words like "blister": pronounced BLEESTAAY.
jeff called a billion times and i might go over there tomorrow afternoon with others...?? but if no one else can i won't. we'll see.

uhhm, now i don't even know why i updated this.
out.

2005-02-02T17:35:00.000-05:00

[mood]: starting to go back up.
[music]: the shins (chutes too narrow and oh, inverted world) rosalita--bruce springsteen, anna begins--the crows that count (WALKER THAT WAS ENTIRELY MINE FIRST. hmph.)

so. first and foremost:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SALLY BELLE MARIE!!!
hope your day was as SPECTACULAROSISCOOLIODIDDLYGREAT as you are =)
made a big batch of my infamous chocolate chip cookies for her last night and during second period snuck a fun sign on her locker. heh heh.

so now, only what's relevent/worth explaining.

second: got extra credit for coloring in sharks, enough said.

third and fourth: did NOTHING. got sent to king from kifner then back to kifner. and back to king. and then brraarhhghgh i lose track. i got questioned for jury duty for a grand total of thirty seconds. mister trinh STRUCK ME (verb forms, so weird: i will strike you i've been stricken you struck me. anyway...) because i was a lawyer and "knew too much"? whatever, i wanted to have it cause it was mister carey versus mister trinh. WHOA. but they were retarded and BOTH called me mrs. NO, i am not married, jeez. that's MISS to you. oh and besides all that worked with my group.

fifth: the french project is ON A ROLL. our group kicks, it's rebecca helen sally james me. whoo.

sixth: fun stuff, AS ALWAYS. i'd probably scare you if i tried to elaborate, though.

seventh: mister puff bucket was back. after like two weeks of being gone, darn! turned in sketches (he only counted and didn't even look at them, GRR.) and started a new project.

eighth: asians crack me up. I DON'T MEAN THAT IN A DEROGATORY WAY. honest.

then pre-season varsity soccer practice after school. fun stuff mostly except still no goalie. scrimmaging field is still pretty fun, though. it was weird there were more freshman. but i guess i'm not really in a place to say that.
then went to the third place with kate and got orange soda's and sat and talked and then came home.
and now i'm here.
MMM. this weekend = muchos fun...os!

what's your inner flower?

2005-01-30T18:18:00.000-05:00

[mood]: still so happy.
[music]: ridin' in my car--settie, in my place--coldplay, drops of jupiter--train (those last two always make me so happy. like, i want to cry i get so happy.)

so, today i got woken up by shea calling me at like 11.55am. hahaha what a great way to start the day. (hadn't gone to church cause it was the voting day for vestry and i'm not old enough to vote yet so what's the point.)
went downstairs and read the odyssey for a long time then came back upstairs, worked out details for the day, then did all but the last federalist no. 78 question. had lunch, read some more, then took a shower.
(i know, this is all so very interesting so far.)

then met up with ANNNNEE. went to crabtree, so much fun.
went in every place on earth.
i only got three things cause i got shoes and those are expensive when all you have is $85.
BUT--i was a smart girl and left a lot of money at home so i could spend all i had with me but i wouldn't be broke all together. cause that's an icky feeling.
SO. went to american eagle, and it was funny they had a $4.95 and up rack but everything on there was like $40.00. WHAT CHEATER. but anyway.
got some blue topsiders, some jeans, and a necklace. OOH and a pepsi.
got offered some mushroom chicken thing and had to "run" to the bathroom to spit it out. heh heh.
went to deb and tried on dresses, cause we're just so cool like that. took pictures. (sorry they're all so blurry, and that my hair was so FLAT. as i said before i took a shower just before hand.)
"do you want to go in there and sniff stuff?!!" hahaha that tutti dolci stuff in bath & body works smells diiiivviiinnne. boys: get it for your girlfriends. =D
made fun of the clothes in wet seal, walked the length of the mall like ten times.
then at the end my mom sent andrew and kate to pick me up and anne and her dad were being so silly. hope they got to church on time!
OVERALL it was successful and made my sunday happy! yayyy.

"please eat more chocolate and please listen to more coldplay" haha that's at the end of the live version. it makes me happy.

and last but certainly not least!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MORGAN CARTIER! <3<3<3

2005-01-26T23:32:00.000-05:00

[mood]: just plain old happy.
[music]: my philosophy, the wallflowers, blues traveler, tom petty, five for fighting, counting crows.

well, well, well.
we're over humpday so only two days to go, score.
this is our first full week after coming back from winter break. BOO!

in the car this morning some song played and it said "everybody think they're in love--they're dead wrong." i wanted to shoot it. i mean, if you can shoot something abstract like a song. BUT IF I COULD AND IF I WEREN'T AFRAID OF GUNS, i would have.

first we watched a movie on alcohol and i got yelled at by a bunch of girls who've had HARD LIQUOR BEFORE just because i have alcohol every week...COME ON communion wine. durrr.

second we started this group project, which is like seventy percent of my life in that class. talked and managed to complete our tasks, what smart girls we are =)

third OOOH. we got quizzes back and i refused to look at mine until kiffy asked us to. and i was completely shockered because i got a hundred! whoo yes. where was that magical power for midterms? oh well.

fourth we had our evidentiary and witness hearing. i scared the living crap out of mu mu and jeff, i'm pretty sure. we killed their best piece of evidence and they forgot to take their second best, WHOOPS. and mr. king's our judge and OH MAN I LOVE LAUNCHCASTPLUS WITH ALL MY HEART ALMOST AS MUCH AS THE PERSON WHO GAVE IT TO ME NOW I'M DONE. (sorry it just played a really good song--100 years.) anyway mr. king's our judge and that completely rocks because he favors me as all get out. i sucked up to him but hey what can you do. and then i whipped my group into shape. we'll PWWWWN. or whatever you leet wooting people say. hahahaha.

fifth i got called on RANDOMLY to talk for a minute about who my best friend was. and i was all SALLY! haha. i said how funny and nice she is and where we hang out but too bad i didn't know how to say "lucky star" en francais.

sixth i killed the back of my leg on those brick things, a scrape sooo bad. got moral support from sally when we went to buy lunch, and then fed sausage to kevin and ashley. i missed danny! oh well.

seventh is a joke. started a new painting and uhhm, nearly had a fit controlling my laughter with cam.

eighth i should have slacked off with kuntal but i didn't, i studied. but being the multitasker i am i also talked to kuntal--and stole--AND DRANK--his gatorade, and also laughed at nabil (sp?) and sam. funny smart kids. well, mostly.

pre-season varsity practice after school. WHEN OH WHEN do i get to be goalie?!! i miss it. whatever oh well. kate and i were both entirely off today, but oh well. it was pretty fun and it was a gorgeous day. I LOVE LAUNCHCASTPLUS AGAAAAAAAAAIN. now it's sullivan street by the CROWS THAT COUNT. so, yeah and i got a massive headache and soccer shoe full of blood from all of that. the blood from this square inch blister on my foot, GAUGH.

came home and...talked on the phone with shea and scott. succumbed to modern society and watched 42365896 billion episodes of newlyweds/some cheesy made for tv movie/college basketball while studying for french/biology/civics. then i took a shower until i got pruny, it was like a hundred twenty degrees.

and YES, i am still wearing my duke hoodie tomorrow for acc day.
because we are graceful winners and losers.
unlike...everybody else. lordy.
well, EXCEPT FOR KEVIN KOHLER who had a moment of utter wonderfulness tonight (he's a nc state fan all the way.):
Kevin K. (11:06:45 PM): im sorry
Kevin K. (11:06:46 PM): i wont be a jerk
Kevin K. (11:07:55 PM): night
Kevin K. signed off at 11:08:13 PM.

yayyy.

i have never been more certain of who i love and who i'm going to be with in my life.
which is saying something? considering...however long i've known.

well, now a song came on by radiohead titled go to sleep.
i think i just might take its advice.

2005-01-24T22:05:00.000-05:00

[mood]: determined.
[music]: launchcastplus. get used to it. coldplay, hootie and the blowfish, goo goo dolls, BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S. sorry that just came on.

well, i promised myself i wouldn't update today but here i am. geez.
the mood is because, well, i am. for many reasons:
to get through this week
to do well on the c&c project
to do well at soccer tryouts
to get through to march, basically. or that long weekend in february =)

uhhm. lettuce see. (sort of like when my family leaves the house, we say "lettuce leaf". hahahahahaha sorry i could NOT resist.)

first ms. robinson (now mrs. clark!) wasn't there so we were convinced we didn't have to dress out. but oh no, we did. and we...kicked the soccer ball around. whoopdeedoo?
second was in the cafeteria and i had a big headache and lost an earring, but then i went to the bathroom to take some advil came back and promptly beasted betty in egyptian ratscrew. three times. haHAH.
third errr group work after fifteen minutes of kiffy's absofuckinlutely pointless rambling. we figured some stuff out, which was good. kuntal made me laugh.
fourth we did our theory and theme. i was surprised at how few groups finished. i'm glad we did, though. thank goodness for mu mu/jeff's really easy charges against us.
fifth HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i'm laughing just thinking about it. the highlight of my day. well, not the first part...just took a quiz (ninety-six) and learned stuff. but THEN, oh man THEN, we were talking about combing/brushing/eating (...??) ourselves and james goes...SOOOOOOOME PEOPLE except it sounded like he was gonna sing. i mean i have never laughed that hard IN CLASS except maybe the time when mrs. chell told us the mechanical bull story. i cried so hard, i was laughing that much. i had a fit and cried and laughed and shook and oh my goodness i'm about to do it all over again just thinking about it. WHY WAS THAT SO FUNNY?!! hmm i suppose only sally will understand =].
sixth was...interesting as always. the climax was probably when i fell off the brick thing right as sally came to tell me about sex...ology? yeah. it was fun as always.
seventh we had a sub. i had THREE SUBS TODAY. health biology and art. grrr oh well. yera, anna, emily and i just talked about the project the entire time. poor morgan and camille haha. so yeah, yera and i tore apart kevin's prosecution. mmhmm.
eighth i nearly fell asleep and just wanted to get out of there. blah...who knows why.

got home in record time, like 2.40 or something.
i love having a SENIOR SPOT! oooh baby.
anyway, this week is reverse homecoming...cominghome? whatev. (as shea would say.) the only day i'm doing anything is ACC TEAM DAY because i've gotta show love for my boys. plus, i really needed a day this week to come to school in a big baggy hoodie. because it's what i would be wearing if i were at home, which i should be because i've gotten so used to and been spoiled by those four day weeks.

it's been a year since i got this thing.

oh, and i've officially finally made up my mind/heart.
and i don't think i ever really thought i'd do anything different.
you make me smile.

2005-01-19T22:45:00.000-05:00

[mood]: giddy.
[music]: goo goo dolls: iris, name; coldplay: sparks, yellow, in my place, clocks; matchbox twenty: push, real world; counting crows: anne begins, perfect blue buildings, raining in baltimore, goodnight elizabeth, sullivan street, murder of one; built to spill. i could go on and on.

so, SNOW DAY!!!

which means we got out of school an hour early but i didn't get home until after i usually do anyway, at 2.50. which is a ton better than everyone else who rode buses, or anyone in general who doesn't have an AWESOME BIG SISTER WHO HAS A SPOT to drive you home. for instance, scott just got home at 10.00pm and sally didn't get home til almost 9.00pm. and kids are sleeping at schools, and at each other's houses, and other crazy shiznat like that. but now i can rest easy cause i'm pretty sure everyone's safe. it was pretty funny, mom and kate made fun of me cause the phone was ringing off the hook all afternoon. literally i'd hang it up and it'd ring again. only cause we were all worried about each other! so yeah they decided was like the den mother...wtf?!! haha what a "social butterfly" they said. mmHMM.

but yeah i was absolutely terrified, we spun out like four times and andrew's car broke down and we ended up nearly having him spend the night, long story. but good grief people it's like two inches of snow, what's the deal? it took us an hour and fifty minutes to go home, when it usually takes us ten minutes. oooh well i got home bundled up and been happy ever since.
oh and soccer was canceled, duh.
especially when i got walker's present, now i can frisbee more than just once a month, even though it's not half as fun without his cool throws.

first i went to west gym first...?!! but then we just played soccer.

second we took a really easy test and i was almost in a bad mood, but then, surprisingly...

third and fourth combo cheered me up. we got out projects, we're defending jason! yes definitely the easiest job. i have two people who were in my group last time, kuntal and jessica. i don't mind too much but it's weird. then also madison and kevin (from lunch, not mu mu or durso) and hollis/holly. soo yeah i'm a lawyer. i didn't really have a choice. but i'm definitely excited.

fifth was french and sally and i always have fun in there. plotted our beachification.

sixth was LUNCH. when it started snowing. alex came by my table 879376036720 times to get me to go outside and finally i did for about thirty seconds. buuuuut i didn't have my camera (sigh, of all days to leave it at home) and so i came back in. it was such a pretty snow, though! and yeah it was story time with scott and all that jazz.

seventh mr. p wasn't there and cam's sick so it was toned down. morgan and i talked the whole time as always. quoting NAPPY D. and ferris beuller's day off! YESSS she's coming over saturday afternoon and watching that with me.

OH and i was about to put eighth but then we went home.
got pegged by jeff with a snowball, boo. couldn't find david to have a snowball fight, though. wish i could have given sally a ride, oh well.
watched mean girls for the 535907628th time. kate and andrew laughed. i was sort of preoccupied cause my phone's been ringing off the hook all afternoon.

Creamy: are you OWNING the eighth grade haha
Will 2: of course i am
Creamy: but of course
Will 2: thats what sexy people do
Creamy: oh, well, duh.
Creamy: in that case, enloe is MINE.
Creamy: haha jk
Will 2: sure it is

aaand...

Cam: SCHOOL'S CANCELED
Cam: omgomgomgomg
Creamy: tpg2V IJwGHT;HF'HKNF
Creamy: yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Cam: haha just kidding
Cam: :-)
Cam: muhahahaha
Creamy: AHHH NO
Creamy: YOURE SO EVIL
Cam: SORRY I LOVE YOU

aaaaaand...

David: haha, while charlottes bundled up by the fire, a hundred kids are standing in the snow
Creamy: YES dayum straight

CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR NO SCHOOL TOMORROW, GUYS!

yes it worked! no school tomorrow!
probably goin to chillax at lilly's with will, and maybe sledding with shea.
don't forget to ready my EEEEEEMMMO entry below. yessuh.

do you realize?

2005-01-18T19:29:00.000-05:00

[mood]: contemplative, content
[music]: death cab for cutie, bruce cockburn, counting crows, elton john, tom petty, coldplay, the pixies, fountains of wayne, modest mouse, yeah in other words walker's launchcastplus.

i guess this is "emo",
or whatever you want to call it.
i've been reading through stuff
just all floating out there.
i mean if you think about it,
there really is so much stuff
to just go and find and read.
things that are completely relevent to your life in so many small ways. sometimes it's even from your life. old e-mails and IM conversations and blog entries and diary entries and xanga entries and poems and random bursts of emotions just saved and shoved away, like a system of letting off steam for your brain.
and there are so many things that tie you back to them.
(like music, and pictures, and words, and the proper nouns of this world.)
you know, that one person?
i know everybody has one.
i mean i guess a lot of you aren't as lucky as i tell myself i am, because i have this one person who...is everything.
i'm so lucky, for the way everything's panned out. believe it or not?
i wouldn't have kept him here.
i wouldn't have kept us together.
i wouldn't have kept us from doing or saying anything we did, good or bad.
cause if i think about it, at this age, things would have spiraled down if we'd been together physically and emotionally the whole time and we would have just expired, called it quits, and walked away.
or maybe not, i guess i'll never know.
but the point of this is that love
it's past the romantic level for us.
it's a matter of companionship and saying the same things at the same time.
and a matter of being able to make the same connection over and over again a thousand ways and never once repeating yourself.
a matter of, no matter how many times you write and think and say and feel and dream and cry the words, they won't be able to capture everything that's flying through your brain so fast because they set your soul alive.
and they're the only one who can catch and can read those fleeting thoughts, moments, memories, feelings.
so. i figure i'm pretty lucky to have this one person care about me so much, it doesn't matter that i have my flaws and sometimes i talk too loudly or cry too much or am too elusive. because he respects me and cherishes me and it's not a matter of breaking up or the petty things annoying us.
because if two people want this badly to be friends and to stay together and we've come this far, we can do it.
it's...
love.

haha what a LOSER i am.
i wrote all ^^that^^ last night right before going to bed at 11.30, or somefink crazy like that.
so now i'll recap. sunday night went out to dinner with the parents + jensen, to this really cute place called tiramisu. had some really yummy pasta/chicken deal that i finished for lunch today. "I HAVE LUNCH!" yes char, we all do. hahaha i love you sally.
then monday, went out to lunch with the parents + kate. fun.
went to see finding neverland with shea and we had a really fun time eating reese's pieces and covering up for the fact that we suck at time telling. it was a really good movie and no, i cannot deny that johnny depp is EFFIN' HOT.
alright, glad to get that off my chest.

today? it was like-29672097 degrees. but it was such a gorgeous day.
and everything everybody said reminded me of him.
first will be a joke all week, score. i might skip it every single day. (robinson--or well we don't know what her name is now--is on her honeymoon. and i mean come on, the sub won't even let us play cards.)

second was story time and GODDANGIT i really need to stop being a gossip. just hush hush about it, and everything. but that kid, jeff, man can he pester. so i was all grrr but at the same time in a good mood, cause i maxed out for the TEST i have tomorrow that i definitely didn't know about.

third is my absolute least favorite class oh my word like WHOA pothw4[ y0YWHT'LNH'LseihJ'ow3 4uy[b4o9hy[#Bojy6'Lhn"LKWYGn]l ekyhwbhny'og YEAH I HATE IT THAT MUCH.

fourth pop essay i love you mrs. brooks.

fifth uhhm i'd hate french a whole whole lot, too, if it weren't for sally and rebecca. mme. popescu's really mean and really inconsiderate of other cultures. boo.

sixth was fun as always. i didn't get to talk to scott though so i have to call him!

seventh we went and saw return to the forbidden planet, which was awesome-ish? i mean if only for the fact that i didn't have to paint.

eighth EWWW. it sucks when noland's gone.

so this afternoon studied for biology.
talked for a gabazillion minutes with shea.
aaand we booked our beach house for this summer. actually, we booked three weeks' worth. two houses for the first week of june and one for the second. we're going two weeks we just don't know if we're staying in the same house or switching. and we just wanted to go ahead and get our names on it.
they're oceanfront and sleep likle 2390672369 people and i'm so psyched cause i can have people come with me. sally's definitely coming but i want walkerscottshea, too...? yeah we'll see.

this summer will be AMAZING <3.
(she says on the coldest day of the year yet. har.)

2005-01-14T13:15:00.000-05:00

[mood]: SO SO SO GOOD I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN.
[music]: STRAIGHT UP WHAT DID YOU WANT TO LEARN ABOUT HERE IF I WAS SOMEONE ELSE WOULD THIS ALL FALL APART STRANGE WHERE WERE YOU WHEN WE STARTED THIS GAME I WISH THE REAL WORLD WOULD JUST STOP HASSELING ME. hahaha the chorus of the real world by matchbox twenty. they're completely irrelevent but lord i love this song. also, big head todd & the monsters, ted leo & the pharamcists, counting crows, the futureheads, OH MY GOODNESS. too much.

i am the happiest girl alive. no bones about it, i just am.
today was amazing, yesterday was amazing, tomorrow will be amazing. the past eight days have been amazing, the next eight days will be amazing, i am amazing, you are amazing, life is amazing.
hokay, so. today was really really good.
i mean, how could it not be when shea calls you at 6.50 just to chit chat. HAHAHA i love that kid with a mad non sexual passion.
first we shaw and robinson were in the gym so anne told me her story (awww. guys are SO not important. hahaha remember that from like forever ago.) and then we played kemps twice and anne and i won twice and then we played scum five times and i was president three times and vice president twice. haha YESSS i "own" at cards.
second we feasted. there's pictures of like these MOUNDS of food. everyone mugged me for my cookies, hahaha. and we just sort of hung out. the food was supposedly to do with a "lab" but we didn't even write anything. aaaand so we walked in the hall. and noticed it smelled like ihop. hmmm.
third was uhhh the only class we did work in. but for some reason today it was that much more bearable. we actually had a sort of interesting discussion and kiffy didn't piss me off too much. except when he started talking about killing students with staplers/lead pipes...?!!
fourth we OH YEAH ate cookies. and got quizzes back (good thing) and talked about the only homework i have to do over the weekend, grr. oh well and then we did skits, which was great. we hadn't run through ours at all and i was haemon and i had to kill myself and i fell on the floor (ouch) and stumbled across and emily was a wonderful dead person and we got full credit. YESSUH. mu mu and i have so much fun in that class. STU!
and theeennn after school emily sami and i walked down the hall and took pictures and saw chris and david and alex and more ??? oh yeah talked to anne and called sally on the ceelllllular. got mugged for cookies on the way out by scott danny and kevin (from lunch not mu mu.) and i caved in and gave them away. and then nearly got hit by a bus. hahahaha. and then i was COOL and chilled with all my senior friends. no, really. kate and dena and eric and caitlin and brian. i love having a spot, even if for like two days heh. we sat in the car and jammed and then eric jumped in and then we almost ran over the traffic director dude.
got home and sally called me and she's coming over from 1.00 to 7.00. then dropping her off on the way to scott's party, which i got invited to EARLY yesss.

so, i will most definitely be updating this later tonight.
you have NO IDEA how much of a good mood i'm in.

funny conversations:

Cam: CHARLOTTE
Creamy: CAMERON
Cam: DID YOU SAY HEY TO ME TODAY IN THE HALL?
Cam: ON THE WAY TO 2ND
Creamy: YES MAAM
Cam: BECAUSE I THOUGHT I HEARD MY NAME
Cam: AND THEN
Creamy: and you dissed me hahaha
Cam: AHHH I'M SO SORRY
Cam: hahahaha
Creamy: its okay lol
Cam: i was a little slow this morning
Creamy: i was just TRYING to give you a cookie
Cam: EEEEEEK EARLY RELEEEEEEEASECam: omg
Creamy: HOMEMADE
Cam: are you serious?
Creamy: yes hahaha
Cam: SDKLFNAKSJDAKSJDBASLJDNABSLKDNA
SJBA;SLDD
Cam: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHH
Creamy: awww
Cam: YOU SHOULD HAVE CHASED ME DOWN.
Cam: :-(
Creamy: sorry :-(
Cam: hahaha it's okay
Creamy: yeah i like attack you
Cam: dangit
Cam: haha
Creamy: EAT THE COOKIE!

and

Creamy: nah thats okay, we'll miss you though!
Will 2: of course u will
Creamy: my sexy eighth grader!
Will 2: cause im just a party animal
Will 2: and that
Creamy: RIER.

checckkk itt LATAARRRRR cool cats because i'm most definitely telling you about the cooliodiddliness of tonight. OOH OOH and i'm putting up pictures. hokay, so, yeah. and let me know 782.5883 if you wanna do something on monday, je suis libre! (i'm free, for those of you who aren't cool enough to speak french. or aren't cool enough to be kate's little sister, like eric. hahaha.)

[EDIT]

hahahhaahhahsfrhs tgsRKJS hg;'WH4BT/.
YEAYUH that's how happy i am.
spaz of happiness right there.
so wow, i've seen three movies today, don't think i can take any more.

sally came over at 1.00 and stayed til like, 7.30 hahaha. first we watched stepford wives which had like two good parts and the rest sucked, but oh well. got called by shea like four times and walker once, ahh goodness. and then we watched gattaca, which is most definitely one of my new favorite movies. it's so good, as science fiction dorky as it sounds haha. the end made me cry like mad, though. then we played cards for a while aaand then we came upstairs and talked for a while and then i took forever deciding what to wear and in the end just threw on some clothes.
got to scott's party a little bit early and sat by the fire. hahaha cozy. then jake and michael came, even though michael missed the first like twenty minutes of the chronicles of riddick, which wasn't all that good anyway haha. we ate lots of pizza and took lots of pictures--even though none of them came out well cause most of them were just us abusing each other with the flash--and then the end was the best part when we all went into the garage and played ping pong and football. oh yeah, and michael's a mad piano player, holy crap. yeah now piano man--billy joel is stuck in my head. anyway, he's my hero of the day! haha always right about the, uhhm, people who die in movies. *cough*

so yeah overall it was a blast. a lot more fun of an afternoon than i thought it would be before the party cause sally came over! yaayyyy i love my lucky star haha.

well, gotta go watch the olympic trials cause one of kate's good friends is on there for figure skating. and then BED bright and early for the bestest day everrr tomorrow. or one of MANY that i just keep on having haha.

picsss.
i think emily took a bunch of us in the hall after fourth, i'll see if i can get those...(?)
most of them suck but oh well. they're funny anyway.
too bad i can't put videos up here. boo. (YOU WHORE!)

2005-01-11T17:16:00.000-05:00

[mood]: anticipating. (good thing)
[music]: THE RIVERRR. not springsteen's album, but the station. goo goo dolls and gin blossoms.

so today was uhhm, let's see, the most pointless day everrr.
first coach wasn't there so we sat in west gym. second we finished this lab that, for the first time in the entire history of that class, i got pissed at. and we had to do like 26839760 trials of counting beans and all this math and i was sort of like I GET THE POINT i don't need to do this anymore. third i flicked kifner off, put my head down on my desk, and multitasked. i toned all of his extra comments out and just took notes on the hard facts he said while writing notes to other people. which i never delivered because i went home early but whatever. yeah, i've decided i'm never raising my hand in his class anymore. he's the biggest mother effer out there. fourth we had a sub. so yeah you can imagine how mad i was because i'd sort of been hanging around school in order to make sure i had all my hard classes taken care of. WHATEVER. argh. got into groups and took pictures and acted dumb because i felt so bad. shannon michael and emlay cheered me up somewhat though. and of course MU MU. we made our own gang.
E(xtrememly)G(hetto)C(aucasians). you know it's hilarious. and we have our own handshake, too.

oh and i forgot to say, sunday i went over to shea's, for like, an efinity. we watched wicker park which is actually a really really good movie and it was so interesting to watch. definitely one of those movies you could watch like five times before getting tired of it because it was so complicated. except half way through we went to his neighbor's for dinner. and then came back. and birthed the remote out of his lazyboy, uhhm, DON'T ASK.

so, i was sorry to leave the middle of french. actually, i WASN'T because i just came home talked to walker for two hours went to sleep for two hours woke up and now i have no homework. and walker's coming this weekend...? yeah probably. but i AM sorry i missed lunch time because shiznit always happens that period. but i guess because i'm actually expecting it nothing happened.

OH and kate accidently took my name of the varsity soccer practice list for tomorrow because she thought i had a physical, too. ARGH. oh well.

I PROMISE i'll stop updating like every day of my life. baahhh. at least stuff is going on...?

2005-01-10T16:32:00.000-05:00

[mood]: uhhm. brargh?
[music]: arcade fire, definitely, but i think that's what i said a couple entries back. so i'll gooo witthhh. well brooks and dunn was in my head all during french? don't know WHY. even though it was entirely relevant to my life, hahaha.

well. today was definitely not anything how i thought it would be.
you know, this weekend definitely kicked so much ass, i thought today, a lot of really awesome stuff just might happen. but instead, nothing happened. and that made my day bad. i'm so whacked out of priorities. oh well.
uhhm, i'll get the SCHOOL stuff over with first, although it's gonna take me a while.
first: gym, we played knockout, and holy crap i won. i thought i sucked at basketball?!!!. oh well every time after that first game i got out. hehe.
second: uhhm. oh yeah we did a lab. i gossiped, too. i really need to stop doing that, it's a very unhealthy habit.
third: KILL KIFNER. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE. okay, he told me i was "confused about my opinion." well, NO I'M NOT. just because i don't think the FUCKED UP WAY YOU DO doesn't mean i'm WRONG. good GRIEF. he pissed me off to no end. for an efinity. okay haha had to sneak that one in there. but STILL, the entire class was just fuming at him. he almost made me cry, not because he made me sad or hurt my feelings, but because he frusterated me so damn much. i think we should fire him. so then he's just obviously going to go commit a crime, and it'll be the school's fault because that's the institution that put him into poverty. cause yeah he sucks so bad that he won't ever get another job. and THEN he'll commit a crime, because society forced him to. and then he'll go to JAIL. for LIFE. and i'll come in and LAUGH AT HIM. i swear i would.
fourth: above teacher makes king looks half way decent. i had a mini tantrum at the beginning of class that was left over from civics. but i'm surprised, he hasn't killed us with homework yet. anyway, mu-mu and i had a fun time, as always. with the funk, and my snapping, and backwards high fives.
fifth: "that's just your bad luck" i was told by mme. popescu when i told her i didn't have my book with me for the open book quiz. then, like a minute after we started, she brought me one. hahahaha.
sixth: whoo lordy. had a blast at lunch like i always do. shelly's back from venezuelaaaa!!!! and all those hot boys. lucky thing. hokay, so. filled in scott, and asked michael and jake for guy advice. UHHM NEVER doing that again. although it was pretty entertaining. danny was my hero, and gave me his spicy fries. (he wasn't my hero because he gave me the food, but he just happened to do both...) and then i was too wired to coherently talk to anybody. so when david came over i was just sort of being beat up by scott but that's about it.
seventh: we were in the cafeteria. usually i love this period but today it was really bad. it screwed my day over x135469720946720967246072458972456.
eighth: got a hundred two on a quiz. GOSH. that, and science used to be my HARDEST periods in like...sixth through eighth grades. now biology and algebra II are the classes i worry about the least. stupid c&c teachers. oh well.
then after school michael shannon david lea jeff and i milled around and talked. and maybe more, i don't remember. but michael and my little boy tricks didn't work, darn! or if they did, we didn't see any results. *sigh* haha juusst kidding.

so basically, the moral of the story? is that i will never be satisfied with what i have.
now i'm gonna go read a chapter for the most annoying man alive.

782.5883 call me, because i don't really want to put all my emotional and romantic details up here. cause that's just not smart. yeah.

2005-01-01T01:41:00.000-05:00

[mood]: BAAARAOIIHGAGHBWAAHH!!! (that's a happy noise.)
[music]: praying mantis--arrogance. (duh. or just the whole 5'11" record.)

WELL. happy new year's. wait, what?!! it's 2005? yeah.

here are longass surveys. because it's break, and you're bored. but they're all to do with the occasion =).

[1] what did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? that’s a tough one, i have to think about it for a second. ooh yeah go to overnight camp, because i’m just a loser like that and have never done it before =)
[2] did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? yeah i actually did. to refresh your memory:
1). don't ever change for anyone else check…even though it’s really hard sometimes.

2). let things take their course check, even though it’s so so so so so hard.

3). always no matter what stay in touch with those i love check, which is definitely an accomplishment what with splitting up for all these different schools and stuff.

4). continue making straight a's amazingly, check. all through the end of ligon and the beginning of high school

5). do well in high school check. i think i’ve already answered this one.

6). continue having an undefeated soccer team well not exactly but considering we changed coaches…we did pretty well. making it to final four in the state will suffice.

7). continue not fighting with anyone in my family check, even less disagreements this year. it was great, that’s definitely one area of my life that’s improved times 569723591375.

[3] did anyone close to you give birth? not really close but my…aunt? i think, anyway she gave birth in june to twins =)
[4] did anyone close to you die? no one really close but for some reason death has become so much of a louder aspect in my life this year, especially in the last few months.
[5] what countries did you visit? i still haven’t been out of the country. dayum.

[6] what would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? that’s a tough one. i love myself the way i am but…a better balance between cockiness and self-hate. and not maskng my emotions as much. better all out get free ness, if that makes any sense.

[7] what date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? too many to list but you get them anyway. 1.09—the day it snowed but we went to school anyway. 4.02-4.03—fps competition in laurinburg, enough said. 5.28—the last day at ligon, ever. 5.29-5.30—the longest and saddest twenty four hours of my life. 6.09—even the broken hearted can smile. 6.21—the day i became a highschooler at the beach with max. 7.13—the day i met alex. 7.17—adam’s awesome possum party. 7.25—alex =). 8.20—the day i realized i really can screw stuff over. 9.03—the day i realized i was stuck in the perfect life. 10.01—the best dance everrr. 10.14-10.15—reunited with walker after eight hundred sixty seven days. 10.30—the coolest party everrr. 11.13-11.14—the last time i had fun for a while.

[8] what was your biggest achievement of the year? it sounds so dumb to say straight a’s even into high school, even though that’s true. how about…being entirely sure of myself.
[9] what was your biggest failure? a few soccer games. and one big thing i threw away.

[10] did you suffer illness or injury? did i? no, don’t think so.

[11] what was the best thing you bought? that is most definitely a hard question. my plaid blue mini because i think of the happiest days of my life when i think of that skirt. or my favorite jeans that make me feel beautiful no matter what…haha. or some really great earrings or a sweater. whatever, everything i buy is awesome haha.

[12] whose behavior merited celebration? alex, because he’s such a great kid. and also scott because he has been such an amazing and steadfast friend.

[13] whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? i can’t really say that because it’s too recent.

[14] where did most all of your money go? clothes jewelry and stuff like dinner/movies/tickets/other outings.

[15] what did you get really, really, really excited about? haha i’ll always remember how excited i was all day for anchorman, and i didn’t even know i was gonna meet alex there. and of course…seeing walker again i think i was so excited i was like numb for a few days leading up to it.

[16] what songs will always remind you of 2004? wow tough one again. summer and i immediately think of the shins—everything off of chutes too narrow and oh, inverted world. the flaming lips, the counting crows, stellastarr* (my coco, somewhere across forever, untitled, everything from that cd), hey ya, real world, ted leo, the futureheads, take me out, TIME OF YOUR LIFE. there, that one takes the cake most definitely.

[17] compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? i was happier at this time last year, but that doesn’t mean my life was better. if that makes sense.

ii. thinner or fatter? i don’t know? according to doctors and stuff i was fatter?? i don’t know.

iii. richer or poorer? in a monetary sense? yeah probably cause i am utterly broke now from christmas shopping. but wait i probably was then, too, haha. so no richer or poorer that way, but as far as overall experiences…i was poorer then.

[18] what do you wish you'd done more of? that’s not something i should say. i wish i could have enjoyed my time with some person more.

[19] what do you wish you'd done less of? worrying…

[20] how did you spend christmas? always at home, that’ll always be the case.

[21] did you fall in love in 2004? yes.

[22] how many one-night stands? hahaha not like a literal one-night stand deal, but…one =).

[23] what was your favorite tv program? uhhm i definitely discovered tv and the joys of hdtv and digital cable. i got hooked to degrassi, the real world, everything on vh1, and laguna beach

[24] do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? no, in fact i stopped hating someone i used to think i hated.
[25] what was the best book you read? fight club? haha

[26] what was your greatest musical discovery? baaah. that is way too hard but i’ll go for it anyway: the shins stellastarr* the new pornographers (ignore the name), ted leo and the pharmacists, and i don’t feel like listing anymore.

[27] what did you want and get? to see walker, and lots of other things.

[28] what did you want and not get? more time. i’ll never get more time.

[29] what was your favorite film of this year? hmm let me think back. i don’t know? there weren’t any movies that stand out in my mind like they sometimes do. OH WAIT NO JUST KIDDING MOST DEFINITELY THE BOURNE SUPREMACY. that movie rocked the bejeezus out of me. and ocean's twelve.

[30] what did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i went bowling with my good friends and then the girls came back here and we chillaxed then andrea slept over. fourteen.

[31] what one thing would have made this year immeasurably more satisfying? nothing, it was an awesome year.
[32] how would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? cooler than yours. okay okay just kidding.

[33] what kept you sane? sally, scott, shea, and walker. oh, and can i say sohpie? haha. even though all of the aforementioned also at some point in the year drove me insane. hahaha love you guys =]
[34] which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? errm.

[35] what political issue stirred you the most? the november elections on a local, state, and national level. so disappointing.
[36] who did you miss? i’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count. okay haha sorry old thing. uhhm…let’s see, WALKER?!! yeah. and now i really miss shea going to school with me and mrs. brooks teaching me.
[37] tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: take things as they are, don’t try to read more into it than it deserves.

----------------------------------------------------

1. where were you when it began?: at my hizzouse. yeah, don’t ask.

2. did you stay up?: yeah, i haven’t not stayed up since i was like six or something.

3. what was your new year wish?: to do everything that i’ve done this year. continue make straight a’s. continue to be on good terms with my family. continue to make the right decisions. you know.

4. how many boyfriends?: four ish? well two for real, one date and one…walker? haha.

5. broke up?: deux.

6. have any crushes?: when don’t i

7. care to mention names?: i can say walker because you all know that already. yeah.

8. new friends?: considering we all came to a new school that’s a long list. but i’ll list the main people, like meeting alex over the summer. and then all my buddies in bio and art and all that fun stuff.

9. had to say goodbye?: to quote r.e.m., “it’s easier to leave than to be left behind”. so yes. i had to twice, but i’d rather say goodbye because of two things: 1). it means that person was here in the first place, and 2). they can’t come back again until they leave.

10. missed anyone?: only every second of every day.

11. win anything?: a couple people’s hearts. and a cruise.

12. best place you went to?: winston-salem? i dunno. that durham bulls game? the library? that last one was a semi-serious joke, if you know what i mean. oh yeah, or the beach.

13. worst place you went to?: the library? yeah that’s a weird one.

14. happiest moment?: lordy, i’ll list them for you. sledding at cary high with shea, the weekend in laurinburg, lying on the hill in may, may 28, june 21, july 25, august 20, september 3, october 1, seeing his face for the first time in forever and realizing i’d seen it every day and just hadn’t known it—and of course walking home from lilly’s with scott and walker that night—yes i think that definitely caps the list off, with us seeing moonstruck and our arms all around each other. oh and then of course his birthday, and…october 30. that’s about it though.

15. how was your birthday?: bowling, and a big girl talk on my bed. so, pretty decent.

16. best present?: considering christmas, that’s a tough one. my boots? my rabbit fur? chris’s necklace? that’s a big one.

17. go to a party?: lots. i could list them for you if you wanted me to, honestly.

18. try something new?: does going to high school for the first time ever mean “trying something new”? yeah.

19. have someone change your life?: walker, durrr as always. everyone you meet touches you in a way. but also chris a lot i think, and alex in a way.

20. kiss someone?: yeah.

21. tell your family and friends you love them?: i say that every day.

22. do something extravagant?: christmas eve? every year we have that bigass party.

23. do something nice for yourself?: i remember that mental health weekend i took at the end of september…haha. and yeah, i got over some stuff.

24. do something terribly wrong?: yeah. well, terribly? no murders or robberies or anything. unless i murdered and robbed their heart, do you count that?

25. go to a concert?: haha yeah but nothing really awesomely cool. unless you count tonight.

----------------------------------------------------

welp…somehow we’ve come to the end of another year. yes, amazing i know but another three hundred and sixty five days has passed. some nights i’m just like “wow i really miss the summer time…” and then i think of how wonderful the holiday seasos is and then i’m happy right where i am, and then i remember how wonderful the spring time is but that’s coming up and then i think of how exciting the fall was and…ahhh! yeah i guess that’s the glory of revolving years cause you always know there’s another month up ahead. and that’s why, in commemorative to the amazing year in my life, 2004, i’m going to do a month-by-month play-by-play, and also underneath years before that—and what these months just automatically bring to mind for me.

.january.

’04: i think of adventure landing with sally, j, and zach, spirit week, the civil war project (oh goodness) and the rhombus of love—yes it was way back then in january, can you believe it?!! going to a million movies with sally, lots and lots of snow with she—those were the best—sledding down the steps at cary high, the birth of ivan and the nurflings, and learning html.

’03: the end of mac…but it was with a BANG. no wait, the end was next month. anyway. and that’s about all i remember. well, no, i lied. this was also a really confusing time for me…i couldn’t decide what to go with, ws or eighth graders. hahahaha. oh yeah and then of course can’t forget the time warp in the woods with shea.

’02: it was a really hard time for me in sixth grade, it was during a down time with all my friends and i remember listening to my second mix cd every night on my walkman and i’d fall asleep to songs like “I’ll be” and “parachute” and “merman” and all these pretty things…

.february.

’04: immediately, i think of the valentine’s dance and more movies and sleepovers with sally and snow. it was a pretty straight forward month…as opposed to the two years before.

’03: the beginning of aaron, oh lordy. the valentine’s dance and the movie date and going to his house all the time…

’02: i mentioned before that these two months were real hard for me, this was pretty much the same thing…except i started to really get into acting and that crowd. as in, sleepovers with amy thurmond. wow, that was forever ago. oh and you can’t forget the valentine’s dance with shea, ohhh goodness.

.march.
’04: i think of spending lunch in the courtyard, joining fps, shopping, and yooouuu guessed it more sleepovers and movies with sally!

’03: this was when walker and i officially weren’t exclusive anymore, as in we decided for the last time to just be “seeing other people”. and i remember spring break and hanging at aaron’s and xan coming here.

’02: ooooh the infamous month. actually, this was like the turning point for how i’ve sort of been since then. the end of our town, when shea and i got in our all crowning fight, and then all the sudden i wasn’t friends with acting people any more and i went back to my real friends, people who are still my friends now: scott, walker, and shea. i think this was the first time when i told people i really liked him…maybe?

.april.’

04: wow, this makes me think of the fps competition and chris and my birthday party…and obviously a really happy time for me. the end of eighth grade when every day was beautiful and the world was mine and oh goodness everything was so happy.

’03: the april 4 dance, now who doesn’t remember that?? and this is the first time sally and i were all like duuude we have to have a sleepover. jean claude’s! mmhmm. i remember french and the slow deterioration of aaron, and mac, AND walker…wow funny it was sort of a bad time for me. and my birthday party! wow that one was craaazzyyy man.

’02: ah ha! my birthday party again…and the last dance and how much it sucked cause certain persons didn’t go. and when i started the obsession that since then hasn’t really let up. i remember walking to seventh period orchestra down behind the cafeteria from mrs. chell’s room and being waited for at the top of the gym steps and the renaissance fair and oooh buddy yeah. and this is when i really started writing.

.may.
’04: one song: i hope you had the time of your life. my favorite month, oh definitely. this makes me think of wandering, and lying on the hill during lunch, long debates with mrs. brooks and all these things come to mind like the blue and white tiled floor and my locker and the clothes i wore and my silver necklace and field study and the eighth grade dance: afterwards eating crepes with sally and taking midnight rides in her sixty six pick up and walking to lilly’s and sleeping over at sally’s every weekend and wanting so hard to be able to hold on and just having to let go…cause then ligon ended. and that was the first time my heart broke, the night after…

’03: haha the end of aaron. we’re all healthier for that one. and then suddenly everything got better…with parties and all these festivities at the end of the year. and that was when i stared to…errr…like scott. there! i said it! ahhh.

’02: whaoow. the beginning of me and walker…wow. it’s getting a little fuzzy now, even to me. i remember going to my grandmother’s for memorial weekend, when there were only like two or three school days left and being so sad about that. shea’s party and bowling and the russia project! can’t forget that. and of course walker beating joel to let him sit next to me, the blini and duck faces, playing soccer out back by the gym where there’s now like SOLID CEMENT augh oh well. the eog’s and passing notes and managing to talk even though…we weren’t supposed to in mr. wallace’s class…oh yeah CLASS PETS. cracking at mrs. owens. hiding under the stairs at lunch. the list goes on.

.june.
’04: first broken heart aww that’s so sad. honestly, for the first two weeks of june all i remember is it being rainy…sleepovers with sally every weekend and movies and then all the sudden one beach trip with the beams and even though that never amounted to anything it made me snap out of it. ooh yes and soccer camp! that was so much fun.

’03: ahhh, michelle’s infamous party. a few movies, a few sleepovers, and that’s about all that i remember. sad? no, not really, because i enjoyed it then.

’02: hahah i remember every day i would talk to walker and uhhm…that’s about it? oh and lots of art and soccer camps.

.july.

’04: this was my glory month…well, after may. it was so amazing…except sally was at camp in nyc but really we talked at least three times every day for like an hour each and e-mailed all the time so it was as if she was here so it was all good. meeting alex, movies and parties every weekend and it was just such an amazing month…i knew my high school-less days were ending. i can recount like everything…aww what a happy time.

’03: i honestly don’t remember anything i did?!! what the heck?!! oh yeah this was when walker came back from his hiatus and kate and i drove around all the time blasting music and hanging with weiruoh. oh yeah and then walker disappeared again.
’02: haha i did practically nothing but it seemed to me like it was amazing. every day jensen, mom, and dad went to work and kate was away at camp so basically i sat talking to walker all day. haha i remember being in the old part of the house, with the old kitchen and in my old room, with my collage of pictures up on the wall. that was so long ago.

.august.
’04: the beginning and the end of so many things. the end of summer, the beginning of highschool. the end of adam liking me, the beginning of me and alex and sally and adam. the beach trip and talking on the cell phone every night and the laptop, hating high school with all my might at first and then realizing i was in over my head with happiness. this will always make me think of going to the library and the football game and movies and the durham bulls game. and meeting new people and somehow being just fine in highschool. wow.

’03: eighth grade? this wasn’t a real big happy time for me…except for the fact that shea and i got super close again, thank goodness. decorating the backs of our agendas, going shopping and sleeping over and movies with ashley and michelle.

’02: seventh grade! whoo. i went to like one week of school and then got broken up with (walker) and then got mono for two weeks…bleeh. and yes, that’s about it as far as august in seventh grade goes.
’01: the beginning of the rest of my life! i remember things like…dropping my books down the stairs and walker getting them before we knew each other, getting scott confused with shea confused with henry, the beginning: city states and sitting with shea and kevin at lunch.

.september.
’04: aww what a happy month it seems like looking back, but really it all went so fast and i was so busy i barely had time to stop and realize it. going to alex’s house and acing everything at enloe and…well basically the only thing i did outside of school was soccer and hang out with alex like…every single day.

’03: for some reason the first thing that came to my mind was superlatives, hahaha. weiruoh’s birthday party, more shopping with ashley and michelle, and i got a c on my first essay. hmmm…

’02: when i met will! whoo hoo that was such a fun acting class. and again, weiruoh’s birthday party…and met jessica.

’01: september eleventh…i don’t know if i need to say anymore.

.october.
’04: this year, this month was the biggest ever. so many huge things happened: it began with homecoming, ended with sally’s party. the ideal homecoming, the ideal party, both of which were two of the best nights of my life. and in between, so much stuff happened: jr died, walker came and we saw each other for the first time in eight hundred sixty seven days, the fair and then…stuff got screwed over but only temporarily, and then wow i got straight a’s on the first report card and i nearly died laughing at shea’s and i majorly bonded with my soccer team and kate turned eighteen…yeah.

’03: my first ligon straight a report card, whoopdeedoo. and this is when i finally got into the flow of things, and snapped out of the social mindset i thought i had to be in. i finally stopped liking scott (sort of) and spent halloween with shea (duh) haha.

’02: whoaaa another turning point. this was when soccer II started and i met mac…oh the fateful fateful day. well, not really. if only i hadn’t wanted a pepsi and hadn’t asked if anyone had a dollar. so anyway, started talking to him and urgh don’t remember. oh yeah and going bowling with scott adam and john willis. aaand of course this was when i went to winston salem for the first two times…oh goodness that definitely started a very unhealthy obsession.

’01: my memory is getting reaaal fuzzy. NO WAIT it’s become clear. this is when we went to the play and so many jokes got started: shea john reynolds and schultz and scott and i sat together and spewing (cookie dough makes cookies) and what duck got started along with scott and i hanging out.

.november.
’04: this was a pretty dark month, minus one weekend when shea and i went up to winston salem and stayed at walker’s. otherwise: bush won the re-election, things were strained between me and a couple good friends and my grades started dropping along with my activities outside of school. well, enloe varsity indoor soccer started? and the regular season ended, with a bang: we had tons of fun at high point and greensboro, i love my team so much.

’03: veteran’s weekend! the first sleepover at sally’s oh it was so much fun. i still remember falling down those stairs, aahhh. and of course the fateful mall trip, and more soccer stuff.
’02: started going out with walker for the second time and things got real complicated real fast. love was introduced to the picture…ahh?!! OH YEAH i was trying to remember who my best friend was and durrr it was my “love affair with ws” hahaha. i went up there twice, but didn’t see walker til later…aww good times! now it’s all coming back to me: i remember watching trl every afternoon in the den on the yellow sofa because it was all in that room during the renovations and talking on the phone with walker for two hours then talking on the phone with mac for two hours and then when i finally got off i’d do my homework eat dinner get yelled at…then go down the street to sleep! haha and call mac again. oh yeah and i was, what’s the word…punk??? HAH!

’01: at the very very end shea and i sort of maybe kind of went on a date?!! hahahaha whooaaaaw. oh and remember ligon’s poser homecoming with the sea anemeas, that was so much fun.

.december.
’04: the beginning was a sort of lonely time for me. i encountered my first exams, and also my first longed for break. christmas was amazing as always…and i felt older in so many ways.
’03: recording the most effin hilarious videos you will ever see, me and sally had way too much fun. dances and the best christmas ever.
’02: wow this was my jam packed month of that year. the winter formal with mac, and then going to winston salem and seeing walker for like two hours while i was questionably high. those two things alone are enough to make somebody go crazy, trust me. and we were finally almost sort of maybe done with renovations. also started writing in my diary every night.

’01: haha i remember like…nothing. oh yeah shea couldn’t go to winter formal and i was mad beyond reason but i remember how much fun anne amy kim, etc. and i had. and shea came over (for the first time ever i think) and we drank hot chocolate and looked at photo albums. whoaaww.

well, there you go. my year in review. let's hope this year is everything i see in it so far.

much love, you guys.

2004-12-26T15:04:00.000-05:00

[mood]: holiday spirit all the way
[music]: christmas carols, durrr.

haha who cares if it's december 26...there's twelve days of christmas, remember? and the gifts just keep on giving...
woke up this morning to snow (too bad shea isn't in town =[ ) which was definitely a pleasant thing cause it wasn't too much to prevent us from driving anywhere or anything. soo...
dad drove mom, kate and me to saks fifth ave out at triangle town center and we spent fours hours there. whoo hoo. i got a really cute skirt to go with my new black boots and a winter formal dress...i guess i'm actually going now. it's not that big of a deal though because it's just my freshman year. and i also got shoes to go with it, which i adore, they're so cute. and don't forget i finally got some seude flats. yesss been needing those for a while.
then we met up with my dad at cpk (california pizza kitchen for those of you who don't know) and it was yummy.
came home and discovered there's another james bond movie marathon on spike...seee i told you it's still like christmas! hahaha.
and don't forget new year's ;)
much love you guys.

2004-12-17T18:28:00.000-05:00

[mood]: le-le-le-le-le-low. yeah it's a hot hot heat song that i hate with a passion.
[music]: every little thing--dishwalla

sooo. life's a bitch.

.firsts.
1. first best friend: first "best friend" aww all those little guys in kindergarten: david will spencer, etc. oh and rachel. but first real best friend? shea. and thank goodness he's still here.
2. first love: uhhm real true love? walker.
3. first real kiss: aaron
4. first screen name: cmabe123. i was creative, i know i know.
5. first pet: another dog just like hugh named argus that died when i was like five or something.
6. first car: well, i'm pretty sure i'll get the volvo...

.lasts.
1. last cigarette: never smoked.
2. last kiss: hmm gotta think about this one...octoberrr thirteenth.
3. last good cry: today. except not. so let's say wednesday.
4. last beverage drank: grapefruit juice
5. last food consumed: this huge piece of pizza kate andrew and dena brought me back from new york pizza. i swear it was like...a good square foot and a half.
6. last crush: i dunno. define crush. define last. define everything for me, while you're at it.
7. last phone call: scott

.relationships.
1. who is your best friend: shea scott and walker
2. do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend: no and don't get me wrong i don't want one.

.fashion stuff.
1. where are your favorite places to shop: express new york and co. delia*s beanie + cecil uniquities soho cat banjo gap saks fifth ave...yeah.
2. favorite item of clothing: that would be a really hard question. maybe just my jeans. haha. or one of my new sweaters, or one of my black tops oh lordy who cares.

.specifics.
1. do you do drugs: never
2. what kind of shampoo do you use: sheer blonde and once a week physique
3. what are you most scared of: what's happening to me now. and guns, cancer, and my house burning down.
4. what would you change about yourself: i'd give myself the ability to somehow not care.

.favorites.
1. colors: black, white, pink, blue, and green.
2. foods: my mom's macaroni and cheese and any chocolate-y baked goods.
3. subject in school: subject or class? cause i love art and biology class cause of the people in there but lordy the subjects suck. and then i used to love civics and english but the teachers suck. who knows.
4. animals: not humans. we suck. harp seals.
5. sports: soccer, oh my goodness i haven't played in nearly two weeks and i'm about to die. and then basketball to watch.
6. movie: fight club, ferris beuller's day off, steel magnolias, the matrix movies, the lotr movies, potc, charade, and whatever else i forgot.

.have you ever.
1. given anyone a bath: yeah, when i babysit sometimes
2. smoked: no
3. made yourself throw-up: yes
4. skinny dipped: when i was really little
5. been in love: yeah

.current.
1. clothes: my favorite jeans and a white camisole (i'm gonna climb into bed as soon as this is done)
2. music: counting crows--black and blue
3. make-up: none--i never wear any
4. IMs: not currently talking but walker shea david michelle

.last person.
2. hugged: scott
3. IMed: shea
4. last personwho slept at your house: walker
5. last person's house you slept at: walker...

.random.
1. in the morning i am: usually very tired and irritable unless it's like this morning when i'm unbelievably hyper and happy for no reason
2. love is: undescribable.
3. i dream about: last night i had a nightmare mr. p yelled at me, it was the strangest thing. but most of the time i dream about being with people and not being able to say anything and them just drifting away until i can't see them anymore.

.past/future.
1. seven years ago: i was still too little to get anything...i had the greatest second grade teacher ever and we were still too little to be mean to each other.
2. four years ago: i cried as much as i do this year.
3. three years ago: was the best year of my life up to that point...i met walker shea and scott. you don't get much better than that.
4. one hour ago: cleaning for my mom's dinner party.
5. tomorrow: i have no fucking clue. probably nothing. at all.
6. college: i don't know. i don't really care anymore.

2004-12-07T17:39:00.000-05:00

[mood]: finally better. in fact, absolutely wonderful.
[music]: arcade fire, matchbox twenty--yourself or someone like you (album) and cake

well i guess it's about time i updated this shiznaz, eh?
i don't even want to talk about last week, it was such utter crap.
but the weekend proved that retail therapy DOES EXIST! i spent the afternoon with my grandmother and i got: a skirt, jeans, a cardigan, and two sweaters. then she took me out to dinner and although i didn't get all that much or anything, it was a nice, removed, fulfilling thing to do. then on sunday i went to church, lunch and the farmer's market with my parents. we got our christmas tree, wreathes, and garlands! oh yes. then kate and i had our indoor soccer game and we won! yeah i had a pretty good game and it was low scoring, for indoor.
yesterday i had a big scare but honestly, it was my silly fault. you know how when you get a scantron test back, there are three numbers, right? number correct, percent correct, and roster number. well all i saw was my roster number: sixty-two. yeah i definitely got much better than that.
so anyway today, let's see. i got my winter formal ticket, i'm going with david =). after school was french club, where ashley, helen and i made our construction paper family! yeah you know my cat was the coolest. yeah and we ate cake and candy and decided on our club shirt.
as for the rest of the week, tomorrow after school sally and i are studying together for civics and french, because we need to like crazy. crap this is annoying me, my launch radio isn't playing anything good. oh here we go. okay well anyway hahaha...then on thursday after school i'm going to lea's house with shannon to do our biology project, and friday same deal except minus the biology project and plus a sleepover! whoo hoo. then saturday is my soccer team's party, then scott's party, sooo yeah! and morgan and i need to go shopping for our dresses!
wait, i promised a wishlist didn't i?
.journals. this is like universal because i'll always need them. they have to have lines though!
.jewelry. same as above, except try not to get me anything that's too much like i already have cause then i'll never be able to choose which one to wear...haha.
.a clutch for nighttime, instead of always having to carry around my big bags. heh heh bag lady =p
.knee-high black boots, enough said. (all i have is brown, and my other black boots aren't knee high)
.while we're at it, those tweed boots with the ribbon. yeah.
.birkenstocks (not the sandals, the ones for winter)
.music. use your best judgement, but nothing crappy please! ask me if you wanna know, i'm just not gonna list it all here.
.a wallet. i need one like a mother effer.
.new sunglasses? yeah probably.
.cool belts. i have a blue, pink, and green ribbon and that silver one and black leather and brown leather ones, sooo think of something else. haha.
.gift certificates to any of the following: crabtree as a whole, express, gap, polo, new york & co., beanie + cecil, uniquities, soho, delia*s, borders, etc. you know the drill.
.but really, ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOOUUUU!!!
and now i have just about an hour to take a "naplet" (haha) before i get picked up to go babysitting. funnnn but not. at least i get $$$!

2004-11-23T22:54:00.000-05:00

[mood]: horrible.
[music]: somewhere out there--our lady peace

okay, so...it's thanksgiving break. which should be an excellent thing but considering shea, scott, sally, and ashley are all going out of town and walker's already out of town PLUS really really really sick (as always), it looks like i'll be doing next to nothing over break. god damn i cannot wait until i can drive.

well, the interim grades are in: healthful living--97.7, biology--100, c&e--93.6, english--95.6, french--99.3, art--93, algbebra II--102.2. pssh yeah whatever. that'll all change after finals...we'll see.

i really felt like i should write even though there's absolutely nothing to write about. i just felt like writing today. i feel so down because, well first off it's raining like nobody's business and secondly i have nothing to do over break. i'm hoping i can go to a movie with michelle or alex or shopping or something but we'll see. i'm so sick of walker being like about to die. it really gets old. i wish he would just get better. ANYWAY...i'll do the typical day period-by-period deal.

first: it was actually pretty nice cause there were like five classes in the west gym. talked to ashley, rachel, anne, willy, david, rebecca, chris, phil, yeah there were lots of kids in there. it seemed really really long though because it was like a hundred degrees in there.
second: we watched this video and i almost fell asleep on david's desk like...five times. it was really disturbing about these "designer babies" and how in fifty years parents will be able to determine what their baby looks like acts like, everything. i'm happy i'm already born haha. but yeah that was interesting...i mean come on, jeff's in that class...haha.
third: in c&e we finished that movie...i would complain, but considering it's better than kiffy teaching us...and also eric and i make cracks on it so it's all good.
fourth: the great big huge test thing on romeo & juliet was so easy. i definitely got a 100. no, really. but it sucked because we couldn't talk except for like the last five minutes. phil and kevin both almost got themselves zeroes on the test for trying to talk to me while i "rolled my bills". silly kids. chris says mr. king stares at me the entire period. no, thanks.
fifth: we were supposed to have a party for our teacher assistant but uhhm, no. we did work. and we also had a survey which was convenient. but oh well.
sixth: lunch wasn't as good as yesterday but all the same it was pretty good. alex scott ashley michelle michael...usual folks. but i got really depressed realizing that we're doing like...nothing over the break. god why does that bother me so much?!!
seventh: i actually finished my project in art. whooaaa. then morgan and i just left the room to go to my locker and she was so sweet and helped me! awww but you know what really sucks...our plan didn't work oh well we tried our best haha. dude everyone in that class is like failing though because of those retarded sketches we have to do every week. thank goodness for not having school on wednesday cause that means we get a week off. but the one awesome thing happened in my day: when we were walking back through the hall mr. wolfe came out of his classroom to congratulate me on how well i played on sunday night! oh that made my day, really.
eighth: uhhm. we did math that i actually had to pay attention for because i didn't get all of the problems on the homework. on the one day he actually checks it. but that's fine cause he knows i always do it.
after school: kate was retarded and didn't show up for like twenty minutes. and it was rainy and cold and everyone was gone. i saw lots of people i knew though which was happy making...until all of their busses came at once and i was sort of left with wet feet and a bad attitude. so i got home and slept for three hours even though we have no school tomorrow and i can sleep as late as i damn well please.

well i have lots of $$$ and i hope i can go christmas shopping over the break with at least kate if not shelly and anne or something. i'm so mad, sally didn't leave town tonight so that means we could have definitely done something. but i don't think her parents like me too much. probably because they like adam better...times like 169237529357. oh well. and alex called me at 7.00-ish and woke me up from a dead sleep and i was all excited but then he immediately had to go...for whatever reason. and hasn't called me back. and gossshhhh i haven't felt this awful in a really long time. just kidding, i feel this awful every day. everything in my life is like...perfect. why do i feel so shitty?!! shea didn't even call me before he left for virginia.

as david and i decided, it's pitiful when the only thing you have to look foward to is sleep. but it looks like that's my deal.
Will 2: all right we're loser buddys!
Creamy: heck yeah!
Will 2: loser power
Creamy: most definitely.
only we can make being a loser look so cool.
but we're not really losers.
we're really so damn cool.
but...it doesn't feel like it when there's nothing to do.
because you can't drive yet.
and everyone's out of town.
aaand everyone else is apathetic.
okay enough whining, here are some surveys from earlier...like three hours ago.
actually, it's like fifteen surveys put together.
hahahahaha have fun.

My name is: char
Have you ever had a song written about you? yes most definitely.
What song makes you cry? okay, considering i’m one of those people with tear ducts that are just waiting to start working…pretty much anything on a bad day. either way by guster, untitled by stellastarr*, say anything (oh i know it’s old but whatever)
What song makes you happy? just like heaven—the cure, my coco—stellastarr*, tributary otis—the refreshments, the best of what’s around—dmb, i could go on and on like this forever, trust me.
What do you like to listen to before bed? i change like once a week but lately it’s been august and everything after—the counting crows (an album) or boca or ben folds ep’s.
Name a song by Coal Chamber: duhhrrr you’ve got me.
Who was/were your idol/s when you were younger? my sister…kate, of course haha. but not anymore…my idol is MEEE =)
First album you ever bought? errf i have no clue. it depends if you count cd’s i bought if they were gifts for others. cause i remember buying smashmouth and eifel 65 for kate for her birthday and christmas…hahaha.
Name a song that reminds you of someone and why: pictures of you—the cure is the obvious choice, for walker. but…let’s not go with that. let’s go with…if i could give all my love-or-richard manuel is dead—counting crows, for alex.
Where would you like to be right now more than ever? hanging out with friends anywhere i swear…this break is looking so lonely as of right now =(
r i g h t n o w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: my orange/pink plaid capris. somebody had to cheer up the rainy day!
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: zephyr song—red hot chili peppers
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH? milk
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE? really really rainy and not quite warm but not quite cold…it’s absolutely miserable.
HOW ARE YOU?: i’m good, a little sad, cause it’s break and everyone’s gone out of town. but i’m hoping alex will call me back soon…he called and then had to go and it made me a sad panda. hahahaha sorry…southpark references.
d o y o u
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: yeah when i read or when it’s hot
HAVE A BAD HABIT? worrying…yup that’d be it.
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: I can remember every fight we’ve had this year: that’d be all two fights this school year, and all three fights this calendar year.
f a v o r i t e s
TV SHOW: vh1 is completely awesome so pretty much anything they show keeps me entertained for hours.
CONDITIONER: sheer blonde or physique
BOOK: a ring of endless light, fight club, bloomability, goodness knows there are lots.
MAGAZINE: instyle, but for newsmagazine time or new yorker
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: communion wine all the way. no wait, i lied, champagne.
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: go to movies, have house parties or go to house parties, go out to dinner with friends, etc.
BAND OR GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: goodness shut up do you want me to list all of that?!! ben folds/ben folds five, red hot chili peppers, the refreshments, u2, guster, chris stamey, collective soul, franz ferdinand, ted leo and the pharmacists, stellastarr*, counting crows, r.e.m., our lady peace, the shins, the strokes, ben kweller, treble charger, keane, averi, cake, goo goo dolls, third eye blind, three doors down, sr.71, spitalfield, reel big fish, okay list getting too long.
h a v e y o u
BROKEN THE LAW: you know those little plastic candy containers at the store? yeah when i was like three at the eckerd’s i wanted to take one little m&m just to see if i could. and guess what…i could.
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: i used to always threaten to. one time when i was really little i got my sisters to help me pack for it. we packed a banana, a deck of cards, a shirt, and my rock collection. i spent hours and hours outside waiting for my parents to freak out and come get me, but…they never did. it turned out i went inside by myself and no one made any note of my absence. now that is depressing.
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: yeah…aww good times. we used to sneak out to go swing on the hammock at like two in the morning.
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: i don’t think so
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: hahahaha get any group of girls together for a sleepover
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: how do you do that?!!
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: many times. cause i’m the only daughter they trust with it hahaha.
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: yeeeeaaaaaahhh it’s so much fun. but no one ever thinks you do when you make straight a’s heh heh.
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: almost
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: yes…to return the favor they’ve paid me many times.
l o v e
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: i wouldn’t say that. the one person who truly broke my heart, i got over them in a healthy way. then the one person i can’t get over…who says i want to or am trying to?
BEEN HURT?: who hasn’t. yes.
YOUR GREATEST REGRETS: aren’t things i can do anything about.
r a n d o m
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: official humoresseneccity provider! okay, sorry. not really, but i babysit all the time.
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: boca, or counting crows, or treble charger…too lazy to check.
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: royal blue
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: the presence of friends in any shape or form
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST? shea, sally, alex, walker, michelle, yeah okay i could just list all of my friends for you…
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: probably a burned copy or at least a sampling of walker’s new stuff (interpol and death cab for cutie)
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: scott, shea, sally, alex, walker, ashley, michelle…damn are you gonna make me list all my friends again? hahaha
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: play soccer, listen to music, write…those are my main hobbies and i do them like crazy.
w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t
TIME YOU CRIED?: as i fell asleep earlier this afternoon.
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER? i gave one a couple weeks ago. but hmm let’s see, in seventh…or eighth? grade from jessica
YOU GOT E-MAIL: two days ago from walker
THING YOU PURCHASED: i honestly don’t remember
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: a soccer game between manchester united and olympique lyonnais.
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: damn it’s been so long…shall we dance with ashley and michelle
hree Things I Don't Understand:
1. hatred
2. love triangles
3. jealousy
oh wait can i add a fourth? STUPID PEOPLE! augh.
Three Things That Scare Me:
1. guns, like whoa.
2. cancer
3. my house burning down
oh wait can i add a fourth? STUPID PEOPLE! augh, again.
Three Things I Want to Learn:
1. how to drive. i want to skip the process, i just want to know NOW.
2. how to cure the vincoli disease. no, really.
3. how to speak french fluently. even more than already hahaha.
Three Things You're Wearing Right Now:
1. capris
2. camisole
3. white shirt
Three Things On My Desk:
1. my digital camera
2. fight club
3. nail polish that i haven’t used in…forever.
Three Good Things About My Personality:
1. compassion. that’s what i’ve been told, at least.
2. humor…duh.
3. responsibility
Three Bad Things About My Personality:
1. worrying constantly
2. thinking way too much…i guess there is such a thing as being too logical.
3. sarcastic and smart aleck, which can get on people’s nerves…especially adults.
Three Parts of Your Heritage:
1. scotch irish
2. englsih
3. …born american.
Three Things I Say A Lot:
1. i love you
2. oh my word/goodness
3. holy crap
Three Places I Want to Go:
1. the mountains
2. any big city: nyc, atlanta, washington dc, philadelphia, yeah you know.
3. out with friends…anywhere, to the movies, to dinner, to the mall
Three Names That You Go By:
1. char, char char, sharly
2. charlie, charlizzle, char la la
3. mabe, chartreuse, charmin
(i couldn’t do only three so i listed three after each…heh heh)
[in the morning i am]: grumpy like you would not believe
[love is]: unexplainable
[i dream about]: i had this weird dream about going through three book stores, running into a bunch of bratty kids and dissing them in front of their parents, then getting a slice of pizza with my mom before going to a soccer tournament in the rain at night cept we started out in the morning with the whole family. WEIRD i know. but really i just had that dream like an hour ago.
-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: height, hair, sense of humor, and how they receive me
-W H O-
[easiest to talk to]: michelle
-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: shea, walker, scott? mmhmm YEAH.
-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: alex like an hour ago.
[hugged]: as always, considering sophie doesn’t count…alex??? i dunno.
[you instant messaged]: david
[you laughed with]: anne
-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[could you live without the computer?]: no, i really don’t think so
[what's your favorite food?]: my mom’s homemade macaroni and cheese, chocolate chip cookies, any fruit
[whats your favorite fruit?]: strawberries, pears, bananas, apples. in that order, but i love all of them.
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: emotional pain most definitely times a thousand. cause you know what hurts and why it hurts and you can fix it but…ahhh, emotional? ahhh.
[trust others way too easily?]: yeah, most likely. i’m so trusting i don’t even know haha.
-N U M B E R-
[of times i have had my heart broken? ]: once.
[of hearts i have broken?] : three…
[of girls i have kissed?] : three…my mom and my two sisters! on the cheek. haha.
[of drugs taken illegally?] : zero, always has been and always will be.
[of tight friends?]: around ten.
[of cd's that i own?] : couple hundred
[of scars on my body?] : dozens…it’s what happens with soccer players.
[of things in my past that i regret?] : no use crying over spilt milk.
-O.T.H.E.R.T.H.I.N.G.S.-
[i know]: more than enough.
[i want]: things to keep on heading in the direction i think they are.
[i have]: more than anyone could ask for.
[i wish]: that people weren’t going out of town and so i could hang out more over break.
[i hate]: stupid people. with a passion. (this includes being ditzy, shallow, etc.)
[i miss]: going out on dates
[i fear]: designer babies. okay hahahaha only my biology class would get that. i fear jealousy.
[i hear]: the luckiest—ben folds
[i search]: for the answer to what will make all these stupid entanglements go away without hurting anyone.
[i love]: you
[i ache]: over things i have no control over
[i care]: too much i think but you can never care too much
[i always]: think too much
[i dance]: when i’m happy
[i cry]: all the time, not only when i’m sad but when i’m scared, angry, stressed, embarrassed, annoyed, tired etc.
[i confuse]: those who haven’t known me long
[i can usually be found]: talking, or writing
[i need]: you
[have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing]: yeah.
[if so, when and with who]: haha we didn't play by the rules we just look at the instructions, laughed...and then didn't do it. lol.
[favorite place to be kissed?]: lips or neck
-Concerning.The.Friends.(You.Claim.To.Have)-
[wish you saw more often]: walker, duh. but also alex outside of school. and shea and will cause they don’t go to enloe.
[wish you could meet]: uhhm…i really don’t need to know anyone else right now haha.
[most sarcastic]: me, or walker, or scott, or shea…haha
[wish you knew better]: everyone. i mean i know all my friends really well but you can always know someone better.
[knows you best]: walker, scott, shea, sally
[best outlook on life]: ashley
[most paranoid]: sally—germaphobe! haha
[sweetest]: we’re all sweet. haha.

if you read all that...dayum. you get a theoretical high five. give yourself a cookie!

2004-11-15T21:35:00.000-05:00

[mood]: annoyed, yet somehow quite self promoted.
[music]: pink grease and boca, both thanks to the glorious vincoliolis!

one note: one of the best feelings in the world is making someone laugh.

survey time...that's all i'm doing here. enjjooyyy!

okay, so here are the first lines from fifteen songs from my playlist...enjoy. (no repeat artists!) if you get them wrong...YOUR HEAD ASPLODE!!! okay sorry.

1. the clock's running down the team's loosing ground to the opposing defense
2. there's a tremor on this highway like a tower that can only fall cause when you build it on the blood of another nation it's a true endightment of us all
3. i love your hair i love the way you hold your head cause you're young and you know it
4. well it's a lonely road that you have chosen morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
5. i didn't take your short cuts i spent the money that i saved up
6. in the summer in the spring in public places my cococo
7. you're the enemy the fungus in my milk when you want no one then you've got someone
8. come clean through the waves of debris
9. after all these impliments and text designed by intellects so vexed you find evidently there's so much that hides
10. i don't get many things right the first time in fact i am told that a lot
11. another night slips away in other words i should say there are no words he should say there are no words
12. rode hard and put up wet ain't down but i can't get up yet it's a long ride back to the way i wanna feel
13. ten fingers counting we have each nine planets around the sun appear
14. here i am on the phone again and awkward silences on the other end
15. last time i talked to you you were lonely and out of place you were looking down on me lost out in space

there you go. i'll be really surprised--if you don't cheat--and get them all.

now, one i really like:
ten years ago, i...
1. asked my mom every day if it was my birthday.
2. thought i was going to marry spencer white.
3. had bangs.
4. couldn't wait to go to school.
5. wanted to live outside 24/7.
five years ago, i...
1. thought i was going to marry collin vacarella.
2. hadn't quite grasped how mean the world could be...but i was about to.
3. rode my bike everywhere.
4. wanted a best friend. (tried and failed)
5. was still playing rec soccer.
one year ago, i...
1. was crying on the phone to scott at this exact moment. while babysitting.
2. finally realized who my best friend was and is! (sally)
3. finally got on track for how i am now...who my friends are, my grades, my family life, etc.
4. was about to master the joys of the blow drier for my hair.
5. was more content with less.
so far this year, i...
1. have accomplished my number one goal from the past two and a half years...twice in one month.
2. have never ceased to amaze myself.
3. have been crazy busy and i like it that way!
4. have become obsessed with soccer.
5. haven't come to terms with how i'm going to deal with this one particular person for the rest of my life...cause if it's coming up now, it'll keep coming up until i fix it. which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
yesterday, i...
1. left walker's house.
2. got bad rug burns from playing indoor soccer goalie with no goalie pants.
3. thought i was in my room for like five minutes before i opened my eyes, then had the greatest feeling in the world when i realized i was in walker's bed. (wait...how wrong does that sound? okay...he slept on the recliner.)
4. took the world's longest and hottest shower.
5. had the best glass of apple juice i ever have had and ever will have. (you might not understand that.)
today, i...
1. felt like i did through a lot of seventh grade.
2. was a corpse in english class and got to lie on the freezing cold tile for fifteen minutes.
3. got the greatest note i've ever received from chris.
4. babysat for three hours.
5. smelled my slippers at least a dozen times. (you might not get that one, either.)
tomorrow, i will...
1. maybe get the guts to take david's advice.
2. bundle up even more than i did today.
3. do my math homework at lunch.
4. try to write some poetry.
in one year, i will...
1. have what i've really always needed. finally. (yeah you should get that one.)
2. have my permit! hoally crap.
3. be a sophomore...whoa!
4. be missing kate up in philadelphia (probably).
5. have roughly six more diaries.
someday, i will...
1. marry ___________. yup.
2. go to paris, london, and milan.
3. thruhike the appalachain trail with an i-pod and the one person who's life goal is to thruhike that trail. yup again.
4. take a road trip with that person. and just drive around listening to music with the windows down.
5. live in the same neighborhood as scott and shea...and of course, that person.

there you go. i liked that one =). and here's one last thing that'll take longer...

pros and cons.

flaws.
1. impatience. now really, this one's the devil. i am the world's most impatient person. i get all snappy and pissy and i just can't see how someone can take as long as they are taking. i hate it when people use my computer for prolonged amounts of time (i.e., more than thirty seconds), and i hate it when the entire family is ready to go but one by one we all forget things and go back to get them. you get the gist.
2. paranoia. although this word is probably a little bit extreme to describe my condition...oh well. i worry way too much. all the time about all the little things. and the big stuff, too. i tend to follow murphy's laws and think that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. i have very little faith in things working out and i'm always surprised when things go my way. but on the same note, i wouldn't call myself a pessimist.
3. being out of control. although this makes me sound like an alcoholic or abuser of something, that's not the case. i just mean my mental state when i get in certain moods. if one little thing goes wrong, all the sudden i just see the flaws in everything and i'm just completely out of it. i will start ranting and ranting and chances are you won't get me to stop until i've slept through the night. i really will just keep going and go downhill until i hit rock bottom...cause the only way to go from there is up!
4. comparing happiness. i think this is my true downfall, and i'm willing to admit that up front. i often think that although i should be happy, i'm only really happy if i've got stuff just as good as or better than others. i know when and why i developed this and that's probably why it just screws with my mind. i hate the fact that sometimes i try to smile and pretend to be happy just so others who i know are happy won't have something to lord over me because i'm sad and they're happy. and i never even take advantage of this mindset: instead i feel immensely guilty when someone is feeling sad and i've got it good. gosh.
5. doubt. i often tend to rethink things and doubt my first instincts and double back and think way too logically into everything. i read the tinyest little nothings into inane things and it just backfires because trust me, 95% of the time when guys say stuff they just say what they mean. actually, i might bump that up to like 98%. but even knowing this doesn't keep me from doing it! i hate doubting my feelings and not knowing if i'm right, and in the end it just gets me all confused.

assets.
1. compassion. i put this first and foremost because it is first and foremost in every thing that i do each and every day. many times i could call it a flaw because it takes me overboard, but now that i think about it there is no such thing as caring too much. even if i am brought to tears way too easil--i cry at least once a day. (i cry when i'm scared, when i laugh until i cry, when i'm angry, when i'm embarassed, when i'm stressed or worried, and of course when i'm sad...) no matter how many times people tell me crap like that, i still care. i know what i care about and why i care about it and how much i care about it and what it means to me. i've always been very open about the way i feel and i think that is the most admirable thing in the world. for a specific point, take the view of love. so many people "luv" each other these days. but when i say i love people, i mean it. i can list every person i've ever said i love and to this day, i still mean it, even if the way in which i love them changes.
2. expression. i've been blessed with the talent of being able to talk with people. yeah true i can talk your ear off about pointless stuff, but i'm also a good listener, and that's where talking WITH people comes from. i also have been so amazingly blessed with a talent with words. i can write poetry and capture a particrular emotion and to me that is just priceless. i've also been writing every single night in my diary for almost two years and writing in total for seven and a half and to me that is just something that is irreplacable and something everyone needs. i've also always been able to tell someone how i feel about them (i mean that in a good way, not as in going up to someone and yelling that i hate them) and i'm so lucky to be able to form strong bonds this way.
3. responsibility. somehow, i just didn't get the memo that procrastination is normal for teenagers. i come home and do my homework immediately and then i bum around and do stuff like this =). when my parents were out of the country for two weeks, i ran the house smoothly--sure it's not easy or anything--but i did it! and i've never been able to lie about doing something, i always come right out. i don't like excuses anyway. there's not much to elaborate on for this one.
4. logic. yes sometimes it can be flawed, but i use it a heck of a lot. i have a way of being able to get out of situations both literally and figuratively. for instance, in just your basic school work this comes in handy all the time. math especially. and then i have the way i systematically go through things...i always make lists and think of all possible routes and concequences and i just manage to figure out the most productive and least destructive path to take...granted no one can do anything perfectly.
5. connections. i've found that somehow i can always laugh--or cry--with people. this one could have been called optimism or brains or talents or something like that...but i decided that it's much more important how and who you connect with. i am pretty trusting by nature, and although i'm not oblivious or naive, i often can quickly make inside jokes with people or find parallels to them. somehow i've always been able to find myself in situations where we say exactly the right thing at exactly the right time. and to me, that is priceless.

this stuff is fun to think about.

2004-11-11T23:23:00.000-05:00

[mood]: so incredibly lucky, content, happy, and excited.
[music]: august and everything after--counting crows (album)

so, life's pretty darn good.
last night i went to see shall we dance with ashley and michelle and let me tell ya, it's a crappy movie but we had lots of fun anyway. kate drove us and we picked up ashley and then (without getting lost--AND we were on time! whoo hoo) to the theater and the ending of the movie was actually pretty good, like the way they wrapped it up...but the way they got there sucked. oh well we laughed and laughed and laughed and were obnoxious cause there were like six other people in there and that's it. we sat around waiting for kate for a while and it was like after midnight so it was empty but we had fun talking! and so then we drove in circles before getting everyone home...heh heh oh well.
then today i was supposed to go ice skating but jeff couldn't give me a ride and kate was gone so i couldn't have a ride and then it turned out alex went anyway but i missed him =( that made me really, really sad cause tomorrow he's going to the unc football game so we can't do anything...but it's all good. we'll just go ice skating next week.
i'm really excited! my parents get home from london/paris tomorrow night...i missed them so much! and of course this weekend is gonna be awesome.

if my life were a movie...
this would be the soundtrack

[the opening credits] get up and be it--ted leo and the pharmacists
[the out on the town scene] that song--the futureheads
[the rock-bottom moment] black and blue--counting crows
[the really bittersweet post-climax moment] the luckiest--ben folds
[the fall-in-love moment] heart of wilderness--big head todd and the monsters
[the unobtainable love scene] why can't i--liz phair
[the climax] innocent--our lady peace
[the love scene] amazed--lonestar
[the closing scene] sullivan street-counting crows
[the closing credits]

(this is still a major work in progress. heh heh.)
other artists i wanna include:
.ben folds five
.the new pornographers (they're a band, okay?!! haha)
.stellastarr*
.silverchair
.bruce springsteen
.averi
.the shins
.franz ferdinand
.collective soul
.cake
.keane
.dave matthews band
.the calling
.foo fighters
.the sly caps
.ok go
.ben kweller
.the refreshments
.the strokes
.josh kelley
.nirvana
.guster
.dispatch
.mcc (my ultimate secret weapon)
.matchbox twenty
.three doors down
.third eye blind
.goo goo dolls
.the poastal service
.u2
.sr.71

you know what i just realized? this is gonna take way too long. screw that...i'd just have those artists constantly writing songs to collaborate with my life. there we go. one day when i become all powerful and grossly rich, i'll do that.

hoooaally crap i am so excited for this weekend!!!

2004-11-08T18:54:00.000-05:00

[mood]: anticipation!
[music]: g105...yeah i'm a slacker.

soo state cup was the best ever. (so what if i lost my weekend in order to be able to go!)
i left right after school on friday for eddy's house and i rode up to high point with her mom and avery (not the one from enloe...sorry everyone's been asking me that). we had so much fun playing sweet & sour...hahahaha that was great. we got some pretty good reactions, too. so then we got there and tillery was already there so we all went out to dinner together...the food was crap but guess what we had the best time so who cares. SOCCA PEPPA NOODLE! ohhh dennnyyyy! good thing penne has holes in it, or else eddy would have choked! regular gravy...you know, white, brown...i love you guys! so then eddy avery and i shared a room and we watched the haunting before goin to bed...what a retarded movie! it's cold...let's breathe really hard! sliding (and screaming in a deep voice) like a penguin! wow and then i laughed when they died. bad charlotte.
so then saturday morning we had a game and err...we don't play well in the morning. we went to subway for lunch and i love that place i could live off of it. then we came back to the hotel and watched all this weird stuff on tv and threw candy out of our sixth floor window and acted crazy...yeah that's what we do best. (i was so mad i forgot my camera, though!) haha so then our second game...hooaally crap i think that was the best game we've ever played in the history of the team...so what if i got a strawberry and shouldered in the chest really hard (yeah that hurt like shiat you have no idea) and my fingernail got ripped off and it was digging into my flesh...we won by like six points! heh heh. then we all went out to a team dinner and i didn't have to pay cause they wanted to treat me cause my game was so good =) heh heh. we got these molton chocolate cake things...thank goodness i didn't eat all of mine. that was great mini: "it's a pretty good size!" heh heh gay waiters are the funniest. but yeah we made up this awesome dance...only avery till and me can do it right...don't even try...hahaha break it down now. whoo good stuff. then we went back to the hotel and avery till and i went swimming at like ten at night with all these little boys...they were retarded but that's okay. then avery and i came back downstairs and we played all these little old school "video" games at the bar and had shirley temples...mmm. her dad and step-mom-to-be are the coolest! haha. yeah sexy bitches...we got a picture at least for her cell! then i stayed in their room til like midnight...but i realized i should probably go to bed.
so then we won our morning game...even though we got krispy kreme before hand...haha whoooooops. then we had to wait around to see if we were tied for the spot into the finals but we weren't...so yessss we're going to finals next weekend. which i'll get to later. haha after the game i had a banana and threw it in the forest but it got stuck on a branch and coach tony said he'd give me a dollar if i did it again...i couldn't =[ haha oh well.
i rode home with avery and we stopped at...okay i'm not even gonna try to spell this right...schlotzky's? wow i think i did it right...maybe. so anyway then i went to her house when we got back into raleigh cause we thought we might do something with this guy she knows but it turned out i just hung out there for an hour before coming back home...and miss avery is definitely coming to the semi finals this weekend! yes ma'am!
so then this week: wednesday night i'm gonna go see a movie and thursday we're going ice skating (i really hope that works and really hope everyone can go) and friday another movie or something but i can't stay out late at all because my game on saturday is in greensboro at 8.30am...lordy i don't know how i'll pull that one off. oh well we'll see. then walker and his dad are gonna come pick me up (and maybe watch my game! none of my friends--except from my team--have like ever seen me play soccer...wow) and then his birthday party is that night (his birthday's on friday) and then i'm staying there over night and i might have a game on sunday and if not i'll just hang out there til i get picked up...then back home...
so yeah that's why this week is absolutely stupendous. plus, it's gorgeous weather!

2004-10-23T11:19:00.000-04:00

[mood]: i'm not sure, not worth saying cause it'll change in the hour.
[music]: ted leo and the pharmacists (good stuff!)

well, let's see...i think i'm just gonna skip all of the complications cause they'll change by later today. and again tomorrow. and probably again next week. hahaha =)

sooo, let's see. we get report cards on monday! someone sedate me, i shouldn't be excited over that. oh well.
yesterday sally and i went straight to ligon after school to see canterbury tales! we went to the old hall, too, to see our teachers but mrs. brooks was already gone *sniffle* oh well. we saw mrs. heald, ms. relyea, mr. wilson, and mrs. kingsberry. it was so weird it wasn't sad at all, it was just as if we'd never left and we were still going to school there. weird, huh? but the new auditorium is absolutely amazing. it's like a college campus. or a really nice highschool. so anyway the actual play...holy crap it was the worst teched thing i've ever seen in my life and probably ever will see. but it was still really amusing. will was an awesome drunkard! lol afterwards we saw will and mrs yalaki and betty and went backstage and all these other people, and then we tried to go down to "our spot" at the hill but my mom was already there so we decided not to go all the way down. oh well it was all fun!
so then sally came home with me and we watched moulin rouge and then sat around talking and yeah all that fun stuff til like 9.30. she had to go early though =( oh well.
yesterday was kate's birthday! she's 18...whoa. and tonight is her huge party. and tomorrow we're celebrating as a family.
alrighty well, i should go. i hope stuff straightens out and is more consistent...in a GOOD way.

2004-10-17T19:53:00.000-04:00

[mood]: sooo weird.
[music]: leaving new york--rem

r.a.n.d.o.m
[gotten beaten up]: no, but i've always wondered what it would feel like to beat someone else up...*plans to start own fight club* haha jk
[changed who you were to fit in]: not on purpose, and not drastically...but man i was stupid in seventh grade =]
[age you hope to be married]: let's see, out of college at twenty-two, grad school out at twenty-six...so probably twenty-seven?
[dream wedding]: at my church (christ church) and the most formal you can get--noon or six in the evening. and to...yeah.
[how you want to die]: not by gunshot or cancer...hmmm at old age...not after a stroke either cause i never want to forget who people are
g.u.y s.t.u.f.f
[best eye color]: anything i can stare into, you know the drill. preferably something...interesting. hazel.
[best hair color]: darker
[short or long hair]: no buzz cuts, a little shaggy but not below the ears
[height]: taller than me would be great. but hey, if they're within a couple inches...i won't know the difference. haha.
[best weight]: healthy weight
[best articles of clothing]: whatever he's comfortable in. be that a ripped up t-shirt (two people get that one haha) or polos and oxford shirts...whatever.
[best first date location]: something like a baseball games...places like that are really good. or dances.
[best first kiss location]: somewhere slightly romantic, please. if not...it screws you over. haha.
i.n y.o.u.r l.i.f.e
[number of drugs taken]: none illegally
[number of people i could trust with my life]: eight or nine
[number of cd's that i own]: waaay more than i feel like getting up and counting
[number of piercings]: two, one in each ear
[number of tattoos]: none.
[number of scars on my body]: let's see...one, two, three, four...five?
s.p.e.c.i.f.i.c.s
[what kind of shampoo do you use]: physique and/or sheer blonde
[what are you most scared of]: guns, cancer, and my house burning down
[what are you listening to right now]: walker's LAUNCHcast station
[who is the last person that called you]: errr i think it was scott, or maybe sally
[how many buddies are on right now]: thirty-seven
[how many are away]: nineteen
[what would you change about yourself]: my brain. at this direct shifting stage in my life, i'd just turn it off. it goes haywire. haha. (other than that, seriously...nothing at all)
f.a.v.o.r.i.t.e
[color]: black white blue pink
[food]: my mom's homemade macaroni and cheese or a chicken quesidilla
[boy's name]: walker
[girl's name]: i have too many to pick
[subject in school]: english
[animal]: harp seal
[sport]: soccer to play, basketball to watch
h.a.v.e y.o.u e.v.e.r
[given anyone a bath]: when babysitting, yeah
[gotten high]: off of life...yeah. and insence too, i think, that one time at shea's...hahaha
[bungee jumped]: i want to at least once
[skinny dipped]: almost...haha jk
[made yourself throw up]: sort of...but not in a bulemic way. my parents didn't believe i was sick.
[been in love]: yes. beyond romantic level probably but yes definitely.
[made yourself cry to get out of trouble]: yeah but sometimes...it doesn't work haha
[pictured your crush naked]: uhhm no.
[actually seen your crush naked]: definitely not
[cried when someone died]: yeah
[lied]: who hasn't
[falled for your best friend]: over and over again
[been rejected]: yeah, scott's a harsh rejecter *wink*
[rejected someone]: gah yes i hate having to, though...with a passion.
[used someone]: not really
[done something you regret]: sort of...i try to look on the bright side, though
r.i.g.h.t n.o.w
[clothes you're wearing]: pajamas!
[music you're listening to]: the strokes!
[time where you are]: 8.17pm
[smell]: *sniffs* uhhm...my shampoo. haha.
[favorite artist]: whoo what a tough one. mcc i think for today.
[favorite group]: impossible questions are no fun. i'll randomly pick...stellastarr*.
[current desktop picture]: it's under construction
[book you're reading]: well i just finished that stupid and pointless book a wizard of earthsea...oh woe is me. haha.
[cd in the player]: mcc
[dvd in the player]: none at the moment, but the last one was fight club
l.a.s.t p.e.r.s.o.n y.o.u
[touched]: err i think...highfiving my soccer team
[hugged]: walker? oh wait no sally.
[im'd]: will
[yelled at]: i don't remember, i don't yell that much
[felt sorry for]:
[missed terribly]: walker. duh. even though i saw him like...fifty hours ago.
[felt loved by]: walker/scott/sally
[spoke to]: my mom
[cried to]: scott/sally/my parents
[cried over]: walker...alex...the fact that it's not the fifties. haha.
p.e.o.p.l.e a.s.s.o.c.i.a.t.i.o.n
[open minded]: i try to be, really i do. everyone else i know is either crazy left wing or crazy right wing...my parents are really open minded, too
[arrogant]: mr wolfe! haha even though i don't know him
[insecure]: poor scotty. haha naaah you know we love you!
[interesting]: everyone i know is pretty darn interesting, but i think chris and betty take the cake
[random]: tony, but me and my qumquats, too...hahahaha.
[attractive]: well, will is my sexy eighth grader. hahahahahahaha jk. we're all beautiful! =]
[smart]: straight a's? me...but i think walker.
[moody]: me...again. followed very closely by she and sally, oh goodness!
[ambitious]: err...me and sally
[shy]: hmmm dunno many shy people.
[difficult]: kate at times, or jeff
[buffed]: alex
[bored easily]: hmm not sure, shannon?
[drunk]: i can act like it...
[responsible]: scott
[obsessive]: oh goodness me. or alex haha.
[angry]: i don't know many angry people...
[sad]: me right now for some bizarre reason
[happy]: ashley
[hyper]: me and sally put together...there's no stopping us! haha
[talkative]: again...me, or sally and i put together
[illegal]: no one...
[porn]: KIFFY THE PORN STAR!! hahaha
[cute]: uhhm...sophie. there we go. haha.
[violent]: i prefer not to hang with violent people
[unpredictable]: shea and sally
[repetitive]: again, kifner. this isn't a good thing.
[dramatic]: definitely me...oh goodness. how do i always get in these situations?!
w.h.o d.o y.o.u w.a.n.t t.o
[kill]: nobody
[slap]: no one really
[look like]: myself =]
r.a.n.d.o.m
[in the morning i look like]: i have a mane...haha cause i do.
[all i need is]: love!
[love is]: all i need! okay fine i cheated. uhhm...there's no way to describe love.
[cola or pepsi]: yeah, uh huh, cola, yup, definitely.
[flowers or candy]: flowerrrrrrs!
y.o.u.r t.h.o.u.g.h.t.s
[i know]: more then enough to get me by
[i want]: to have one person skip foward two years in their life and everything else stay the same. yeah, how impossible can that get.
[i have]: waaay more than anyone could dream for
[i wish]: i could be contented
[i hate]: narrow minded, shallow, or stupid people
[i fear]: being left behind, in life or death
[i hear]: take it or leave it--the strokes
[i just]: can't seem to maintain balance
[i search]: for something i can't do
[i wonder]: if the feeling's mutual
[i regret]: not being able to please everyone, including myself
[i like]: sunny weather in the seventies, real music, home cooked meals, dogs, my soccer team, playing frisbee, dances, staying up late, big cities, the mountains and the beach, phone calls, laughing
[i love]: my life

2004-10-11T19:33:00.000-04:00

[mood]: soo good
[music]: the jet album (hold on, look what you've done, etc.)

yeah so this weekend was my soccer tournament in myrtle beach...i was really dissapointed cause we only got second but oh well i had so much fun. and here's the best news of all: COACH MIKE IS LEAVING!!! he was soo bad...and now coach tony (yesss he's like a guy mrs. brooks...it's gonna rock beyond belief) and coach mark and coach craig are gonna be our coaches. i'm so excited you have no idea. i love soccer so much...i love my team...i love coach tony! he says i'm his adopted daugher =D! it was great after the last game on saturday and the championship game my entire team jumped me...it was great. there were these two or three u18 guy teams watching us, too (we had the last game) and all the refs and they all congratulated me. it was so nice. well anyway yeah we went shopping in between games and i went to polo and they had a great sale! whoohoo. but anyway...
last friday was our politcal rally...uh oh. well everyone said my speech completely kicked ass. which i'm sure it did, but i knew we weren't gonna win. and i also entirely owned in the debate today (admit it) but oh well. everyone was so sweet and said i did really well.
soo what'd i miss last week. oh yeah this is the last three days of the quarter! i'm like 99.999999999999999999999% sure that i got all a's. that would just kick ass. i went and saw the crucible...again...with alex after school on wednesday. and then on friday sally came home from school with me and then scott came at like 6.30 and we had so much fun just hanging around. i mean really what did we do? oh yeah he helped me back for my tourney, and we ate food from the huge party downstairs. haha fun stuff.
then tomorrow i have french club after school with sally (haha yesss it's crepe day! YOUR CRAP IS MY CRAP! ahh goodness) and then wednesday after school we were gonna go see brooks but she can't...oh well. on wednesday night i'm goin to a movie with alex and then sleeping over at sally's and then thursday walker is coming. hoooooooooooooooooooooooooly crap. yeah i don't think it'll happen either =]. we'll see. shea's leaving for canada! noo come back shea! haha oh well. then walker's spending the night and we're hanging out...you know we have a million things to do. then all friday afternoon and night i'm goin to the fair with alex and all of my buddies. yeah fun stuff.
but right now, i have to finish my cell project. yeah, i definitely got to bake a cake and buy lots of candy and now i get to ice it and put the stuff on it to look like a cell. rock on mrs. richards! haha.

i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held on to
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you

2004-10-02T00:56:00.000-04:00

[mood]: exhausted, sky high
[music]: all the awesome stuff they played at the dance tonight!

happy october!

sooo i just got back from HOMECOMING!!!
enloe lost miserably to jordan. that's just so sad. oh well. it was something like 38-0 the last time i checked, at the beginning of the fourth quarter. well anyway, on with my day...
it was excellent. kifner's test was surprisingly easy, and then jeff and i walked to the media center and back during king to "approve our technology", and in french we spent the entire time talking politics. haha that reminds me! last night i got back from watching the debate (which i can go off on A LOT if you want me too, but you probably don't...so just ask me if you wanna know) and i got an IM saying "hey this is walker's brother i heard your alert for his buddy list and decided to say hi" and we ended up talking for like two hours about politics. it was great. but anyway...on with today. lunch was pretty good, not as great as yesterday but that's okay. in art we still have a sub...haha score! and i drew a mug shot of a sad looking manly woman! haha wow. math i'm not so sure about how i did on that quiz...but anyway then we had a pep rally. i sat with sally and kevin, basically, and sort of alex but he was stuck with his homeroom like two rows down. the coolest part was definitely the mascot, hands down. heh heh.
i took a nap before i came to the game tonight cause i knew i'd be tired. it rained before i got there but that's it, which was nice. it was awesome, i saw tons of people: alex, sally, shea, adam, julian, zach, lindsay, shannon, lea, isabella, poojie, leslie, david, phil, kuntal, mike, cameron, morgan, ryan, peter, kat, makaiya, laura, nishika...uhhm yeah i really don't feel like listing them all. the game was really fun to talk to everyone, of course, but i'll highlight one moment, the "gunshot". okay, so we were all sitting on the left side of the bleachers (if you're looking down the steps) and standing around in this big crowd talking and all the sudden there was this big BANG. and then i heard someone scream, but i think that might have been me, and i saw sally duck just out of instinct and i freaked. i mean think about the neighborhood enloe's in. so i ran and ducked under the cement edge of the bleachers...and then everyone had to come get me and make me stop hypervenilating because of my gun phobia...i was so scared...i didn't stop shaking for like forty-five minutes. i guess it was just a car back firing or something...who knows. but no one was hurt. so that's basically the highlight of the game.
now, as for the dance...it was awesome. definitely a lot better than the ligon ones, even though those were cute in their own way. we had an actual real dj who mixed the tapes, it was awesome. and the dancing was really good, too...definitely better than ligon by far. it was just...really fun. sally and i felt like we were at a club! hahaha. i dunno...it was just so wonderful =).
so now i get to sleep late tomorrow! and then a soccer game at 2.00. too bad i couldn't sleep over at sally's, oh well. but first i have to eat because i haven't had anything to eat since lunch today and it's definitely 1.09am...haha.

<3 char

2004-09-20T17:20:00.000-04:00

[mood]: a little weird, though it should be wonderful...
[music]: bedshaped--keane

today i guess, on the surface, was wonderful.
i got in the top three of nominations for homecoming court. so people voted in homeroom today. i really couldn't care less. hahaha. and then in math i got a ninety-six on a math test where the next highest score was an eighty-six and the average was seventy-nine. enough said. and it's an absolutely gorgeous day again, i'm so happy, out of the blue of this week of hurricanes and rain, here is this perfect weather. i'm actually excited for soccer practice tonight, believe it or not! it'll be great to play. and today we got our assignments for the c&c project, i have a great group and it's gonna be really fun, i think. they voted me to be the candidate, and so i'm jack! haha uh oh.

oh, and one thing to add...something that makes my day

when i find a pink carnation in my binder as a surprise from my boyfriend...just for no reason at all. (we share a locker, so he did it before third period, the first time i use that binder...)

thanks =). i love you, alex.

2004-09-16T20:48:00.000-04:00

[mood]: extraordinary
[music]: is this it (album)--the strokes

well everything in my life is just...wonderful.
let's see what's happened since updating...oh yeah! grades:
it turned out pretty much just how i thought it would. i'll do it in order of my day...
healthul living: 95.0, a; biology: 99.0, a; c&e: 89.7, b; english: 98.7, a; french II: 93.6, a; basic 2-d design: 96.3, a; algebra II: 98.0, a. yeeaaah...i really hate kifner. oh well. for king, after school on tuesday (the day of the great expecations exam) he came up to me and was like. "hey charlotte! yeah i wanted to find you and let you know that you scored the highest out of all of my students on the exam today." i was like, *jaw drop* noo...waaay...really?! haha yeah it was great. i love that class to death. and i took notes and studied for the quiz in kifner tomorrow, cause i'm convinced i'm gonna get straight a's. how much would that just completely rock...ahhh i'm wired.
also, french club was on tuesday. it's really fun and even though we were thwarted in the scavanger hunt (hahaha) it was something i definitely want to keep doing. sally and i are thinking that since the cabinet is all seniors this year, we can be officers next year...heck yeah!
speaking of clubs, for key club i need ten hours within two weeks. i've already got five hours planned for this week, and we need some more. yeah...so i'm waking up on saturday morning to go to exploris for the intro session thing...i think alex is going, too. and then trash pick up for all my various clubs.
so continuing. we thought that i couldn't sleep over at sally's, and then it turned out i could! so i went over there last night and it was just fun cause yesterday everyone was in such a good mood and so it was the perfect day for a sleepover. i watched forrest gump for the first time ever...oh my word that is definitely one of my favorite movies now! ahh goodness it's so great, i can't even begin to explain it all. i went with her to her neighbors to babysit this morning, but the kids were angelic so it didn't really matter. then i came home...and...did some work, talked a lot, made plans, yeah all that fun stuff.
i'm so happy that tomorrow is friday!!! just a random school day in the middle of it all. even though i have a math test and a c&e quiz, it's all good. (does anyone know when we get pictures back?)

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what i think is the last installment:
five more things that make my day

[x] seeing a really, really good movie.

[x] good grades. enough said.

[x] getting to bed early or being able to sleep late, either way: getting enough sleep

[x] getting new pictures developed or uploading digital camera stuff onto your computer, and then pouring over them. it's just so exciting!

[x] the way that no matter what, some people are always able to say just the right thing at exactly the right time. whether that's something funny, or something comforting, it doesn't matter...cause they can just put a smile on your face and make you feel known and loved and cared for.

-----------------------------------------------------------

and now, because i really do have this much fun with these things...a survey.

thirteen random things you like
1. music
2. computers
3. my dogs
4. movies
5. going out to dinner
6. accessories
7. worked for success
8. beautiful weather
9. sarcasm
10. traveling
11. middle school and high school
12. my life
13. and of course, all my wonderful friends

twelve random things you want
1. to go shopping, within the next week
2. an iPod
3. to get driver’s ed over with
4. more sleep
5. the rumor about getting rid of my old soccer coach to be true
6. to always play octopus instead of doing the heart monitors in gym…yeah.
7. to continue to do stuff with friends every single weekend
8. to find a way to get enough key club hours
9. uhhm…i’m really running out of things. to always keep in touch with everyone?
10. to make varsity soccer, not jv
11. a new fall bag
12. my life to always be this good

eleven good bands/artists
1. keane
2. the refreshments
3. the shins
4. the new pornographers (pay no attention to their name, really)
5. stellastarr*
6. cake
7. green day
8. spin doctors
9. billy joel
10. mcc
11. josh kelly

ten things about you physically
1. really tall (5’9”)
2. really long blonde hair, which can be straight or curly whichever i feel like
3. multicolored eyes that are classified as blue but have lots of green and grey in them and a ring of yellow around the middle
4. really long eyelashes
5. a dimple in my upper right cheek
6. straight teeth and pretty smile after orthodontia from third-seventh grades! whoo hoo!
7. still pretty tan from the summer time…screw the rain and the fall
8. i personally think i’m long legged and short wasted, but maybe that’s just me.
9. i have the anderson family nose…which is different than the mabe family nose. mom, kate, jensen and i all have it. i love it! haha
10. long fingernails??? haha i guess that works.

nine thoughts
1. i should take a shower and go ahead and get to bed early
2. i really hope that kiffy the porn star's test is easy tomorrow
3. tomorrow’s gonna rock cause it’s one random school day
4. i hope my mom's in a good mood when she gets back from her dinner party cause i have to tell her about my weekend plans...haha
5. i really need to go shopping, i have eighty bucks to spend
6. i can’t wait to see shea and will on saturday! (and everyone else, but i see them regularly)
7. goodness i’m so freakin lucky!
8. i probably shouldn’t like highschool this much, or even my life for that matter.
9. ah ha! the strokes! (just started playing is this it on my computer) they make me feel better heh heh

eight favorite foods/drinks
1. chicken quesadillas, oh definitely
2. my mom’s homemade macaroni and cheese
3. chocolate pecan pie
4. lemonade
5. my mom’s chicken and raman salad
6. sparkling apple cider
7. anything italian, pretty much
8. anything mexican, pretty much

seven things you wear daily
1. underwear/bra or cami
2. my pink fossil watch (or sometimes my silver guess watch, but always a watch)
3. perfume
4. lip balm
5. earrings
6. shoes? a shirt? haha i don’t know i wear a different thing every day.
7. a SMILE!

six things that annoy you
1. when it’s 6.30 and my bed is still warm from where i was lying just ten minutes ago and it’s just so inviting…
2. when my mom is in a bad mood and she doesn’t let me get a word in edgewise
3. third period. kifner. every. single. day.
4. (is this a good thing that i can’t think of many things that annoy me?) oh yeah, rainy weather. continuously rainy weather especially.
5. getting sweaty in first period gym on a days
6. when people ask me about chris and you can tell they’re not “cool” about it.

five things you touch every day
1. the french pen sally brought back from france that i write in my diary with
2. this keyboard
3. my hair
4. sophie
5. alex (okay, so it depends on how much i see him over the weekend…haha) okay well just because that sounds weird...my toothbrush. (hahaha it just randomly came into my head)

four shows you watch
1. the news
2. anything on vh1…i love the…series and best week ever etc.
3. espn
4. uhhm. i don’t really watch tv all that much…let's just go with degrassi. haha!

three people you have a crush on
1. alex!
2. (this one weirds me out. why would you have a crush on three people at once?) pherribo! haha (pronounced like rhyming with carribu…or pherrEEbo…hahaha jk)
3. HARRY!!! (haha…only one person gets it)

two things you dislike
1. hurting other people
2. shallow people, fake people, ignorant ditzy scheming…etc.

one thing you love
1. one? damnit. my life: which includes myself, my family, all of my friends…everything.

2004-09-13T20:49:00.000-04:00

[mood]: probably unhealthily happy
[music]: billy joel greatest hits cd collection (haha come on, gotta go old every once in a while)

well, i know it's a monday, and i know you're probably all exhausted, but if you're just so cool like enloe, then =) and be happy because we have no school thursday! so this whole week is like warped and it's gonna seem like the second half of the week all the time and that just rocks. i'm doing so much this weekend: movie, shopping, sleepover, having people over, babysitting, lilly's, comedy worx, another movie, you know.
okay, i'm gonna dedicate this paragraph to the one and only sophie. do any of y'all have dogs? i know that sally, ashley, and adam do...but everyone else i'm close to are cat people. well anyway, sophie is like "my" dog cause i take care of her the most and i still pick her up (she's bigger than hugh now, sixty five pounds, oh my goodness!) and i spoil her rotten. and she's always loved me the most =] and she just makes my day so much better. like you have this crappy day and you walk through the door and she comes trotting around the corner with her whole freaking butt wagging cause she's so freakin happy to see you. and she jumps up and licks you and is just so excited. i mean really, she loves me no matter what i do. and that just makes me happy. dogs are indeed a man's best friend.
continuging with the main point of this entry. soccer practice today rocked my socks off. i'm lucky though, cause my coach was in the worst mood and he got all up in other people's faces but i was off workin on blocking crosses with coach z and so i missed that. but the greatest part was the beginning of practice when we scrimmaged kate's team and we won! they didn't score...whoo hoo yeah buddy i had a shut out! and we scored on our first charge/shot. yeah so that made my day, i beat my own sister's u18 team...on my u15 team...a bunch of freshman playing seniors. oh, joy. and then i just beasted all during practice, even at the end when i played some field. i dunno what it was, but it was just a really good practice for me.
well i'm gonna head out. i need to do some art sketches and shower and eat dinner (still, yes i know, it's the mabe family) and possibly read some of the lord of the flies. on second thought...no.
<3 char la la

oh my goodness! i almost forgot! the next installment! i'm gonna cheat though, and use stuff from my entry...

five more things that make my day

[x] when no matter how upset you are or how bad of a day you've had, your dog loves you no matter what and makes you smile and cheers you up just like that.

[x] when people sneak up on you. (not in a mean way, but in a surprise you way.) for some reason that just makes me so happy.

[x] when you do really well at something. i'm sure this applies for everyone, but you know like a basic hobby--soccer, for instance, for me. if you just have one day where you just really excel, both in areas you know you can do well in and areas you may not always be great in.

[x] having an inside joke with someone you've just recently met/started talking to. that just makes me happy, it's very promising and a good foundation. i just had one of those days today where everything made me laugh and it was so much fun.

[x] days when you wake up and for some reason you're well rested. chances are you shouldn't be cause you bearly got any sleep, but you're excited to go to school (oh my word, i know) and you contribute all day in class, and for some reason it's just all good.

2004-09-09T20:36:00.000-04:00

[mood]: what could better, i mean really?!
[music]: hopes and fears--keane (entire album) it's sooo good

so, what rocks about this week?
first of all, it's only four days. props to you, laborers who made labor day. secondly, we have like no homework. well, i don't at least. even though we all have different teachers and some different subjects now, we're all pretty much on the same track i think. then of course, even though i thought i wouldn't be able to see anyone outside of school, i got to go to to cameron village today. ahh, yes, i missed it!
so yeah alex, sally, adam, max, travis, thomas and i all met up at cv. alex and i walked around by ourselves for a while and we shared his strawberry creme frappacino thing from starbucks and it was so yummy! then we met up with sally adam and thomas outside of cafe cyclo/baskin robbins and sat there for a long time just talking. which was nice and relaxing and i had a good time cause it was almost like the summer again (lordy knows it was hot enough!) and there was no school work and i was just with my summer buddies and it was fun and stress free and *pleasant sigh* yeah. so then we realized adam and sally were late getting back...and then alex and i just walked around, as always. and his mom gave me a ride home even though it was really tough for her...thank goodness!
and then...i did my homework. which was really easy. =)
speaking of school work...i got a's back on all my tests today but kiffy the porn star's, which i got a high b on. yeah, that's what i'm calling him from now on.

and here is my continuation...five more things that make my day

[x] when i find out yet another way in which alex completely kicks ass. well maybe i should say "when one finds out their boyfriend is even closer still to perfect" but yeah whichever works. he's...so...sweet! wow, i guess this one really doesn't count because it's so random. but okay, let's reword it to this: when you find a great guy who aside from all your basic stuff also does all the sweet little polite things, like opens the door and doesn't cuss around girls and pays for dates and...okay you don't want to hear this list. again. hah.

[x] when i've been having a bad week or a bad few days and then all the sudden one day i get everything all under control, like i have all my work done and i realize school's actually really easy and all my friends are good and everything makes me happy. yeah, a day like today.

[x] reverting back to the basic stuff, someone giving you a compliment. any kind of compliment, you can't deny that it makes you feel good. constant flattery is different...just a sparatically placed compliment.

[x] days that are just absolutely beautiful, especially if it's been rainy a while or something. days where your eyes are just drawn to the window, you step outside and it's like there's nothing between you and the freshest air you can breathe, and it's just so naturally gorgeous.

[x] okay, i've put it off long enough. shopping...yes. not to the shallow point that shopping can truly fix everything (even though a little retail therapy never hurt anyone!), but to know you've turned those pieces of paper--or that piece of plastic, haha--into something completely cool to don next monday, that just makes you happy. haha.

enjoy. make someone's day tomorrow! even though you all already do. did i ever mention that? you make each and every day without anything else. i love you guys.

2004-09-06T19:40:00.000-04:00

[mood]: not ready for the weekend to be over, but good
[music]: on the way down, lost without each other, out of my heart, hey sandy, hackensack, love and tears...yeah walker and i had a music spree last night

well, i just got back from hero. that movie is definitely more of an art form than an actual movie, but goodness it's beautiful. my favorite scene was the "green scene" (and yes, they did have colors.) haha. yeah so i went to shea's house with john s and alex and we watched some of the animatrix (i have never seen a more obviously made-while-high movie, haha) and did crazy stuff. well first we played airsoft which was slightly painful...no let's say highly painful...when john s didn't realize it was loaded and shot me twice. yeah. ouch. and then we all got on shea's bigass trampoline until it started raining. and we still stayed on there until we realized that it was pouring and we got soaked to the bone, heh heh. yeah and then man they burned like two or three things of insence in the room and we all probably smelled a bit too much of it...man we were crazy. but maybe that's just how it goes with shea...aww man i miss having him at school with me.
so then we went to the movie and that was awesome. in the truest sense of the word, awe-some. yeah. i don't know if you got that...but anyway it was also made pretty funny. for instance, the human shiskabob and walking on water. and then i gave john a ride to shea's so he gave me a ride home and we had fun talking about bushes on people's hair, otherwise known as afros. heh heh.
but anyway, happy labor day! even though my weekend was mostly used playing soccer. i'm not quite ready to go back to school, man i'm still missing summer. but it's only four days and i have no soccer, so i'm excited. i'm gonna try to go to the library every day after school as long as i don't have too much homework. speaking of, i might as well go ahead and get a head start on it! i'll probably end up talking on the phone all night though...;-) (yeah alex i just keep pushing that bedtime with my mom...)
enjoy your evening everybody!

well, i decided to rebel. so many people are doing these “things-that-ruin-my-day” lists that i decided to do the opposite. but instead, i’ll just do it in short little installments. so here the first one is:

five things that make my day

[x] when you get home from a date and you smell like your boyfriend. maybe that just happens to me…haha. well it happens all the time, and you know how the guy you like always has that smell. *sniffs left shoulder* ahh…=)

[x] when i spend an entire afternoon on the phone. this can be with the same person or with an assortment of people. this has been happening a lot lately, too…i’ll have just hung up the phone (my line) and it’ll ring again. so basically large amounts of time on the phone. it works especially well if you go past your bedtime and your parents don’t realize so you get an extra hour in with your boyfriend/best friend/best guy friend. haha.

[x] when you really really really want to talk to someone and all the sudden their little alert comes up on your computer screen and they’re like “hey! i really wanted to talk to you!” or when they call at the same time. this happens all the time, too. heh heh.

[x] when launch plays like ten awesome new songs in a row, and i like them so much i rate them all with four stars. yeah that just makes me excited. any music spree at all, actually…haha

[x] anything really fun with friends that is entirely spontaneous. this can be anything basic from calling my mom after eighth period from alex’s cell telling her i’m going to the library or a club meeting, or getting in the car at eight in the morning and coming home at midnight on a day trip to wilmington/wrightsville.

2004-08-29T12:56:00.000-04:00

[mood]: finally rested, energized (unbelievable, i know)
[music]: fall to pieces--velvet revolver

well, yesterday was bad but last night was good. i guess talking on the phone for four hours straight can do that to you...even if you're kicked out of your own room which you cleaned all day and have to sleep in your sister's which is very messy. oh well, i survived. i talked to shea, then adam, then scott, then i hung up the phone and alex called but i had dinner then called alex back. so yeah that combination cheered me up. i have another soccer game today and it's rainy which is great because that means i'll get to slide around and yeah that's the best way to play goalie =D. so what else. i think i'm going out to lunch in a bit...and i have a few chapters in great expectations to read and then those three kifner questions. and i may start editing my paper...but i doubt it =).

in the mean time!

[H.A.V.E Y.O.U]
BEEN KISSED? yes
KISSED SOMEONE? uhhm...well when they kiss i'll kiss back...usually.
BEEN SAILING? yeah...but i need to go again with sally in rhode iiiisland! haha
STOOD AT THE EDGE OF A CLIFF? mmmhmm...amazing
BEEN SKYDIVING? haha...no.
ROCKCLIMBING? yes! it's so much fun
SANG TO YOUR FAVORITE SONG? every single day...i sing along to everything...cause i have like a million favorite songs heh heh
GONE TO SCHOOL BY ACCIDENT ON A HOLIDAY? i don't think so. maybe a long time ago in elementary school? yeah i think i did once. hahaha.
SEEN A CARTOON MARATHON? you know i hate cartoons =]
SPENT OVER $500 IN ONE STORE? haha yes, maybe more than is exactly healthy.
SOLD A PAINTING? yeah...
USED DUCT TAPE TO FIX YOUR SHOES? haha the first week of eighth grade my flip flop broke while waiting for the bus and so yeah will had some duct tape and yeah. =D
BEEN STARED AT FOR MORE THAN 30 SECONDS? well if you're ever around julian than the answer's yes haha. but other than that yes, too.
SET OFF A FIRE ALARM? ahhh sixth grade. last week? eighth period? yeah buddy. guess who.
SANG IN AN ELEVATOR FULL OF PEOPLE? lol yes...well i guess it wasn't full of people. but it was my sisters and my mom and i and it was at the grove park inn so it's not exactly going to be "full of people" if you've ever been there cause they have the old fashioned ones with the little gates and everything...but the guy who opens the doors for you was in there...hahaha.
CUT YOURSELF? yeah...HAHA i scrape myself with my fingernails all the time--on accident (yeah not what you were thinking.)
ATTEMPTED TO COMMIT SUICIDE? i've been stupid and threatened...
HAD THE NEIGHBORS COME OVER TO TELL YOU TO BE QUIET? told jensen to be quiet.
RUN WITH SCISSORS? haha YES. i did just the other day actually.
USED A PICK-UP LINE? i don't need 'em =]
SMOKED POT? never ever ever
ASKED SOMEONE OUT? hahaha. yes. but only walker. haha. and that practically doesn't count.
BEEN ASKED OUT? yeah
REJECTED SOMEONE? awww yes...and thinking of most recently...i love him anyway! (not like that he's my buddy though!)
SEEN A NUN IN PERSON? yup
MADE A SCRAPBOOK? i have like ten...heh heh
BEEN TO A DUMP? no
FAILED A CLASS? *gasp* no way...you know i make straight a's...oh RIGHT it's HIGHSCHOOL now...we'll see. i doubt that i'll fail anything. very much.
HAD A CRUSH ON SOMEONE AT LEAST 3 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU? not really. one year? yes three times. two years? once. three years? nah. oh, well, it also depends on your definition of crush...
SHANKED SOMEONE/BEEN SHANKED? no but i've seen it happen at soccer tournaments waaay too many times.
DANCED WHEN NO ONE WAS WATCHING? all the time...hahaha
SEEN A MOVIE IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE? yes! actually one of my favorites...
BEEN TO PARIS? not yet!

[W.H.I.C.H]
BLUE/BLACK? black
SUNRISE/SUNSET? sunset...they have more colors in them...and plus you don't have to get up at the crack of dawn--literally--to watch them haha
CHOCOLATE/VANILLA? chocolat
DO IT/WATCH IT? unless it's watching someone do something stupid...do it.
FRIDAY/SATURDAY? FRIDAY! definitely!
TESTS/POP QUIZZES? tests, unless it's a pop quiz and i know everything on it...cause then i feel special haha
MOVIES/PLAYS? movies most of the time, but i love both
BBQ/SALAD? salad
POP/R&B? depends on what kind of mood i'm in. good--pop, bad--r&b...if either at all.
ROCK/RAP? rock a thousand times over
CASH/CHECK? cash! it's such a pain to cash checks
LOOKS/SMARTS? smarts, definitely. (haha chris you know my current complaint...) but looks don't hurt. ever.
DOGS/CATS? dogs without a doubt (sorry alex!)

[F.A.V.E.S]
ICE CREAM? chocolate chip cookie dough
DESSERT? chocolate pie
CANDY? lifesavers or twix (don't worry alex, you won't have to buy me carrots on valentine's day...hahahaha man good times)
SCHOOL SUBJECT? it used to always be history, but this year it's english. for two reasons: the teachers and then i'm actually...a writer. so yeah.
ANIMAL? harp seal! they're sooo adorable. actually anything adorable. haha. wow i'm such a girl.
CAR? bmw jaguar saab mercedes benz...i'll settle for.
BAND? what an infinitely impossible question.
PET? dogs! they're the next best thing to people, if not even better cause they always love you no matter what you do!
BOOK? a ring of endless light maybe?
MOVIE? heh heh...ferris beuller's day off, amelie, matrix and matrix: reloaded, all of the lotr movies, charade, what's up doc, steel magnolias...yeah i could just go on forever.

[C.U.R.R.E.N.T]
CLOTHES? my pajamas...from sally! haha blue cami and my little striped shorts
HAIR? back in a ponytail and then a twist thingy...but wild and crazy haha
THOUGHT? i just realized i'm really hungry...it's 1.00 and i haven't eaten.
DISSAPOINTMENT? uhhm there was something i was upset over but i can't remember...heh heh.
EXCITEMENT? next weekend? haha well school tomorrow cause i like it (i know what a freak!)
WORRY? i've just gotta stay on top of all this work...
ANNOYANCE? this stupid cold i have...

[L.A.S.T]
LAUGH? last night on the phone...i guess with alex cause i talked to him last
CRY? uhhm yesterday. my mommy was being mean =(
HUG? i guess friday night with alex...
KISS? friday night with alex
PHONE CALL? shea adam scott alex scott alex...last night (yes in that order lol)
IM CONVERSTAION? like a real one? with sally yesterday afternoon
THING YOU BOUGHT? does the enloe football game ticket count?
MOVIE? perfect score on friday afternoon. oh yeah and like thirty minutes of water boy haha
BOOK? no. don't even make me think of dickens...
MEAL? dinner last night. so i need to go eat. so yeah i'm leaving. bye.

2004-08-24T22:33:00.000-04:00

[mood]: ahh so happy
[music]: after all these years and love your life--silverchair, last nite--the strokes, whatever song was in my head all day that i didn't know (hahaha alex)

well yeah today was definitely another good day!
man, i wish i could go to the library every day. i sort of got in trouble for it today. like my mom isn't so dumb that she can't see through the library name and into the fact that i'm with friends...but oh well. i'm going tomorrow and friday anyway =D. and today i actually did get work done! okay, well we did until we went out onto the mid level parking lot...hahahaha chris--you know my stories. but it's just so nice...it was an absolutely gorgeous day today, and *yawn* oh sorry and it was so relaxing, even if i was about to fall asleep...haha...and yeah it just made me happy...okay enough...
yeah well everything makes me happy. except for sally, she had a bad day so i feel sad for her. cause the stupid people are screwing up her campaign for senate, and she has a cold. GET BETTER SALLY BELLE MARIE!
school work is a piece of cake. so far.
*huge yawn* yeah well that bout says it all. EARLY BED TIME FOR ME! oh yes. man i can't even make a good sentence about today.

2004-08-22T17:26:00.000-04:00

[mood]: unphased
[music]: layla--eric clapton

wow, highschool makes things like ten times more complicated. i don't neccessarily mean that in a bad way, it just does. i mean, if you haven't noticed stuff like adam & me and sally, and then alex, and then chris's stuff...plus working load and people like shea and adam not going here, and...well yeah stuff just gets so many layers piled on top of it, i've sort of given up trying to get to the heart of things and have just sort of gone with the flow. uhhm...okay well yeah just thought i'd mention that...?

::stuff you probably know::
[known as]: char, charlie, sharly, char girl, char la la, charlizzle, chartruese, jacqueline, creamy, char grill, charmin, shealotte II...yup i think that's it. (even though i came up with fifteen the other day riding alex's bus...hmm.)
[hours wasted away usually]: playing soccer, playing piano, at school, at movies, at the library, pretty much always with friends, or computer time, writing, music, dogs...
[prescense first graced the earth]: april twenty-third nineteen-ninety

::last::
[movie]: in the theater, the village. oh i know, it's been so long!
[book]: great expectations...I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS! i called it. tell me when you get to when that pocket jr. guy is telling miss havisham's story to pip...i figured out who everyone is. if you wanna know my theory, ask me, but i know some people hate it when i ruin what are supposed to be "surprises"
[vacation]: to the beach august1 through august8
[time you got wet]: at the pool today
[meal]: quesadilla at the pool! (pronounced ques-a-dilla...not the spanish way. hahaha yeah brian)
[laugh]: uhhm...actually have i laughed today? maybe not! *gasp* i think it was last night on the phone with alex
[tear]: sophie bit me today--on accident when i tried to get her ball and she didn't know--but yeah it brought tears to my eyes...but i didn't actually cry
[phone conversation]: with alex last night
[im conversation]: at the moment talking with adam
[disagreement]: my parents tried to make me get up at 9.00, but i slept til 12.30...*shame* but i needed to!
[hug]: alex--friday
[kiss]: alex--friday
[song]: evaporated--ben folds/she's so high--tal bachman/pretty girl--sugarcult
[place you went]: to the pool with my parents and jenny (who is jensen...btw)
[place you went with friends]: to the library then to the bulls game with alex and then max, travis for a bit and thomas

::currently::
[hair]: twisted back, so it'll be curly tomorrow
[clothes]: jean mini and flowered cami
[annoyance]: trying not to procrastinate on homework
[satisfaction]: my soccer team is still going to be good this season!
[worry]: highschool, meaning all the stuff i listed above (workload, adam alex sally me deal thingy going on--haha--and chris and stuff)
[anticipation]: wednesday afternoon and then next weekend

::friends::
[best]: sally belle marie is my lucky crunchy star! hahaha...and then guys are shea scott adam walker
[most recently acquired]: shannon, phil, "poojie", lea, isabella (well with her, re-acquired haha from elementary school), david/minion/slave, max, travis, thomas
[most consistent]: scott has never ever ever gotten mad at me. my big brother!
[most inconsistent]: *muffled voice* yeah i actually do have an answer for that. but don't worry, it's probably not you if you're reading this.
[most...interesting]: betty or chris...power to 'em
[boyfriend/girlfriend]: alex
[most respected]: uhhm i respect all of my friends, definitely. but probably adam, sally, and walker in particular.
[who could you not live without?]: uhhm...i know who i'd pick if i had to pick one person in the entire world but i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. and anyway, i probably wouldn't be able to live without any of you...

2004-08-17T21:50:00.000-04:00

[mood]: delerious disbelief
[music]: old time memory--josh kelly

well, let's see.
for some reason the whole blog- / xanga- scene is sort of making me nonplussed these days. same with school, but it was okay today. but yeah, it just seems sort of pointless for me to write all this stuff that if you're my close enough friend, you know, and if you're not close enough to know it either doesn't make sense or it sounds like ranting or you couldn't care less. eh ah whatever.
well, anyway, as i was saying, let's see.
yesterday was...well, sort of uneventful. i did homework. in the middle of which alex called me and we talked for forty five minutes, then i called around some more, and then i got back to homework. i was in a very artistic mood yesterday and so i did a lot of sketching and feel in love with my art class. i love it so much, all the sudden i can just draw and as cliche as this may sound, it's like everything else just sort of drops away...but enough silliness. i'm about to die in french, it's awful. they couldn't say the alphabet. oh wait, neither could the teacher! *sigh* ugh oh well.
so hmm today i rode the bus to cameron village with alex and met his friends max (knew before now) and travis (didn't know but he's cool). we went to the re-located library which was actually pretty fun because we were so silly. we had some major laughter-control problems. but oh well! =). alex and i walked to harris teeter for some of that really cool canadian water and it was pitiful cause we couldn't find it. "it's like we're an old married couple going shopping together" hahaha alex is so silly. then we went back and attempted some homework. it was so cool, cause it was like on the top tier of the three-level parking lot and when we finished homework alex and i wandered around talking up there and "pretty" is definitely not the word i would use, but i suppose "cool" will suffice. it was actually sort of pitiful that raleigh is so short, cause we felt like we were on top of the city. and we thought about getting on the roof but didn't, because getting arrested is no fun. and then we went in a lot of dead ends trying to get back. and then lost change in "copiers" and yeah. and yeah it was fun =). i'm going back tomorrow! and probably every wednesday, if i start piano again on tuesdays. yeah it's sort of pitiful once it gets to like sixth period, that's what keeps me going...oh well.
so actual school today was better cause i actually saw people between classes! like i saw alex three times and we actually had time to talk and same with sally, except only two times, and scott once or twice, and ashley and shelly and...yeah. and i actually have a pretty big group i eat lunch with, even if i'm trying to get out of it (the lunch, not the group haha). and i got called to student services and i talked my way out of a course denial! so i've been referred to the vice-principal to run my lunch-change-in-disguise by him. oooh, i hope it works!
so hmm what else. mr. kifner pisses me off beyond belief. he never calls on me and the kids in my class don't know what they're saying a lot of the time, they're like major anarchists that remind me of shea, except without the research. that's why it's fine with shea, cause he knows what he's talking about. but yeah i just tune out anyway, cause we already learned all of it. oh well. it makes me miss mrs. brooks a lot.
tonight was typical, watched the olympics, ate dinner, got a call from alex, got several from shea, tried scott and sally and shea and...well yeah whatever.
oh, on friday i'm going to see a durham bulls game! ...well, hopefully. there's so much stuff we need to do, like more movies to see and a durham bulls game and ice skating and adventure landing/fun werks and carolina hurricanes games...and well yeah you get the picture. saturday i have a scrimmage which pisses me off cause we have one on thursday, too, and so now i can't go to the library thursday or to hang out with sally and adam on saturday, unless we do something at night. we'll see.
well, i really need to take a shower before adam calls. night night.

2004-08-09T21:36:00.000-04:00

[mood]: anticipation!
[music]: she will be loved--maroon five

today was the last day of summer. that says a lot.
thanks so much to everyone who made this summer the best yet, in every little way. you guys mean the world to me. i love you.
well, let's see. today i went to lunch with adam, sally, and mrs. brooks!!! it was the first time i'd seen adam in like...a week haha whatever, but the first time to see sally in over a month and mrs. brooks in two months! we went to vic's in city market and then stopped for ice cream at tony's. it was yummy! and of course it was accompianied by great conversation. damn, i'm gonna miss having her for a teacher sooo much! but ligon is soo fucked up this year. half the teachers are gone and replaced, there's no teams, there's no organization, everyone hates it, there's like no real homerooms, and mrs. k leaves in january to have a baby and ms. relyea takes over eighth grade...AHHH! haha times like these i'm glad i'm gone. well yeah that was really fun(ny). i'm gonna miss adam so much though! and shea...oh goodness i don't even want to think about it. no no no no no!
so yeah today i got a haircut. i hate it. ok, well not that strongly. but like...he took off three inches and to me it seems a lot shorter but everyone else says they can't notice a difference. so i suppose it's all good. i just hope it grows back FAST!
my first soccer practice was tonight. i had a blast. surprising, isn't it? we have...five? i think new people. or maybe it's six. but anyway, it's all good. i had fun. moving on...
tomorrow is the first day of school. and that is saying a lot in one phrase. i'm worried about my schedule, but at least i know my homeroom and i can figure it out.
i guess i need to shower and neaten up and get all ready for tomorrow...
oh my goodness but i don't want it to be the end of summer...i want to stay up late forever and ever and ever...never go to school...just live in this glorious summer...thank you again...

2004-07-30T20:06:00.000-04:00

[mood]: oh, so happy
[music]: the best of what's around--dmb (under the table and dreaming album)

wow. so i leave for the beach day after tomorrow. adam got home today, ashley's back, i talked to shea even though he's at the beach, sally and shelly come back tomorrow (even though they both turn around and leave for florida, oh well). and this entry is dedicated to walker cause he just rocks. he knows why. and most of you have probably heard why, anyway =).
sooo today was busy. i woke up early to go to wake forest to babysit, the last time. i sort of got attached to my little twin! (sarah faith) oh well i'll see them again soon enough. anyway, i made a good chunk of money out of all that. $8/hour, sixteen hours.
so then i came home and showered and went out to lunch with mom & kate. then we ran some errands, then came home and kate and i went shopping!
so, yeah, this is what i got (keep in mind i went planning to get one skirt and top. HAHAHAHA. good one char):
.one skirt: blue with white flowers, short-ish
.two shirts: one white (can't ever get enough white shirts) and one pink, same style with a cinched neckline and split cap sleeves and yeah.
.poncho: haha kate was going to kill me! anyway it's pink frayed knit. fun stuff.
.capris: yeah the first pair i've ever owned. tracey ellen which is always good. pink/orange/yellow plaid. fun stuff.
.three pairs of earrings: oh yay! haha buy two get one free! haha i thought of ashley when i bought them! lol. a really cool white pair (which i've needed), silver hoops with lots of blue rhinestones inside (also needed something blue since one of my favorite pair dissapeared!) and gold hoops (my only gold piece of jewelry besides my nice gold bracelet, heh heh) that are chandeliers at the bottom. yeah.
and then i'm going to start with one double batch of chocolate chip cookies downstairs with my mom and we're packing food stuffs, all for the beach! i'm soooo excited.
alex gets home tomorrow! whoo whoo good stuff. oh yeah and launch stations work for me now! oh, happy day.
today it was just so absolutely gorgeous and kate and i drove around with music blaring and the windows down and i was like...wow what a great summer i had. and i really did. thank you so much, everyone. i love you guys!!!

[EDIT]
go listen to the hard candy album lyrics by counting crows. i love it them so, so, so much. such summer time-ness.
if i could give all of my love to you
i could justify myself
but i'm just not coming through
you're a pill to ease the pain
of all the stupid things i do
i'm an anchor on the line
of the clock that tells the time
that is running out on you
--
all the regrets you can't forget
are somehow pressed upon the picture
in the face of such an ordinary girl
--
she waits another week to all apart
couldn't find another day

2004-07-28T21:04:00.000-04:00

[mood]: a little down, anxious, hopeful
[music]: experimental film--they might be giants, knockin' on heaven's door--guns n' roses

today i went to shea's!!!
we walked to b&n and i got a new journal and two cards for somebody! hahaha. then we went back home and made brownies which was a little bit hectic. and we took lots of pictures. (they'll be up on his photobucket page--www.photobucket.com and go to nevermoore's album.) then yeah we hung around and babysat for his neighbors but that turned out to be us playing "hide and seek" and really just being silly and jumping on trampolines, etc. then we took more picturses. yup. well there's no real explaining cause shea and i are so crazy, we can have fun doing whatever. lol.
yeah i don't know why i'm down...oh wait yes i do! well, alex is at the beach until saturday...although he said he'll call me...and i think he can get on IM, too...i'm worried we won't be able to do anything before i leave for the beach and then we won't be able to do anything until after school starts and...blah.
speaking of, i don't want to go back to school. ever.
this summer was too amazing. it was so different than i thought it would, right from the beginning. but i can honestly say i'm so happy with the things went and how everything worked out. it's just...great.
so yeah *sigh* adam's gone, too, and of course sally still is and so is michelle and they're not getting back until right before i leave...oh well.
i really wish i could have a date to the raleigh party. i dunno if i'm old enough though! =(. plus, i dunno if i've known him long enough, you know? oh well. i'll be pretty in my ball gown all by myself! hmph! hahahaha.

well yeah, i'm sorta bored, but there's no one to talk to at the moment. *wanders off*

2004-07-26T17:06:00.000-04:00

[mood]: utterly overwhelmed in a good way
[music]: album: for the ride home--josh kelley

on one hand, this one is imperfect perfection.

on the other hand, this one is perfect imperfection.

man oh man.
but he's perfect. i'll go with that one.

oh yeah, definitely. perfect. in more ways than i could have asked for. mmhmm.

2004-07-23T21:50:00.000-04:00

[mood]: still excited, and content
[music]: mixtape--butch walker

whoo hoo!!!
today i woke up early and went babysitting for those adorable twins! that was fine, even though it made me really tired the rest of the day...and of course i made more $$$! yay!
then i went to scott's party...whoo hoo! yeah picked up adam and stuff. we played ping pong and took pictures and watched bourne identity, which was pretty good. yeah that was all fun. then we had a cookout and that was yummy! hahaha and then we went and saw bourne supremacy...holy crap go and see that movie! it is sooo good, really intense and suspenseful and just flat out wonderful. i adored it to the tenth power, haha adam lol^10. ok enough of that.
so yeah, now we're making plans to go see i, robot. definitely a good idea. *cough cough* ahem yeah definitely.
so i'm home alone currently. yeah and uhhm...tired. but i'll just go watch tv and play with the dogs.

i love you guys.

2004-07-21T22:24:00.000-04:00

[mood]: whoohoo! definitely content.
[music]: two--the calling (album) or anything the shins

wow. uhhm, yeah, definitely, wow.
well, today was defintitely a good day.
i had to wake up early, though (for me) to go babysit for our second cousins--two little seven-week-old twin girls. they are adorable. sarah faith and elissa...kate went with me and i got sarah faith and she was so sweet! she made the cutest little baby faces, like smiles and yawns and this surprised look and all she did was snuggle and sleep. well, her diaper did leak on me when sorta sucked (a lot) but it's all good. a nice quote:
"i would get up and dance if i didn't have a sleeping baby on my chest!" --me
so yeah, even though we're family, we got $$$. they live all the way out in wake forest, though, which sorta sucks. oh well, we're going again friday morning and next wednesday and friday morning.

continuing. just a note, today i would be going to spain with chris. but no. i guess i'm over it, in fact i know i am, but it's one of those things...a little bit sad. i tried to get in touch with him all last night to say bye before he left, but his phone is still an asshole. good to know some things never change, har har.

ok, let's get to the good part. i went to the pool with kate, andrew, and max!!!
oooh yes. i love my sister so much for finally planning something. and it was so much fun, we played ultimate frisbee in the water...cept with a football. haha. it was great. and then we got out and talked a while and then got back in and after a while it was just max and me and we had so much fun goofing around with all the kiddie toys...ahh so hilarious. then we rode back home and planned to make chocolate chip cookies, but it turned out to be too late. so we sat around watching hockey for a while then they left. they're coming back tomorrow to make the cookies, and while we're on the subject, it's most likely that we'll go to the beach after school starts. which happens to be unnervingly close. gosh, i can't imagine it. us in high school?!?! goodness.

so yeah, then we went out to dinner at porter's and kate got grumpy. she's been really weird around family lately, aside from me. around me she's fine. and same with jensen. gosh i'm so glad i'm still young, i can't imagine trying to run a family of five and keep everyone happy. you know?

so hmm yeah i'm very tired cause i had a late night last night and an early morning. *yawn* i would call somebody, but i'm too tired to talk. plus, scott's dad has this new rule where it's off the phone by 10.30 instead of 11.00. poo. and same with shea...plus i already talked to him today. another quote:
"oh yeah, i got a picture of my oven catching on fire, come on, definitely!" --me.
haha good ol' shea. but, i can't go to the beach with him this weekend. and the depressing thing is that he'll miss like two parties or something. hmph.

speaking of parties, i'm lookin forward to scott's. among other reasons, for the fact that walker might come. if he ever gets his butt back from the freaking mountains. well, i know he loves it so i hope he's having fun, but i miss him! *sigh* yeah so i hope that works out. very badly. and then hopefully there's something with the other group...yeah anyway.

oh! i can call sally! bet i will. and end up staying on with her til all hours.

"i know deep down in my heart that you love me, because once you told me so"

survey time cause i know you love them...

i took out all the basics cause you should know me. yeah, damn straight.

::what::
do you think about the way you look- we all have good days and bad days but guess what i don’t remember the last bad day! i think it’s perfect for me.
do you think about death- yeah. like infinity going on forever and what heaven is and if i’ll be able to relive stuff and if heaven is whatever you want it to be and how everyone i know will one day die and what it’d be like and how it’s shocking when someone’s just gone like that…
do you think about love- it’s the most amazing thing in the entire world. you will do anything for it. anything. and it can do anything for you. anything to you. no one should die without loving. love…is a word that no one knows what it means until they’ve loved.
do you think about fate- i believe in it to a point, but it’s sorta like this: fate gives you a hand and you give fate a hand.
do you think about your self?- i would never want any other life. i am so incredibly lucky to be who i am, to have the family and the opportunities and the friends and the mind that i have. i am proud of who i am and the way i am.
are you scared of?- guns, cancer, being alone, my house burning down.

::the dream side of you::
do you dream a lot at night?- way too much these days
black and white or color- color mostly but i think i’ve had a few black and white dreams
remember any of your dreams- all the time
what is your dream job- something where my name is known but i’m not hounded by the paparazzi or anything. i could be any of the following and feel like i’ve fulfilled a job: a seat in the government, a lawyer, an editor of a magazine, an anchorwoman, a fashion designer or an interior designer
do you believe that your dreams are a gateway to your soul- sometimes. most of the time i already knew the feelings i feel in my dreams, but sometimes they surprise me.

::do you::
do you write in a journal or diary- whoo buddy everything. i have this and my other blog of course, but i don’t think that really counts. i’ve filled up seventeen diaries and i’m workin on my eighteenth, and i’ve been writing in those every night for a little over a year and a half, and with that i’ve been writing for seven years total.
do you believe in love at first sight- it’s an odd thing, not love. like this…connection almost. i’ve felt it twice in my life, possibly four times. but those other two times turned out to be only a connection, not love. but two…yeah. you just don’t know that it’s gonna turn into love. or maybe all of this is just me. it’s not based on physical appearance or anything, it’s more like…i’ve gotta know this person.
do you believe that every person has one soul mate- well. not exactly one, because there are different kinds of soul mates. there’s like best friend soul mates and marriage soul mates and just friend soul mates…i think that…maybe yes, but i dunno if it’s preset until you’ve met them. oh goodness i’m getting all confused now! i don’t know!
do you cry easily- waaaaay too easily. i tear up like every five minutes. well, on a bad day. on a good day i’ll only cry like once. but my record for not crying is like ten days or something.

::online::
how much time do you spend online- my screenname is always on, but i’m hardly ever at the computer anymore. especially if no one’s on. but i guess a fair amount.
who are your best friends online- pretty much the same as real life haha. if you’re asking who i enjoy talking to the most though, it’d have to be walker. and then there’s adam, shea, alex, and sally if she gets on from nyc! and sometimes scott, but we never talk on IM anymore it’s more phone. same with shea. and sally, too, actually. haha.
real life best friend- sally belle marie, and shea & scott.
have you ever met anyone in real life- uhhm as in not from the internet? yeah i’ve met everyone i know in real life. cept maybe a couple of people from winston-salem or devin (not the one i went out with blegh), the one who wanted me to write lyrics for his band haha
do you buy things- lots and lots and lots of things! cd’s, books, clothes, jewelry, etc. oh yeah and movie tickets and dinner and lunch and stuff with friends.

::favorites::
favorite day- friday or saturday. i’ve always liked wednesday, too.
favorite movies- haha well if i could be a movie i’d be finding nemo cause everyone loves it and it makes everyone happy—like i wanna be haha. but i also love amelie, moulin rouge, ferris beuller’s day off, potc, all the lord of the rings, all the matrix movies, minority report, etc.
favorite actors- viggo mortenson, johnny depp, tom hanks, tom cruise, yeah.
favorite song- this question should be cursed for damnation forever. it’s waaay too hard.
favorite music- anything that just has one of those parts that make you stop what you’re doing and listen, a certain beat or chord that makes it memorable. any type of music, really. as long as it has a beat and good lyrics and a tune and is creative.
favorite colors- black and white, and then blue and pink

::when you hear ________ you think of::
bread- and butter
silver- chris (ok, for those slow people, it makes me think of the necklace he gave me)
baseball- durham bulls
jeff- that creep guy who goes to rchs who fought over me in elementary school
dog- hugh & sophie!
feet- shoes!
warm apple pie- vanilla ice cream
socks- soccer
clown- scary (for some people, not me)
giant – the bfg!
a nun- the sound of music or sister act. vow of silence.
school- AWESOME! LIGON! ENLOE! haha ok i’m done now.

::relationships::
what is your sexual preference- straight— guys.
boyfriend/girlfriend's name- n/a…for now.
crush- oh, you mean my “options”? well if you’re reading this you probably know. if you don’t, ask me. i’ll probably tell you.
where does that special someone live- mmmrrrmppph. haha there’s three different answers for this one. heh.
things you like in the opposite sex- must have a sense of humor and be sarcastic, not harsh or cruel or cold to me, though. talkative and open. and physically, tall and eyes you can get lost in…and good hair. which is pretty easy. they have to be with me through ups and downs, and have to have connections in frequent areas. someone who can always make me laugh, and can listen when i cry, who i can be comfortable around. someone who's not mean to anyone and who doesn't hate frequently.
if you could be doing anything right now, what would you be doing- hmm, visiting sally in nyc! well, anywhere with friends really.
would you ever share your heart completely with someone else- yes and i have.
do you prefer sleeping outside beneath the night sky, or your cozy bed- depends on the mood. outside, because…well just because. but i love feeling safe in my bed.
name one person who's changed your life for the better- does it have to be one??? well that’s easy, walker. but he’s not the only one. sally, scott, shea, kate, my mom, mrs. brooks.
what is one thing that can make you smile no matter what mood your in- goodness almost everyone can do that. but someone who always does that is shea. and of course sophie.

::numbers::
number of times i have been in love- once for real true all the way love. two other times besides that with small glitches. (the glitch people are chris & mac, you’re smart enough to know the other)
number of hearts i have broken- uhhm two for real, but some people say three.
number of times my heart has been broken- once.
number of people i would classify as true, could trust with my life type friend- let’s see. sally scott shea walker mom dad kate. i guess seven.
number of piercings- two, one in each ear
number of tattoos- nada
number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper- oooh i dunno, a little less than ten?
number of things in my past that i regret- i would say nothing, but lately i realized there is one thing. but i think that either way i could have handled that situation, i would regret something.

::favorites::
favorite animal- harp seal or dog or dolphin
favorite sport- soccer to play, basketball to watch favorite
store- goodness. arden b., uniquities, beanie + cecil, soho, delia*s, wet seal, express, belk, maxstudio, etc.
favorite feeling- love, excitement, contentment, and accomplishment. in that order.
favorite scent- the scent of a guy. preferably a guy i like. heh heh. or: miracle by lancome, heavenly by vs, pink by gap, pink sugar by sephora, or the other garden one i can’t remember…
do you wear make-up- i think the last time i wore make-up was for the eighth grade dance (may21). or wait—i think i put a bit on for dinner in wilmington (june21).
which is more important, personality or looks- personality, no shit.
do you move fast or slow in a relationship- it’s interesting, if i move faster than it’s usually someone i like less. slowly, cause then it all means more, and it’s worth more, and it doesn’t need to happen for a good relationship. you know?
would you ever ask someone out- i have, and yes.
do you prefer blondes or brunettes- doesn’t matter.

::love, life & friends::
what is the first thing you notice about someone- height, hair, & eyes, and of course sense of humor. how they receive me.
when's the last time you cried- uhhm last night reading a diary (april25 – june14), but it wasn’t real tears. and today i teared up but it wasn’t real tears either. uhhm, as for real tears? july18.
what do you want to be when you grow up- happy. and we already went over this. (dream job…yeah)
do you sleep with stuffed animals- nope
do you like someone right now- again, went over this, “options”!
do they know- probably
do you have a best friend- OUI OUI! sally! and shea! and scott!

::do you like to::
do you like to give hugs- very very much!
take walks in the rain- mmm yes
do you ever have one of those falling dream- ugh yes all the time!
what is on the walls of your room- a monet print, a mirror, my sheers and drapes and curtains.
when you chew gum, what kind- if you know me at all you know i hate gum. heh heh.
do you use chap stick: all the time.
done any drugs: life.
smoked: never.
drank alcohol: yep
snuck out: sort of
snuck someone in: in that really weird dream where…oh well it’s just too weird. and yeah.
snuck into someone's house: uhhm, yes.
stolen: not really.
stolen and gotten caught: nope
thrown up or passed out from being drunk: how bout not
gotten into a car accident: yes, but i wasn’t driving or anything
broken a bone: does a fractured shin count?
lied to your parents: not that i can think of
sworn to god (or any other religous higher being) and lied: no
forgotten your anniversary: never. i don’t forget anything at all.
been suspended: no
gotten ISS: hahaha i got two days of LUNCH ISS from sharpe last year. for something i didn’t do. what a bitch. but he was cool this year.
missed a detention: hahaha don’t tell ms. relyea, k? ooor mrs. gorham, for that matter. in other words yes, like five times. OH YEAH or mr. bock!
been expelled: nah
cheated on a test: come on, everyone has. not on a big test or majorly, though. not as in sneak-the-anwers-from-the-manual-and-write-them-on-my-hand or something. more like, look around the room for a helpful hint. and this was in like sixth grade.
cheated on your b/f or g/f: i’ve come to the conclusion that no, i haven’t. it was special circumstances. really.
watched jerry springer and felt like you weren't alone: err…no.
broken into someones house: haha yes. mine. and aaron’s. but it was with him.
done any sexual favors for money: ick no.
done any sexual favors for a family member: errr gross no.
hit the kid you were babysitting: felt like it. but no.
made a racial comment: not really haha…not seriously, as in racist.
faked sick by putting chewed up food in the toilet and said you threw up: eww gross no.

::are you::
gay: no
depressed: not “depressed”. i scare myself though. but let’s say no, cause i hate that idea. it was like a freaking fad.
a virgin: of coursea
slut: nu uh
religous: yes
smart: yeah, i must say so.
funny: hahaha well if i make everyone laugh…yeah. definitely. heh heh.
a good conversationalist: oh i hope so. well yes.
have sex often: never (i’m still fourteen, remember??)
plan to go to college: definitely
plan to get married: also definitely
plan to have kids: probably
lot of money: hopefully
mommy and daddy: do i have one? yes…
have a b/f or g/f: not currently
trust all of your friends 100%: all of them
take perscribed medicine for cramps: nope
enjoy porn: blegh no

::friends::
best friend- *sigh* wow we’ve already been over this. sally!
best guy friend- scott & shea. and maybe walker.
craziest- hahaha definitely me.
prettiest- oh i dunno. we’re all beautiful! hahaha
hottest- mmm…i know who i think is the most handsome! haha, oh i guess max is cutest.
most athletic- anne and max/alex.
best cook- that’d be ME!
biggest partier- haha…me again. i am the “party organizer” heh heh
most religious- shea
sluttiest- don’t hang with sluts.
best body- alex
most passive- hmm. dunno.
shyest- i dunno—not many shy friends.
most aggressive- andrea
known the longest- sally, but been close to the longest—shea & walker
known the shortest- alex, and before that camp friends, and before that max.

::if you could be a __________ what would you be::
tree- crepe myrtle on happy days, weeping willow on sad days
animal- sophie! haha
book- a ring of endless light—madeliene l’engle
movie- finding nemo
object- diary or flower
song- wow, i could never chose. can i chose one song to be for each day of the year??! haha
object of clothing- toughy. skirt? shoe? dress? ball gown? haha. ok, whatever makes the wearer feel great.
number- two or seven
sound- laughter or music
season-late spring or summer

yup, there ya go!

2004-07-17T22:45:00.000-04:00

[mood]: cloud ten or eleven or so
[music]: basket case--greenday at the moment, but more of KMWIM

well, life sure is grand.
today was adam's party! WHOOHOO!!! man it kicked ass, as fully expected by this particular participant.
but before i go bananas off about that, let me get on with my day. it was another absolutely gorgeous day and this morning i woke up early-ish and when to the pool with my mom from 10.00 -2.00 or so, and had lunch out there at the club.
then we went to the cameron village sidewalk sale (WHICH IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FROM A YARD SALE! GAAAAH I COULD NOT GET THAT THROUGH THEIR HEADS!!! hahahahahaha) yeah and i tried on another gown there but it wasn't quite right and i tried on the cutest sundress & skirt & a couple coats, but we didn't have time to get them cause we were running out of time.
speaking of, i was late. no surprise there, hahaha. so yeah: adam, shea, scott, john willis, alex, and max (not beam) were there. and then kyle came later (no knives this time, thank goodness!)
we walked to edwards mill bar and grill and i am fully surprised that they didn't kick us out. well, dinner consisted of me spewing (well duuuuh it's not dinner without that!) and some good old debate (well, we tried at least) and people trying to put money in sugar packets and throwing carrots. well those are just the really loud & obnoxious parts. we bet scott he couldn't eat three packs of crackers in one minute for ten bucks, and he couldn't!!! haha nice call, alex. over all, it was kickass. heh heh.
then we began to walk home. john threw a mint and hit my butt and it made me cry it hurt so bad, and now i have a huge WELT on my freakin BUTT. but then again so does john cause then alex threw one at him to get him back. so HA. and we played with a very hyperactive bouncy ball. OH WAIT! IT'S STILL IN MY PURSE! HAHA! and we all ran across the street except adam & john and yeah i dared alex & scott to go down the hill i fell down and they DID IT! without FALLING! *hmph* so i was walking away all "pissed off" haha and shaking my butt and flipping my hair and a freaking car honked at me! oh my goodness scott like fell down laughing so hard. so yeah anyway then john & adam tried to jump out and scare us but sorry it didn't work.
so then we attempted to play ultimate frisbee. but guess what, it didn't work. instead it just ended up being
adam, alex, me, joanna, john, kyle, max, scott, shea, and sophie (not my dog lol) playing with three frisbees and like chopping each other's heads off and tackling each other and yeah all that good old fun stuff. then we attempted to play capture the flag, but after we hid the flag shea, alex & i sat on the steps (and shea leaned on the dog gate after we tried to get it open for like five minutes, and then he just leaned on it and it fell and he fell with it...goodness i have never laughed so hard). yeah good times *WINK WINK*. no shea don't worry you weren't a fifth wheel...maybe a third wheel, but not a fifth one. and then we tried to play sardines (didn't work) and some flashlight tag, and that ended up just being shea, alex & i hiding in the woods (ok shea, at this point--MAJOR FIFTH-WHEELAGE!!!) and then we cut through someone's yard and just walked back around up to adam's house. and then we went inside and had cake & icecream. even though i left mine on the porch cause i didn't want anything to eat. (cause i was happy, and i don't eat when happy!)
and then we went and sat around outside till parents came to pick us up. and john told the story of binky which totally freaked us all out. BOO! POWDERED MILK! haha good times.
so yeah after all that, i lost my voice. *sigh* lol
and tomorrow i'm going back to buy all the stuff i tried on today.
and i have to call sally and tell her about tonight, but it'll be hard with my lack of voice. oh well!

MUCH MUCH MUCH LOVE!!!

2004-07-13T18:09:00.000-04:00

[mood]: excited
[music]: sick cycle carousel--lifehouse
[countdown]: KATE GETS HOME IN 22 HOURS! WHOO!

ok, so.
i mean:
hokay, so.
let's see, my computer was on the verge of death for like 72 hours or something, but it's back up and running. i curse whatever fucking bastard made up viruses. DIE DIE DIE!
*deep breath* ok that felt good.
tonight i'm goin to see a movie with my BITCHES hahahaha. actually, i just said that cause that's what sally calls all her guy friends up in nyc. lucky duck. so yeah. that'd be scott, shea, adam, will...
i'm so excited to go to the beach with kate again! yes yes yes!
oh man i don't know why i updated this. i'll update my xanga later for after the movie.

can you swim through the oceans without getting wet//can you break his heart without any regret//cause if you can you were never like me//you were never what he didn't know he needed you to be
--check yourself

2004-07-10T16:37:00.000-04:00

[mood]: i'll get over it.
[music]: somebody--bonnie mckee, everybody wants you--josh kelley
[countdown]: 4 days until kate gets home!

whoo ok so basically all i've been doing is summer stuff. i.e. the pool. and uhhm not much more. but my family rocks. the day to day schedule goes like this: wake up by 10.00am, go to the pool, go out to lunch, come home and walk the dogs, go to a movie or out to dinner or have a nice dinner at home. with variations, of course!
well, i talk like 3 hours a day with sally (total), but i guess that's just natural. (she's still in nyc) yeah for some reason i was really upset earlier...and then...goodness i let myself get so caught up in things. lol and then after all of my experience, it's surprising when they actually go my way. yessss.
well ok there's a lot of stuff i have to do when kate gets home:
1). go get a haircut (*gasp* YES! I KNOW! SHOCKING!) yeah it's gonna be like...only 1 or 2 inches off, though, don't get too excited.
2). music shopping! i made a list of cd's i have to buy. if you have any suggestions, give them to me!
3). clothes shopping! whoo the most exciting part. with my own money i have to buy a bathing suit, a sundress, a new nice-ish skirt (longer) and a new shorter summer skirt, and one or two new (cool) tops. then with my mom's money, i'm gonna get my two gowns, another sundress and another swimsuit, and of course shoes. i'm hoping for some nice new semi-flats and casual semi-flats. mmmhmm yup yup.
4). last, but certainly not least: GO TO THE BEACH AGAIN!!! with max, of course. oh yeah and andrew, dena, garrett, eric, etc. lol.
5). oh whoops, not the last! with the people above mentioned, we have to go see the notebook and also napolean dynamite, but if you read this you already knew that. heh.

wow, i have to babysit tonight, no fair! oh well *sigh*

uhhm...i forgot why i wanted to write in this. just loving summer because i know when high school comes around, i'll be all stressed and wish i could sleep late without worry of essays or exams!

2004-07-07T20:34:00.000-04:00

[mood]: ever-hopeful
[music]: guster live album
[countdown]: 7 days til kate gets home!

hmm so today was definitely a good day. actually every day is, and as retarded as that may sound, it scares me...cause it means i'm getting over him...and...well yeah it's just my retarded complex. oh well. like yesterday i was goin over stuff in my head and listening off stuff...and i forgot about him! can you forget that! like every once in a while i'll stop and think--wait--there's something that's really bothering me and some reason i'm supposed to be sad right now...and then i'll remember but it won't hurt. i know i'm forgetting...augh can't let myself do that. so anyway...

GOOD DAYS
my mom & i have so much fun just hangin out. too bad jensen got back today, she's always tryin to put herself above me but it's so funny cause mom's always on my side. so yeah we went out to dinner last night and out to lunch today and go to the pool (GORGEOUS weather today, i might add, i felt like i was on top of the world!) and yeah.
today i went and saw spider-man 2 with shea, scott, & ashley. too bad adam was out of town, will didn't get our message, anne had soccer practice, and andrea couldn't get a ride. but yeah still it was fun. however i really wish that i could have had someone *cough* cause...it was very very very scary. and i kept getting the urge to you know, burrow my face in someone's shoulder, but uhh...to my right--scott. to my left--shea. uhhm, NO. well anyway our masterful the village plan will work out in the end, anyway.
yeah so i talk some with sally every day, and i wish i were up there in nyc with her! aww oh well. i'm going to either california or nyc for like a week before we go on our annual beach trip.
goodness, i have so many options. it's rather overwhelming. i am reading this book about this girl who has like no emotions and she hates it and i'm sittin here all like "well at least you don't have HYPERSENSITIVE ONES LIKE ME!!!" oh well.

this entry has been so random and there was something i felt like writing about, but i forgot...hrrm.

movies i have to see:
.the village (reserved for july31 when sally, ashley, shea (maybe scott) and uhhm masterful-plan-subject and i all go see it...but you can come, too)
.the notebook (reserved for kate, andrew, MAX and i)
.princess diaries ii (WITH SHEA! haha ok jk)
.king arthur
.i, robot (eh...maybe)
.anchorman
.bourne supremacy
.napolean dynomite (reserved for kate, garrett, andrew, max, shea, etc.)
.shrek 2
.stepford wives

yeah as if i haven't already given enough of my money to the cinemas. *sigh*

well home alone so time to go downstairs and take care of the dogs, make dinner, and you know do the normal stuff (music, piano, reading, tv, etc.)
782.5883 call me if you're willing to talk with the normal good ol' gushy char =).

2004-07-04T23:06:00.000-04:00

[mood]: pining (really, there is no other word)
[music]: two albums: travels in the south--chris stamey, and stones in the road--mcc
[countdown]: 10 days til kate gets home

whoo hoo.
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!
yeah that's about as much celebrating as i'm gonna do. and that's pretty much all i wanted to say...and then this:

i miss everyone. i wish i could have everyone at once...that i could be friends with everyone just...god i just miss the end of 6th grade...the last 3/4 of 7th grade...the end of 8th grade...oh i don't know it's just that there's all these emotions floating around in me and i can't even pin them down really. i surprise myself because i don't surprise myself, if that makes any sense. or maybe i don't surprise myself because i surprise myself...??? ahh whatever, it's just that...i need someone to talk to. god i just love too many people.

ok wow i'm gonna shut up now cause i swear none of you have any clue what i'm talking about. at all. what so ever. mmhmm. night night.

and to anyone i've ever told i've loved: i still do. always will.

2004-07-02T18:53:00.000-04:00

[mood]: wishful
[music]: anything the shins
[countdown]: 12 days until kate gets home!

OOH MAN I LOVE THE SHINS! well we all already knew that but i thought i'd make that especially clear.
let's see, what have i been doing. well today i went and saw the terminal with sally, one last time hanging out before she leaves for big ol' nyc!!! it was a good movie, but something about it just wasn't quite right for me. i dunno it was a fine movie but it made me feel really, really sad in a way. i guess it got me thinking about that guy's (tom hanks) home and what it was like compared to america...yeah well anyway.
awww everyone's gone so i'm gonna be with my parents for the 4th of july...if you have anything to do, let me know, ok?!
i've just been hanging out with my mom a lot these last few days. shopping, the pool, out to lunch, etc. sophie had a VERY bad infection in both ears and a second one in her right, so she felt like shit while i was at camp, and now her meds are making her a bit woozy. so it's nice hanging out with her cause she's completely calm...what a sweetie! ok my girlyness is officially over!
ok, this is so sad, i'm waiting around for everyone to get back. there are SO MANY movies i need to go see! hopefully with max, and i guess kate & andrew can come along haha.
what would really rock is seeing spider-man 2 with shea, scott, and uhhm someone i really wanted to see the first one with a couple of years ago. HAHA wow i am THE BIGGEST LOSER but in the coolest way =).

i'm a bit confused though.

2004-06-30T14:52:00.000-04:00

[mood]: pretty tired
[music]: YE-AH--usher, are you gonna be my girl--jet, wouldn't it be nice--beach boys, and girls just wanna have fun--madonna (all stuff from CAMP!)

well that was fun!
i am so tired though.
my coaches rocked. like totally and completely kicked ass. if coach ed (YE-AH!) had been oh, say, 8 years younger...WHOO BOY! and of course dave...*drool* but enough with that.
i had air conditioning yesss score! and a single which was in a little corner on the third floor and it rocked, but the last night i moved in with jessica so we could stay up late (whoops that'd be a mistake when you have to wake up at 6.00am...) anyway, yvonne, alex, jessica, ashley, alli & i were like a little group and then the gk group friends were alli (still) and sam, stephi, kendall, nicole, calli, alex, VASQUEZ, etc. yeah it was a blast.
i hung out in yvonne/ashley's room most of the time. the food rocked my socks. the training rocked my socks. the games were ok, but because my team (team 11 yeah buddy) was so good, i didn't do all that much.
duke campus is absolutely gorgeous. but we already knew that.
uhhm so yeah it was kickass! most of the time, it was perfect weather, too.

i really don't feel like writing a lot. been away from the computer for so long (five days! gasp) that it's sorta...not natural for me to sit here and write crap no one reads. so au revoir!

2004-06-26T10:46:00.000-04:00

a[mood]: nervous, excited
[music]: i am yours
[countdown]: 20 days until kate gets back!

whoo! today i leave for duke soccer camp for girls…specifically for goalies. whoo! (again) haha my ride’s coming at 11.00am. i’ll be there through wednesday, which i guess isn’t all that long, but it’s like soccer twenty-four/seven, it’s gonna be crazy but i hope i get a lot from it to take for high school soccer. i hope i get a good room mate! it’s my first overnight camp ever, aren’t you so proud of me? haha people are allowed to come to take the campers out of the camp during a break (basically, the only time that’s possible is dinner time) so my parents are coming on monday to take me out to dinner in durham…fun stuff! well *sigh* i guess i need to go and make last minute double checks and all that fun stuff. i’d tell you to write and all that jazz, but considering i’ll only be gone for 5 days and everyone else is out of town, too, it doesn’t really matter that much. we gotta get together when i get back, though!

i’ll miss you guys!
but in the meantime, you get one of my infamous surveys to enjoy!

C u r r e n t l y ::
Mood: exhausted
Music: i am yours
Hair: pulled down and back
Clothes: khaki skirt, one of my old summer shirts from last year that i realized still looks good on me! whoo! no shoes or jewelry (right, NOTHING) because it’s summertime. heh well i wore my kitten heels earlier to get new gloves…but that’s another story
Annoyance: everyone gone, rather bored
Smell: for some reason i keep smelling magnolia today—i think it’s from those two magnolia petals in the bottom of my bag…long story
Thing you ought to be doing: showering
Favorite song(s): uhhm of the moment off of the top of my head? uuuh the shins—so says i. but that’s just a random pick of hundreds
CD in Stereo: spin doctors—pocket full of kryptonite
DVD In Player: finding nemo! wow.
Worry: first overnight camp starting tomorrow >_< soccer…ahh
Crush: maxamillion! a.k.a. maxwell! a.k.a. max!
L o v e::
boyfriend/girlfriend: not really
crush: wait…didn’t they just as that? uhhm yeah.
who?: *sigh* slow people
shortest relationship: ok *sob* this is the first survey that i’ve done since “it” so yeah. this may be tough but i’ll get through it. two months. and the ironic thing is it was the best relationship i’ve ever had. ironic in more ways than one *cough sally cough*
been in love w/ more than 1 person?: aahhhh…no. not the way you mean.
sweetest thing a guy/girl has done for you?: aww they do so much sweet stuff for me i can’t keep track of it…haha jp. well…i guess…gee i dunno. i won’t go all off on that.
meanest thing a guy/girl has done for you?: uhhm nothing really. well i guess taking back sweet things they’ve sad
ever broke someone's heart?: twice =(
someone break your heart?: yes. once. (whoo first time i’ve ever been able to say that *sigh*)
L a s t P e r s o n::
You Talked To: in person jensen, on IM walker
You Hugged: my mom/dad this morning telling them bye
You Kissed: depends on what kind of kiss. let’s not get into this, ok? i learned my lesson from last year not to talk about particulars when it comes to kissing and stuff, cause y’all are mean gossips!
Instant messaged: walker/will
You Yelled At: i back talked at jensen, does that count?
You Had A Crush On: wow people really learn by repetition i guess...max!
Who Broke Your Heart: christopher
F a v o r i t e ::
Food: macaroni & cheese
Drink: coke or lemonade or sparkling apple cider
Color: black & white, of course...and then blue & pink
Album: currently, as i said before, chutes too narrow—the shins
Shoes: wow. really, you want me to list all that?! ok then…black high heeled sandals, black kitten heels, light blue slides, turquoise slides, white flip flops, pink slides, red slides, black stilettos, red stilettos, blue stilettos, tan stilettos, slippers, indoor soccer shoes, yup i think that’s it =D
Candy: life savers or squiggles or twix or reeces
Animal: harp seals (or two very intelligent dogs that i happen to personally know!)
TV Show: vh1 has some funny shit, lemme tell ya. however, for late night purposes, degrassi, my so-called life, sex and the city, friends, etc. are all good
Dance: what kind? well actual type of dance: THE ONES MAX & I MADE UP! whoo yeah we had so much fun in the back of the van making up all these steps to all these different songs…whoo goodness. however, the blue man group’s basic rock concert movements are great, too, and can’t forget the infamous kate-garrett-char ska dance! whoo! as for like dance/party, definitely the 8th grade dance.
Veggie: green pepper or carrots
Fruit: strawberries! and then apples
Are You::
Understanding: i’ve heard that i am…heh
Open-minded: yeah i try to be a lot…it was one of my goals for this year. in fact, i think i accomplished it! whoo! so yes!
Arrogant: probably.
Insecure: almost never
Hungry: i was but now that i’m doing something i’m not anymore
Friendly: again, from what i’ve heard ;D
Smart: straight a’s mean anything to you? if not…well we all have our jessica simpson moments!
Moody: *sigh* what would be left of char if there were no moodiness?!
Childish: not often, only around really really close friends
Independent: heck yes i love being home alone (well NO JENSEN so this weekend doesn’t count) for like five days like last week…i was very responsible and did all my chores and stuff…whoo go me!
Hard working: extremely
Organized: very.
Healthy: i try
Emotionally Stable: HAH! good one. in my dreams!
Shy: not at all
Difficult: errm…not really
Bored Easily: i guess not cause even though it’s like half way through the summer today was the first day i was relatively bored
Messy: only occasionally…and only if necessary, for instance right now i’m packing for camp so there’s stacks of stuff on the floor
Thirsty: mmm maybe
Responsible: you better believe it (i just realized that this is one of my character traits haha)
Obsessed: oooh la la oui oui je suis tres…OBSESSED!
Angry: only ever at jensen
Sad: of course…
Trusting: yes definitely
Talkative: OH yes even to people like i just met or something
Differerent: in lots of ways, though sometimes you wouldn’t think so
Unique: we all are…duurrr…but yes.
Ignored: uhhm no.
Reliable: i’m always here for you guys!
Content: *sigh* i was but…uhh…sorta yearning right now.
Optimistic: i guess so, i couldn’t even stay depressed for a full four weeks. (it was three weeks and one day…hah!)
Thinker: way too much of one
Self-disciplined: mmhmm
Sleepy: not really now that it’s summer…plus my schedule is off whack anyway
Lonely: at the moment yes very
Who Do You Want To:
Kill: nobody
Get Really Drunk With: nobodu
Tickle: uhhm no comment! haha or oh wait, can i say who i want to tickle me? with his hair on the back of my neck? oh, wait, right…*shhh*
Talk to: max, chris, walker, sally, scott, mrs. brooks, kate, mom…(all missing!)
V i t a l * S t a t s //
name and what does your name mean: charlotte...i used to know it's something like wise and caring but i forget. named for my maternal grand dad
nickames: char charlie sharly creamy charlizzle char la la chartreuse jacqueline...yup
location: my desk. hah.
sign: taurus
hair color: dirty blond
eye color: blue-green-grey (mostly blue though, depends on my mood whether grey or green is more prominent) with a circle of yellow around the pupil
status: rather broken and dysfunctional, but i make quick come backs: hopeful! and single.
education: THE COOLIODIDDLIEST MIDDLE SCHOOL IN THE WORLD! ok so well i love it...(?aww that’s what I used to have. *sigh* well now i’m a rising ninth grader at enloe high school! whooo…i guess?
height: 5'9" and i refuse to grow another inch
shoe size: 10...me and my monster feet =p but people tell me they look small
nationality: american but traced back to scotch-irish, dutch, swedish, english
skin color: golden and rosy in the summertime (what my mom says haha)
school: between ligon, the coolest place on earth, my old home, and…enloe.
F a v o r i t e s::
[music] pretty much anything...classic rock ska alternative rock and the genre-less lol
[artist] oh maaan! whatever i hate answering this question cause it takes me like 15 minutes
[movies] ferris beuller's day off, noises off, potc, finding nemo, all the lotr, all the matrix...
[color] black & white and…oh wait, didn’t we already answer this?!
[smell] miracle by lancome, pink by gap, heavenly by vs, pink sugar by sephora, or baking
[taste] something cold on a hot day or something warm on a cold day
H a v e Y o u E v e r ::
lied: yeah somewhat. i think the last time i lied was to walker when i said twice that chris wasn’t the same one with the ccc deal…but that didn’t last long, i eventually told the truth. and uhhm, that was like three months ago?! haha
ran away: haha i ran away when i was 5. my sisters helped me back. i put a banana, a deck of cards, a tshirt, and a book into a plastic suitcase and sat in the back yard all day until my parents came and found me
done drugs: NO *hiss* god enough on that subject.
drank alcohol: yes (come on be smart...communion wine, champagne, some sips of wine...you know)
broke a bone: yes…well does splitting your shin count?
failed a class: nope
been in a fist fight: HAHA i was talking to max and i was like “you know, i’ve never actually punched someone…i’ve always wondered what it would be like though…sorta want to” and he made fun of me for being a violent person. hah!
dyed your hair: no…*sigh*
gotten in a car accident: yes, but i (obviously) wasn’t the driver
been out of the country: no =( *DOUBLE SOB*
met a famous person: yes
driven illegally: well like...it was on a huge farm in virginia...not on roads O=)
thrown a temper tantrum: haha when i was little i was known as "hurricane charlie" but i'm much more in control now =p
been suspended: nope…well does lunchtime iss count?
been expelled: nope
given the finger: haha yes but not really like i do it behind my coach's back with caity & mo...maybe only behind people’s backs…but the most classic thing ever was when my dad did it to a random person…hahahahaha
rebelled against authority: oh, i supposed skipping—i mean wandering—during every class at least once this year counts? signing all my own passes? DAMN i’m gonna miss that like all get out. i think in total at ligon i probably skipped like twenty-five percent of my classes hahaha
been in jail: nah
kissed on the first date: depends on how you look at it...like what you count as a date. and if you count on the cheek or not. and of course, it depends on the person anyway if i were ever gonna do it in the future. really, all in all, it depends on what you count as a date and the cheek thing. but i already said that.

2004-06-23T17:34:00.000-04:00

[mood]: antsy...happy...wistful
[music]: pieces of me--ashlee simpson

ok so nothin really is happening but i feel like i need to type cause...well yeah just cause.
yesterday, though, we decided to go see the terminal...me, shea, will, & john s. i was supposed to go pick up shea at his house and then come back to my house so that will could pick us up, and then will would take us back home and shea would wait here till his parents could pick him up.
think again =).
first off, kate & i got lost...or rather, mixed up...a couple of times on the way there and so we got there with like 5 minutes to spare. then we went the wrong direction on the highway coming back. then, once we'd finally got back on track--the car ran out of gas and stalled on the highway. by this point we'd missed the beginning of the movie...*sigh* it would have sucked if we hadn't gotten help because kate's cell phone is non-existant after the go karting incident, remember??? so yeah a state trooper happened to go by within 5 or so minutes of when it broke down and we waited for like 10 minutes and someone came with gas and then we went to the next gas station to fill all the way up and then we trashed the movie idea and kate dropped me off at shea's house! whoo long and involved, i know. quite an adventure.
at shea's we got on his big ass trampoline for a while after debating political matters (augh) and then walked to dairy queen. we acted like we were brother & sister, and then he screwed up and said "my dad" and then...yeah. it was funny stuff.
got back home at night and had dinner, went on a walk with my parents, and uhhm nothing else really???
today i would have gone to the pool with kate, eric, & andrew but max couldn't come cause he has xc (cross country) practice so...yeah i didn't really feel like it. I FINALLY GOT MY CHECKS CASHED! WHOO! kate is packing like a madman cause she's leaving for new mexico tomorrow...awww i'm gonna miss her! at least jensen finally got a job so she'll be out of my way...heh. i, on the other hand, am starting to get ready for soccer camp...i leave saturday. it's pretty easy to pack: throw all t-shirts, soccer shorts, socks, soccer socks, & sports bras into a bag with other soccer equipment like shin guards, soccer shoes, etc. plus toothpaste toothbrush shampoo conditioner etc. and pajamas and off i go. plus a couple of skirts and normal shirts, cause you never know. WHOO i am excited. not really. but it's nice to be gone on a week when everyone else is gone so i'll have one less week to miss them. convenient, eh?
i got shelly's letter mailed today! yayness and pie! and i'm about to call sally's cell to update her...and uhhm dunno what else.
OOH OOH OOH!!! i got pictures from monday from dena! except...the ones of max teaching me to fly a kite...and playing frisbee...and together on the beach...and at dinner...and stuff...they got accidently deleted. which is a big pissing-me-off factor but i'll live. there's a couple left of us, though, even if they suck.

2004-06-22T01:25:00.000-04:00

[mood]: suddenly insanely happy
[music]: everything we listened to in the car today. everything. spin doctors, b.52's, ok go, the shins, some ska, some 80's rock, some techno, some DISNEY (whoo). yeah when i said everything, i meant everything.

oh. my. goodness.
i dunno if i can even recount today...just got back...well within the last hour.
did i happen to mention yesterday that i was gonna go to wrightsville beach with kate, andrew, & dena today?
did i also mention that andrew has a 15 year old brother max who's going to be a sophmore at enloe next year?
DO I HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

i guess i shouldn't disclose stuff up here. it's sorta...not very...well i would hate to read it if i were someone else. not that it's bad in any way...i dunno.

i had the most fun tonight i've had in FOREVER...well since may 28. and that's like forever. well maybe june 9 & 10 combined were this fun. heh heh but
OH MY GOODNESS the weather was gorgeous and it was perfect and I CANNOT WAIT FOR HIGH SCHOOL NOW! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'll update later once i'm not so freakin hyper. but i'm not. i'm exhausted. in the best way possible.

//EDIT
whoo. *big breath*
so let's see. yesterday kate woke me up at 7.00am and i was so confused cause i'd sorta forgotten that we were going to the beach...heh. so yeah i got up and got ready and threw everything into my swimbag and was ready by the time they were supposed to pick us up (at 7.45am) but nooo. max has insisted on taking a shower (before going to the beach?!) and so they got there closer to 8.00am. but that's ok. it was great andrew had managed to get his mom's van so we could fit all of our crap in it and yeah it was packed with board (boogie, skin, surf) and a cooler and towels and our changes of clothes and music and crap yeah it was great. then we went to pick up dena at her house and set out on our great adventure! whee! yeah we left town around 8.30am and yeah we listened to the shins for a long time then led zepplin then kate put in some of her old mixes. i was nodding off the ENTIRE time because i'd been up til 2.30 or 3.00 the night before because i couldn't get to sleep. but yeah i got a bad crick in my neck because i had nothing to lean against (at this point max didn't count yet, ok?!).
we got to the beach at like 10.15am...yay! while kate & dena got ready the stuff out at the car, andrew & max had to change so i showed them into the resort to change...lol the locker room's for hotel guests only but we've stayed there so many times it didn't matter...mom & i did the same thing for labor day. so yeah then we all put on sunscreen (i didn't get burned THE ENTIRE TIME but i got nice and tan...yayness and pie!) and headed out! we were in the water by 10.30am...nice. it was PERFECT. the sky was cloudless blue and the sun was bright but it wasn't too hot, maybe in the 80's, and the water wasn't too cold at all, but just cool enough, and it was windy so there were big waves but not dangerous, and the water was a beautiful blue...ahh it was gorgeous. we just swam around for a while til we realized we needed to go ahead and call dad (we decided not to because we had made such good time. andrew was goin 80 mph the entire time, but he's a great driver and there were no other cars at all so it didn't matter. not as bad as the time that andrew & max were comin back from the beach and andrew had it set on cruise control at 90. that's scary.) so yeah we called and then got the boogie boards and went back out. we had like 7, but there were only 5 of us...? yeah well anyway. there were some really great waves, some ok ones, but you had to wait a lot sometimes. but it was fun. kate is so cool. dena is so cool. andrew is so cool. max is so cool but at this point i didn't really know yet. they were so cool to invite me! even though...they're all 17! well max is 15. and i'm 14. but my parents were like "do you feel like a high schooler now" because they're all goin to enloe next year...WAIT SO AM I! that's so strange. so anyway. once we were properly tired and carried far down the beach from the current, we walked all the way back to our stuff and laid on our towels in the sand and played fluxx, the WEIRDEST card game ever. but because we were all so confused, it made it pretty funny. max won, then kate, then andrew.
by this point it was 12.45 so we decided to temporarily pack up and go to lunch. we drove around main street in wrighsville for a bit, looking at the places, then we decided to go for pizza. (btw, this was the beginning of the GOOD part...like really good.) we had sooo much fun...there were all these girls in only their bikinis coming in and flirting with the guy who was tossing the pizza dough and i mean there were like 12 in all or something. and kate still had her bikini on underneath her skirt & halter so at the end of lunch, she went to the bathroom and took that off and just wore her bikini out and made faces at the pizza guy. i swear it was HILARIOUS...plus the pizza guy was hideous. well not hideous, but definitely not worth flirting with. we only had 11 minutes left on our parking meter when we got back, so we headed back to public access.
mmm. fun stuff. we got the 2 big kites from the car and max taught me how to fly one (i've never flown a kite before in my life...what a deprived child) and andrew taught kate. we took a lot of pictures and ran around and yeah. then everyone got back in the water and we were sorta just goofing off and stuff, and then andrew & kate swam way out (scared me but that's just how i am) so dena, max & i headed back in. then we decided we wanted to go and get the boards again, so max & i headed back to the car. got those and paid some more for parking then went back to the beach. dena, max & i went to ride waves but after a while the wind died down and there weren't as many so dena went in and talked with kate & andrew. max & i stayed out for a while longer, sorta trashed the boarding idea and just talked. gosh...keep in mind we're at the BEACH...it's GORGEOUS...goodness. so then we headed back in and i was pretty tired but i still walked back to the car with max to get a skin board. then he went out in the tide for a bit while i read some...i had to get a tan at SOME point. then i joined him and he taught me how to skin board! whoo! well not really. i could only stay on for like 5 seconds but that's actually pretty good. at least i wasn't throwing it wrong/missing it/jumping on it wrong/falling off. heh heh. then we went BACK out into the ocean with k, a, & d. (tired of typing names.) we got a board cause we didn't feel like swimming and we shared it and just like hung off of it "sleeping". hah. then we were like screw them and went back in. we were about to lie down and rest for real but then we decided to play frisbee (even though we had to go back to the car to get it). that was definitely the most fun (at the beach). we played in the tide and we were like...ahh being so silly. and then the tide crashed up behind him and knocked him off his feet and we were blaming the frisbee for bad throws and then...we lost it. in the tide. (it was white--blinded in with the foam). so we had to go back and get the other one. and we played in the actual ocean, lol we were doing crazy dives and catching it and stuff but then for simple throws we would fumble...and it got lost again. and then we found it. and then we went back to playing in the tide and...it got lost. and we found it again. after like 5 minutes it just appeared. honestly, it was so tempermental. but yeah then we played some more in the tide & ocean...before it finally got lost for good. so yeah we lost 2 frisbees. oh well. (sorry dena!) then we went in for a few more minutes before it was time to go. so we left the beach at 7.10-ish and the girls went to the locker room to change. (i managed to tame my beach-wind-blown hair! yay!) and then at 7.22 (yay we made good time! we had to get dena home by 11.00) we were on the road again. we went into downtown wilmington along the water front and the docks and it was just GORGEOUS. i swear i have never seen something so beautiful as that day. we had dinner at the reel grill (heh clever) and outside there were all these german-american soldiers who were talking really loud and singing and ahh it was great. dinner was hilarious, too. max cracks me up good lord. he's the funniest person i've ever met, aside from shea & sally but that goes without saying. then we went to get ice cream...mmm yummy. i wanted to put my dinner (left over) and purse in the car, but it was way back in the parking lot and downtown wilmington is not exactly safe. so max was all funny he was like "i'll go with you and be your body guard", which set off a long set of inside jokes about bouncers and game faces and kicking ass. *happy sigh* and then we joined everyone else down by the sound. we walked along and looked at the ships and sat by the fountain and yeah it was...so perfect...ahhh. and then we walked a round about way back to the car. all down through these shops and clubs and stuff and there were real bouncers and yeah then we got back to the car.
the ride home. WOW. wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow. perfect end to a perfect day. we listened to all this crazy music and made up dances to it and sang along and were sooo crazy...until we got tired-ish. then we sorta just lay in the back and cracked up all the way home. god...he is SO FUNNY. i swear he's hilarious. every time i would close my eyes he would come up and put his arm around me and try to tickle me until i got back up. either that or he would whisper in my ear til he got me to crack up. no fair, i never got sleep...*sigh* what a tragedy.
so yeah screw the time, we finally got home at like 12.30am or maybe even a bit later.

SPONTANEOUS BEACH TRIPS ROCK MY SOCKS!!!
it was so cool...it was just what i needed. to let me know that this summer really is gonna be ok, that i'm really gonna be ok and i'll still manage to have a fun time and be happy without doubt and that high school is gonna be ok. i mean i just was sitting here waiting for that moment when everything started to get clear again and i could be happy and excited about something other than what has already passed...and this is definitely it. and after kate gets back from new mexico we're gonna go on lots more beach trips, definitely. that was just the most classic thing ever. the beautiful weather, the blasting music, the perfect company...goodness. forgive me while i am a girl-completely-and-utterly-caught-up-in-summer...but you know i needed this.
did i mention...sohpmore...enloe...next year...HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHA!

ANYWAY.
goin to see the terminal with shea tonight. check the away message for details, or just ask me.

2004-06-20T19:26:00.000-04:00

[mood]: considerably better since the last time you heard from me
[music]: amazing--josh kelly

ho hum.
the good mood is just sort of an up and down thing with my mood in general. speaking of which--thanks to andrea for talkin to me last night!!! it was exactly what i needed. but still--don't expect me to be all smiles forever, just a warning.
it was absolutely GORGEOUS today. isn't it strange that when there's beautiful weather, you think of people you love and want to be with them? i mean that's always my first thought when i see a full moon or a beuatiful sunset and a pretty evening with fireflies or a cloudless sky...but maybe that's just me =). i took the dogs on a walk today (goodness i love them so!) and went to the pool with kate.
today was our last day home alone and now my parents have returned from asheville. oh yeah, happy father's day! we got my dad a dvd of finding nemo because he LOVES that movie, and plus it's a good father tale. we'll probably watch it after dinner tonight which will put me in an even better movie because how can you watch that movie without being happy?! we got the normal shirts-ties-other stuff, too. heh.
so anyway, guess what i had to do last night. actually, (i knew this at the time, too) it makes a pretty funny story. cause my parents weren't pissed in the slightest bit. i went babysitting )heh heh $30 more and now more than $200) and we never unlocked the side door so when i got back...i was locked out! *gasp* and i knew there was no way to get in cause kate's key was lost at adventure landing so there was no point in waiting for her and then mom & dad weren't getting home for another day...so yeah. i had to break into my own house. luckily, one of the windows was unlocked cause earlier i'd been airing out the house from when my microwave spazzed out and started smoking like all hell...it was crazy. so yeah i got the screen out and then as i was lifting up, the bottom half of the window fell into the house!!! and the wood splintered...yeah it was just fucked up. but being the good girl i am, i called my parents and told them everything and they didn't care at all. heh heh. i have cool parental units =).
so this week tryin to figure out if we can go see stepford wives, maybe even the terminal, too. we'll have another piano lesson, yay, because i actually practiced! and i'll hang out some with shea! because he's baaaaaaaaaaaaack!
and OH OH OH! kate's going to the BEACH tomorrow with andrew & dena...andrew from earlier...he is sooo cool! and he has a little brother who's 15 who's going, too! oh, and did i mention...they invited me! WHEEEE!!! O=) whoo charlotte is a good girl don't worry.
so yeah my home alone time was cool and all but i'm happy to have my parents back. and now my mouth is watering for a good home cooked meal...by my mom that is. i mean i can cook lots of stuff, but none of it is as good as hers!

782.5883 call if you wanna go to movies. as far as i know, adam andrea anne chris shea will are the only people left in town...well sally too right now but she's leaving agin =(. but if you're still here, let me know!

2004-06-18T23:54:00.000-04:00

[mood]: someone help me
[music]: the days of the phoenix--afi

i'm reduced to crying again.

everything makes me cry. happy songs. sad songs. happy people. sad people. other people's pain. other people's joy. every tv show i tried to watch tonight made me cry because either: a). awful stuff happened and i related it immediately to my life or b). lots of happy stuff happened and it reminded me of when happy stuff used to happen to me!
is that just sick or what?

so yeah. tonight everyone was away packing for their lovely vacations. whoo. god i am so fucking sour about spain! god DAMNIT. *sigh* that really got me down. like it does, oh, say, every other second of my life. make that every second.

and yeah everyone's gone. just like...missing...i mean i realize i'm not making an effort to reach out and talk to people but still i just tlak to myself all day...no really. i just wander around trying to make sense of what's in my head by talking. i have freaking fights with myself. i tell the pain to go away. HOLY SHIT no i'm not gollum...hah *weak laugh*

i miss school. i mean really there's no other way around it.

so yeah i'm just waiting for kate to get home so i can cry to her. at least jensen's out of town. whenever she's around these days i have to bite my tongue cause i just wanna shout "BITCH!" at her at the top of my lungs and be done with it.

oh, don't worry, i laugh. i do things like babysit and earn $30 so now i have a grand total of $191. i watch movies with kate and crack up. i talk on the phone...true with my mom but she & my dad are out of town right now. again. god i sound so fucking bitter.

look i'm just gonna shut up. cause no one really understands. you're all going off on your sugar-coated vacations and leaving me behind. i sound miserable, and depressed, and i am TRYING do you get it i am TRYING to get up out of this hole i just keep sliding back down and i don't know what to do. if any of you feel like giving me advice, you can try, i just hope i don't bite your head off. cause i am NOT the one who gets like this. i'm supposed to be the one who's giving the advice, i'm the one who always sees things for the good sides and never lets stuff get me down for long...god...middle school didn't mean this much to me, did it?! (saying that includes everything with it). see everyone was all bitchy during the year and i was like...what are you talking about this rocks. and now...they're all like WHEE SUMMER and i'm just in this damn...black hole. i don't know how to get it out. is it humanly possible? i don't know, cause it's not humanly possible to go back in time. *sigh*

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!

2004-06-16T22:50:00.000-04:00

[mood]: 95% happy
[music]: the shins. anything the shins.

whoo well this is supposedly the 100th post. (according to my little stats thing that's on my dashboard when i log in).
so, i am such a loser, last night i stayed up till like 3.00am because i'm used to going to bed that late therefore couldn't even lie still until then. i sorta...cried myself to sleep. and so then i tried to get out of bed but i was sooo tired so i slept till noon again. tsk tsk shame on me.
so yeah i cleaned some and read a lot and went and picked up the dogs from the groomers and really that was it until my "get-together" (it wasn't a PARTY because there wasn't something to celebrate really...we just...hung out lol).
yeah it was originally for people leaving, but because sally isn't going to rhode island anymore (at least, not tomorrow, if she does at all) and my anti-spain-ness (check the xanga) it was only scott leaving...(for new jersey on friday) so whoo! yeah we were outside...then came back in and hung around being stupid idiots...=) much fun. will discovered that i AM ticklish. god every time i sit in that spot on the sofa when people come over i figure that out...oook enough of that.
wow suddenly i don't feel like writing anymore at all. so i'll finish this up real quick.
we watched 50 first dates after dinner and they tortured my dogs (ahh feel the love) and yeah all that. i'm glad sally's not leaving yet so i'll still have a weekend that i can live at her house for again =p heh heh.
goodness. i am getting over this, i am i am i am! but...that doesn't mean i'm all better yet. i feel so bad about everything...there's this one part of me that wants to just bury myself beneath the covers and cry and read old diaries all the time and be held and beg and cry and plead and relive every moment in my head and say these what-if's and could-have's and have all these wishes...but then there's the sensible side of me and i KNOW that won't work! that it's stupid! that i need to pick myself up and move on...not completely erase it from my memory but live with my healthy daily dose of sadness and yet also at the same time happiness. that i will move on and be happy again it tells me not to cry because it's over but smile because it happened. and then there's this other part...this part that is so hopeful and faithful and i believe that anything can happen...and i just wanna close my eyes and wake up back in school and i wanna pick up the phone and be able to talk all night and go to spain and everything...and somehow everything will be like it was before. and they're all duking it out pretty bad up here in my head.
so in short, that's why i can't really write right now. i don't even know who's winning up there anymore. it's just causing me lots of stress but at the same time i'm pretty darn happy. remember, i had FUN at the part--i mean "get-together"! lol.

AUUUUGGGH WHY?!?!?

2004-06-13T23:43:00.000-04:00

[mood]: content & happy, but a little bit of hopefulness
[music]: superman--five for fighting at the moment, but more of the shins, the flaming lips, and hot hot heat today.

just got back from going to adventure landing with kate and her buddy andrew. slept really late today, made brownies with kate, listened to music for the longest time while talking with kate & andrew, and then scott called and i talked on the phone with him for a couple hours or something. we're planning to go see a movie this week before he & shelly leave for new jersey and spain, respectively. (augh. still can't use that word without cringing.) so yeah we're trying to figure that out. i'm supposed to wait to see stepford wives for when shea gets back in town, but i just might not be able to. I MUST FINISH HIS PRESENT! GOODNESS! so anyway, i had lots of fun tonight. andrew is so cool & funny =D. but at the go-kart racing kate's purse fell out and it got run over and her cell phone got destroyed and she lost her keys and we had to go around and collect all the money that got blown everywhere. i mean, we were all just like, "SHIT!!!!!!". and we don't cuss around each other at all. much. haha. so i felt really bad about that.
but now i gotta take a shower. and eat dinner (i eat so durn late!) and then i'm going to go to bed early.

2004-06-13T02:37:00.000-04:00

[mood]: finally happy, on edge with dizzy happiness
[music]: penthouse album by luna, the 5'11" record by arrogance, cosmic thing album by the b.52's, and a little bit of country (so sue me)

hmm the last few days were definitely down & out.
and then i just got up today and knew it was gonna be a good day!
i miss my parents in nyc, though =(. i woke up late-ish and talked on IM with chris & walker, which was good cause i haven't really talked to anyone in a while. (aside from family).
and then i...dunno. i read, i took care of the dogs, but i didn't dwell on sad things like i can tend to do no matter how involuntarily it comes about.
so yeah i babysat from 6.30pm to 12.45am whoo hoo. in that process i made $40 (they're my cheapest payer...arrrgh! haha but that's really not bad =p) so now i have $161 total--in checks to cash. not cool, not cool at all. so yeah, also in that process i watched the mtv movie awards which was mostly...bs but it made me laugh. things that make me laugh are good. it was pretty lame, sitting on someone else's couch watching someone else's tv laughing out loud all by myself. well, i guess that's how life goes =). so yes, continuing with my "in the process" story, i called chris and within 5 minutes his phone went beserk (when doesn't it?!) and we were cut off. so then, i found a deer tick on me. which really, really, really freaked me out. i'd noticed it before but thought it was a new mole because of all of my "sun time". THINK AGAIN. i noticed it because it had this huge red swelling around the place where it was attached. i *shudder* at the thought. so, i called jensen, then my parents, then jensen, then my parents, then chris again. HEY that great song wherever you will go--the calling just came on g.105. late night radio rocks. anyway. so yes i talked with chris for the rest of the night. until, of course, his phone went beserk (yes, again) just as we were discussing the probability of my dropping dead from lime disease as i was on the phone with him. so his phone was a BIG FAT UGLY JERK and wouldn't let me reach him again. oh well.
came home at 1.00am, and SCOTT IS BACK!!! yaaaaaaaaaaayness and pie! oh goodness that was the icing on my cake. it was too late to get in touch with him, but stiiilll it makes me happy.
so then i watched some of as good as it gets with kate after having dinner (yes, i know) and then we were stupid idiots (as in the sister kind where you laugh at really stupid stuff) and then she crashed. then i decided i was too tired to wrestle with static and that damn guy that tells me time and time again that "the customer you are trying to reach in the altel network is unavailable...blahdiddyblahblah" to call chris back only to have his phone cut off and have my fall asleep at 4.30 waiting for his battery to cool off. plus, he was up all freakin night & day, he's probably exhausted.
good to know that some things never change =).

*YAAAAAAWN* gotta see a movie sometime this week. 782.5883 lemme know what when where.

2004-06-10T18:14:00.000-04:00

[mood]: pissed right now, but generally really happy
[music]: sweet child of mine--guns n' roses

sooo what's up.
earlier today was awesome but i'm really pissed off right now even though i know i shouldn't be.
see, well, i'll start with the bad stuff to get it out of the way. i went shopping with mom & kate and we found all this great stuff...like all these summer dresses and new tops and everything...and then my mom all the sudden decides she really needs to go home. i know it's because of her back and it is totally unfair of me to be mad about it, but i am anyway. not really at her, just in general. ok, so i'm fed up with kate sucking up to her. for once i wish i were an only child, then i could have my mom all to myself. because really, she's awesome, until she starts paying more attention to one child than the other. >_<
ok, on with everything else.
heh heh went to city market today! it was SO MUCH FUN!!! adam, sally, mrs. brooks & i met up at 11.00 in front of subway...whoo hoo! i have had so many sub lunches with these people it's not even funny. ok so not that many, but it seems like a lot =). yeah we were there from 11.00-1.00...just talkin bout everything. some parts made me really really really sad...like about how we should have gone to international...and everything about chris...but otherwise it was so good to see good ol' brooks again! she told us all these stories from competition and gave me my/her (our?) shirt back...lol. and we talked about high school and middle school and what it means to be a teacher and what it means to be in the AG program and funding and education...and yeah all that good stuff. tell me, am i a dork for having lunch with my old teacher?! naah, don't answer that question.
so then sally called her mom and she said that she'd pick us up in an hour and a half! whoo whoo! adam was goin someplace downtown to volunteer (god i admire that kid) soo he could stay, too. we walked down the cobblestone streets (i swear, city market is the shiznit) and went to artspace first...it's so cool in there! we found all the really cool impressionist paintings and went to the sunset artist's studio and wandered around a bit. (if you didn't know: it's a huge building with all these different studios for artists there and you can go in and watch them work and their work is for sale and there are regular exhibitions, etc.) then we went to the actual city market, which is like this fresh produce open air market...sally got 3 plums!!! hahaha and we wandered around some more...and some more...and some more...and then went into tony's to get some ice cream...mmm mmm! that place is also the shiznit! so we sat in there a while...(*cough* while sally made out with plums *cough cough*) and yeah then we were like i guess adam has to go (at 2.00). so we crossed the street (no jay-walking, mind you!) and walked through moore square park to get over to the exploris side. we had seperation issues with adam...we kept giving him hugs, and waving, and calling out bye, and we kept on talking and talking and talking...we were sorta sad cause it might have been the last time our "summer group" was together before we all went out seperate ways this summer.
so yeah then sally & i walked back and looked in this cool tibetan store and she bought some incense and we looked at jewelry and bags and belts, etc...and then sally's mom came and gave me a ride home!!!
when i got home i slept on the sofa with sophie for like an hour. i can't believe she sat in my lap for that long!!! plus...she's like...huge now. it was funnny.
and then i went shopping, but you already knew that.
on with other updates--my mom decided last night that i'm not going to spain. which i guess i knew was gonna happen, cause that was definitely too good to be true. but at this point, it's sort of the same as going to spain with say, shea, or scott, or walker...because i went out with them, too (ok so not scott but might as well) and we're fine friends now...ugh oh well. so yeah talked on the phone with chris on and off all evening...his cell phone is still stupid.
and uhhm my mom was at a party thing and ran into walker's dad and they talked for a loooong time before they figured it out. and they are gonna plan something...but really...i don't care...

ok screw the generally happy thing. upset because: 1). shopping thing. 2). may have been the last time i see sally & adam together for summer. 3). and even if it's not, that's depressing, because it'll most likely be because i can see them again because i won't be in spain. which is really sad-making. i mean there's still a teeny bit of hope...but no. 4). all the talk about fps and internationals...=(.
*sigh*.

//EDIT
hmm. everyone in my house is on edge these days and it's getting to me, i guess. i got really sad again tonight, about...you know. i'm having a wonderful summer and all, but i just got to thinking about people. i mean, i guess i got to thinking about those people that i love to death and could never ever ever tell them enough. i guess i'm talking about guy friends here...heh just for your information. *sigh* i mean--they are completely irreplacable each in their own way. and i hate the fact that things are shifting around and changing. i just want them to always be the closest things to my heart and always be able to reach out and have them there...i dunno i guess it's a passing thing cause shea is in florida, and then he's not goin to enloe, and scott is in new jersey and of course i'm not going to spain with chris anymore, and in general the deal with him, and walker...well, goodness i don't know what to say about him. haven't seen him in 2 years so there really isn't much to say.

i'll get over it. at least i have them to love, right?

2004-06-09T18:03:00.000-04:00

[mood]: extraordinary...good
[music]: the best of what's around--dave matthews band

wow, today was absolutely heavenly.
so, let's see...i woke up at 7.00 (thought it was 7.00 at night and got weirded out)...went back to sleep...woke up at 8.00...went back to sleep...woke up at 9.45!!! AUGH! haha my alarm forgot to go off (hrrm) oh well i was only 30 minutes late =). kate & i hauled our asses out of bed and she drove me to adam's house...and after preparing some water (yeah, that was definitely a hard task...maybe a bit too hard???) we (sally, adam & i) set off on our [biking] journey! i'm still tryin to figure out how many miles we went today but it was something around 15 maybe? probably more. no, definitely more hahaha. so yeah we got out of his neighborhood and went down this huge hill on edwards mill road...yeah sally & adam collectively saved my life like 3 times or something...heh heh i'm a reckless biker! we got to crabtree mall and doubled back around and got on the greenway! yay! haha we went along the creek for a while on the way to shelly lake...it was a long but really fun ride. it's sooo beautiful and even though it was around 95 degrees we didn't get tired [yet] we were just really hot, and we were talkin and yellin and laughin and it was sooo much fun...great way to get exercise...heh heh. so after a long while we got to the lake...and we rode up and after a minute we were like...screw this...and got off our bikes and went into this beautiful big green field and played frisbee!!! yay it was a lot of fun and a nice break. sally did some body curls and adam attempted but it didn't really work out. then we thought about how to meet mrs. brooks and we tried calling chris, but that didn't really work, and then adam called john (willis) and told him when to meet us for lunch. so then we rode the rest of the way around shelly lake (a lot easier than i remembered it)...haha that's when we got RUGGED lol...=p we're so silly. then we started back the way we had come...it was gettin really hot and sally & my butts HURT!!! it's still sore. big bruise =). so yeah we made it all the way back to edwards mill without much trouble (haha saw a hybrid car...adam went crazy...we yelled at it--in a good way) and then we had to walk for like 5-10 minutes up the road because it was such a devil hill. but after that we rode along for 20 or so minutes and it was SOOO HOT...and we went pretty slow cause it was all incline...but WE MADE IT! YAY! we met at quizno's with john willis & brian and ate lunch (haha didn't finish) YEAH SALLY YOU NEVER TOLD US YOUR EMBARASSING STORY! YOU STILL GOT AWAY WITH IT! lol yeah and then it thundered. and we were like "crap". so we decided to wait it out...har har...and john & brian took our bikes...and we were like wtf...and then we went around the corner (and another corner) and there they were. *slaps self* so anyway. we went into harris teeter to get some water balloons...but uhh didn't work. then joanna (adam's sister) called sally's cell and we were like "crap" again and we ran out of the store (they throught we'd stolen something) and tried to find them. they had gone again but then we found them and we were like...screw this...and we were like shit we HAVE to go home...cause the storm was gettin really scary and building up. so with the protection of their (john & brian's) whoopie cushions and our bike tires, we ran for it. hahha it was soo much fun but also pretty darn scary. we were sittin at the intersection of blue ridge & edwards mill, and lemme tell ya, that is one BIG intersection. john & brian were being stupid and standing under trees and hanging onto metal poles...but it was pretty funny. then we made it back into their neighborhood and john & brian slipped down that hill...which i will tell you about later...haha great times great times. and uhhm yeah we hightailed back home...finally got there...never rained though...*scratches head*. cept for like 5 minutes while we were goin through his neighborhood. so anyway we got home and collapsed under the table with celeste (adam's dog) haha. then john & brian got there and we went outside and sat on the porch. we felt our IQ dropping as the guys asked questions like if you could eat the filling of a whoopie cushion. uhhm, no. hahaha. then i changed into one of adam's shirt so we could have a water fight (i was in a white t-shirt--no way was that happening). then kyle (ugh) came over and we went on a walk instead. i accidently walked celeste into a patch of new cement...HAHAHAHA i'm sorry but it was so funny cause then they wrote really weird stuff...[kyle] wrote like "butt head" and "scuba steve was here"...i know it was evil but it was so damn hilarious! and then the put him in a traffic cone...and he was walkin around crouched down so it looked like just the cone was moving...mind you now he is 16...but sally & i felt like we were babysitting haha. and then they put brian in the cone and were about to roll him down the hill but a car came. so then we made it back. and sally ran ahead so kyle, john, brian & i ran into the hideout in the woods and i thought adam was coming but he wasn't...and so i was stuck with them haha. we ran through and came out in this big field and cut through but adam & sally ran so i was like...crap. and then we talked about stealing the for sale signs from houses and putting them in front of really crappy homes. it was funny. they almost did but...i dunno they didn't for some reason. then i was walkin along and sally said to cut through the back way...so i just like turned and ran through some random person's yard. heh heh. they were up on the deck and they were trying to dunk me with buckets of water...but they missed me twice heh heh. and then we had a WATER FIGHT!!! buwahahaha we got soaked...and we got brian once and almost kyle but kyle had his bigass knife...so we decided that wasn't a good idea lol. and after thouroughly soaked, we decided to play capture the flag. but then john had to go home so we were like screw this...sat around some more...listened to the funniest ring tones ever...and then kyle & brian left. then we went inside and lay around some more...and then we decided we wanted a movie. so we changed and put our shoes back on and began to ride our bikes again...NO WAY our butts kileld us. and plus adam told us his mom was coming back sooner than we thought. so we went home and looked at his bar mitzvah album (aww we were all so cute!) and made this BIGASS ice cream sundae. holy CRAP...it was so pretty *cough* and we all were about to dig in...when adam's dad called...and was like what's up...and adam was like uhmm we're having a small snack...(*sally & char snort crack up in background*) and then adam was like "uhhm oops" cause they'd wanted ice cream when his mome got back from arizona (i think they ended up going out instead) and then adam slipped and fell and i was on the floor dying laughing and he got cut off and we thought he'd hung up...ahh it was so funny. so then we all sat on the couch with this bowl of banana split and we all dug in and we surprisingly didn't make a mess...ahh it was so classic. THEN we decided we were gonna call MRS. BROOKS!!! adam was such a wimp...he wouldn't...and plus we were making him laugh so we had to sit in the laundry room (and die laughing some more) while he went out on the front porch to call. and then we all got onto seperate phones and talked to her !!! awww it was so great to talk to her again! we talked for like 15 minutes...and finally decided to meet tomorrow (did i mention that? we were calling to figure out when to meet) at subway at 11.00 in city market...whee!!! so excited to see her again. but yeah i gotta call chris and see if he can go. so yeah then his family got home and we called our rides and went and sat on the front porch till they picked us up. yay.
and then scott gets home today...yessss...and uhhm nothing else. just in a really good mood. everyone rocks!!!

i write way too freakin much =).

2004-06-06T23:19:00.000-04:00

[mood]: ever hopeful, a little bit introspective, and a touch of good old fashioned grumpy tiredness.
[music]: haven't been listening to anything but that old '90's song how bizarre is stuck in my head (lol sally)

well, i guess i'm just not the haitus-type. plus no one knows what it means (har har) so i give up. i'm not writing as much anymore, anyway.
let's see.
wednesday i babysat...whoopdeedo!
but on thursday i immediately blew all of that money at adventure landing with scott & will. WILL SARRATT IS MY HERO!!! goodness i can definitely put up with his boy-ish-ness for all the cheering up he does. let's see...we played arcade games (i found the one that's at the bowling alley! that shelly & i played for like 2 hours at zach's party! whoo! and of course, kicked ass =D) and then putt-putt...that was definitely the most fun. will had a gabazillion tantrums...let's just say he reached the 5-stroke limit more than just a couple times. but yeah other than that...we had a grand time filming him: throwing golf clubs, spanking me (that was not supposed to happen), riding the plastic elephant and then knocking it over, quacking at the ducks and nearly falling in the pond, being homie-g-will, and lots more. he informed me that next year if i'm lonely, i'll always have a sexy 8th grader who will always love me. gee, thanks. and then we went back and got slushies...if you ever get the chance get slushies from there, they are sooooo good! so then came time for go-cart racing...the first time was awesome possum...but the second time my car was running out of gas! no fun! and then will gave me a ride home. his parents cracked me up--they are so cute! they spent about 20 minutes talking about which one of them was going to go to the grocery store. sorry, had to add that in. so yeah i came home...and uhh, talked on the phone with lots of different people. yup. i think i was feeling a bit better.
friday was the shiznit! well, not all the way. because my mom got surgery...her back at been bothering her for so long and then all the sudden they found a ruptured disc and it was the worst one the doctors had ever seen so she got emergency surgery that day...yikes. but...at least it doesn't hurt anymore. so yeah, it turned out that i went to see harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban with sally, scott, & adam. FUN STUFF it was definitely better than the first 2, i actually liked it pretty well. talked to chris's mom about spain (before i left the house) and supposedly she worked stuff out with chris to the point that he's fine with me going...but then i talked to him on IM at sally's last night...or night before...and he didn't remember that convo. whatever i just...can't blame anyone for any of this so i'm sick of it. soo yeah. then i went to sally's...and wendy's...she stuck her head out the window and yelled "mine!" like finding nemo at people walking by...i swear i don't know her. then we went home and watched steel magnolias (watch it! go watch it now!!) sooo good...and also halloween but it was very NOT-scary. then we went upstairs and talked...talked...talkity talk talked...and went to bed.
so saturday we woke up and after being sufficiently lazy bums we walked to stonehenge market and back. got HUGE ice cream cones from d'lites...good lord...those things melt FAST in the sun! yeah and we were afraid of druggies (not really) and talked about everything...gosh i think of her as like a me-extension...heh heh. and then we watched duplex which i personally hated because all this bad stuff kept happening. stuff like that really distresses me...haha. and then i called my parents and was like i'm staying over again...and borrowed a bathing suit...and we went to the pool! YAY! it was awesome. and i stole skittles from jack (her brother) because i am the coolest friend his sister has =). heh heh got home...took showers...talked a bit on IM...called scott before he left for new jersey...ate dinner (yummmm) and then tried playing a game with jack but he got really younger-sibling-ish. so then we just talked til 2.00am and went to bed.
today was ok, i guess, but i slipped somewhere and fell back into my hole. darn. woke up late (11.30!) and did pretty much nothing. watched the end of the first harry potter with jack and waited around for my parents. they forgot to pick me up for lunch. they were too busy being people-who-think-they're-retired-but-they're-not. >grrr< *sigh* so yeah then got back home, went to 5.00 church, then babysat from 6.00-9.00, came home and watched the tony's, and now i'm writing this.
this week: babysitting again, the pool, riding bikes with adam, mrs. brooks gets back from kentucky so we'll probably go visit her, etc.
on to actual feelings. i miss shea & scott like crazy. i never realized how much i called them until...they were gone. florida & new jersey, respectively (i'll never be able to say that word without being sad...>grrr<). i can't stay up late reading/waiting tonight because my stupid parents signed me up for a stupid golf lesson at the stupid club at stupid 8.30 tomorrow morning. stupidness. so yeah, wish i could stay up and read, but i can't.
oh yes, further thoughts: i'm not really so sad about myself. i'm not crushed, i don't think poorly of myself, i don't regret anything, i don't blame anyone or anything, i'm not mad at anyone or anything, there's no if's or could have's or should have's...sure there are lots of would have's but that's another story. it's just that...it's gone. that time is gone. and i knew it was going but i couldn't do anything to stop it. i hate time. i hate the stupid puny human excuse for existance known as time. i'll never ever ever get it back...except maybe in heaven, if that's what it's like: access to the happiest moments of your life (i really hope that's the case...i think that's were everything is preserved...but only one person knows all bout that. one...who...uggh stupid me). but i know it won't be real in heaven. it'll be like in wonderful wonderful dreams...where it's perfect...and so real seeming...and you wake up smiling...and then it sinks in. (sort of like i've been having lately). at least...oh i don't know. i just want to live like that again. yes i know i'll be happy again, yes i know i'll probably be ten times as happy. but i'll never have those exact moments back, and that hurts. that will always hurt. it just took something like this to make me realize that. i wish my life were like iControl: stop, pause, rewind, & fast forward.

well i now have 7 hours and 28 minutes of sleep. goodnight.